Vacation guilt

[robsmom]

Yes I need to ask. A vacation is free if you don't pay for it. that's called free. I've done it many times. I agree with not asking for time off but I sure as heck wouldn't say to some one "instead of paying for my vacation can you just give me the cash?".

Even your own mother? I know that if I was in trouble, my parents would want to know and would want to help if they could. I can't imagine my parents even suggesting the vacation because they are very practical people and have taught me that needs come before wants. You don't take a struggling family member on vacation unless you are so fortunate that you are already able to meet that person's needs and can afford their wants.

 

[mom to minnie&mickey]

OP you have my sympathy for you situation and you are not alone in your struggle. Just look at the number of threads on this board started by people who cant afford toilet seats for there homes. Or Christmas gifts for the kids. I understand why you feel guilty about taking a luxury vacation when you are struggling to put food on the table. There is a reason for that. You know in your heart that this kind of trip makes no sense. Even if it is free. Your mothers heart is in the right place but her head isnt if she is aware of your financial situation. I would not be able to enjoy a trip of that magnitude knowing that my husband was at home working a low wage job so that the rent money would be there on the first of the month. If you feel the same way then you need to make your mother aware of this.

Exactly this! OP Glad to hear that the trip is postponed for now. Do not take this the wrong way but if my dd was in this predicament (through no fault of her own but a lousy economy) the last thing I would do is offer a vacation to her. Imagine the help the cost of this vacation would be to you. As good as it is to get away from everything, it is a temporary fix. This vacation will end and you will return to all your troubles and stress. At this moment in your life, a vacation from stress and peace of mind is the best vacation she could give you and your family, if she so wished but you cannot ask her for it. I wish you the best of luck in your schooling and job searches.

 

[fkj2]

I dunno. If the OP's mom was willing to pay for the trip, I'd have been inclined to encourage her to go. I'd give about anything for just one more trip with my mom but that'll never happen again.

The OP sounds grateful; it isn't as though she sounds as though she expects to be treated to a vacation.

The OP made some reference to the embarrassment of accepting help from her mom. That's nothing new but somehow, in our generation, we've all become so independent and all. Years ago I found a letter that my great grandmother has written to my grandmother, oh, probably around 1946 or so. She had sent my grandparents the money for a Thanksgiving turkey. Now my grandparents were far from being young newlyweds, and they were still trying to recover from the '29 Depression. My grandmother must have treasured that letter; I found it in the family Bible, and written on the envelope were these words: Mom's last letter.

These are unlike times that most of us can remember.

I heard years ago that sometimes you have to let someone else do something for you so that they get the blessing. By refusing a kindness, we deny a person(s) the chance to receive the blessing of giving. Being practical is fine but every now and then, I think we need to just enjoy family and friends and let them come alongside of us when we need a little help.

 

[mhsjax]

A cruise is NOT all-inclusive. Yes, your food is included. Your drinks, with some exceptions, are not. There is also the issue of spending money and yes, you will need some.

No, a person who has problems with paying for food and rent should not be vacationing. There are many people who forego vacations until they are in a better place. It's nothing to be ashamed of.

On the Disney cruise all drinks except alcohol are included, that includes sodas. You don't have to have spending money except tips. sorry, but you can stay on the boat, we did. Nassau isn't that great anyway. YOu don't need to buy anything, if the mom includes tips they do not need to spend any money.

 

[hsmamato2]

to the OP...it sounds like you're good,caring daughter and you all love each other...however,I have to chime in....what about your Moms REAL financial situation in all of this? for real? if she is really worried about 'not being able to do this in a few years...." why not?
I am saying this b/c my own Mom used to say the same things,using the same logic of giving us WAY more than we would ever ask for( we didn't) turns out she was mismanaging her own money,and instead of planning for an obvious future,and financial planning for a retirement,etc or whatever, she was overspending now. On us.
If you truly have NO real income,and your mom is truly worried about next years income/outgo,then maybe a reality check is in order.....
Is it a possibility that she is 'giving' so much right now to herself (got to take those 'breaks' from life) and to your family that in a few years she'll be unable to pay her own bills?

 

[sk!mom]

Perhaps instead of going on the cruise your mother could come stay with you for a few days and do some inexpensive local entertainment? I would not have an issue telling my mom we could really use the cash over the trip and if the goal is to spend time together it does not have to be at an expensive venue. I don't think I could have a good time on a cruise knowing my DH was stuck at home and worrying about feeding my child the next month and having a roof over our heads. Good luck with whatever you decide and I hope your situation improves soon.

I completely agree especially with what I bolded.

 

[disney_dreaming_mom]

to the OP...it sounds like you're good,caring daughter and you all love each other...however,I have to chime in....what about your Moms REAL financial situation in all of this? for real? if she is really worried about 'not being able to do this in a few years...." why not?
I am saying this b/c my own Mom used to say the same things,using the same logic of giving us WAY more than we would ever ask for( we didn't) turns out she was mismanaging her own money,and instead of planning for an obvious future,and financial planning for a retirement,etc or whatever, she was overspending now. On us.
If you truly have NO real income,and your mom is truly worried about next years income/outgo,then maybe a reality check is in order.....
Is it a possibility that she is 'giving' so much right now to herself (got to take those 'breaks' from life) and to your family that in a few years she'll be unable to pay her own bills?

Thank you for everyone's replies. My mothers concerns stem from her health not her financial concerns but that aside we decided to post-pone the Disney cruise for a year until things get a bit easier and have decided to do some nice things closer to home together....

 

[disney_dreaming_mom]

I don't see an interval longer than 6 months in your sig since 2008. It's not like you're suffering through a really long vacation drought.

I had to defend myself here. We lived close to Disney at the time. It was in our backyard and most of the trips in my signature except for the ones to WDW were day trips thanks to Southern California Annual passes which happened to be a birthday gift for my son from my mother. She used to fly into LAX because it was an inexpensive option for her so she could spend time with us. Disneyland happened to be a nice meeting place for our family. Defending myself about how many times our family has been to Disney wasn't really the point of this thread though. Thanks for your opinion!

 

[disney_dreaming_mom]

I completely agree especially with what I bolded.

I agree with that as well which is why we decided to wait a year until things improve and are instead doing some local things together.

 

[disney_dreaming_mom]

This is a no win fight for you..I know, I have been there, done that on the DIS...your best bet is to just walk away, and take it as a lesson..be careful what is posted on the DIS..

My opinion...GO! ENJOY! I was unemployed for over a year before I got my current job. I was given free Disney tickets for 1day park hoppers, and $50 in spending money for our anniversary last year...it was the BEST DAY we had in a LONG time. I remember posting something on the Budget board about something, as we were struggling, and I got tore apart cause my ticker said I was spending 1 day at Disney...at no cost to me(and it truely was free, I didnt even pay for gas for the 30mile ride to WDW..LOL). My point though..GO! Sometimes you need to step away from it and just enjoy the small moments in life..

Thank you very much for your post.Thank you for sharing! I'm so glad you had a good trip. Sometimes I think a small escape is just the ticket to revive the spirit!

 

[disney_dreaming_mom]

I dunno. If the OP's mom was willing to pay for the trip, I'd have been inclined to encourage her to go. I'd give about anything for just one more trip with my mom but that'll never happen again.

The OP sounds grateful; it isn't as though she sounds as though she expects to be treated to a vacation.

The OP made some reference to the embarrassment of accepting help from her mom. That's nothing new but somehow, in our generation, we've all become so independent and all. Years ago I found a letter that my great grandmother has written to my grandmother, oh, probably around 1946 or so. She had sent my grandparents the money for a Thanksgiving turkey. Now my grandparents were far from being young newlyweds, and they were still trying to recover from the '29 Depression. My grandmother must have treasured that letter; I found it in the family Bible, and written on the envelope were these words: Mom's last letter.

These are unlike times that most of us can remember.

I heard years ago that sometimes you have to let someone else do something for you so that they get the blessing. By refusing a kindness, we deny a person(s) the chance to receive the blessing of giving. Being practical is fine but every now and then, I think we need to just enjoy family and friends and let them come alongside of us when we need a little help.

This is my last response on this thread because I never meant for it to snowball like this. I felt like ending things on your nice upbeat, positive note! Thank you for sharing your own story with me. It was so moving. I think sometimes when things are really bad a trip to Disney is exactly what some people need even though they might not realize it to help lift their spirits and I think that was the driving force behind my mother's gift. She has helped us with other things besides the vacation. I am forever grateful for the unconditional love she has shown us. My husband and I have put in hundreds of applications each week and accepted job offers only to have them be scams or not pan out. It is a competitive market right now and I won't bore you all with the details but we have been working so hard to get out of this difficult spot.

Thank you for your kind words and encouragement to those who have been posting kind things.

To put things in perspective for anyone out there who may feel like judging those who who are struggling and being harsh, I volunteer at the homeless shelter where there are thousands of homeless people, many who at one time were middle class, upper class, even millionaires and had very comfortable lives. Becoming poor and even homeless can happen to anyone and I am speaking from experience as a family who owned two businesses, had a reasonably adequate emergency fund, owned our home, cars, and had no debt what-so-ever. All it takes is perhaps a lawsuit, employment scams, and/or a few unexpected medical/hospital bills and anyone could end up in financial ruin.

Thank you to those who commented both positive and negative. As I posted several times we have decided to wait and take the vacation next year pending my mothers health and will do local tourist activities together instead.

With that being said I'm sorry to ruffle any feathers with my question and am signing off now. Have a magical day

 

[mhsjax]

I don't see an interval longer than 6 months in your sig since 2008. It's not like you're suffering through a really long vacation drought.

I had to defend myself here. We lived close to Disney at the time. It was in our backyard and most of the trips in my signature except for the ones to WDW were day trips thanks to Southern California Annual passes which happened to be a birthday gift for my son. Defending myself about how many times our family has been to Disney wasn't really the point of this thread though.

Unfortunately on the Dis budget board, this is what you have to do. I personally would never ask anything about affording or paying for a vacation on here, too many love to let you have it.

 

[tink15823]

If you are struggling to pay your rent or buy food for your family, you should absolutely not go on a vacation (regardless of whether it's "free" or not)!

Sorry you feel this way but we were in a close situation. Our house is paid off we down sized and used our saving to buy a house that was paid for . My husband worked 2 part time jobs just to make ends meat. In the end we needed the vacation we took in Sept of this year . We had free dinning and any leftover money I could save went on Disney gift card. I think I would have been in the nut house with out that break . You see I have been in and out of the hospital for 1 year not knowing if the treatments and surgery could cure me. Begged our doctor to hold off on the last surgery so I could go . I think the mental break was a blessing for our whole family. SO GO FOR IT AND LET THE DISNEY MAGIC WASH AWAY SOME OF THE STRESS THE TROUBLES WILL BE THERE WHEN YOU GET HOME. BUT FOR ONE WEEK THEY WILL BE GONE!!!!!♥

 

[pearlieq]

Unfortunately on the Dis budget board, this is what you have to do. I personally would never ask anything about affording or paying for a vacation on here, too many love to let you have it.

OK--reality check here.

One of the ways the OP was trying to justify taking this ill-advised trip was commenting on how much she needs her "annual" vacation. She brought it up.

It's not hard to see from her sig that in the past 2 years she's been to WDW 3 times (which, evidently is a haul if DL is in her backyard) and has also been to DL 3 times, for long enough at least to require a hotel stay.

Again, because SHE brought it up, it didn't seem out of line to point out that 6 Disney trips in 2 years wasn't exactly a state of deprivation.

If that's "letting her have it" I don't know what we're doing here.

 

[livie1205]

WARNING, KINDA HARSH (but op put it out there and this is MY opinion)

OMG..I would NEVER go on a cruise and leave my dh at home when we cant even pay the bills! I would never just dump our problems on him and go off for a big vacation while he was struggling....and make no mistake as a man he is stressed and worried about taking care of his family and prob keeping most of it to himself.Its very sad to even think of someone doing that to their spouse.I would be home standing by him and trying to pitch in ever chance I had.Why are you more stressed and in need of a trip then he his when HE is the one working?
WDW is not a right it is something you earn or do as a extra....maybe its just me but I could never enjoy a vacation if I had those kind of issues...

 

[eliza61]

WARNING, KINDA HARSH (but op put it out there and this is MY opinion)

OMG..I would NEVER go on a cruise and leave my dh at home when we cant even pay the bills! I would never just dump our problems on him and go off for a big vacation while he was struggling....and make no mistake as a man he is stressed and worried about taking care of his family and prob keeping most of it to himself.Its very sad to even think of someone doing that to their spouse.I would be home standing by him and trying to pitch in ever chance I had.Why are you more stressed and in need of a trip then he his when HE is the one working?
WDW is not a right it is something you earn or do as a extra....maybe its just me but I could never enjoy a vacation if I had those kind of issues...

I don't mind you being harsh but I do take exception to all the assumptions you've made.

Who said she "dumped" all her problems on her hsuband. My husband is the exact opposite, he would move heaven and earth to give me and the kids a break even if it meant he could not go. Many times he keeps worries to himself because he doesn't want me to stress about some thing. I can totally see my husband encouraging me to take the kids on vacation.

Why do you assume she is not at home pitching in?
Where did she say she was more stressed?
Op, was presented with a very generous offer, just because she may be considering taking t he offer does not make her "attila the hun". She may have a loving hubby who is willing to see his wife happy if only for a day.

 

[luvsJack]

The OP has already made a decision but I just had to chime in here. The decision of something like this should be totally, 100% up to the 3 main parties.

If in this situation, I would sit down with my dh and mom and have a discussion about whether to go.

If not going is NOT going to make the situaion better and going is NOT going to make it worse--there is really no reason not to go.

If either of those two things will happen, then it would have to be discussed further.

Things are not always as black and white as "DON"T GO! Use the money for bills!" Some gifts of a trip are just that not an option to use the money however you want to. I know if my mom was offering a cruise and we chose not to go, she would put the money she was going to spend in the bank to use when we did get to go, so there would be no just giving me the money.

 

[nunzia]

To be honest, my mother has helped us go to Disney each time. We never would have been able to afford to go on our own even when we both had stable jobs.

This trip she suggested we go to the new Walt Disney Family museum before driving to Disneyland for the cruise because she thought it would be educational and inspiring for our family since Walt Disney had many struggles and turned "failure" into success.

I selfishly do look forward to our annual trips because they are the one time each year we are able to be stress free and spend time together. I had suggested to her that we wait another year and she said she might not be around then. That made me so sad to think about. At the same time I feel guilt going when we are struggling so much.

Ah..looks like you are in California in one of the most heavily impacted areas..I say GO! You will give not only yourself and your son a wonderful time (and your DH if he can go) but it is clear that going is a gift to your Mom..I think she's made it clear that this may be the last time. I would love to go to the Museum one day also..I'm sorry for all you're going through and maybe after you get your nursing degree you can move to an area that isn't under so much stress. My part of the country is still crying out for nurses, and you can certallny get a job if you don't mind retail. Best of luck

 

[mhsjax]

OK--reality check here.

One of the ways the OP was trying to justify taking this ill-advised trip was commenting on how much she needs her "annual" vacation. She brought it up.

It's not hard to see from her sig that in the past 2 years she's been to WDW 3 times (which, evidently is a haul if DL is in her backyard) and has also been to DL 3 times, for long enough at least to require a hotel stay.

Again, because SHE brought it up, it didn't seem out of line to point out that 6 Disney trips in 2 years wasn't exactly a state of deprivation.

If that's "letting her have it" I don't know what we're doing here.

Sorry, my opinion. Everyone here is very opinionated about vacations. Seems to me that people here get really upset at people for taking numerous vacations, BIG DEAL. Her mother was paying for it, and since she already did pay for it, she couldn't exactly turn around and give her daughter the cash. Sometimes a vacation is therapy, and if some else is paying for it, then why is it a big deal.

I still stand by my opinion that I never will ask opinions here on what I should do with my money, I pity the people that do really.

 

[livie1205]

I don't mind you being harsh but I do take exception to all the assumptions you've made.

Who said she "dumped" all her problems on her hsuband. My husband is the exact opposite, he would move heaven and earth to give me and the kids a break even if it meant he could not go. Many times he keeps worries to himself because he doesn't want me to stress about some thing. I can totally see my husband encouraging me to take the kids on vacation.

Why do you assume she is not at home pitching in?
Where did she say she was more stressed?
Op, was presented with a very generous offer, just because she may be considering taking t he offer does not make her "attila the hun". She may have a loving hubby who is willing to see his wife happy if only for a day.

she said herself she is not working and the husband only has a part time job trying to support a family,I am ok with a women staying home (i do) but only if you can afford it and vacations are the last thing that should be going on if they are struggling!
We take many vacations a year...but we can afford them! I dont give a hoot WHO is paying I would never do that to my spouse....if we could afford it and he just wanted to stay home fine but to leave him behind because you can not afford it and he HAS to work or not pay the bills...NO WAY...I am sure that is not cool with some disney obsessed but OH WELL.She has been to wdw a few times in the recent past so missing one time will not kill her A mans pride will have him so "sure go ahead and go" but dont think for a minute the thought that she would leave him behind to work his butt off to pay THEIR bills will not cross his mind.
I dont know how ANYONE can think that is ok....if you are having money trouble and its big enough to say it on a forum for everyone to see then a vacation is not a good idea no matter who is paying.