Venting - borrowed baby clothes.

[Princess-in-Training]

Hi everyone! I just need to vent -- I'm annoyed at my sister and I don't even think it's valid for me to be this annoyed!! I think that since I'm already annoyed at her for an unrelated reason, it's just leaking over.

So, I have a 6yo DS, and I pass on his clothes to my 3yo nephew. I had several items I just loved that I passed on.

Meanwhile, I consider my childhood best friend a sister (and to be cheeky, I'll call her BFF). We grew up together, and by a wonderful twist of fate we now live close to each other. She is now pregnant with her first child, a boy.

I automatically assumed (I know I shouldn't have) that DSis would give me back the baby clothes I passed on.

I"ll add here that we have two younger sisters (L & J) also. They are not married, very much enjoying the single life (as they should!). They once asked us to save them baby clothes since they one day want to have babies. I stress that neither are pregnant nor plan to be in the near future.

Okay, so yesterday I called DSis and said, "Hey -- I'll be in NY in April - I can bring back baby boy clothes for BFF" And she says, "No, I haven't gone through them and I want to keep them for L & J". I said, "I'll help you go through them, I'd like BFF to be able to use them." And she said, "No, I really don't want to deal with that right now. We're just going to leave them in the attic until L or J gets pregnant."

I was too stunned to say anything and she changed the subject.

And, btw, I had already asked L& J about the clothes, and they emphatically agreed that we should pass them on to BFF as long as they got to get them after that. AND, they are in MY plastic storage bins. Grrrr. Maybe I should just ask for my plastic storage bins back (lol)?

So, I know that I gave her the clothes and that they are hers to do with as she pleases. And if she had passed them on to someone else, and said, "Sorry, I gave them to blah blah", I would have been fine with that since they would be being used. But her attitude of, "Oh, someone needs them but I don't want to deal with this and will use L & J as a stupid excuse" really annoys me!!!

Ah, I think I feel just a teeny bit better. And luckily, I saved all the unisex cothes so at least I can give BFF something. Not really looking for advice, just venting!

Peace!

-- in training

 

[famofsix]

I think you should tell BFF that they are not available since you gave them to your sister. Let it go even though it is hard. Chances are she didn't save everything and doesn't want to disappoint you. Never assume you are getting something back that you gave away without terms even then you're taking a risk.

My dsis gave me a crib and when I set it up I remember thinking I wish I bought my own crib. It was safe but it had issues She insisted I take it so I did. Then, I am cleaning out the basement about 4 years later so I call dsis and ask her if she wants it back and she hems and haws and says she doesn't want it back. SO I give it to goodwill. Surprise baby 4 comes along and dsis can't understand why I don't have a crib. I tell her I gave it to goodwill and she gives me a speech about how it was a good crib and she wanted it back for her grandkids someday

 

[Princess-in-Training]

Oh yes, I'll let it go! I probably won't even bring it up again. And I know BFF will shrug it off as well. My DSis is just generally a sort of selfish person and I"m already annoyed at her, so, I think it's part of that.

 

[bmoncher]

I am sorry you are struggling with this, but I never pass clothes on with the expectation of getting them back.

I have given my SIL VERY VERY expensive peices only to find she sold them or gave them to someone else... including a 12mo leather jacket...

I only hope your sister really as them in the attic at this point... as I know I have gotten rid of every piece of clothing my 3 year old has worn that does not fit her any more...

 

[ryanshana]

Wow so that's what it's like to have siblings!! Boy am I glad I'm an only child because I think I would have hit her That is ridiculous. You spent the money on the clothes and while you did pass them down they are still YOUR children clothes. WOW! I will say it again I am GLAD I'm an only child!

GL

 

[bonybroad]

My sister sells every single gift we have ever given her children.
She specifically asks for things NOT personalized with their names so she can sell them on ebay.
I specifically buy them things that are personalized. How's that for passive aggressive?

 

[ryanshana]

I only hope your sister really as them in the attic at this point... as I know I have gotten rid of every piece of clothing my 3 year old has worn that does not fit her any more...

That's exactly what I thought too

 

[msce2]

Hi everyone! I just need to vent -- I'm annoyed at my sister and I don't even think it's valid for me to be this annoyed!! I think that since I'm already annoyed at her for an unrelated reason, it's just leaking over.

So, I have a 6yo DS, and I pass on his clothes to my 3yo nephew. I had several items I just loved that I passed on.

Meanwhile, I consider my childhood best friend a sister (and to be cheeky, I'll call her BFF). We grew up together, and by a wonderful twist of fate we now live close to each other. She is now pregnant with her first child, a boy.

I automatically assumed (I know I shouldn't have) that DSis would give me back the baby clothes I passed on.

I"ll add here that we have two younger sisters (L & J) also. They are not married, very much enjoying the single life (as they should!). They once asked us to save them baby clothes since they one day want to have babies. I stress that neither are pregnant nor plan to be in the near future.

Okay, so yesterday I called DSis and said, "Hey -- I'll be in NY in April - I can bring back baby boy clothes for BFF" And she says, "No, I haven't gone through them and I want to keep them for L & J". I said, "I'll help you go through them, I'd like BFF to be able to use them." And she said, "No, I really don't want to deal with that right now. We're just going to leave them in the attic until L or J gets pregnant."

I was too stunned to say anything and she changed the subject.

And, btw, I had already asked L& J about the clothes, and they emphatically agreed that we should pass them on to BFF as long as they got to get them after that. AND, they are in MY plastic storage bins. Grrrr. Maybe I should just ask for my plastic storage bins back (lol)?

So, I know that I gave her the clothes and that they are hers to do with as she pleases. And if she had passed them on to someone else, and said, "Sorry, I gave them to blah blah", I would have been fine with that since they would be being used. But her attitude of, "Oh, someone needs them but I don't want to deal with this and will use L & J as a stupid excuse" really annoys me!!!

Ah, I think I feel just a teeny bit better. And luckily, I saved all the unisex cothes so at least I can give BFF something. Not really looking for advice, just venting!

Peace!

-- in training

Just think of all the fun you and BFF will have shopping for a new wardrobe! Baby clothes are so adorable.

I do think your DSis should have given back the clothes since they were yours to begin with, but I think anytime you let things out of your possession you run the risk of not having it returned. You are handling this very admirably! I probably would have taken the mature route and said "They're mine give them back now!"

 

[mjkacmom]

I would never expect baby clothes to be given back - and I'd never think to give back clothes given to me, since people give away clothes because they have no use for them. As for your BFF, she's having a baby, and will receive tons of clothes, new clothes. I remember my SIL giving me her kids hand-me-downs - her youngest is 5 years older than my oldest. The clothes were worn, outdates, and after 5 years, stains that weren't there when you put them in a bin appear. I don't even save dd12's clothes for dd8 anymore - every time I opened a bin, I ended up tossing most of what was in there.

 

[my*2*angels]

Maybe I am weird, but I have been handed down lots of things and I ALWAYS return them when I am no longer using them. I always feel that I didn't pay for them and the owner could sell them and get some of their money back! I have also handed some things down, and although I didn't say, "please give these back" the others have always given them back.

 

[RadioFanatic]

this is why i told my SIL who just had her baby that I want my DS's clothes back when she is done with them - our babies are 11 ms. apart. I also told MIL as a backup so no one can say I didn't tell them. I also kept the pieces that had special memories for me.

 

[momtoBrandon&Jacob]

Wow interesting thread. I have given away so much of my kids' clothes and have never ever expected to get anything back - nor did I want to. What use would I have for it after it's been worn, washed and rewashed, worn and reworn a hundred times?? I can't imagine that anyone would want clothes - especially baby clothes that get much dirtier than adult clothing, that has been passed around so much. Also, not sure if you mentioned that his is your BFFs first baby but half the fun is actually buying new things and cute outfits. Anyway, I really think you should let this go.

 

[disneybridetobe]

I would never expect baby clothes to be given back - and I'd never think to give back clothes given to me, since people give away clothes because they have no use for them. As for your BFF, she's having a baby, and will receive tons of clothes, new clothes. I remember my SIL giving me her kids hand-me-downs - her youngest is 5 years older than my oldest. The clothes were worn, outdates, and after 5 years, stains that weren't there when you put them in a bin appear. ...

Me neither! Once they're gone, they're gone. Plus they really just don't last, and I'm not just buying Walmart clothes for DD either. Things get outdated, things get worn out. I would never expect baby clothes to last through 3 children.

Honestly, I don't like taking hand-me-downs, I like new clothes for DD.

 

[fussymonkey]

I'm with the OP on this one. Its not that she expected the clothes returned to her- like she said, had her sis given them away or sold them, she wouldn't have cared. The problem is that sis has the clothes and is not using them, but is refusing to be helpful and allow the OP to look through them and give some of them to her BFF. IMO Sis is being a beyot-you-know-what. Really it sounds like for sis this is less about clothes a more of a power trip thing.

 

[dogluva]

Hi everyone! I just need to vent -- I'm annoyed at my sister and I don't even think it's valid for me to be this annoyed!! I think that since I'm already annoyed at her for an unrelated reason, it's just leaking over.

So, I have a 6yo DS, and I pass on his clothes to my 3yo nephew. I had several items I just loved that I passed on.

Meanwhile, I consider my childhood best friend a sister (and to be cheeky, I'll call her BFF). We grew up together, and by a wonderful twist of fate we now live close to each other. She is now pregnant with her first child, a boy.

I automatically assumed (I know I shouldn't have) that DSis would give me back the baby clothes I passed on.

I"ll add here that we have two younger sisters (L & J) also. They are not married, very much enjoying the single life (as they should!). They once asked us to save them baby clothes since they one day want to have babies. I stress that neither are pregnant nor plan to be in the near future.

Okay, so yesterday I called DSis and said, "Hey -- I'll be in NY in April - I can bring back baby boy clothes for BFF" And she says, "No, I haven't gone through them and I want to keep them for L & J". I said, "I'll help you go through them, I'd like BFF to be able to use them." And she said, "No, I really don't want to deal with that right now. We're just going to leave them in the attic until L or J gets pregnant."

I was too stunned to say anything and she changed the subject.

And, btw, I had already asked L& J about the clothes, and they emphatically agreed that we should pass them on to BFF as long as they got to get them after that. AND, they are in MY plastic storage bins. Grrrr. Maybe I should just ask for my plastic storage bins back (lol)?

So, I know that I gave her the clothes and that they are hers to do with as she pleases. And if she had passed them on to someone else, and said, "Sorry, I gave them to blah blah", I would have been fine with that since they would be being used. But her attitude of, "Oh, someone needs them but I don't want to deal with this and will use L & J as a stupid excuse" really annoys me!!!

Ah, I think I feel just a teeny bit better. And luckily, I saved all the unisex cothes so at least I can give BFF something. Not really looking for advice, just venting!

Peace!

-- in training

I can't imagine wanting clothes that had been through two babies unless they were really taken care of. I barely got throught two before they couldn't even be sent to Goodwill.

 

[irene_dsc]

I think the lesson is that you need to discuss whether or not you want them back *when you give* so everyone is on the same page. I have received a lot of hand-me-downs over the years, from people who were done having kids and wanted to get rid of stuff. We always had the understanding that they wanted the stuff out of their house, and that I should hand things down in turn, or donate them. (I feel icky about the idea of selling hand-me-downs, personally.) I've given most of my girl clothes to a certain friend, with the understanding that I don't want them back, and my boy clothes I've been donating (tho nowadays I've been buying all of those, anyhow - the one friend who'd been shipping boy clothes to me got tired of the hassle).

Otoh, 2 of my cousins were having kids about 6 months apart. They had a deal where they were passing certain clothes back and forth as needed. But, again, they had an understanding.

 

[dogluva]

Wow so that's what it's like to have siblings!! Boy am I glad I'm an only child because I think I would have hit her That is ridiculous. You spent the money on the clothes and while you did pass them down they are still YOUR children clothes. WOW! I will say it again I am GLAD I'm an only child!

GL

I don't agree with this. Once you give someone something it is theirs. What if the clothing gets ripped or is too stained to save. I never expect anything back once I give it to somone.

That being said, I gave my sil my son's clothes for my nephew and never asked or wanted them back. Ten years later when I had my second son (two girls in between the two boys), she sent every single piece of clothing back to me! I was floored. Four boys had gone through the clothes and althought they were very outdated, they were in great condition (probably better than when I gave them to her). I ended up not using them but it was so nice to look at them again and remember my ten year old boy that small.

 

[dogluva]

I would never expect baby clothes to be given back - and I'd never think to give back clothes given to me, since people give away clothes because they have no use for them. As for your BFF, she's having a baby, and will receive tons of clothes, new clothes. I remember my SIL giving me her kids hand-me-downs - her youngest is 5 years older than my oldest. The clothes were worn, outdates, and after 5 years, stains that weren't there when you put them in a bin appear. I don't even save dd12's clothes for dd8 anymore - every time I opened a bin, I ended up tossing most of what was in there.

I agree, clothes only stay wearable for so long. My sister gives me a ton of clothes for my daughter and they are fine when I put them away. Two years later, they are really gross looking and I end up just throwing most away.(

 

[KirstenB]

If it were my sister, they'd be the last clothes she got from me. My sister is very busy, and I've learned not careful about washing clothing that's gotten stained. I loaned her tons of outfits, almost all Gymboree, but told her I wanted them back when she was done, so I could give them to our younger dd. They came back stained, etc. Now I just give her stuff I don't care about.

 

[Elmo888]

My sister sells every single gift we have ever given her children.
She specifically asks for things NOT personalized with their names so she can sell them on ebay.
I specifically buy them things that are personalized. How's that for passive aggressive?

LOL!!! I love that!