Vent/rant/wwyd

[disneychrista]

Honestly, he got engaged less than a month ago. He may not have an exact date yet.

 

[Hikergirl]

That's not the way I read it, but I might have missed something. I'm presuming the OP wants to book the package IF the dates happen to line up. I didn't see where she planned to insist on, or even suggest an actual wedding date for the couple. I can also see feeling a little cranky if the deadline for the package comes and goes and then when the couple does finally set a date, it's a date that would have worked for the package. I wouldn't hold it against the couple, but it would irk me. Life goes like that sometimes.

My question: is it ok to say “hey we need an exact date so we can take advantage of this amazing deal?”

Is there really any other way to read the bolded.
She didn't say is it OK to say "hey, when you come up with a date could you let us know ASAP so we can take advantage of this amazing deal"
It seem she wants to book this deal, which is understandable, and wants to call the bro and ask him to decide on a date so that they can. Not to ask if he has a date set.

 

[ronandannette]

My question: is it ok to say “hey we need an exact date so we can take advantage of this amazing deal?”

Is there really any other way to read the bolded.
She didn't say is it OK to say "hey, when you come up with a date could you let us know ASAP so we can take advantage of this amazing deal"
It seem she wants to book this deal, which is understandable, and wants to call the bro and ask him to decide on a date so that they can. Not to ask if he has a date set.

I see what you mean, but I still wouldn't read it that way myself. I'd love for the OP to come back and clarify. @Pre if you're reading, please respond.

 

[mi*vida*loca]

My question: is it ok to say “hey we need an exact date so we can take advantage of this amazing deal?”

Is there really any other way to read the bolded.
She didn't say is it OK to say "hey, when you come up with a date could you let us know ASAP so we can take advantage of this amazing deal"
It seem she wants to book this deal, which is understandable, and wants to call the bro and ask him to decide on a date so that they can. Not to ask if he has a date set.

I can see myself asking my brother that same question but if he didn’t have an exact date i would just tell him tomkeg me know ASAP. But again, my brother and i are close and neither would be offended.

 

[Hikergirl]

I see what you mean, but I still wouldn't read it that way myself. I'd love for the OP to come back and clarify. @Pre if you're reading, please respond.

It is really hard to know when reading. I do read it a certain way, but I can also see that the OP could mean it a different way that didn't translate well in written form.
It is a vent/rant thread though LOL
No matter what I hope the OP is able to save some money no matter when she books, hopefully she will hear soon about the date.

 

[Gumbo4x4]

The OP wants to tell bro they need an exact date, to me that is alot different than telling bro they need to know as soon as they decide on a date.

True, but this event is only 7-8 months away and significant travel is involved for people who are "expected" to be there. And it's not just about the cost, but there are work obligations that need to be accounted for.

 

[mi*vida*loca]

True, but this event is only 7-8 months away and significant travel is involved for people who are "expected" to be there. And it's not just about the cost, but there are work obligations that need to be accounted for.

I agree. The last destination wedding we went to they told us which country and month two years ahead. At 18 months they gave us exact resort and date.

 

[Hikergirl]

True, but this event is only 7-8 months away and significant travel is involved for people who are "expected" to be there. And it's not just about the cost, but there are work obligations that need to be accounted for.

The OP didn't exactly say they were expected to be there, just that missing wasn't an option (and that can be her dh's decision not the grooms KWIM).
I understand all the details and why the OP wants/needs to know, but I disagree with the premise that it is OK to pressure them for a date so they can book a deal. It hasn't even been a month, maybe they just don't know the date, or they are trouble finding a venue and all the other stuff on a date that works for them. The guests are probably the last to consider, I mean you need to have an actual place, food, music, etc for them so that stuff needs to be arranged first.
Asking if they have a date, and if not telling them to let you know as soon as they do is fine. Calling them and telling them you need an exact date so you can book a deal just isn't cool IMO.

 

[Gumbo4x4]

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[Gumbo4x4]

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[Gumbo4x4]

The OP didn't exactly say they were expected to be there, just that missing wasn't an option (and that can be her dh's decision not the grooms KWIM).
I understand all the details and why the OP wants/needs to know, but I disagree with the premise that it is OK to pressure them for a date so they can book a deal. It hasn't even been a month, maybe they just don't know the date, or they are trouble finding a venue and all the other stuff on a date that works for them. The guests are probably the last to consider, I mean you need to have an actual place, food, music, etc for them so that stuff needs to be arranged first.
Asking if they have a date, and if not telling them to let you know as soon as they do is fine. Calling them and telling them you need an exact date so you can book a deal just isn't cool IMO.

I dunno, when DW & I got engaged, we picked the date FIRST, and then booked the rest off that. If there is a difficulty finding venues, caterers, etc, it seems they're only compounding the issue by failing to nail down a date.

 

[22Tink]

True, but this event is only 7-8 months away and significant travel is involved for people who are "expected" to be there. And it's not just about the cost, but there are work obligations that need to be accounted for.

I agree with the work obligations being an issue. I know my mom has to hand in her vacation date requests in January. Asking for more time off later in the year is generally not an option for her without plenty of headache. A trip to Germany is no small feat. My brother got married in the Dominican Republic and gave us all plenty of notice to be able to book time off of work and book our trip there.

 

[sonnyjane]

I agree. The last destination wedding we went to they told us which country and month two years ahead. At 18 months they gave us exact resort and date.

I agree with the work obligations being an issue. I know my mom has to hand in her vacation date requests in January. Asking for more time off later in the year is generally not an option for her without plenty of headache. A trip to Germany is no small feat. My brother got married in the Dominican Republic and gave us all plenty of notice to be able to book time off of work and book our trip there.

If you decide to have a destination wedding and you really, truly want and expect all of your friends and family to make it, then you have to give them as much notice as possible (at least a year). Sometimes people have destination weddings because it *prevents* a lot of people from attending...

 

[22Tink]

If you decide to have a destination wedding and you really, truly want and expect all of your friends and family to make it, then you have to give them as much notice as possible (at least a year). Sometimes people have destination weddings because it *prevents* a lot of people from attending...

That's very true! Part of the reason my brother had a destination wedding was to 'shorten' the guest list. In his experience it didn't work. I guess everyone thought a trip to the Dominican was a good idea! I'm thinking in OPs situation though, that the BIL isn't trying to exclude his family. He's getting married in Germany because he lives there. (I could be wrong though. It definitely wouldn't be the first time!!) Either way, I think that he does need to consider the challenges for his friends/family travelling to Germany, assuming that he truly does want them there.

 

[sonnyjane]

That's very true! Part of the reason my brother had a destination wedding was to 'shorten' the guest list. In his experience it didn't work. I guess everyone thought a trip to the Dominican was a good idea! I'm thinking in OPs situation though, that the BIL isn't trying to exclude his family. He's getting married in Germany because he lives there. (I could be wrong though. It definitely wouldn't be the first time!!) Either way, I think that he does need to consider the challenges for his friends/family travelling to Germany, assuming that he truly does want them there.

My guess is that he's kind of a typical "guy" when it comes to wedding details, and while OP didn't clarify (or I missed it), if his wife-to-be and her family and friends are already over there, then she wouldn't be feeling a time crunch, plus if she is German (again I don't know), then she likely isn't accustomed to the crazy wedding culture OR crappy corporate vacation culture of the U.S. and wouldn't understand why this is a big deal. Of course my theory again only works if she is from Germany. If she's also an American living and working over there, then disregard.

I still think it's okay for OP to ask "if they've set a date, because the sooner they know, the better", but it's tacky, in my opinion, to pressure them into making a decision because there's a travel promotion going on.

 

[22Tink]

My guess is that he's kind of a typical "guy" when it comes to wedding details, and while OP didn't clarify (or I missed it), if his wife-to-be and her family and friends are already over there, then she wouldn't be feeling a time crunch, plus if she is German (again I don't know), then she likely isn't accustomed to the crazy wedding culture OR crappy corporate vacation culture of the U.S. and wouldn't understand why this is a big deal. Of course my theory again only works if she is from Germany. If she's also an American living and working over there, then disregard.

I still think it's okay for OP to ask "if they've set a date, because the sooner they know, the better", but it's tacky, in my opinion, to pressure them into making a decision because there's a travel promotion going on.

I definitely agree with you! I don't think there's anything wrong with perhaps alerting them of the travel challenges, just in case they haven't even thought about it.

 

[Wishing on a star]

My thoughts and my answer can only be bases on the OP's quote from the original post.
Which DID actually mention 'this amazing deal'.

NOT general concerns about long distance international travel...
NOT general concerns about time off from work, other obligations that might come up, etc.
None of those things at all.

So, while it is okay to mention that a date, ASAP, would be much appreciated....
To the original post here...
My answer is NO, just no...

 

[Hikergirl]

I dunno, when DW & I got engaged, we picked the date FIRST, and then booked the rest off that. If there is a difficulty finding venues, caterers, etc, it seems they're only compounding the issue by failing to nail down a date.

Well in this case if they pick a date and tell the OP, she books but then the caterer can't do that date and they want to change then what?
I would think it would be better to have all your ducks in a row before telling people a definite date, because things can change.
When dh and I got married I wanted a specific photographer. If he was wasn't available for the date I selected I would have changed my date. Granted it wasn't a destination wedding, but some things like that are important to the couple and they are willing to pick a date according to what/who is available. Sometimes it takes time to coordinate with everything else involved in a wedding. There really is no compounding any "issue" it is just a matter of a different way of planning. It all eventually falls into place, but sometimes it takes a little more than just simply picking a date and having it all work out based on that.

 

[Wishing on a star]

I agree....
I think that there are very often 'heads-up' info put out there.
And, sometimes actual save-the-date cards.
Hopefully most all ducks would be in a row before a save the date card.
And, for 100% sure, before an invitation.

I think that there is a difference between the three.

 

[Nancyg56]

I must be in the minority, This is family and I see no reason not to be direct. I woud ltotally ask my brother or any other family member who was planning a wedding out of the country what the date was and I would tell him why.

Why on Earth would anyone pussyfoot around this? I would understand if the date was nto set, but I woudl expect my family to recognize that I need to plan, book and pay for an expensive event and that I need as much information as possible.