VENT!!! why can't people mind their own business

[wdwfan16]

Nope you are wrong. Aunt said she wanted to buy them a car and has bought the truck long before I was in the pic. The reason all that came about that I alone paid for the cars and that dh told her that I alone paid for the cars is b/c we have known for years that auntie will buy and has bought the boys their cars. DH didn;t want his kids to think he bought my kids a car or that he helped buy them a car b/c he wanted it to be fair, As in him not buying any of the kids a car. But then I still have my kids and I have always wanted to buy them one so I did. I didn't think it would be that big a deal since they know they are getting one too. But like I said dh wanted to make it clear to their mom he wasn't the one buying for my kids. I hope that makes since.

Stepson asked dh to buy him car AFTER he saw my kids get their cars. as I said before he already has a truck long before I bought my kids their cars.

How old is the kid with the truck? How long ago did he get the truck? How old it the truck? Does the truck actually run after all this time? Is it time for the truck to be replaced?

What kind of vehicles did you kids get?

How long have you been married?

The bolded line makes me wonder how old the truck is.

 

[Ciao Mickey]

You buy a car for one child, you should buy them for all, regardless of whether they are "step" children or not.

Well then, the same can be said about allowing her step-son to accept a car from the aunt. If the aunt can't or will not buy a car for all of the kids (her's too), then none of them should have one from her.

I don't understand why it's OK for the oldest ss to get a car from his aunt and then have the aunt buy cars for the other steps when they come of age, but the OP can't buy one for her own kids. That's baloney.

The ex-wife can buy stuff for her kids, but this mother is not allowed the freedom to do the same. And I know what you are all going to say--treat them all the same. But this situation is different--they have a mother in the picture that is very involved in their lives. So why should the step kids get more than her kids get?

You expect this mother to treat the other kids better than she treats her own.

 

[Mermaid02]

You buy a car for one child, you should buy them for all, regardless of whether they are "step" children or not.

Agreed- it sets a precedent. I also agree with those who have brought up the past posts with stepchild issues. This goes MUCH deeper.

 

[Silent1CB]

If its no one elses business, then there is really no reason for a thread about it. Right?

So to respect the privacy that you requested, I didn't read it.

 

[Mermaid02]

Well then, the same can be said about allowing her step-son to accept a car from the aunt. If the aunt can't or will not buy a car for all of the kids (her's too), then none of them should have one from her.

I don't understand why it's OK for the oldest ss to get a car from his aunt and then have the aunt buy cars for the other steps when they come of age, but the OP can't buy one for her own kids. That's baloney.

The ex-wife can buy stuff for her kids, but this mother is not allowed the freedom to do the same. And I know what you are all going to say--treat them all the same. But this situation is different--they have a mother in the picture that is very involved in their lives. So why should the step kids get more than her kids get?

You expect this mother to treat the other kids better than she treats her own.

I don't think there is much danger of that....... do some research.

 

[Wishing on a star]

easy solution:

Kid demands dad buy him/her a car because other kid got one.

Dad says no.

end of story.



(and don't anyone try to tell me it's not that simple, 'cause it is. Just say no and be done with it. If they don't like it, tough. Get a job and buy your own car. If it's 'not fair' that the other kid got one, tough again, life isn't fair).

I agree,

The Ex sounds completely nuts....
No way to win with somebody so irrational and full of drama.
Just don't 'engage'.

I will say, however, that I do see possible valid issues when 'dad's OTHER kids got a car.' And, face it, when one is married, whatever is taken to provide things like this do take away from what is available to the other kids. The fact that Auntie Dear might be forthcoming does not erase the fact that Dad sure didn't step up.....

Anyhow. don't engage with somebody who is not normal and rational....

She is nuts....

Let your DH handle it.

 

[doxdogy]

What in heaven's name is a skid? The OP has a history of CONSTANTLY whining and complaining about her HUSBAND'S children. Either it is their mother or the kids themselves. I think her signature says it all. Her and DH and HER kids are listed on one line together and then his kids are listed on a separate line by themselves.

Why should all the kids be treated equally? Owning a car at 16 is a privilege not a right. However, that is beside the point.

The skids mother does not want to contribute to a car. The skids aunt is going be buying each skid a car. The father/stepfather did not want to contribute to any kid a car. ALL of the kids are going to have a car.

The biomom just wants to create some drama. I read nothing of biomom wanting help with buying the kids a car.

cheermom1, I feel for you. You're only being seen as the evil stepmom who doesn't care about your skids when I don't believe that is the case at all. I think you're fighting a losing battle on this post. PM me and vent away!

 

[Magic Mom]

What in heaven's name is a skid? .

Skid must be an endearing term for stepchildren. As in "Hey skid run down to the 7-11 and buy me a pack of menthols."

 

[LiberalPrincess]

First of all, I find "skids" pretty offensive. Second, if you bought your children cars with your money without any help from their father, why should your husband not buy his kids cars, without the ex-wife? That makes no sense to me. True double standard.

 

[brockash]

Where did I say you didn't want them to have a car? You spent your money to get some of the kids cars, it would probably make the other kids feel pretty second class if their dad didn't do something similar for them. The ex knows about the cars because her kids feel left out and whined to her about it ( like the majority of kids would do.) She doesn't care that your kids have a car, she cares that HER kids aren't being treated equally (in her eyes at least.)

Maybe the aunt thing fell through or wasn't completely true to begin with.

ITA! The bio mom of the boys may be a complete PITA, but that really has nothing to do with the division you and your DH are creating in your "family." I've read so many posts of yours, and just honestly, you and your DH need to get it together for all the kids involved. It seems very clear from many of your previous threads (and this is just one more) that you and your DH don't work together as a team, or as the parents/adults to the kids in your household, and it's really just hurting everyone, and most of all the kids (all of them.) If I were in your position, I'd really try to get some family/marriage counceling. These problems aren't going to solve themselves, and really the bio mom (no matter how immature she is, or selfish ect.) shouldn't have anything to do with the way you treat your step-sons, the relationship between you and dh or the way you two run your household.

 

[cheermom1]

Let's see if I have this right:

Oldest stepson = owns a truck
OP's two kids = each has a car
Two younger stepsons = Aunt will buy them a car when they're old enough.

You'd think everybody would be happy.

It doesn't sound like there SHOULD be a problem here, but sounds like ex-wife wants to make a problem out of it.

Some people just want to turn everything into a drama. I'd ignore ex-wife as best I could and let her simmer down. It's unfortunate she takes the accusatory, drama-route, as I'm sure it has a negative effect on DH, stepkids, etc.

You got it right! Yes dh said he is going to ignore the text till she calls and then he is going to tell her that they will get a car so why the upset? And IF the aunt backs out (unlikely) the will discuss with her about what to do when the time comes. and if aunt does back out on the other 2 he don;t think it is fair to give the oldest the truck from them then, and they will talk about what to do then. But I still don't get why she has to bring my kids in this?

 

[cheermom1]

So this is probably all about stepson and his mom wondering why his dad didn't offer to buy him a car back on his 16th birthday. He didn't know then that his step-siblings would be getting cars. Now that they have cars, he probably wonders why he didn't get one too. Yes, you can say that it is "your" money, but you have to know how it looks to the kids. It looks like your kids are favored, even if that is not the intention.

Stepson is NOT 16 and won't be for another 2 years!

oh and one other thing the truck still runs as he is allowed to drive it when he goes to his aunts house on their dirt road.

 

[cheermom1]

To clear things up I didn't create the division the ex did by making very difficult for me to do anything concerning her kids. However when it comes to stuff she expects us to pay over and beyond. The poor step kids are always getting in trouble if she even think they like me so now they hide it. I choose to step to make it better for the step kids. Another thing is I don't skids in my posts. As far as my sig. goes I put their personalities in it and they are always playing rock band together.

 

[SaraJayne]

Agreed- it sets a precedent. I also agree with those who have brought up the past posts with stepchild issues. This goes MUCH deeper.

Yup. I think anyone that's been around for a while knows there are "stepchild" issues.

 

[LiberalPrincess]

To clear things up I didn't create the division the ex did by making very difficult for me to do anything concerning her kids. However when it comes to stuff she expects us to pay over and beyond. The poor step kids are always getting in trouble if she even think they like me so now they hide it. I choose to step to make it better for the step kids. Another thing is I don't skids in my posts. As far as my sig. goes I put their personalities in it and they are always playing rock band together.

I still don't get it. Why is it over and beyond if it is something you bought (without the help of their father) for your own kids? That is the standard you have set for your family. And I don't get why the Aunt would be buying anything. If you can buy your kids cars, your husband should be able to do the same for his. And skids is still offensive.

 

[OneMoreStitch]

First of all, I find "skids" pretty offensive. Second, if you bought your children cars with your money without any help from their father, why should your husband not buy his kids cars, without the ex-wife? That makes no sense to me. True double standard.

No offense was meant in the using 'skids'. I didn't mean it like a skid mark or something, geez people. Stepkid is what I meant. Everyone is so touchy, touchy.

I grew up as a STEPKID with 2 STEPPARENTS and I did NOT expect to be treated the same as their children. I guess you all expect the STEPKIDS to treat the STEPPARENT as a real parent? Now, there's a double standard.

Seems the BIOMOM expects the STEPMOM to help supply as if the children were her own. However, the BIOMOM doesn't seem to have made an offer help out with the expense of supplying BIOMOM and BIODADS children with a car.

No real double standard. The father does not want to buy his kids a car. His decision. Why is anyone criticizing the stepmom for it. She's already said she would help with the purchase if the father wanted to.

 

[LiberalPrincess]

To clear things up I didn't create the division the ex did by making very difficult for me to do anything concerning her kids. However when it comes to stuff she expects us to pay over and beyond. The poor step kids are always getting in trouble if she even think they like me so now they hide it. I choose to step to make it better for the step kids. Another thing is I don't skids in my posts. As far as my sig. goes I put their personalities in it and they are always playing rock band together.

So why don't the stepkids get ages in your siggy? Too much work? Did the ex object?

 

[LiberalPrincess]

To clear things up I didn't create the division the ex did by making very difficult for me to do anything concerning her kids. However when it comes to stuff she expects us to pay over and beyond. The poor step kids are always getting in trouble if she even think they like me so now they hide it. I choose to step to make it better for the step kids. Another thing is I don't skids in my posts. As far as my sig. goes I put their personalities in it and they are always playing rock band together.

So why don't the step kids get ages in your siggy? Too much work? Did the ex object?

 

[LiberalPrincess]

No offense was meant in the using 'skids'. I didn't mean it like a skid mark or something, geez people. Stepkid is what I meant. Everyone is so touchy, touchy.

I grew up as a STEPKID with 2 STEPPARENTS and I did NOT expect to be treated the same as their children. I guess you all expect the STEPKIDS to treat the STEPPARENT as a real parent? Now, there's a double standard.

Seems the BIOMOM expects the STEPMOM to help supply as if the children were her own. However, the BIOMOM doesn't seem to have made an offer help out with the expense of supplying BIOMOM and BIODADS children with a car.

No real double standard. The father does not want to buy his kids a car. His decision. Why is anyone criticizing the stepmom for it. She's already said she would help with the purchase if the father wanted to.

Skids wasn't meant offensively? In what world? The term skid is now positive? Yeah, right. Why shouldn't all kids (and parents) be treated with equal respect? I have step parents and grandparents, and they are all family. And she offered to hep with half of half for the cars. Yet expected nothing from her children's father. Why should the dad not treat his kids with the same things she gives hers? Do the step kids get less food? Less use of the shower? Less electricity? So why treated differently when it comes to cars?

 

[HelenePA]

So if ya'll expect her to buy the step kids a car would you think the same if he bought his kids a car since they are his step kids? Hey it would work out even.. all of the kids would each have 2 cars!