Vent/rant/wwyd

[BLAZEY]

I would also let them know about having to book time off for work. at the 6 month mark we sent out save the date cards then at about the 4 month marks send the actual invites. Did them in batches, overseas first, then out of province, then within BC to account for longer mailing times both there and replies. Will you be just going for the wedding or making this your Anniversary trip as well? that would give you a larger window in which to book your flights.

 

[aprilgail]

That's a crazy short notice to give you- I know in my job we pick our vacation time in Sept for the following year and it can not be changed under any circumstance so they would be out of luck expecting me to be able to have time off to go to another country with just 9 months notice.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

A little background. My brother in law lives in Germany and announced his surprise engagement January 1. My husband (his brother) and I live in the states and have to travel to his weddding. Not going is not an option, and we are blessed that we will have enough saved to go.
The issue I have is he has not given us any information about travel plans, dates, etc. my husband and I already canceled our anniversary vacation when we found out he was getting married so that we could afford to go.
When His father asked him when the wedding is, he said September so start looking at flights. But no date. I started looking around and there is a vacation package out there that MUST be booked by February 5 to save $1500.00. But since I have no date I cannot book it. I know I have no say in picking their wedding date, but at this point it has really been frustrating knowing that I can save this much but can’t book it because I have no date.
My question: is it ok to say “hey we need an exact date so we can take advantage of this amazing deal?”

Absolutely ask. They MAY KNOW IT and you are just out of the loop.

 

[ksjayhawks]

i would have dh ask his brother but not say anything about the package deal.

Simply ask if they have picked a date yet as you would like to book flights and ask for time off from work. Also, tell bil that if he won't know the date for awhile and when he does tell you it is too close to the actual date of the wedding, that as much as you want to be there you might not be able to come due to not being able to get time off work and the cost of flights, etc.

Living overseas with a lot of his family in the states--is hers in Germany?--he has to understand that not everyone may be able to make it for a variety of reasons. As much as I love certain family members, I would not go into debt to attend their wedding.

 

[NHdisneylover]

They got engaged 26 days ago.... I'm guessing that they're looking at options and are trying to nail down a date not deliberately dragging their feet to keep you in the dark as long as possible.

Good point! I missed how recent tne engagement was. It's highly unlikely they've had timeto nail things down quite yet.

 

[NHdisneylover]

I do think that September is a peak time for travel in Europe. Also isn’t Octoberfest actually in September in Germany?

OP I hear your pain. This is a hard one. Short engagement, family from the states.

The latter half of September anywhere near Munich is going to be peak because of Oktoberfest. Possibly also near Stuttgart, but their fest draws in far fewer tourists. Most other places, it is not a busy time at all. And early Sepetmber is pretty much low season nationwide.

 

[Marchand63]

I would ask casually if they have any idea when in September. But also be prepared to suck up the cost.

 

[rwdavis2]

OP: Why would you not ask? It makes no sense whatsoever to expect people to make expensive travel plans with no exact dates. I would not be surprised if they set a date and it changes. Not going because it costs too much is always an option. Regardless of family.

 

[Skywalker]

I'm sure they, like all other brides and grooms, have lots of things to factor in while they decide on a date and venue, etc. I doubt they are intentionally dragging their feet on this but weddings take a while to plan. No offence but your vacation package is probably not foremost in their minds.

That said, if the brothers are close he could mention something to his brother about booking vacation time and flights...then again unless the brother is way out to lunch he probably already knows that.

You run the risk of being just one more annoying relative pressuring them about something to do with the wedding.

I guess I go back to, if they are close your husband can just put the bug in his brother's ear, but not in the demanding way you worded it in your OP lol.

 

[mi*vida*loca]

My brother and i are close so i would have no issue asking him. If he didn’t have a date i would tell him i need to know ASAP.

I don’t understand not asking.

 

[22Tink]

I see no issue in asking. I definitely would if it was my family. How can he expect you to even start looking at flights with no dates? Flight prices can really vary even just from day to day, let alone over the span of the entire month of September.

 

[Wishing on a star]

Okay, the actual Oktoberfest in Munich, If I am seeing the right dates, begins on Sept. 22.
So, yes, it is actually in Sept.

I am not thinking that Spring, and Fall (as in April - Sept) are high season.
Events like Oktoberfest, of course, would be exceptions.

OP, again, you have no say-so here.
Give them time to arrange a date.
Just have your husband mention that you hope to have the dates as soon as possible.
It really does not come off well to be 'venting and ranting' because of a wedding that is still months away, and a so-called cheap vacation package.

If you are really interested in this package, I would not think that a package purchased this far in advance could not be cancelled without major penalty.
Even 90 days in advance would be a very unforgiving policy.
Read the fine-print or call the agency and find out the details.

If this is a package that involves Oktoberfest, yes, I can see an early booking promo... As this would probably be very popular.
With the promo ending soon, it probably is an early booking thing.
But, it is the cancellation and date-change policies that you need to be concerned with.

 

[Hikergirl]

My brother and i are close so i would have no issue asking him. If he didn’t have a date i would tell him i need to know ASAP.

I don’t understand not asking.

The OP wants to tell bro they need an exact date, to me that is alot different than telling bro they need to know as soon as they decide on a date.

 

[NHdisneylover]

Okay, the actual Oktoberfest in Munich, If I am seeing the right dates, begins on Sept. 22.
So, yes, it is actually in Sept.

I am not thinking that Spring, and Fall (as in April - Sept) are high season.
Events like Oktoberfest, of course, would be exceptions.

OP, again, you have no say-so here.
Give them time to arrange a date.
Just have your husband mention that you hope to have the dates as soon as possible.
It really does not come off well to be 'venting and ranting' because of a wedding that is still months away, and a so-called cheap vacation package.

If you are really interested in this package, I would not think that a package purchased this far in advance could not be cancelled without major penalty.
Even 90 days in advance would be a very unforgiving policy.
Read the fine-print or call the agency and find out the details.

If this is a package that involves Oktoberfest, yes, I can see an early booking promo... As this would probably be very popular.
With the promo ending soon, it probably is an early booking thing.
But, it is the cancellation and date-change policies that you need to be concerned with.

Packages including airfare can rarely be cancelled or changed without a large fee, in my experience.
Even beyond that more and more often the best rates are for pre book, no cancellation.

Again, Oktoberfest dates will only affect the areas near Munich. Not knowing where the brother lives that could well be a non issue

 

[Hikergirl]

OP, whatever you do, buy trip insurance just in case the engagement doesn't work out

 

[mi*vida*loca]

The OP wants to tell bro they need an exact date, to me that is alot different than telling bro they need to know as soon as they decide on a date.

Same thing to me. Obviously they need an exact date. But then i wouldn’t be booking anything until i had an exact date. Even if the savings is $1500. What if they decided to wait a whole extra year?! I also wouldn’t have canceled any planned trips until i had an exact date.

 

[Wishing on a star]

Yes, trip insurance is also a very good idea!
Let's say this package saves 1,200... Trip insurance runs $500.00. Then that is a way to control the risk while still saving some money. And, hey, never know when it might be needed, anyhow.

To be honest, in this situation, I might not be wanting to lock myself into a pre-set package.
That just doesn't seem to lend itself to being able to work in a wedding.

Unless I were looking for a guided trip, I would tend to want to make my own arrangements.

And, as far as the costs... There might be enough time here to look into getting points/miles to help???

 

[CarolAnn856]

Same thing to me. Obviously they need an exact date. But then i wouldn’t be booking anything until i had an exact date. Even if the savings is $1500. What if they decided to wait a whole extra year?! I also wouldn’t have canceled any planned trips until i had an exact date.

The way the OP worded her question, it sounds like she wants to say, "Hey BIL, I found a good travel deal. I want you to hurry up and pick a date so I can book my travel package." That is not the same as saying "BIL, have you set the date yet? If you have, I've found a travel deal that I'm going to book."

 

[ronandannette]

My brother and i are close so i would have no issue asking him. If he didn’t have a date i would tell him i need to know ASAP.

I don’t understand not asking.

This would be me and my family too. Not saying it would necessarily result in me getting what worked best for me, but the conversation certainly wouldn't be out of bounds.

The OP wants to tell bro they need an exact date, to me that is alot different than telling bro they need to know as soon as they decide on a date.

That's not the way I read it, but I might have missed something. I'm presuming the OP wants to book the package IF the dates happen to line up. I didn't see where she planned to insist on, or even suggest an actual wedding date for the couple. I can also see feeling a little cranky if the deadline for the package comes and goes and then when the couple does finally set a date, it's a date that would have worked for the package. I wouldn't hold it against the couple, but it would irk me. Life goes like that sometimes.

 

[sk!mom]

Not going is not an option,

Having said all of that... I don't care who it is... not-going is always an option.
Another persons possible future event is not a 'command performance'.
I am not big on 'command performances'.

Not going because it costs too much is always an option. Regardless of family.

I'm a little confused by the comments that "not going is always an option." The OP says it isn't an option for her so that makes it not an option in this case.

To the OP, I think it's completely fine for your DH to call his brother to ask how the planning is going and ask if they are close to setting a definite date. Maybe something like, "We are excited and will definitely be there. We're ready to book it as soon as you set the date!"

I don't really understand your frustration though. While some plan weddings for over a year, others do not. I have friends who got engaged on Christmas Day and they still haven't decided if the wedding will be October or December 2018.

Asking is fine but then it might be a good idea to put off further looking until you have the date.