Vent about a friend--long

[KiKi Mouse]

I have a friend I am having a hard time wanting to remain friends with.
Every time I talk to her I get very agitated and have to hide from her phone calls for a couple of days.
I have known her for five years. Our kids go to the same school and that is how we became friends.
Over the years I have really wondered about her and we definitely are going in two different directions in life.

Last week she had her fifth child from the fifth baby daddy. None of her children are from the same father and there wasn't much of a relationship with any of the men. Two of them were married when she hooked up with them for some "fun" and they live in the U.S. The latest is some guy she met on a free "dating" site who came over a few times and she got pregnant. This latest guy lied to her about his name and after she told him she was pregnant she hardly heard from him.

None of the kids has a relationship with their father. My friend has never lived with any of these guys or been married or been in any type of committed relationship in her 38 years. She just finds them on the internet, they come visit and she gets pregnant.

The friend lives in public housing and pays $300 rent and gets thousands of dollars a month from welfare, child tax benefit, etc. She does get some child support from two of the baby daddys. That is tax free.
This friend has never worked or looked for a job in the five years I have known her.

Last fall she got a big idea she would go to school to become a nurse. Sounds good. Only she doesn't have the smarts to do it. She signed up for the courses but had to drop most of them because she was failing. She is in a pre-nursing program and has dropped all but one course. If she sticks with it she might finish the one year pre-nursing in five years. Normally it's one year but when you drop all but one half course it's kind of hard to chip away at a diploma.

Student aid gave her over $6000 on top of all the other money she gets. She only has to pay $200 of that back because she is considered low income.
$6000 to take one course sounds good to me, sign me up.

Because she is a "student" she gets to put her 4 y/o in daycare for free. Not bad for only taking one course. Sign me up. I pay over $1000/month for daycare.

I have tried to give her the benefit of the doubt many times. However, I have realized there is no hope for her. She gets pregnant on purpose because that is her career choice. You can't tell me that you can have five "oopsies". There is no incentive to work since she gets way more money than somebody who works (like me).

Her oldest son has ADHD and she does nothing to help him. She got the doctor to sign disability forms for him so she can get another $200/month. None of that money will go to a tutor or anything helpful. It might help finance a winter vacation to Cuba like she has done in the past (not with the kids).

Every single time I talk to her she is going on about getting this and that through "funding". This going to school nonsense is a joke. She has figured out she can sign up for courses but then drop them and keep all her "funding".

She also has a foster daughter. Her friend works for the fostering agency and literally gave her a child. She gets about $600/month for that. Plus other expenses.

She treats the foster daughter and her 12 y/o daughter like slaves. The girls do all the laundry, dishes, and some of the cooking and cleaning. I don't have a problem with kids doing chores but I have a problem with them being used as unpaid hired help. The 12 y/o has had to babysit all the other kids a lot, even overnight. The 12 y/o has some emotional and intellectual issues. She functions at a low level and doesn't have the common sense if something happened in that home.

Listening to her talk about this latest baby and how the girls better get cracking on the cooking and cleaning drives me insane. Listening to her talk about how she coudn't wait for this baby to be born so she could get more money from the goverment made my blood boil but I kept my mouth shut.

I'll probably ignore her calls and delete her from FB. However there may be times we see each other at the school and I don't want to make things bad for my daughter. My daughter and her daughter are not in the same classes and they don't hang around at all but there could still be some awkward times ahead.

I've stuck with this friendship because I didn't want to make waves but the past couple of years has been really frustrating. So much that I am done.

 

[Hoodie]

You lasted a lot longer than I would have.

I can't be friends with someone for whom I have no respect.

 

[katesorad]

I have a friend I am having a hard time wanting to remain friends with.
Every time I talk to her I get very agitated and have to hide from her phone calls for a couple of days.
I have known her for five years. Our kids go to the same school and that is how we became friends.
Over the years I have really wondered about her and we definitely are going in two different directions in life.

Last week she had her fifth child from the fifth baby daddy. None of her children are from the same father and there wasn't much of a relationship with any of the men. Two of them were married when she hooked up with them for some "fun" and they live in the U.S. The latest is some guy she met on a free "dating" site who came over a few times and she got pregnant. This latest guy lied to her about his name and after she told him she was pregnant she hardly heard from him.

None of the kids has a relationship with their father. My friend has never lived with any of these guys or been married or been in any type of committed relationship in her 38 years. She just finds them on the internet, they come visit and she gets pregnant.

The friend lives in public housing and pays $300 rent and gets thousands of dollars a month from welfare, child tax benefit, etc. She does get some child support from two of the baby daddys. That is tax free.
This friend has never worked or looked for a job in the five years I have known her.

Last fall she got a big idea she would go to school to become a nurse. Sounds good. Only she doesn't have the smarts to do it. She signed up for the courses but had to drop most of them because she was failing. She is in a pre-nursing program and has dropped all but one course. If she sticks with it she might finish the one year pre-nursing in five years. Normally it's one year but when you drop all but one half course it's kind of hard to chip away at a diploma.

Student aid gave her over $6000 on top of all the other money she gets. She only has to pay $200 of that back because she is considered low income.
$6000 to take one course sounds good to me, sign me up.

Because she is a "student" she gets to put her 4 y/o in daycare for free. Not bad for only taking one course. Sign me up. I pay over $1000/month for daycare.

I have tried to give her the benefit of the doubt many times. However, I have realized there is no hope for her. She gets pregnant on purpose because that is her career choice. You can't tell me that you can have five "oopsies". There is no incentive to work since she gets way more money than somebody who works (like me).

Her oldest son has ADHD and she does nothing to help him. She got the doctor to sign disability forms for him so she can get another $200/month. None of that money will go to a tutor or anything helpful. It might help finance a winter vacation to Cuba like she has done in the past (not with the kids).

Every single time I talk to her she is going on about getting this and that through "funding". This going to school nonsense is a joke. She has figured out she can sign up for courses but then drop them and keep all her "funding".

She also has a foster daughter. Her friend works for the fostering agency and literally gave her a child. She gets about $600/month for that. Plus other expenses.

She treats the foster daughter and her 12 y/o daughter like slaves. The girls do all the laundry, dishes, and some of the cooking and cleaning. I don't have a problem with kids doing chores but I have a problem with them being used as unpaid hired help. The 12 y/o has had to babysit all the other kids a lot, even overnight. The 12 y/o has some emotional and intellectual issues. She functions at a low level and doesn't have the common sense if something happened in that home.

Listening to her talk about this latest baby and how the girls better get cracking on the cooking and cleaning drives me insane. Listening to her talk about how she coudn't wait for this baby to be born so she could get more money from the goverment made my blood boil but I kept my mouth shut.

I'll probably ignore her calls and delete her from FB. However there may be times we see each other at the school and I don't want to make things bad for my daughter. My daughter and her daughter are not in the same classes and they don't hang around at all but there could still be some awkward times ahead.

I've stuck with this friendship because I didn't want to make waves but the past couple of years has been really frustrating. So much that I am done.

Yikes! That sounds like a lot to deal with. I know a lot of people on here will say "mind your own business", but for the sake of the children.. you might want to call a child protection agency where you live, just to do a quick check. They deserve the best, and it sounds like this lady is not giving them what they need and deserve.

Sorry you're having to deal with this lady.. not good

 

[ilovemk76]

I have a friend I am having a hard time wanting to remain friends with.
Every time I talk to her I get very agitated and have to hide from her phone calls for a couple of days.
I have known her for five years. Our kids go to the same school and that is how we became friends.
Over the years I have really wondered about her and we definitely are going in two different directions in life.

Last week she had her fifth child from the fifth baby daddy. None of her children are from the same father and there wasn't much of a relationship with any of the men. Two of them were married when she hooked up with them for some "fun" and they live in the U.S. The latest is some guy she met on a free "dating" site who came over a few times and she got pregnant. This latest guy lied to her about his name and after she told him she was pregnant she hardly heard from him.

None of the kids has a relationship with their father. My friend has never lived with any of these guys or been married or been in any type of committed relationship in her 38 years. She just finds them on the internet, they come visit and she gets pregnant.

The friend lives in public housing and pays $300 rent and gets thousands of dollars a month from welfare, child tax benefit, etc. She does get some child support from two of the baby daddys. That is tax free.
This friend has never worked or looked for a job in the five years I have known her.

Last fall she got a big idea she would go to school to become a nurse. Sounds good. Only she doesn't have the smarts to do it. She signed up for the courses but had to drop most of them because she was failing. She is in a pre-nursing program and has dropped all but one course. If she sticks with it she might finish the one year pre-nursing in five years. Normally it's one year but when you drop all but one half course it's kind of hard to chip away at a diploma.

Student aid gave her over $6000 on top of all the other money she gets. She only has to pay $200 of that back because she is considered low income.
$6000 to take one course sounds good to me, sign me up.

Because she is a "student" she gets to put her 4 y/o in daycare for free. Not bad for only taking one course. Sign me up. I pay over $1000/month for daycare.

I have tried to give her the benefit of the doubt many times. However, I have realized there is no hope for her. She gets pregnant on purpose because that is her career choice. You can't tell me that you can have five "oopsies". There is no incentive to work since she gets way more money than somebody who works (like me).

Her oldest son has ADHD and she does nothing to help him. She got the doctor to sign disability forms for him so she can get another $200/month. None of that money will go to a tutor or anything helpful. It might help finance a winter vacation to Cuba like she has done in the past (not with the kids).

Every single time I talk to her she is going on about getting this and that through "funding". This going to school nonsense is a joke. She has figured out she can sign up for courses but then drop them and keep all her "funding".

She also has a foster daughter. Her friend works for the fostering agency and literally gave her a child. She gets about $600/month for that. Plus other expenses.

She treats the foster daughter and her 12 y/o daughter like slaves. The girls do all the laundry, dishes, and some of the cooking and cleaning. I don't have a problem with kids doing chores but I have a problem with them being used as unpaid hired help. The 12 y/o has had to babysit all the other kids a lot, even overnight. The 12 y/o has some emotional and intellectual issues. She functions at a low level and doesn't have the common sense if something happened in that home.

Listening to her talk about this latest baby and how the girls better get cracking on the cooking and cleaning drives me insane. Listening to her talk about how she coudn't wait for this baby to be born so she could get more money from the goverment made my blood boil but I kept my mouth shut.

I'll probably ignore her calls and delete her from FB. However there may be times we see each other at the school and I don't want to make things bad for my daughter. My daughter and her daughter are not in the same classes and they don't hang around at all but there could still be some awkward times ahead.

I've stuck with this friendship because I didn't want to make waves but the past couple of years has been really frustrating. So much that I am done.

I would just quietly fad away.

It is sad to see that the Canadian welfare system is just as screwed up as the American welfare system.

 

[wdwmom0f3]

I would just quietly fad away.

It is sad to see that the Canadian welfare system is just as screwed up as the American welfare system.

I agree, and people who take advantage of the system drive me insane.

 

[KiKi Mouse]

Yikes! That sounds like a lot to deal with. I know a lot of people on here will say "mind your own business", but for the sake of the children.. you might want to call a child protection agency where you live, just to do a quick check. They deserve the best, and it sounds like this lady is not giving them what they need and deserve.

Sorry you're having to deal with this lady.. not good

I did make a call a while back about the 12 y/o being left overnight to look after a house full of kids while Mom went shopping 2.5 hours away.
Unless she is caught "in progress" there is nothing anybody can do.
I also asked about her keeping the kids home from school because she was too tired to take them. I was told that the school has to make the call if they feel that the kids have missed too much. It's a sad sad system we have here.

 

[lillygator]

wow she's got it made. and people love to think that there are those that don't work the system.....it's rampant around here.

 

[ols386]

I have no problem with people receiving financial government assistance, if they really need it, especially for the kids, but it sounds like this 'friend' really knows how to 'work' the system and is taking advantage of it.

I feel sorry for the older kids, because she is using them, just like she's using the government. She should be ashamed of herself, but it actually sounds like she's pretty proud of herself.

 

[KiKi Mouse]

Problem with people that work the system is that they find other people who do it and they pass on tips. Maybe there is a FB group...lol

It's very draining to have to listen to her go on about money money money when my husband and I work and make our kids a priority.
If any one of my kids had issues like hers we would do everything we could to get them help.

 

[rockydek]

This is so sad...A clear case of abusing the system. Poor kids will suffer!

 

[JessicaR]

You lasted a lot longer than I would have.

I can't be friends with someone for whom I have no respect.

This is how I feel.

It sounds like you're done! Poor kids will be the ones to suffer for her selfishness. I wouldnt be able to subject myself to her either.

 

[sbell111]

I have a friend I am having a hard time wanting to remain friends with.
Every time I talk to her I get very agitated and have to hide from her phone calls for a couple of days.
I have known her for five years. Our kids go to the same school and that is how we became friends.
Over the years I have really wondered about her and we definitely are going in two different directions in life.

Last week she had her fifth child from the fifth baby daddy. None of her children are from the same father and there wasn't much of a relationship with any of the men. Two of them were married when she hooked up with them for some "fun" and they live in the U.S. The latest is some guy she met on a free "dating" site who came over a few times and she got pregnant. This latest guy lied to her about his name and after she told him she was pregnant she hardly heard from him.

None of the kids has a relationship with their father. My friend has never lived with any of these guys or been married or been in any type of committed relationship in her 38 years. She just finds them on the internet, they come visit and she gets pregnant.

The friend lives in public housing and pays $300 rent and gets thousands of dollars a month from welfare, child tax benefit, etc. She does get some child support from two of the baby daddys. That is tax free.
This friend has never worked or looked for a job in the five years I have known her.

Last fall she got a big idea she would go to school to become a nurse. Sounds good. Only she doesn't have the smarts to do it. She signed up for the courses but had to drop most of them because she was failing. She is in a pre-nursing program and has dropped all but one course. If she sticks with it she might finish the one year pre-nursing in five years. Normally it's one year but when you drop all but one half course it's kind of hard to chip away at a diploma.

Student aid gave her over $6000 on top of all the other money she gets. She only has to pay $200 of that back because she is considered low income.
$6000 to take one course sounds good to me, sign me up.

Because she is a "student" she gets to put her 4 y/o in daycare for free. Not bad for only taking one course. Sign me up. I pay over $1000/month for daycare.

I have tried to give her the benefit of the doubt many times. However, I have realized there is no hope for her. She gets pregnant on purpose because that is her career choice. You can't tell me that you can have five "oopsies". There is no incentive to work since she gets way more money than somebody who works (like me).

Her oldest son has ADHD and she does nothing to help him. She got the doctor to sign disability forms for him so she can get another $200/month. None of that money will go to a tutor or anything helpful. It might help finance a winter vacation to Cuba like she has done in the past (not with the kids).

Every single time I talk to her she is going on about getting this and that through "funding". This going to school nonsense is a joke. She has figured out she can sign up for courses but then drop them and keep all her "funding".

She also has a foster daughter. Her friend works for the fostering agency and literally gave her a child. She gets about $600/month for that. Plus other expenses.

She treats the foster daughter and her 12 y/o daughter like slaves. The girls do all the laundry, dishes, and some of the cooking and cleaning. I don't have a problem with kids doing chores but I have a problem with them being used as unpaid hired help. The 12 y/o has had to babysit all the other kids a lot, even overnight. The 12 y/o has some emotional and intellectual issues. She functions at a low level and doesn't have the common sense if something happened in that home.

Listening to her talk about this latest baby and how the girls better get cracking on the cooking and cleaning drives me insane. Listening to her talk about how she coudn't wait for this baby to be born so she could get more money from the goverment made my blood boil but I kept my mouth shut.

I'll probably ignore her calls and delete her from FB. However there may be times we see each other at the school and I don't want to make things bad for my daughter. My daughter and her daughter are not in the same classes and they don't hang around at all but there could still be some awkward times ahead.

I've stuck with this friendship because I didn't want to make waves but the past couple of years has been really frustrating. So much that I am done.

Other than the fact that you used the word 'friend' many times in your post, I can find nothing in there that suggests that you consider her your friend. Based solely on your post, I do think that you should cut ties with her. Since you are not interested in being her friend, there's no point in acting as if you are.

 

[cm8]

I have no problem with people receiving financial government assistance, if they really need it, especially for the kids, but it sounds like this 'friend' really knows how to 'work' the system and is taking advantage of it.

I feel sorry for the older kids, because she is using them, just like she's using the government. She should be ashamed of herself, but it actually sounds like she's pretty proud of herself.

Agreed!, if she is causing this much stress for you, let her go

 

[dislaney]

I couldn't be friends with someone who is so obviously working the system. It sounds like you have tried to give her the benefit of the doubt already, I think I would be done with her.

 

[KiKi Mouse]

I deleted her from FB and I will ignore her calls. I might see her around the school but there's less than three months left. Her daughter doesn't play any sports and will not be getting any awards so chances of a run in are slim.
This woman has a bad temper and I really don't feel like being subjected to it if she gets mad that I backed away.

I feel really bad for the kids. Really bad. But I can't make her a good parent.

Thanks for the support. I was thinking I was a bad person for not wanting to have anything to do with her anymore.