Vent About My Dad

[Sleepy]

Ummmm....a whole box IS enough for all the people in her house.

According to the serving size written on the box. Unfortunately, not everyone eats a share equal to that serving size suggestion. Ever eaten a bowl of cereal and then looked at the suggested serving size on the box? I agree eating an entire box of pudding is greedy but not everyone would agree that a suggested serving size is enough.

 

[Nancyg56]

OP- I have seen some of your previous threads so I know that the conditions in your home are less than stellar. For whatever reason there are boundary problems and issues that show lack of respect and consideration for each other. The fact remains that when you reach adulthood and do not like the living conditions in the house you need to decide what is more important to you. Your Dad is not going to change so if you remain there you are going to have to accept that. If you cannot you need to take steps to change your circumstances.

 

[december]

That's a whole lot of assumptions on your part. When your done with your crystal ball could I borrow it?

I was trying to be nice in that post-your response is rather rude

My post was based on reading this thread and several others. The I can't afford to move out but I can take yearly trips to WDW is not a mature attitude, in my opinion. I hear similar complaints to the op's every day. Teens are always telling me about their mean parents and how unfair life is. It doesn't take a crystal ball to see the similarities!

No assumptions to be made. The op has stated that:

She has a degree but works her high school job.
She has been fired from 2 jobs.
She takes expensive vacations.
She is not being treated well at home.
She is not happy at home.

I agree her family does not sound normal, but she is unwilling to do something about it. If she was 15 I'd feel sorry for her. But at 23,she is to blame for allowing them to treat her this way.

I'm through posting-I really don't think the op wants any advice. I think she likes the attention-and yes that was an assumption on my part!

 

[autumnbaby9]

OP- I have seen some of your previous threads so I know that the conditions in your home are less than stellar. For whatever reason there are boundary problems and issues that show lack of respect and consideration for each other. The fact remains that when you reach adulthood and do not like the living conditions in the house you need to decide what is more important to you. Your Dad is not going to change so if you remain there you are going to have to accept that. If you cannot you need to take steps to change your circumstances.

Ding Ding Ding

 

[Pooh_Friend#1]

wow, this thread is completely not what I was expecting. Why don't you move in with your DF?

 

[mickeyfan2]

wow, this thread is completely not what I was expecting. Why don't you move in with your DF?

IIRC When we asked before the two of them could not afford the rent. He is 10 years older than she is. I have not heard about the DF in a while. I am wondering if he is still in the picture.

 

[boomhauer]

IIRC When we asked before the two of them could not afford the rent. He is 10 years older than she is. I have not heard about the DF in a while. I am wondering if he is still in the picture.

A 23 and 33 year old, living together can't afford the rent on an apartment?

Where does the boyfriend, 33, live?

I'd say pudding is the last of the OP's issues.

 

[Ciao Mickey]

The fact remains her father saw food sitting on the counter and just devoured it without concern for anyone else. I'd expect my dog to do something like this if she found something laying where she could get it, but not one of the human members of my family.

Since the man has zero manners and obviously has no control of his appetite he remains a rude, ignorant, pig.

She doesn't have to live with the*rude, ignorant pig* you know. (Your disrespectful label of her father, not mine.)

There are three sides to every story.

How much rent is she paying? Maybe her share of the rent doesn't cover or help her parents enough.

I don't care what her previous history with her family is, I'm only commenting on the situation at hand and I think it's rude of someone to make a dessert and not have enough for the rest of the family to share.

Maybe how her parents act is a reflection of how she acts. Many kids don't have a clue as to what it costs to run a household until they move out and are on their own. Then they really appreciate how easy they've had it at home.

Kids make me laugh when they contribute *something* towards the rent. They fail to realize there are other monthly expenses like water, electric, heat, cooling, insurance, taxes, home repairs, etc.

 

[Tiziminchac]

I'm through posting-I really don't think the op wants any advice. I think she likes the attention-and yes that was an assumption on my part!

I didn't know she was asking for advice, just venting.

 

[Wonderlandmom]

So now, I either am not going to have pudding tonight, which I really was hungry for, or I'm going to have to go out to the store, and get another mix, which I really don't feel like doing.

Did you eat "yer meat"? How can you have any pudding if you don't eat yer meat?

 

[Pooh_Friend#1]

IIRC When we asked before the two of them could not afford the rent. He is 10 years older than she is. I have not heard about the DF in a while. I am wondering if he is still in the picture.

Oh, ok. I have a bunch of questions stirring in my head now, but I think it will be best to leave it alone.

 

[yearbook50]

Did you eat "yer meat"? How can you have any pudding if you don't eat yer meat?

That played today on my ride to work and I thought of this thread

 

[Jennasis]

I was trying to be nice in that post-your response is rather rude

Well it was a nice try but IMO you failed. I on the other hand wasn't trying to be nice. It seems the DIS just needs to hold somebody's feet to the fire again and woe be to the person who drops a post letting off some steam. Then EVERYBODY needs to start making assumptions about her life, her intentions, her goals, her potential as a parent, her fiance, etc...

But I'm sure the next post will be the usual "well if you can't take the critisism..." or "then you shouldn't post on a public forum"...yadd yadda yadda.

Sometimes the anonymity of a forum like this brings out the worst in people. I'll admit I fall victim to it from time to time both on the giving ands receiving side. Sad really...

 

[frndshpcptn]

OP - your Dad keeps doing the same thing over and over. At this point, you can't change him.

I get that you are venting - that part of the great thing about this Boards - it's a place to vent!

But if you can try and change YOUR mindset while you are still living there, you may find yourself less upset over things like this.

Repeat to yourself - I can't change him, I can only change my reaction to him.

Then, realize it's annoying, but not worth so much angst as we all know he's just going to do it again and agian.

He's doing it to provoke you. It seems to work. Ignore it and maybe if he doesn't get a reaction from you he will stop doing it.

 

[Jennasis]

OP - your Dad keeps doing the same thing over and over. At this point, you can't change him.

I get that you are venting - that part of the great thing about this Boards - it's a place to vent!

But if you can try and change YOUR mindset while you are still living there, you may find yourself less upset over things like this.

Repeat to yourself - I can't change him, I can only change my reaction to him.

Then, realize it's annoying, but not worth so much angst as we all know he's just going to do it again and agian.

He's doing it to provoke you. It seems to work. Ignore it and maybe if he doesn't get a reaction from you he will stop doing it.

Fantastic advice. Why didn't I just say that????

 

[Sleepy]

He's doing it to provoke you. It seems to work. Ignore it and maybe if he doesn't get a reaction from you he will stop doing it.

Better yet, make so much of what you want that Dad has 2 choices...

1.eat so much that it makes him ill
2.eat enough so satisfy himself while leaving enough for others.

I, too, believe he is doing this to annoy. I know someone exactly like this and they know food is the one thing that will irritate a person more than anything else. The only way to tackle the food issue is to provide way more than the person can possibly eat. That way you won't have to ignore them.

You could always make chocolate pudding and melt some ex-lax in it. Blame it on bad milk and then tell dear old dad since nobody else was able to eat any of it, there is no way to tell for sure.

 

[december]

I lied-I'm posting one more time!

I didn't know she was asking for advice, just venting.

Well it was a nice try but IMO you failed. I on the other hand wasn't trying to be nice. It seems the DIS just needs to hold somebody's feet to the fire again and woe be to the person who drops a post letting off some steam. Then EVERYBODY needs to start making assumptions about her life, her intentions, her goals, her potential as a parent, her fiance, etc...

But I'm sure the next post will be the usual "well if you can't take the critisism..." or "then you shouldn't post on a public forum"...yadd yadda yadda.

Sometimes the anonymity of a forum like this brings out the worst in people. I'll admit I fall victim to it from time to time both on the giving ands receiving side. Sad really...

I realize the op was venting, I really do. But the op knew what was going to happen! The other thread went on for 30 pages before it was closed! It is hard not to give advice when you see someone who's life is that messed up. I really don't see where the worst was brought out in me!

Personal story. My mother is an only child. My grandparents were very controlling. She has lived her whole life doing what other people want her to. Did she move away? NO-she lives next door (as in you can barely walk between her carport and my grandmother's). When we were kids and wanted to go somewhere, we had to go next door and ask my grandparents. No joke! When we were little we had a dog. My grandfather decided we didn't need that dog-even though it was in our fenced in backyard. He got it and took it off. We weren't allowed to say anything. Not a healthy situation!

Now I grew up with a loving family, but control is a serious issue. Now my mother is 61, and my grandmother is 87. She still tells my mother what to do, and my mother still complains about it all the time. She wishes she had moved when younger, but at their ages they are pretty much resigned to live out their lives that way.

What my mother doesn't see is that she is also very controlling. She talks to my father so hard sometimes, but he just goes with the flow. And 2 of my sisters live on the same family land, too! They get bossed by my mother and grandmother!

I love my family dearly, and we are moving from 3hrs away to 30 min away, but I could never live next door-or with them!

So I do have some experience with this kind of life. It is hard to watch these patterns form. And sad. So I did sincerely wish the op luck. I hope she will wake up and get out before she is an old woman with a lot of "what ifs" in her past.

OK-I'm really through now.

 

[Jennasis]

I lied-I'm posting one more time!





I realize the op was venting, I really do. But the op knew what was going to happen! The other thread went on for 30 pages before it was closed! It is hard not to give advice when you see someone who's life is that messed up. I really don't see where the worst was brought out in me!

Personal story. My mother is an only child. My grandparents were very controlling. She has lived her whole life doing what other people want her to. Did she move away? NO-she lives next door (as in you can barely walk between her carport and my grandmother's). When we were kids and wanted to go somewhere, we had to go next door and ask my grandparents. No joke! When we were little we had a dog. My grandfather decided we didn't need that dog-even though it was in our fenced in backyard. He got it and took it off. We weren't allowed to say anything. Not a healthy situation!

Now I grew up with a loving family, but control is a serious issue. Now my mother is 61, and my grandmother is 87. She still tells my mother what to do, and my mother still complains about it all the time. She wishes she had moved when younger, but at their ages they are pretty much resigned to live out their lives that way.

What my mother doesn't see is that she is also very controlling. She talks to my father so hard sometimes, but he just goes with the flow. And 2 of my sisters live on the same family land, too! They get bossed by my mother and grandmother!

I love my family dearly, and we are moving from 3hrs away to 30 min away, but I could never live next door-or with them!

So I do have some experience with this kind of life. It is hard to watch these patterns form. And sad. So I did sincerely wish the op luck. I hope she will wake up and get out before she is an old woman with a lot of "what ifs" in her past.

OK-I'm really through now.

But you turned out fine right? We aren't always doomed to repeat the failings of our own parents.

 

[FayeW]

I think that those of us who are scratching our heads trying to figure out why the OP doesn't just move out already have to be cognizant of the fact that there are also cultural and religious influences on family dynamics that may be at play here as well. For example, one of my very best friends for the best 25 yrs is half Greek. Her mother, aunts and grandparents came from Greece when her mother was a child. The mother's side of the family was very involved in every aspect of the family life, while her Dad was estranged from his family. Her family's dynamic was very heavily influenced by her grandparents culture and traditions. It was traditional for the girls in the family to remain living with their parents until such time as they married. My friend never plannedto observe this tradition, but she was the oldest child (7 yrs older than younger sister, and 10 yrs older than brother) and her parents were HORRIBLE with finances, and her mother had a gambling problem. She started working a part time job at 16 and had to pay rent while still in high school. This wasn't to teach her responsibility, it was because they needed the money to survive! Her Dad stole her credit card and cash advanced it. She ended up on title of the house when they refinanced it and she was paying all the bills in the house. Little sis moved in with a boyfriend, and then moved back home rent free to save money for a downpayment with boyfriend while my friend continued to subsidize the parents (and adult baby sis). Anyway, my friend remained living at home until after her mother died of cancer. She met a man (from the U.K) on the internet and "dated" him for 5 yrs until they eloped. Even then, she had to wait a year before she could join her husband and finally start their lives together. She has been living in England now for 3 yrs, and her sister makes her cry every time she talks to her because she begs her to come home and take care of Dad. She didn't marry until she was nearly 40, and gave up having children of her own (doesn't want to risk a pregnancy now at 42), and most of that was because of the pressure and responsibility of her cultural traditions.

My point (and I do have one) is that unless we share the OP's culture and/or religion we can't possible know what pressures are being brought to bear. We do know that her Dad is rude, thoughtless and selfish. We also know they have huge boundry issues because her parents routinely open her mail and search her room. What we don't know is why the OP didn't take our suggestions of opening a post office box at MailBox, Etc or some such place and just pick up her mail once a week, or why she doesn't start socking away the money that she spends on Disney trips so that she can have some savings to offset the higher cost of rent when she does move out. I mean, she paid for a trip with her Mom in the fall, that's one month rent. She has another trip planned, there is a second month's rent. If she saved $200 per month for the rest of the year, there would be another couple of month's. The rent she wouldn't pay her family for those 4 months, well now she's got another month or two! So far, I've added up about 6 months of rent for her. By then, DFi shoud be moved in helping with the rent. I haven't even addressed the concept of looking on Craigslist or somewhere for people looking for roommates. Surely sharing an apt with a couple of people wouldn't cost much more than all the expenses you are already paying at home.

OP you have options. You just can't see the forest for the trees. Sure, one Disney trip is one month's rent, but you have to start somewhere.

 

[disneyfav4ever]

Maybe your father was trying to teach you a lesson.

If my kid came home and made chocolate pudding only for himself, I would eat it all too.

You should have made enough for everyone in your home to share.

I said in a previous post that what really annoyed me was that he ate all of it, all four servings, and this was after I'd let him have leftover steaks I had gotten for dinner, (two nights in a row I might add.)

If he was trying to teach me a lesson, it definatly wasn't about sharing.