Vacationing with in-laws advice

[mrsbornkuntry]

I know this has been posted before, but I never read those threads because I never in a million years thought this would be happening to me. But today my MIL called and said that she needs a vacation and asked for our dates because she wants to go to WDW at the same time. She asked very nicely (said she didn't want to impose) and we do get along most of the time, I am a little upset though because dh is military so our family time with the kids is sacred, plus MIL doesn't really like kids, especially FIL, so I don't think they're going to enjoy vacationing with us because when we go to disney it's ALL about the kids.

So, for those that have vacationed with your in-laws, what tips do you have for me? I already told her that I would give her a copy of our itinerary so she could decide what they would like to do with us, but I would like to encourage them to do their own thing for the most part. I don't want to spend my trip wondering where and what time we're supposed to meet, KWIM? She hasn't made ressies yet, I told her where we're staying, it's CBR and I'm thinking they may prefer a deluxe so that will help some.

One more thing, they've never been so what are some thing an older couple not into kids and rides might enjoy?

 

[Twoboysnmygirl]

Definitely plan on doing things away from them!

Actually, it sounds like if they don't like your kids (WHY would they want to go???) that they will WANT to spend some time apart.

I have the opposite problem (it's really not a problem) and we're going with IL's in October and MIL wants to stay together at ALL TIMES! I'm hoping she loosens up a bit and we don't all get sick of each other by the end of day 1! We get along well though, so I think it will work out. I would never go on vacation with them if we didn't get along well and they didn't like or tolerate my kids!

 

[JimR24]

Drink heavily!!!

I went with my inlaws in September and I wil NEVER do that again. My MIL always feels she has to be attached to my wife's hip and never gave us the family time I needed, even with my wife's hints and statements.

If you need family time, I would seriously try and talk them out of going. My trip was a very valuabe (and expensive) lesson.

 

[fussymonkey]

This

MIL doesn't really like kids, especially FIL

is hilarious!

no advice for you, just thought it was funny that your MIL doesn't like children including your FIL. Ha!

 

[RN4Babies]

I know this has been posted before, but I never read those threads because I never in a million years thought this would be happening to me. But today my MIL called and said that she needs a vacation and asked for our dates because she wants to go to WDW at the same time. She asked very nicely (said she didn't want to impose) and we do get along most of the time, I am a little upset though because dh is military so our family time with the kids is sacred, plus MIL doesn't really like kids, especially FIL, so I don't think they're going to enjoy vacationing with us because when we go to disney it's ALL about the kids.

So, for those that have vacationed with your in-laws, what tips do you have for me? I already told her that I would give her a copy of our itinerary so she could decide what they would like to do with us, but I would like to encourage them to do their own thing for the most part. I don't want to spend my trip wondering where and what time we're supposed to meet, KWIM? She hasn't made ressies yet, I told her where we're staying, it's CBR and I'm thinking they may prefer a deluxe so that will help some.

One more thing, they've never been so what are some thing an older couple not into kids and rides might enjoy?

Wow....if they don't really like kids, what in the world are they doing going to WDW? If your MIL needs a vacation, I'd be sending her brochures about Branson, a cruise, or an all inclusive adult resort. What is their motivation for wanting to do to WDW with you? Will your DH be home for a leave and have to go back after your trip?...so his parents want to see him for several days? As this is their first trip to WDW, would they be okay "doing their own thing", and would you and DH be able to enjoy yourselves, or would you be stressing over wondering how they're getting along.

I'd sit down and have a heart to heart with them; tell them your concerns, and try to find out where they're coming from and what their hopes and expectations are.

 

[janloz]

I agree with previous poster, we went with my mom, MIL, FIL and SIL in Dec for 7 days for DS's 11th bday. NEVER, EVER, AGAIN will I go with them to WDW. We have gone with all of them for a week to beach house in the summer for 8 years so I thought no problem. I was SOOOO wrong. The only time we got to spend alone as a family of 4 was at night in our room. Other then that, they were attached to us the whole time. MIL has health issues and needed an electric scooter (she went to WDW against Doctor's orders) and then guilted the kids into going back to hotel each day with her since she needed a nap and DH insisted on returning to hotel with them early each night so she didn't feel bad. We all had the Deluxe dining plan despite explaining to Mil/FIL how much food it involved and after the first day, they complained the whole trip about how much food it was.

We are planning to go back Sept 2010 for MY bday and it will only be the 4 of us.

 

[NU2WDW]

Our first trip to WDW was in 2007 -- two straight weeks with my IL's!!! Oy!!! We get along fine for the most part but when we invited them to meet us there (I know, I know, MY mistake!!) I never dreamed they'd stay the ENTIRE time.

Anyway, if your IL's are independent and like doing their own thing, take advantage of it! Mine, unless they were with us, did nothing but sit in the villa! Honestly, I think I would plan a few meals together, a show, and maybe if they can "stand" to be around their grandchildren rolleyes1) you could do a 1/2 tour day or something. NO WAY would I even contemplate trying to fit them into your all plans -- or worse, alter your plans to suit them, esp. as you say, because your family time is limited enough!

Have a great trip! We go back next month (JUST US!! )

 

[mrsbornkuntry]

Wow....if they don't really like kids, what in the world are they doing going to WDW? If your MIL needs a vacation, I'd be sending her brochures about Branson, a cruise, or an all inclusive adult resort. What is their motivation for wanting to do to WDW with you? Will your DH be home for a leave and have to go back after your trip?...so his parents want to see him for several days? As this is their first trip to WDW, would they be okay "doing their own thing", and would you and DH be able to enjoy yourselves, or would you be stressing over wondering how they're getting along.

I'd sit down and have a heart to heart with them; tell them your concerns, and try to find out where they're coming from and what their hopes and expectations are.

This is what I don't get, I never ever thought she would want to go to wdw with us, she never wants to do "kid stuff" with us. She mentioned "helping" us with the kids, but we live 30 miles from her now and she always tells us that she can't handle them (there's 5) so she will only do things with our oldest two which is a big deal to me because it's very hurtful to the younger ones and since my oldest two are 12 and 11 and pretty mature that really doesn't help me at all.

I think she's gotten it into her head because Dh's cousin was in town recently and she works there, I know it wasn't because we like it, that would've never influenced her. I'm going to encourage DH to take her up on the "help with the kids" thing and see if she'll watch them one evening, maybe dh and I can do something special. Hmmm, we've never been to the world without kids, I don't know what we'd do.

DH was deployed, but he's been home for 7 months now and isn't going anywhere for at least a year so time with him isn't the case, she can see him whenever she wants now (when he's off work anyway).

I'm hoping to come up with a list of things they might enjoy away from us so they will be willing to do their own thing, I'm really hoping they won't want to stick with us, that just won't work for me.

 

[NU2WDW]

I'm going to encourage DH to take her up on the "help with the kids" thing and see if she'll watch them one evening, maybe dh and I can do something special.

That was the other thing that royally ticked me off, my IL's never once offered the whole 2 weeks we were there, to keep the kids for us. DH FINALLY asked them one evening if "they'd mind", so after we got the kids fed and to bed, he and I went to MK for like 2 or 3 hours. Woopee for us!

Anyway, sorry to hijack your thread, this comment just brought back that particular peeve!!!

 

[ancestry]

Maybe you could find a way to suggest to them that you each go your own way during the day and just meet up in the evening for dinner? Or maybe you can get her to take the kids for an evening so you and your DH can get a romantic dinner and evening together?

 

[disykat]

You're sending them your itinerary?

It should look like this.

am - rides with kids
fast food lunch
rides with kids
xx:00 parade - meet at xxxx
xx:00 dinner at xxxxx
rides with kids
xx:00 fireworks - meet at XXXX

In other words, pick a few times it would be convenient to meet and make it clear the rest of the time will be spent riding what the kids want to ride.

 

[mrsbornkuntry]

You're sending them your itinerary?

It should look like this.

am - rides with kids
fast food lunch
rides with kids
xx:00 parade - meet at xxxx
xx:00 dinner at xxxxx
rides with kids
xx:00 fireworks - meet at XXXX

In other words, pick a few times it would be convenient to meet and make it clear the rest of the time will be spent riding what the kids want to ride.

I like that idea. When I said I was sending them our itinerary right now it consists of which parks on which days and our ADR's because our trip isn't until June. But maybe I should be more specific.

 

[mrsbornkuntry]

Drink heavily!!!

 

[mjmoon]

Am I understanding correctly that your inlaws don't like kids? Does this include their grandkids? It seems to me the only reason to ask to tag along a trip with you all would be to spend quality time with the family or else they could easily go anywhere else.

Every trip I've had to Disney has included my inlaws.. I wouldn't want it any other way!

Perhaps your MIL is reaching out to spend more time with her grandkids?

 

[tinkerdoodle]

The absolute worst mistake of my life was agreeing to have my IL's (MIL, FIL, & BIL who still lives at home) come to WDW on my kids 1st trip there. My FIL is an egotistical know it all & my MIL is always treating my kids like they are 4 years younger than the age they are (currently my DS' are almost 11 & 7 yrs old). Because of this we have issues with my oldest in jr high school - won't really go into this issue...

Anyway, they were with us from very beginning to very end. They wanted to experience everything, even the 1st airplane flight. None of these would really be a problem but I researched this trip for over a YEAR trying to find activities & restaurants for everyone to make them happy. I spent more time trying to make sure they were welcome than I did to enjoy this trip with my kids. We had to constantly tell my MIL & BIL to stop running off w/ the kids while we waited for our dining reservations, wait for my FIL because his feet were hurting, etc... Now you see, as I mentioned before my FIL is a complete know it all. Even my DH got in a huge fight with him at Epcot because my FIL was being a complete jerk. He questioned me on everything the whole week. Finally, the last full day we had in WDW I went to the front desk of our hotel to verify our flights, info on transportation to airport, & do boarding passes. I got up before everyone else at 5:30 am to get dressed & go to front desk so I could meet them at 7 am for breakfast. I meet them, explain all the info, and then listen to my FIL argue with me how I'm completely wrong about everything. I JUST came from the front desk! Finally after listening to this all week, I got up, explained ever so nicely that "I had just about had it!" and proceeded to throw my bagel at across the table at him! I am not the aggressive type but really, enough was enough! I took off for a LOOOOONG walk around our hotel to cool off and finally ran into my DH. He told me he knew that his dad was wrong and unappreciative and he asked me very nicely to rejoin the group so we could go to the park that day. Just at that moment, my IL's join us and my FIL finally apologizes for his behavior all week. My DH quietly said for me to enjoy his apology because he's never heard one from his dad before!

I know this was wayyyy longer than I anticipated but boy, did it feel good to get that off my chest!!

Anyway, this was 3 years ago and I swore I would NEVER, EVER go on another vacation with them again! This was not our 1st with them - we had gone on multiple beach vacations w/ them (so I should've known better!) We are going to WDW again in June and will be IL free! I CANNOT WAIT!

Maybe if you tell them about the many tours they could take, or agree to only 1 or 2 days together it could minimize the togetherness. She may not even want to do that much. She said she just needs a vacation, not a big busy vacation.

 

[Darcy03231]

My parents visit WDW about every 3-5 years. Some of their top things to see/do are:

Epcot - World Showcase is a must do. They love going through all the lands.
Actually, they like most of Epcot and tend to do most everything in both Future World and World Showcase.

AK - They love to see the shows (Lion King, Nemo & Bird Show) and walk around in general. My mom loves the Dinosaur ride. They usally do the Safari and the Conservation Station too.

DHS - Dad's favorite park. About the only things they don't do here are Tower of Terror, Rockin' Rollercoaster, and Playhouse Disney. They haven't been since Toy Story Mania opened. They love the shows and the Back Lot Tour here. One of Dad's favorites it the Muppets in 3-D.

MK - Since they've been so many times they really don't tend to do much here. If they're there with the grandchildren they'll ride some of the rides, but they're more show/movie people.

They also like to do special tours. http://disneyworld.disney.go.com/tours-and-experiences/ One of Dad's favorites is Behind the Seeds. He also liked the Keys to the Kingdom and the Steam Trains tour.

 

[Tenuviel]

There is so much for them to do without kids! Maybe go check out the Disney for adults forum for some ideas. It sounds to me like you are okay with them coming as long as there are some boundaries, so maybe sit down with your DH and figure out what you guys see those boundaries to be and then incorporate those into your planning and discussions with the IL so that way the boundaries are clear before the trip.

I have never done WDW with my in laws, but I have done a big group before. I found that if we had planned meals together it helped us reconnect but also get some time to enjoy our individual family time. And if they are offering- heck yeah take them up on helping with the kids and enjoy some romantic time at WDW!!!!

Hope it all works out for you!

 

[JimR24]

I meet them, explain all the info, and then listen to my FIL argue with me how I'm completely wrong about everything. I JUST came from the front desk! Finally after listening to this all week, I got up, explained ever so nicely that "I had just about had it!" and proceeded to throw my bagel at across the table at him!

I found this sooooo funny. I know how you feel and I would have loved to do the same thing but it would have looked like the food fight from Animal House by time I was done. Don't mean to laugh about it but I can see why you did it.

 

[tinkerdoodle]

Don't feel bad about laughing, I actually laugh about it now. My DH tells anyone that'll listen this story, especially if they are travelling with their IL's! For anyone that knows me, this is hysterical that I reacted like that! Believe me, my DH & IL's were shocked!

I found this sooooo funny. I know how you feel and I would have loved to do the same thing but it would have looked like the food fight from Animal House by time I was done. Don't mean to laugh about it but I can see why you did it.

 

[Mrs D]

DH & I took our kids to WDW for their first trip last Sept. My Mom, MIL, FIL, My Bro & SIL and my DAunt & DUncle all came with/met us there.

Overall it was a successful trip (despite that my ILs did NOTHING to help with the kids, but we had plenty of other who did). Here is my advise based on what I learned.

You & DH should sit down and decide with YOU want out of this trip. Decide what YOU envision your ILs involvement to be on the trip. Sit down with IL and have DH convey the vision for trip, find out what ILs wants/needs from the trip are and how to work them into your trip.

Since they are not big on the "kids" I'd suggest they skip MK with your family. AK would be a good place to do some group touring (shows that both kids and ILs would enjoy). Plan to meet for one meal each day, that way you'll all get to see each other but don't have to be attached at the hip.

Definitely plan a date night for you & DH. And plan it in advance with your ILs so they know what you need on them on that night.

Good Luck!