VENT!!! why can't people mind their own business

[cheermom1]

They are kids. It is natural that they are going to be jealous. You are the adult but from other threads it seems like you aren't particularly fond of your step-kids in general and that you feel your kids are superior. If a total stranger gets that vibe I am sure the step-kids do, too. One thing that made our blended family work when my mom (who had three kids) married my step-dad (who had two little ones at the time) was an attempt at keeping things fair and equal. My sister was five, my step-sister was six, and my step-brother was four at the time. Their mom was not in the picture but our dad was. My mother became their mom. She IS their mom. Fairness IS important, whether you can see it or not.

I want to know where you are going to park seven cars.

The reason it seems that way is b/c I use this board as a vent and that is all. I did tell my ss the other day how proud of him I am.

But the difference here is that their mom IS in the pic. and she has made it painfully clear to me and the kids that I'm nothing and I need to crawl back into my hole with my kids. Her words not mine. I keep the peace by letting her and dh parent them and make the choices on what to buy them and when and how they do it. If I slip and buy them something she WILL throw a huge fit, I know from experience. I did though slip in a few presents at christmas that she doesn't know about. It doesn;t matter what I do or say it will always end up like this.

The other difference is that my kids dad is NOT in the pic. never has been and never will be. I do let my dh buy my kids things if he wants too. I like I said have to be careful how and when I buy them things. This is a bad situation his ex put the boys in. I do what I can to keep the peace.

 

[mhsjax]

Well certainly the ex-wife or the step children have no business DEMANDING a car, that said buying cars for your children only seems pretty crappy.

I was raised primarily by my Mom & step-father, he treated his biological children & "step" children equally. We were a family and really didn't even use the term "step" parent or "step" child.
I realize that family dynamics & circumstances differ dramatically but that's where I'm coming from and just can't understand your position.

OMG are people not reading, the aunt is buying them a car, maybe if she wasn't there would be more of a reason for the OP to want hubby to buy the kids a car. Who cares where the car is coming from.

OP you never know what you are goin to get here on the Dis boards, most of the time everyone says that making sure little Johnny gets the same thing as little Susie gets is only raising them to expect things to be perfectly equal and therefore you are raising a snowflake. Now all of the sudden, what seems like a perfectly normal purchase for your boys is met with, you should buy for stepsons also. Wow, maybe the mom and Aunt should buy for your sons, that way both set of kids can have 2 cars each.

 

[SaraJayne]

Well certainly the ex-wife or the step children have no business DEMANDING a car, that said buying cars for your children only seems pretty crappy.

I was raised primarily by my Mom & step-father, he treated his biological children & "step" children equally. We were a family and really didn't even use the term "step" parent or "step" child.
I realize that family dynamics & circumstances differ dramatically but that's where I'm coming from and just can't understand your position.

You buy a car for one child, you should buy them for all, regardless of whether they are "step" children or not.

 

[cheermom1]

Well certainly the ex-wife or the step children have no business DEMANDING a car, that said buying cars for your children only seems pretty crappy.

I was raised primarily by my Mom & step-father, he treated his biological children & "step" children equally. We were a family and really didn't even use the term "step" parent or "step" child.
I realize that family dynamics & circumstances differ dramatically but that's where I'm coming from and just can't understand your position.

I'm sure that his ex wasn't like my dh's. She even called dhs on me b/c I gave the boys fresh fruit instead of a doughnut for breakfast.

That is the difference here is that we can;t talk to her civilized at all. she demands money and things and that is all she will talk about. Or to bad mouth me and my kids and to tell dh that her and her kids have to have more than us period. I feel so sorry for my dh. I don;t think I;m going to be able to describe how this really is in real life. I care so much for my stepsons but I feel helpless b/c I can't do anything and if I try to have an opinion all hell brakes loose.

 

[LuvLDM]

OMG are people not reading, the aunt is buying them a car, maybe if she wasn't there would be more of a reason for the OP to want hubby to buy the kids a car. Who cares where the car is coming from.

OP you never know what you are goin to get here on the Dis boards, most of the time everyone says that making sure little Johnny gets the same thing as little Susie gets is only raising them to expect things to be perfectly equal and therefore you are raising a snowflake. Now all of the sudden, what seems like a perfectly normal purchase for your boys is met with, you should buy for stepsons also. Wow, maybe the mom and Aunt should buy for your sons, that way both set of kids can have 2 cars each.

I can read just fine thanks.
I don't believe it's just about the car, the Op really doesn't seem to like her step children all that much, IMO that is the real issue.

 

[Magic Mom]

OMG are people not reading, the aunt is buying them a car, maybe if she wasn't there would be more of a reason for the OP to want hubby to buy the kids a car. Who cares where the car is coming from.

OP you never know what you are goin to get here on the Dis boards, most of the time everyone says that making sure little Johnny gets the same thing as little Susie gets is only raising them to expect things to be perfectly equal and therefore you are raising a snowflake. Now all of the sudden, what seems like a perfectly normal purchase for your boys is met with, you should buy for stepsons also. Wow, maybe the mom and Aunt should buy for your sons, that way both set of kids can have 2 cars each.

I might have missed a post, I've been known to do that, but what poster said cheermom should buy her stepsons a car?

 

[cheermom1]

OMG are people not reading, the aunt is buying them a car, maybe if she wasn't there would be more of a reason for the OP to want hubby to buy the kids a car. Who cares where the car is coming from.

OP you never know what you are goin to get here on the Dis boards, most of the time everyone says that making sure little Johnny gets the same thing as little Susie gets is only raising them to expect things to be perfectly equal and therefore you are raising a snowflake. Now all of the sudden, what seems like a perfectly normal purchase for your boys is met with, you should buy for stepsons also. Wow, maybe the mom and Aunt should buy for your sons, that way both set of kids can have 2 cars each.

Thank you finally someone reading. yeah if aunt wasn't already buying and bought we would most defiantly pay for half of each car for the boys. I still say mom should pay half too. But since aunt is buying the cars why should it be demanded that we buy one too?

 

[cheermom1]

I can read just fine thanks.
I don't believe it's just about the car, the Op really doesn't seem to like her step children all that much, IMO that is the real issue.

You know say what you want b/c I have said over and over that I do like them and even love them. I'm not allowed to to by their mom. I do anyway but if I try to let it be known I do care she will throw a huge fit saying I am nothing to them. like I said I can;t describe everything the way I want here. Ok ex. I was concerned about one of my step sons for something I don;t want to talk about here, and she went nuts on me, in front of the kids and called me all kinds of names. it doesn;t matter what I do or say it is wrong. I try to stay out of it as much as I can.

 

[cheermom1]

I have to leave so I'm not posting and ditching.

 

[mhsjax]

I can read just fine thanks.
I don't believe it's just about the car, the Op really doesn't seem to like her step children all that much, IMO that is the real issue.

I didn't say you couldn't read and said I think people AREN"T reading. big difference.

The real issue in the post is that ;the stepson's are getting a car from the aunt.
Sorry but I happen to agree with the OP on this one.

 

[Guy Incognito]

easy solution:

Kid demands dad buy him/her a car because other kid got one.

Dad says no.

end of story.



(and don't anyone try to tell me it's not that simple, 'cause it is. Just say no and be done with it. If they don't like it, tough. Get a job and buy your own car. If it's 'not fair' that the other kid got one, tough again, life isn't fair).

 

[DeluxePrincess]

Thank you finally someone reading. yeah if aunt wasn't already buying and bought we would most defiantly pay for half of each car for the boys. I still say mom should pay half too. But since aunt is buying the cars why should it be demanded that we buy one too?

So you would be ok with helping DH with half of the stepkids' car if you had to? You tell your stepkids that YOU alone paid for your kid's car and thier dad had nothing to do with it. This is what you tell stepkids' mom too. Sounds like that is an excuse to put all future car purchases from their mind.

Wanting another car when you have one is crazy, but I think there is more to the story. Maybe the older stepson asked dad to help buy him a car and he wouldn't? Then Auntie steps in to save the day. Then the ex is mad because how did your kid get a car when her son couldn't? I don't know the details of course, but there is more to the story.

 

[cheermom1]

So you would be ok with helping DH with half of the stepkids' car if you had to? You tell your stepkids that YOU alone paid for your kid's car and thier dad had nothing to do with it. This is what you tell stepkids' mom too. Sounds like that is an excuse to put all future car purchases from their mind.

Wanting another car when you have one is crazy, but I think there is more to the story. Maybe the older stepson asked dad to help buy him a car and he wouldn't? Then Auntie steps in and the ex is mad because how did your kid get a car when her son couldn't? I don't know the details of course, but there is more to the story.

Nope you are wrong. Aunt said she wanted to buy them a car and has bought the truck long before I was in the pic. The reason all that came about that I alone paid for the cars and that dh told her that I alone paid for the cars is b/c we have known for years that auntie will buy and has bought the boys their cars. DH didn;t want his kids to think he bought my kids a car or that he helped buy them a car b/c he wanted it to be fair, As in him not buying any of the kids a car. But then I still have my kids and I have always wanted to buy them one so I did. I didn't think it would be that big a deal since they know they are getting one too. But like I said dh wanted to make it clear to their mom he wasn't the one buying for my kids. I hope that makes since.

Stepson asked dh to buy him car AFTER he saw my kids get their cars. as I said before he already has a truck long before I bought my kids their cars.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

Are your children also dh's kids. If so it seems to me that you have gone to great lengths to treat your children BETTEr than his kids.

Sure his child is being ornery since he already has a vehicle...but the principle of why he is upset makes sense.

What doesn't make sense to me is why your finances are split so that your own children benefit from extras that you can provide while dh's salary probably can't do that.

It is your decision...but I can understand why others don't want to mind their own business.

While you "technically" haven't done anything wrong, your actions clearly demonstrate that you elevate your children to more favored status with their dad. That is how it comes across to the kids and until you change, it will always seem that way whether or not you feel it is justified. It really doesn't matter if you used your money. It's unfair.

 

[themilesfamily]

Let's see if I have this right:

Oldest stepson = owns a truck
OP's two kids = each has a car
Two younger stepsons = Aunt will buy them a car when they're old enough.

You'd think everybody would be happy.

It doesn't sound like there SHOULD be a problem here, but sounds like ex-wife wants to make a problem out of it.

Some people just want to turn everything into a drama. I'd ignore ex-wife as best I could and let her simmer down. It's unfortunate she takes the accusatory, drama-route, as I'm sure it has a negative effect on DH, stepkids, etc.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

And I do realize they have a car....thus why I said the kid was being ornery. While I cannot remember specifics, I think I remember this not being the first issue with your step kids and their mom. If I am recalling another poster, I do apologize.

I just think all kids in a marriage should be treated fairly (not necessary equally).

 

[DeluxePrincess]

Stepson asked dh to buy him car AFTER he saw my kids get their cars. as I said before he already has a truck long before I bought my kids their cars.

So this is probably all about stepson and his mom wondering why his dad didn't offer to buy him a car back on his 16th birthday. He didn't know then that his step-siblings would be getting cars. Now that they have cars, he probably wonders why he didn't get one too. Yes, you can say that it is "your" money, but you have to know how it looks to the kids. It looks like your kids are favored, even if that is not the intention.

 

[disneyfans95]

just say no.

Why get so worked up about this??

 

[livie1205]

easy solution:

Kid demands dad buy him/her a car because other kid got one.

Dad says no.

end of story.



(and don't anyone try to tell me it's not that simple, 'cause it is. Just say no and be done with it. If they don't like it, tough. Get a job and buy your own car. If it's 'not fair' that the other kid got one, tough again, life isn't fair).

AGREE...... We are a blended family and if we had to make everything even all the time we would drive ourselves nuts! My dh ex tried to have dh pay for a private school for dss when he goes to a good public school...he said no and that was that...no debate.She does not run our home we do..OP you and your dh should run your home not his ex...who cares if she does not like it..as long as you and your dh agree then who cares what she or anyone here thinks.

 

[OneMoreStitch]

Why should all the kids be treated equally? Owning a car at 16 is a privilege not a right. However, that is beside the point.

The skids mother does not want to contribute to a car. The skids aunt is going be buying each skid a car. The father/stepfather did not want to contribute to any kid a car. ALL of the kids are going to have a car.

The biomom just wants to create some drama. I read nothing of biomom wanting help with buying the kids a car.

cheermom1, I feel for you. You're only being seen as the evil stepmom who doesn't care about your skids when I don't believe that is the case at all. I think you're fighting a losing battle on this post. PM me and vent away!