Vent About My Dad

[MareQ]

I post once every couple of months, it's not like there is a new issue every day, or even every week.

Yup and I would bet most of yoru posts revolve around what a rotten human being you think your father is. Then people will give you advise - which is to move out - which you ignore then you try your best to get the focus back on to what a rotten human being you think your father is.

Either do something about it or stop complaining about it.

 

[disneyfav4ever]

Yup and I would bet most of yoru posts revolve around what a rotten human being you think your father is. Then people will give you advise - which is to move out - which you ignore then you try your best to get the focus back on to what a rotten human being you think your father is.

Either do something about it or stop complaining about it.

Now you're putting words in my mouth! You have no right to do that.

 

[CheshireVal]

Yup and I would bet most of yoru posts revolve around what a rotten human being you think your father is. Then people will give you advise - which is to move out - which you ignore then you try your best to get the focus back on to what a rotten human being you think your father is.

Either do something about it or stop complaining about it.

Exactly.

OP, if you were 15, I'd feel bad for you. But as an adult, you have the power to change it. I don't see anything inherently wrong with living at home when you're in your early 20s... plenty of people do.

But if it's as miserable as you say, then get out. What are you waiting for? You're an ADULT now, not a helpless little kid.

 

[mickeyboat]

I completely understand your frustration with your parents' lack of respect for you and your things - especially since you are paying rent. And the frustration gets worse and worse every day because you can't get away from it, and it builds until every little thing a person does becomes a huge issue to you. It's not just about the pudding.

However, you are probably getting a really good deal being able to live with your parents. Since you claim you cannot afford to live on your own, you are probably paying rent well below fair market value - it's a good deal.

Often times when you get a good deal, there are trade-offs. The way your parents treat you is the trade-off for getting a good deal. They clearly still see you as a child, and until you go out into the world and make a life for yourself, they will undoubtedly continue to treat you that way.

Only you can decide what is more important to you - financial independence which will come with more respect for your parents, or a good deal on a place to live.

Good luck to you.

Denae

 

[Crankyshank]

Yup and I would bet most of yoru posts revolve around what a rotten human being you think your father is. Then people will give you advise - which is to move out - which you ignore then you try your best to get the focus back on to what a rotten human being you think your father is.

Either do something about it or stop complaining about it.

Yes exactly my point.

I understand that it's not very simple to move out of your parents' house. I understand the frustration because it is unbelievably rude of your father to do this, but you really don't seem to want to do anything about this situation. I'm going to repost what I said initially on this thread:

There's several ways you can go about this. Some examples:

- Install a camera and catch your Dad red handed. Then confront him with the proof.

- Tell your parents you are installing a fridge of your own because people keep eating your food and if you keep blowing money on food because they are taking it without permission, you will never move out.
- draw up a contract and say while you live in your parents house you will pay XYZ and in exchange they will not eat your food unless you offer. If they do eat your food, the cost of said item would be deducted from your rent.
- get some therapy because this family dynamic is not normal and there are some things that really need to be addressed
- Let it go because in the scheme of things, it's just a box of pudding.
- move out

Either way, posting about what a rude so and so your father is on this board is not constructive. You're upset people are giving you advice. People are annoyed because you are sounding like a broken record. And the bottom line is that unless you do something to confront your father in an adult manner, it's going to be the same stuff - different day.

 

[Toby'sFriend]

Now you're putting words in my mouth! You have no right to do that.

I think people are just saying that they don't understand it.

You are a college educated adult woman, correct? If you don't like your roommates, then move. It is a simple solution. Lots of people would be ecstatic to have a life problem which would be so easy to solve.

That's all people are saying.

So paying rent doesn't give me a right to eat my own food, that I buy and cook, (and clean up after, I might add, since I had to clean the dish that my dad just threw in the sink.) I find that theory flawed.

It's not about rights. It's about taking action to improve your life. You can either choose to wallow in your misery or you can choose do something about it. In the end "DIS Vents" are about a dime a dozen and I don't think they've ever solved anything.

that's all.

 

[harleyquinn]

Dudes. The last thread (about nearly the exact same thing) went on for 36 pages. This isn't gonna get solved around here.

 

[DisneyGirl4188]

OP, while what your dad did was rude, you either need to accept it (and stop posting about it) or move out.

I know you said there are reasons for you not moving out, but then you are going to have to deal with your parents behavior.

The reason I tell you not to post is because you don't want others to give their opinions. They obviously aren't going to change your mind and you aren't going to change theirs.

So, instead of getting upset with people here, don't post (unless you don't mind the the advice of others, in which case don't argue with them).

 

[boomhauer]

I know you said there are reasons for you not moving out, but then you are going to have to deal with your parents behavior.

I'm still curious as to what those reasons are.

 

[missj1975]

I can't believe I just read all 12 pages and actually enjoyed it. It was very interesting readings all the varied opinions.

My opinion, your dad was very rude to eat all the pudding and not leave you any. He is a rude, inconsiderate pig.

My dad was like that too when I lived with him after college 10 years ago. I would go out on dinner dates and bring great leftovers home with the idea of taking them to work for lunch the next day. My dad would get up in the middle of the night and eat them all. It ticked me off to no end but I found the solution the problem. I moved out!!! Best decision of my life. And technically on paper I couldn't afford to move out but I did anyway. Now at 32 I own my home, have no credit card debt, and just mailed off my last student loan payment. Anything is possible if you put your mind to it instead of just complaining all the time.

 

[disneyfav4ever]

I can't believe I just read all 12 pages and actually enjoyed it. It was very interesting readings all the varied opinions.

My opinion, your dad was very rude to eat all the pudding and not leave you any. He is a rude, inconsiderate pig.

My dad was like that too when I lived with him after college 10 years ago. I would go out on dinner dates and bring great leftovers home with the idea of taking them to work for lunch the next day. My dad would get up in the middle of the night and eat them all. It ticked me off to no end but I found the solution the problem. I moved out!!! Best decision of my life. And technically on paper I couldn't afford to move out but I did anyway. Now at 32 I own my home, have no credit card debt, and just mailed off my last student loan payment. Anything is possible if you put your mind to it instead of just complaining all the time.

No offense, but I do not want to still be paying off my student loans while I'm in my 30's. I'm almost done paying them off now, so hopefully that will be one less thing I have to worry about soon.

 

[MzDiz]

No offense, but I do not want to still be paying off my student loans while I'm in my 30's. I'm almost done paying them off now, so hopefully that will be one less thing I have to worry about soon.

Ooh, ouch. I can feel the sting coming back at you for a comment like that.

 

[Wishing on a star]

So paying rent doesn't give me a right to eat my own food, that I buy and cook, (and clean up after, I might add, since I had to clean the dish that my dad just threw in the sink.) I find that theory flawed.

Nope, gives you NO rights...

When you are living at your parents home, and they consider themselves to be Dictators, you have NO rights. NO RIGHTS AT ALL. Yes, it is that simple. Refusing to see this and to continue to complain, all the while actually paying your parents your hard earned money which could be put to good use towards getting your own place... Yep, just continueing to show that you are not really in touch with reality.

Complaining about your father, even if it truly is horrific behaviour, such as abuse, will not make us take your side and 'hate' your father. It will only make us see how you need help to free yourself from his, and your mothers, abusive and controlling behaviour.

After reading your many ongoing post about how your parents are negatively affecting your entire life... from your personal life, to your financial life, your employment, etc... I can only say one thing. Without any hesitation, confusion, or reservation...

MOVE OUT
Seek some professional help.

 

[missj1975]

No offense, but I do not want to still be paying off my student loans while I'm in my 30's. I'm almost done paying them off now, so hopefully that will be one less thing I have to worry about soon.

No offense taken. I am sure I borrowed way more then you did, which is why it took me ten years to pay the loan off. I just took a standard 10 year college loan with an extremely low fixed interest rate, so there was really no incentive for me to pay the loan off early. That loan allowed me to go to an expensive private college which I enjoyed very much.

I understand your frustration with your parents. I am just trying to show you that it is possible for you to move out.

 

[lilyv]

No offense, but I do not want to still be paying off my student loans while I'm in my 30's. I'm almost done paying them off now, so hopefully that will be one less thing I have to worry about soon.

We're all making choices in life. Your parents seem to tolerate you living with them, allowing you to pay a token rent, while you pay off your college loans.

If you move out one day, you'll have rent/mortgage, car payments, utilities. The bills are never totally paid off.

In the meantime, maybe the best is to just make double when you cook, and have a generous heart and attitude to those that are sheltering you at a very big discount.

If none of this sounds good to you, then take the next step into adulthood. Get your own place. You'll feel better about yourself, your life, and hopefully pudding issues will not have a big priority in you're life.

 

[missj1975]

Ooh, ouch. I can feel the sting coming back at you for a comment like that.

I am in a forgiving mood today

 

[Toby'sFriend]

Originally Posted by disneyfav4ever View Post
No offense, but I do not want to still be paying off my student loans while I'm in my 30's. I'm almost done paying them off now, so hopefully that will be one less thing I have to worry about soon.

well then, those are the choices you have made.
You want to spend your money on paying off SL debt instead of on supporting yourself.

so I guess the trade-off is you get to live with the messy guy who burns trash and eats your pudding for a little while longer.

 

[Wishing on a star]

No offense, but I do not want to still be paying off my student loans while I'm in my 30's. I'm almost done paying them off now, so hopefully that will be one less thing I have to worry about soon.

So sad...
And, actually classic behaviour from somebody who is a victim.
Classic co-dependant behavior.

Denial and excuses....

What excuse do you have lined up for when your student loan debt is payed off????

 

[mickeyfan2]

well then, those are the choices you have made.
You want to spend your money on paying off SL debt instead of on supporting yourself.

so I guess the trade-off is you get to live with the messy guy who burns trash and eats your pudding for a little while longer.

And that he is a racist.

 

[FayeW]

No offense, but I do not want to still be paying off my student loans while I'm in my 30's. I'm almost done paying them off now, so hopefully that will be one less thing I have to worry about soon.

Well it's clear that you place a higher value on paying off your debt more quickly than on your emotional and mental well being.

Make no mistake about it. You are paying off your financial debt but it is at at a very high cost. The price you are paying for your financial freedom is your dignity, self-esteem and self-respect. And your pudding.

It has been previously suggested that you move in with your grandmother. You could pay her the rent you pay your parents, she has some help and some companionship, and all your problems with your parents are solved. It was a great suggestion at the time, and is still an excellent solution to your problems without you incurring ANY additional expenses. At the time you said that your father wouldn't let you live with your grandmother. Since both you and granny are grown women, and you are preparing to marry a man your parents don't want you to marry anyway, what the heck is the difference???

Your father is a bully. He bullies you and you have stated in the past that he bullies your grandmother. Between the two of you surely you can stand up to him.