Venting.

[PipesofLirael]

The wedding is in two years and they've already started!!! Ugh!!! No one has to read this, but I really need to get it out.

When my DF told FMIL that he was asking my dad for my hand, she burst out laughing. She said that was old-fashioned and that "that's not how things work in this country". Fine. We dropped the subject.

Went up this summer and it was a nightmare. She introduced me to all their family as my DF's "little friend". Not to mention telling me that I was going to help him memorize monologues for school since I was just in paint crew, and fingerpaints aren't that important, right? Btw, dragging me to a country club and telling me how to pull a door open was just annoying. What, b/c I'm not Anglo-American now I'm an idiot, to?!?!

I'm fed up. Most of my extended family can't even speak the same LANGUAGE as my DF, but he's invited to every family gathering. My family calls his cell phone to reach me, and my dad is sweet enough to tutor him in music for free. Thanksgiving we were invited to three different houses with my parents out of town!! They all know what his mother says, too, though I haven't told DF b/c he's so embarressed about it. How they can take the racism, not be able to communicate very well with him, but still tell me he's the best thing that has ever happened to me, I'll never know.

In two weeks, we're up there again. She has not stopped with the insults. She tried ordering him to take certain classes and he refused. Then she said he was "forbidden" to be engaged and they would "discuss whether you can do this later b/c this relationship is a college thing and you won't want it to last".

Last straw today. Want to cancel the tickets or something. He told FMIL that we were out tonight for our one-year anniversary. Might not sound like a big deal, but I'm his second girlfriend and he went nuts trying to find something sweet to do on a tight budget. Her exact response was: "A year already? Oh. **pause** Congrats **pause** I guess". My parents had called us earlier, they remembered the damn day, and wished us a happy anniversary. What am I missing here?! I really don't want to go up there. Don't want my first Christmas with DF ruined by a bigoted, cruel, annoying woman. He's hurt by it just as much as I am, so no one is enjoying this trip. Just wish I could be home with my little cousins for Christmas...they've already asked me if they can call DF "Uncle Jack". At least there, we're accepted as part of the family. With FMIL, I can't walk around the house alone w/o her cornering me about my weight. (Lost 50 lbs. I'm underweight now, actually. She says I have a lot to lose but I shouldn't feel bad about it b/c "everyone knows" Hispanic women are larger)

**annoyed as %^&^**

 

[LuluLovesDisney]

The wedding is in two years and they've already started!!! Ugh!!! No one has to read this, but I really need to get it out.

When my DF told FMIL that he was asking my dad for my hand, she burst out laughing. She said that was old-fashioned and that "that's not how things work in this country". Fine. We dropped the subject.

Went up this summer and it was a nightmare. She introduced me to all their family as my DF's "little friend". Not to mention telling me that I was going to help him memorize monologues for school since I was just in paint crew, and fingerpaints aren't that important, right? Btw, dragging me to a country club and telling me how to pull a door open was just annoying. What, b/c I'm not Anglo-American now I'm an idiot, to?!?!

I'm fed up. Most of my extended family can't even speak the same LANGUAGE as my DF, but he's invited to every family gathering. My family calls his cell phone to reach me, and my dad is sweet enough to tutor him in music for free. Thanksgiving we were invited to three different houses with my parents out of town!! They all know what his mother says, too, though I haven't told DF b/c he's so embarressed about it. How they can take the racism, not be able to communicate very well with him, but still tell me he's the best thing that has ever happened to me, I'll never know.

In two weeks, we're up there again. She has not stopped with the insults. She tried ordering him to take certain classes and he refused. Then she said he was "forbidden" to be engaged and they would "discuss whether you can do this later b/c this relationship is a college thing and you won't want it to last".

Last straw today. Want to cancel the tickets or something. He told FMIL that we were out tonight for our one-year anniversary. Might not sound like a big deal, but I'm his second girlfriend and he went nuts trying to find something sweet to do on a tight budget. Her exact response was: "A year already? Oh. **pause** Congrats **pause** I guess". My parents had called us earlier, they remembered the damn day, and wished us a happy anniversary. What am I missing here?! I really don't want to go up there. Don't want my first Christmas with DF ruined by a bigoted, cruel, annoying woman. He's hurt by it just as much as I am, so no one is enjoying this trip. Just wish I could be home with my little cousins for Christmas...they've already asked me if they can call DF "Uncle Jack". At least there, we're accepted as part of the family. With FMIL, I can't walk around the house alone w/o her cornering me about my weight. (Lost 50 lbs. I'm underweight now, actually. She says I have a lot to lose but I shouldn't feel bad about it b/c "everyone knows" Hispanic women are larger)

**annoyed as %^&^**

Sorry for all you're going through. If there is one thing that I don't understand it is why anyone would get pleasure (or *something*) out of making life harder for other people. All bad behavior always goes back to that - from sticking gum to another kid's project (I'm a teacher) to ruining a presumably loved one's (her son's) life with thinly veiled insults.

That last comment really had me in an uproar. If people can't understand in the year 2006 that women are meant to have curves and look damn good because of them, I don't know what to say! Except *don't* let any of this take away from your health. As a former dabbler in eating disorders, it's just not a good idea. Be healthy. If you've lost a lot and are underweight now, please stop and refocus on what's important. I don't know what your FMIL looks like, but I am sure somewhere there is something she doesn't like - and even if she looks like Christie Brinkley, I'm sure her beauty is ruined as soon as she opens her mouth. I would be tempted to ask her is she's ever heard the Audrey Hepburn attributed lines:

"For attractive lips, speak words of kindness.

For lovely eyes, seek out the good in people.

For a shapely figure, share your food with the hungry.

For beautiful hair, let a child run his or her fingers through it once a day.

For poise, walk with the knowledge you'll never walk alone."

What counts in the end is how you loved, helped and treated other people, not what size you are, or what color you are.

I think she may be downplaying everything because she's hoping it's just youth. You say you're in college - maybe she's resistant to her "baby" getting married so young, too? There was definitely a whole lot going on before you even stepped into the picture - the situation just brought out what was already inside her.

I hope it will get better, but in the mean time, take care of yourself!!

 

[TinkBride]

Oh Honey! I am in the same boat as you, my family loves him, his family hates me. Mine is not for racism reasons though, we are the same race, they just hate me.

Here is some choice lines form my FMIL:

"She is just trying to get you to marry her, before you learn who she really is"

"You are gonna get heavy just like her, because she likes food too much"

"You need to talk to us before you get engaged" (Hello, he is a 26 year old man capable of making his own decisions)

"You are just gonna be an ATM"

"You realize you will have no choice in vacations, every vacation will be at Disney"

"Her personality is too strong, she will ruin your life, cause you will never get your way"

So......

needless to say i know how you feel.

But, everything changed when DF told them to keep there mouths shut or he was not going to include them in our life. Then the crap hit the fan, his mom and dad, df and I, sat down and had a discussion. DF and I went to them as a untied front and basically said, this is how it is, it isn't changing, jump in and be a part of it happily or stay out.

She has never said another word to DF or me about it. Sure, i know she still feels that way, but at least she can be miserable alone, i just am as sweet as can be and I don't let her get to me. We are happy with or without her, but now she knows she can't cross the line.

 

[purplegirl247]

I'm so sorry to hear that you're having to go through so much stress in addition to the wedding planning (which, actually, for me so far has been more fun than stress; lol!). I hope that your DF's family will come around, but if not, just remember that you love each other and that's all that matters.

We're here for ya!

 

[BrideToBe82]

OMG I can't believe how awful she is being towards you! If I were you I wouldn't go to her house for Christmas. Until she can treat you better I wouldn't give her the opportunity to make you feel bad. Grrr what a mean lady!! I totally feel for you.

 

[princessdisneybelle]

The wedding is in two years and they've already started!!! Ugh!!! No one has to read this, but I really need to get it out.

When my DF told FMIL that he was asking my dad for my hand, she burst out laughing. She said that was old-fashioned and that "that's not how things work in this country". Fine. We dropped the subject.

Went up this summer and it was a nightmare. She introduced me to all their family as my DF's "little friend". Not to mention telling me that I was going to help him memorize monologues for school since I was just in paint crew, and fingerpaints aren't that important, right? Btw, dragging me to a country club and telling me how to pull a door open was just annoying. What, b/c I'm not Anglo-American now I'm an idiot, to?!?!

I'm fed up. Most of my extended family can't even speak the same LANGUAGE as my DF, but he's invited to every family gathering. My family calls his cell phone to reach me, and my dad is sweet enough to tutor him in music for free. Thanksgiving we were invited to three different houses with my parents out of town!! They all know what his mother says, too, though I haven't told DF b/c he's so embarressed about it. How they can take the racism, not be able to communicate very well with him, but still tell me he's the best thing that has ever happened to me, I'll never know.

In two weeks, we're up there again. She has not stopped with the insults. She tried ordering him to take certain classes and he refused. Then she said he was "forbidden" to be engaged and they would "discuss whether you can do this later b/c this relationship is a college thing and you won't want it to last".

Last straw today. Want to cancel the tickets or something. He told FMIL that we were out tonight for our one-year anniversary. Might not sound like a big deal, but I'm his second girlfriend and he went nuts trying to find something sweet to do on a tight budget. Her exact response was: "A year already? Oh. **pause** Congrats **pause** I guess". My parents had called us earlier, they remembered the damn day, and wished us a happy anniversary. What am I missing here?! I really don't want to go up there. Don't want my first Christmas with DF ruined by a bigoted, cruel, annoying woman. He's hurt by it just as much as I am, so no one is enjoying this trip. Just wish I could be home with my little cousins for Christmas...they've already asked me if they can call DF "Uncle Jack". At least there, we're accepted as part of the family. With FMIL, I can't walk around the house alone w/o her cornering me about my weight. (Lost 50 lbs. I'm underweight now, actually. She says I have a lot to lose but I shouldn't feel bad about it b/c "everyone knows" Hispanic women are larger)

**annoyed as %^&^**

Wow there is another woman like my FMIL? I'm so sorry you are going through this. It is so hard to take. But I have just decided I'm not going to let this woman ruin how much my DF and I love eachother. I agree. I wouldn't go to her house for Christmas. Spend it with your cousins and be happy. But it's hard so i wish you much pixie dust in this.

 

[Maggimus]

Goodness... I have the DH's whole Paternal side against me. The best advice I can give is make sure that your DF stands his ground and knows that he must always take your side regaurdless. You are a partnership and will soon be nothing short of a unified relationship. He seems to be good handling your side. Just remember that life is far too short to surround yourself with people who bring out more insecurities in yourself, than you already feel.
GL- and remember that although we want everyones blessing in a marriage- there are only 2 earthly people and 1 spiritual person that we need that approval from. The rest, are just a speck in the dust.

 

[JJClemson]

Sounds like my FMIL too, only mine hates me b/c I am not traditional. I went to college and -gasp- grad school, I don't know how to knit, and oh my goodness, I may want a career when I have children

These women are just miserable in their own lives and have defined themselves solely as a mother, and do not know what to do when they cannot control their son's life anymore. Don't let her get to you. Do not live near her, and when you do have to see her, be the better person and kill her with kindness. We're all here for you Unforunately, a lot of us have to deal with this. Good luck

 

[mommyintn]

As a future MIL (I have 2 boys who won't be married for awhile) it completely shocks me that MIL act this way. They also need to be aware of the bridges they are burning that they may wish they hadn't when grandkids come on the scene. The wisest words I've heard from a MIL is "know when to keep your mouth shut and only give your opinion if you are specifically asked for it." I look forward to one day having Daughter in laws that hopefully like me and more importantly love my sons. Good luck to you and stay strong!

 

[Maggimus]

mommyintn, I too am from East TN... why couldnt you have been my MIL???

 

[PipesofLirael]

You'd think instead of wanting to alienate my DF, she'd want to bring the families together. Oy vey. Really glad I'm not the only one though!!! I mean, no, I hate that anyone else has to deal with MIL like this, but I'm just really glad mine isn't the only one out of a bad romantic comedy.

And I agree, mommyintn, we need more mother in laws like you.

My dad suggested that, if FMIL starts arguing, I tell her my family is planning the wedding, hand her their number, and then my folks can pretend not to speak English. No one else in the family can, sooo why not them too? I'm almost tempted.

Well as for the weight if I worried anyone but my doctor finally got around to calling me and saying I'm perfectly healthy, I'm just always been a little underweight and always going to have big hips. Could be worse. I could be a wanna-be actress that never published one of her novels...no idea who I'm talking about there...