Vacationing with in-laws advice

[HeatherC]

Have they booked their trip yet? If not, I would simply have your dh tell them that you've decided to take a family trip with just you, dh and your kids. Just explain that you both feel it is important to spend this time with your children to kind of reconnect since life is always so busy.

It will be hard to actually do that. I know. But in the end, you may be glad you did.

Good luck to you!!!

 

[i_love_stitch]

Oh my goodness! We are in a similar situation, except that my husband is at the end of a year long deployment. My ILs moved away from us to FL during my husbands last deployment. Golf and bingo are their priorities now. I believe they dislike Disney because we love being there with our children. I can truthfully say that my ILs can't relate to any of our four children. They are so wrapped up in their own world that the kids are really just an annoyance to them. We agreed to have them meet us at Disney a couple of years ago. We paid for the tickets. They did not show up until 11am. We went to the MK and rode three rides. We did have a nice meal, but my inlaws insisted on leaving by 3 since my FIL had a tee time the following morning.

Now they are trying to get messed up with our upcoming Disney plans for when the deployment ends once again. My husband and I do agree on this being a disaster in the making. I am trying to be honest with them without hurting their feelings. My husband had just sent an email to them telling them that we need the time to bond as a family after being apart for a year.

I would recommend trying the route we are by telling them that you guys want family time. I know that we are expecting hurt feelings, but it is better than spending all of that money and everyone being miserable. We have even suggested some alternative time to see them. I guess we will see how honesty goes for us and I will let you know.

 

[mrsbornkuntry]

I can truthfully say that my ILs can't relate to any of our four children. They are so wrapped up in their own world that the kids are really just an annoyance to them.

This is what I've been trying to explain, you hit the nail on the head, I think this is the same deal with my IL's.

I don't really want to have DH tell them not to go because everyone knows that I make most of the decisions for our family (just our dynamic) so it will certainly turn me into the evil DIL trying to keep DH from his family, although I haven't told DH yet, but I'm sure his reaction is going to be similar to mine .

Thanks everyone for your tips and stories, I think Epcot and/or AK days would be perfect for touring together, I'll be sure to mention that. I'm sure FIL would love telling the kids everything he knows about all the countries (I'll be sure to pack tylenol that day ). I do think it would be best to have a plan and expectations in place before we go. And did I read somewhere that some restaraunts in Epcot serve alcohol?

 

[mrsbornkuntry]

My parents visit WDW about every 3-5 years. Some of their top things to see/do are:

Epcot - World Showcase is a must do. They love going through all the lands.
Actually, they like most of Epcot and tend to do most everything in both Future World and World Showcase.

AK - They love to see the shows (Lion King, Nemo & Bird Show) and walk around in general. My mom loves the Dinosaur ride. They usally do the Safari and the Conservation Station too.

DHS - Dad's favorite park. About the only things they don't do here are Tower of Terror, Rockin' Rollercoaster, and Playhouse Disney. They haven't been since Toy Story Mania opened. They love the shows and the Back Lot Tour here. One of Dad's favorites it the Muppets in 3-D.

MK - Since they've been so many times they really don't tend to do much here. If they're there with the grandchildren they'll ride some of the rides, but they're more show/movie people.

They also like to do special tours. http://disneyworld.disney.go.com/tours-and-experiences/ One of Dad's favorites is Behind the Seeds. He also liked the Keys to the Kingdom and the Steam Trains tour.

Thank-you, this is very helpful and I think they would love one of those tours.

 

[ncmomof2]

My parents are coming with us in Sept (this will be the third time we go together), so my hubby has the IL along. It has worked out well for us. But they are helpful. It is nice to have someone to take the kids on rides, I mean 10 times on Peter Pan is a little much for one day! But if they don't like spending time with the kids, your hubby needs to say no. If my MIL asked to come, I would say NO WAY! It is an expensive trip and you need to do what is best for your family to make it enjoyable.

 

[ilandrazdsw]

tinkerdoodle: thank you for the laugh...DH and I were cracking up! Sounds my father and FIL.

OP: There is also golf and the spa. Would they have a car (or maybe they would rent one)...they could check out other attractions around Orlando (outlets stores) or head over to Canaveral or the beachers too. Their whole time wouldn't hae to be spent at WDW...or even staying at a WDW resort.
Good Luck!

DH and I actually asked his parents to go with up on the kkids first WDW trip over Christmas. I know, what were we thinking, but I like MIL and they would have taken the kids for us to have some alone time and we are moving this year away from them so we thought it would be something special. Even after the kids begged MIL wouldn't agree to come...she didn't want to travel with FIL either.

 

[dawn1620]

Hell to the No!!

This is Disneyworld - do not monkey with it. If your ILs do not like kids they will be miserable and in turn - guess who will be miserable.

I hate to break it but this is not the vacation to take with the "cannot tolerate kids" types.

Tell them you think it better to take a trip together where kids are not outnumbering the adults and where the whole experience is pretty much geared toward kids and kids at heart.

I seriously doubt they will enjoy themselves. Just speaking from experience with inlaws and trips.

 

[dougsmom98]

We vacation with my in-laws and my parents every year. Despite my initial hesitation, it has worked out fairly well. We all have cell phones so if we get split up or want to do something different it is okay and we can still be in touch. I always plan the trip with my own family in mind and let them know what we are going to do and then they can decide to tag along or not. I always try to give them an "out." We always start the day off together and then after doing some classic rides and headliners together, I always say something like "We are going to do X, Y, and Z, if you guys want to go off and do something on your own it's okay." By saying this, it lets them know that I have plans that I am not going to change and there is no obligation to stick together. 99% of the time, they stay with us and that is fine. I always go into the vacation with no expectations from my in-laws and parents. I never count on them to babysit or to watch the kids in the park while we go on a ride and that way I am never disappointed when it doesn't happen. If it does happen, it is a nice surprise. Our trips usually going extremely well, but around 1-2 pm, there always seems to be a meltdown in our large group. The parks are crowded by then, we are all a little over tired and hungry, and things just seem to break down at that point. Be ready for it and don't let it get you down. We usually find a place to sit down and eat something and then we all do better after that.
Good luck!

 

[jennilynn510]

So, for those that have vacationed with your in-laws, what tips do you have for me?

dont take them !!!!


One more thing, they've never been so what are some thing an older couple not into kids and rides might enjoy?

yes a trip w/out you & your kids

 

[mrsbornkuntry]

I always go into the vacation with no expectations from my in-laws and parents. I never count on them to babysit or to watch the kids in the park while we go on a ride and that way I am never disappointed when it doesn't happen. If it does happen, it is a nice surprise. Good luck!

This is good advice for me to keep in mind.

I told DH last night after work and he was about as thrilled as I was, lol. He also told me that he doesn't think it's likely that they will babysit at all for an evening so the most "help" we might get is a chance to ride a ride together.

 

[catne]

This is what I've been trying to explain, you hit the nail on the head, I think this is the same deal with my IL's.

I don't really want to have DH tell them not to go because everyone knows that I make most of the decisions for our family (just our dynamic) so it will certainly turn me into the evil DIL trying to keep DH from his family, although I haven't told DH yet, but I'm sure his reaction is going to be similar to mine .

Thanks everyone for your tips and stories, I think Epcot and/or AK days would be perfect for touring together, I'll be sure to mention that. I'm sure FIL would love telling the kids everything he knows about all the countries (I'll be sure to pack tylenol that day ). I do think it would be best to have a plan and expectations in place before we go. And did I read somewhere that some restaraunts in Epcot serve alcohol?

Oh, yeah! You don't even have to be IN a restaurant - they actually have outside drink stands...frozen slushy beverages in just about every country. Yum. Start at France with the Grand Marnier or Grey Goose slushies, stop in Morocco for the Sultan's Colada, by the time you get to Mexico for the Fiesta 3-flavor margaritas you'll LOVE your in-laws.

Seiously, the advice to go in with specific plans and an invite for them to "join us" doing those plans is your best bet...always offering them an opt-out. Don't ask, just tell...very specifically. "We'll be in the line for the bus to MK at 8:30 a.m. You can either join us then, or come later if you want to sleep in." Everybody take cell phones, and use them to meet up.

 

[TnTWalter]

My parents went with us on both trips and they were great.

The first time was better because they only came for a few of the days and we did some things together during the day and sit down dinners but not everything. The second trip they followed our itinierary to the letter....they usually left parks earlier than us ...we all had a blast but...so this year they do not want to go to Disney World. But they're meeting us at Anna Maria Island for a week. Go figure. Funny thing is they invited themselves again! We begged them to do the WDW part [dad retired military].

I don't think people should expect babysitting out of the trip unless that is discussed in advance. I think that's unfair. It's a family vacation. And while grandparents want to be with the kids, they don't want to be in charge of the kids, you know what I mean?

My MIL has hinted that she wants to go to WDW.....that would be very interesting but we'd try to make it work. We'd rent her a car so she could come and go as we're offsite this trip. I would for sure set limits and give her many options that she might enjoy on her own.

Trish

 

[NU2WDW]

I don't think people should expect babysitting out of the trip unless that is discussed in advance. I think that's unfair. It's a family vacation. And while grandparents want to be with the kids, they don't want to be in charge of the kids, you know what I mean?

Generally I absolutely agree with this. DH & I are not the type of people to assume someone else will or should deal with our kids. However, I also think it would have been a nice gesture of appreciation for being invited to join us for 2 weeks in Florida free of charge -- esp. when they only see their granddaughters once or twice a year. We paid for all groceries and meals as well. (Oh, except for the one time the two of them decided they would go out for ice cream by themselves. ) As has been said, it's a matter of expectations. My side of the family wouldn't have thought twice about offering us an evening alone, just as a courtesy. So I admit I've been guilty of "expecting" certain behavior from DH's side that they just don't seem to be capable of. I do love my ILs, but you can believe that I learned some valuable lessons from that trip.

 

[mrsbornkuntry]

I don't think people should expect babysitting out of the trip unless that is discussed in advance. I think that's unfair. It's a family vacation. And while grandparents want to be with the kids, they don't want to be in charge of the kids, you know what I mean?

Trish

You do have a point, but in my case MIL did say she could go and "help" with the kids. This is a sore spot for me. We've invited her to numerous activities with them that they don't come to or show up late and leave early. She has no idea what the kids are really interested in and doesn't care to find out. When she was single MIL did, but she remarried and now she is too wrapped up in her own life to care about anyone elses. I just think if she's going to invite herself on our vacation under the guise of helping with the kids we should have some idea of what that means.

 

[sherry_car]

We are taking my 4 yr old son on his first trip to Disney in Sept., and there was never any question that my parents would be going along. They absolutely LOVE kids, and have been on the first trip with each of their other 4 grandkids. They even arranged and paid for a family trip for all of us before I was married.

That said, I intend to tell them "This is what we are doing. I expect my DS to derail every plan I make, but we will be doing all of this. You can be with us for it, or go off on your own. Oh, and by the way, you will be babysitting the evening of my husband's birthday, so think of something you will all enjoy."

That is a slight exaggeration, I will allow them some input, but I will not let them interrupt our plans. I fully expect they will want to sleep in some days, but we will be at the parks for opening. They can give us a call on our cell phone to arrange when/where we will meet.

I don't know your inlaws, and they are obviously very different from my parents, but I would have your husband talk with them. Explain that they are welcome, but they will have to accomodate your plans or spend time on their own. Then suggest a few things they might like to do by themselves. Oh, and hit them up for some babysitting! Plan it ahead so you can get ADRs. Disney World has some great places for "date night"! It can be a great positive to have them along, as long as you are in control. Remember, it is your vacation and they are tagging along, not directing!

Good luck!

Sherry

 

[sherry_car]

OK, I've read a bit more of the thread now. Looks like you would be better off without the ILs along. But, if you can't convince them of that, could you maybe convince them to do their own thing, and only meet for meals? Or even just for dinner? Maybe a couple of other things? If you planned (or at least suggested) a lot of appropriate things for them to do, they might feel comfortable with that? Maybe you could all get together for a Fireworks Cruise one night. Or convince them to spend some romantic time together just the 2 of them. Whatever you do, don't let them dictate your time, and make sure it is your husband who tells them that so you aren't made out to be that bad guy.

 

[Arielx2]

Have you made ADR's and hotel reservations yet? I would think those retaurants would be too full to add more people. And maybe the hotel would cost too much $$$.

If they do go I would stick to my itinerary/plans and let them join you or not. The night before tell them we will see you at the bus stop for MK at X:00am. If they meet you, fine. If not, even better.

 

[Kristallc]

We always go on vacation with my MIL. The only stress is that also includes my SIL and her moster children.
I make the disney plans, They follow me looking confused, we all have fun darn it
and when the monster kids freak out I look at passing strangers and say "feel the love"

 

[NU2WDW]

when the monster kids freak out I look at passing strangers and say "feel the love"

 

[disney_family_1247]

Two years ago, my MIL spent 1.5 hours (I am not making this up) complaining that they made the outside of the Pinocchio Haus Restaurant look Swiss when the story is set in Italy and was written by an Italian and did we know that the author was really a reporter? Because I'm an idiot, I tried to point out that Fantasyland is themed like a village in the Swiss Alps, so of course the outside of the restaurant looks Swiss. I pointed out that elephants can't really fly, but Dumbo wasn't giving her fits. Nothing worked.

Good Luck.