Venting For MYSELF.

[MuskratSusie]

Hey all, its me Jan.

Okay, so, I've been down for like most the night.. and scared about something. I NEED TO VENT. FOR MYSELF. This so called 'something' has actually been on my chest for about 2 and a half years. I've been depressed about this off and on a lot lately.. So here's what I said to my friend on AIM tonight:

I'm pretty sure I've been screwing my life up pretty bad already... what I mean is that I've been keeping so much stuff to myself. Not just little things, big things too.. that are BAD. :/ and I think you know.. that when I was on vmk I had guy accounts and everything, ya know? and I did date people on there many times.. and I actually still am, but everytime me and her talk I wanna break up with her because I've been starting to think different, then everytime I try and break up I get SCARED. Because, in the past I told (my friend) who I am.. and we're great friend's, in fact we're best buds. We tell each other everything, and I trust her with everything, and she trusts me too in the same way. Also... another thing is.. I've actually got a few accounts for AIM. I've lied to people, to my friends in real, to people I don't even know online. There's some people online that think I'm a girl, I've showed fake pictures to people.. about me being a guy and all. THIS EFFING SUCKS. >< There's so much more.. the list goes on and on. A few weeks ago.. I broke down and told my dad that it feels like I have no friend's in real life. I get depressed because of all of this crap right now. I've been keeping this in for what? 2 and a half YEARS? yeah that long.... :\

then my friend in real asked me:

can you expain the guy thing a little bit more?
ive never really understood that completely

So I told her:

Because it seemed to me that many people weren't nice to me on my guitar account and everyone I knew on my guy accounts were treating me as a friend. I also liked being on a guy account, the clothes were better, and for a while.. I actually wanted to be a guy for a long time. :/ And, I can't.. nothing will change that. I don't want to be anymore. I want to change my life. I'm trying. I really am. A lot of talks at Youth (at church) have been changing me.


So.. uhm yeah I've made plenty of BAD choices while being online. I'm still with a girl that is about 20 years old.. and I'M 17. I HATE IT. I WANT TO BREAK UP WITH HER. My friend in real is saying she'll do it for me, and I'm scared. I've been doing all this for 2 YEARS. I friggin hate this. I started using guy accounts in vmk because on my 'girl' account nobody seemed to care about me at all. I felt ignored on my 'girl' account. I'M A GIRL. NOT A GUY. I'm trying to turn my life around, I want to go back to being ME. I've never once wanted this to happen.. but it did. I'm so hurt, I just needed to VENT FOR MYSELF. I get depressed because of this crap that has been going on.. I need someone to undstand, who will listen to me. I'm scared to tell my parents about this. I don't even know if I should.
So now you all know.

 

[Ms.Squeakers]

Oh my goodness!
*hugs*

Im so sorry.
I know how you feel.
You just wanna end it but you cant, its like you took it too far right?
I know EXACTLY how that is.

*hugs some more*

I feel bad that I cant give advice, it has to be whatever choice you make up with.


*hugs some more*

 

[life of the party]

 

[Cassidy]

Don't think just because I put one silly icon that I don't care.
I know what your feeling.
I do care.

I also can't give advice.
My PM box is open at ANY time.

 

[MuskratSusie]

Thanks everyone.
I needed to get this out by venting.
and its not quite over either.
about how to like break up with this person.

And yes, Ms.Squeakers, this has all gone WAYYYY TOOOO FAR.
and I've been so depressed with this for sooo long.

 

[Cassidy]

Thanks everyone.
I needed to get this out by venting.
and its not quite over either.
about how to like break up with this person.

And yes, Ms.Squeakers, this has all gone WAYYYY TOOOO FAR.
and I've been so depressed with this for sooo long.

Erm, I have an idea.
I wouldn't really say to lie, but I think its kinda needed.
You don't know this person in real life, do you?
If not, tell that person that a great dude in real life asked you out or something.
And tell that person that..you have liked this person for a while.
Or tell them that your dad doesn't approve of "dating" over the internet.

Im twelve.
I really don't know how to handle boyfriendandgirlfriend stuff.
But still, if you need help with ANYTHING, my PM box is always open.

 

[MuskratSusie]

Erm, I have an idea.
I wouldn't really say to lie, but I think its kinda needed.
You don't know this person in real life, do you?
If not, tell that person that a great dude in real life asked you out or something.
And tell that person that..you have liked this person for a while.
Or tell them that your dad doesn't approve of "dating" over the internet.

Im twelve.
I really don't know how to handle boyfriendandgirlfriend stuff.
But still, if you need help with ANYTHING, my PM box is always open.

Thats a good idea, but the lying part :/
She doesn't know me in real at all and I don't even know her either in real.
The thing is, is that this 'person' doesn't know that i'm a GIRL.
:/ This sucks!

 

[pigletgirl]

Yep, I went thru a period like that. It was the summer/fall between my sophomore and junior year of highschool. I lied to get attention. My true friends were really only aquaintences. I bottled it up...and then one day, just burst. Like you did. It can no longer be on the inside.

Hang in there. You've already gotten thru one of the toughest parts. Realizing you have a problem, and telling someone about it. Its huge.

my friend!

And yes, tell her its over. she doesnt need to know any more. maybe also change your email account too.

 

[Em&Em]

Jan, first I think what you did by coming on here and telling us this was a huge step. I applaud you for that. The only advice I can give you is just end it with this girl online and break free completely from all of it. I know that isn't easy, but from what you just stated in your post that is exactly what you want to do. Honey, I really think you are a special person for opening up to all of us and like I said that is a huge step. We are here for you.

Em

 

[Columba]

Just tell her it's over then delete all your fake accounts. She doesn't have your phone number or anything, right..? That should fix it.

 

[Sparx]

Just tell her it's over then delete all your fake accounts. She doesn't have your phone number or anything, right..? That should fix it.

i agree.

and you guys are acting like this is some kinda common mistake...she didnt back into her mailbox, she lied to a girl for two years and faked a relationship. i dont care what you say, thats not okay or cool. op, you need to take some serious time and think about this. you have seriously messed with the emotions of some random person. how would you feel if someone did that to you?

maybe after breaking it off with this poor girl you should take some time and back off the internet?

 

[MuskratSusie]

Jan, first I think what you did by coming on here and telling us this was a huge step. I applaud you for that. The only advice I can give you is just end it with this girl online and break free completely from all of it. I know that isn't easy, but from what you just stated in your post that is exactly what you want to do. Honey, I really think you are a special person for opening up to all of us and like I said that is a huge step. We are here for you.

Em

Thanks, Em. This all is a really big step for me to come here and tell you all this. I'm glad I did. Thank you for being so kind in that post too.

Just tell her it's over then delete all your fake accounts. She doesn't have your phone number or anything, right..? That should fix it.

No, she doesn't have my #
Thank God, she doesn't.
I'll delete the fake accounts.

 

[KitKat_Tink]

maybe if the lying part is really whats eating you just confront everyone you've ever lied too...i know it hurts...like big time...But it may help clear your conscience i really don't know how to help more. I really hope this gets worked out for you

 

[MuskratSusie]

i agree.

and you guys are acting like this is some kinda common mistake...she didnt back into her mailbox, she lied to a girl for two years and faked a relationship. i dont care what you say, thats not okay or cool. op, you need to take some serious time and think about this. you have seriously messed with the emotions of some random person. how would you feel if someone did that to you?

maybe after breaking it off with this poor girl you should take some time and back off the internet?

I haven't been doing this with the same girl for 2 years. I said this stuff has been happening for 2 years. Don't tell me to go off the computer, you don't even know me. I did lie to other's, not just this one person. I have been thinking about this for a very long time on what I've done wrong. I made a MISTAKE. I'm not perfect, and never will be either. And what you had posted was a bit rude to say.

 

[Sparx]

I haven't been doing this with the same girl for 2 years. I said this stuff has been happening for 2 years. Don't tell me to go off the computer, you don't even know me. I did lie to other's, not just this one person. I have been thinking about this for a very long time on what I've done wrong. I made a MISTAKE. I'm not perfect, and never will be either. And what you had posted was a bit rude to say.

how was i rude?
because i didnt post huggy smilies and tell you i know how it feels?

your problem is pretty serious. and suggesting a time off from the computer is really not out of line, when you yourself say 'ive made plenty of bad choices on the computer' and suggest that youre depressed because of your actions on the computer.

maybe you should get your real life together before getting back online.

and if its rude of me to suggest that, then, yes, by all means, i am rude.

 

[reid_man]

i agree.

and you guys are acting like this is some kinda common mistake...she didnt back into her mailbox, she lied to a girl for two years and faked a relationship. i dont care what you say, thats not okay or cool. op, you need to take some serious time and think about this. you have seriously messed with the emotions of some random person. how would you feel if someone did that to you?

maybe after breaking it off with this poor girl you should take some time and back off the internet?

back off, how do you know its not common? ive lied to ppl on internet, and im sure you have.she knows its not cool, dont rub it in her face, did you read? she has been thinking about this for along time.




susie, im going to bed or id talk to you, pm me in the morning!!

 

[Sparx]

back off, how do you know its not common? ive lied to ppl on internet, and im sure you have.she knows its not cool, dont rub it in her face, did you read? she has been thinking about this for along time.




susie, im going to bed or id talk to you, pm me in the morning!!

okay, it may be common. but that doesnt make it any more okay. to lie is one thing, but to lie and mess with peoples emotions is not cool. and you can think about doing something all you want, but until you belly up and do it, all your thinking doesnt change anything. in all of her thinking did she ever say 'oh by the way, im not really a guy?'. how much can you mess with someone's head? guys, im sorry if im coming off as rude here, but seriously. this is a big bad mistake that needs to be dealt with immediately.

 

[MuskratSusie]

how was i rude?
because i didnt post huggy smilies and tell you i know how it feels?

your problem is pretty serious. and suggesting a time off from the computer is really not out of line, when you yourself say 'ive made plenty of bad choices on the computer' and suggest that youre depressed because of your actions on the computer.

maybe you should get your real life together before getting back online.

and if its rude of me to suggest that, then, yes, by all means, i am rude.

Gahh, thanks so much for making my night any better. I know I did something wrong. If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say it at all. Thank you.

 

[PurpleDucky]

I agreee with Shelby.

 

[MuskratSusie]

okay, it may be common. but that doesnt make it any more okay. to lie is one thing, but to lie and mess with peoples emotions is not cool. and you can think about doing something all you want, but until you belly up and do it, all your thinking doesnt change anything. in all of her thinking did she ever say 'oh by the way, im not really a guy?'. how much can you mess with someone's head? guys, im sorry if im coming off as rude here, but seriously. this is a big bad mistake that needs to be dealt with immediately.

I know. I know. Okay, how many times are you going to say this? I know I've DONE something wrong. It needs to be delt with quickly, ok? I know!