UPDATED: Is there anything you can do to get someone to stop contacting you

[luvwinnie]

Contact the police/ local FBI agency (should the PD blow you off), file a restraining order, get a concealed weapons permit and carry your gun on your person should the incident turn worse case scenario. By no means, am I trying to shock value this but with all the rampages going on in the media lately, your ex co-worker may start to get ideas to be a copy cat. This is a very serious matter and something tells me this guy is doing more stalking and harassing than you may suspect. I don't think it's a coincidence that he shows up, when everyone is out of the office but a few ladies. I seriously hope this works out for you and this guy goes away. Please be careful.

We were all at a conference that he knew the dates of.

 

[luvwinnie]

OP - I've read this entire thread, just read your update, and I need to be frank with you -

ARE YOU NUTS?? ARE YOU CRAZY???

Why are you just brushing this off like its no big deal???? This guy could be let in again, or force his way in and kill you!!
Why have you let this go on for so long????

This is a really freakin' serious situation and I can't believe you haven't taken the wonderful advice people have given you on here and used it!

I'm just flabbergasted!!!

vent over.

No, I'm not...I am very realistic though. Even a restraining order doesn't stop an irrational person...in fact, I'm afraid it will really make him blow.

 

[luvwinnie]

Are you still working in the City? I can see where the police there wouldn't do anything, but a policeman in your municipality might be willing to have a word with him. Are any of your neighbors friendly with any of the police in town? If so, that would be a good person to turn to for help and advice. I wonder if you have grounds for a restraining order--a cop would know about that for sure.

Have you talked to your husband about him? What does he think?

Yes, still in City. I am going to call local police. My husband wants to have a "talk" with him but so far I am reasoning with him that it would only make things worse...

 

[PaddingtonBear]

Well, if it were me, I'd call the cops and explain all this to them, see what your options are. It may be that all you want to do for now is have the police document the situation. I know I wouldn't want to escalate it by having them actually contact him and tell him to back off. While they could increase patrols around your home/work for a couple of days around your house, they won't be able to do so forever without some immediate threat.

If you are concerned enough about him, call your phone company and see if they can block him from calling you. Call you IP and see if they can block him from emailing your personal email.

It might be worth your time to consult with a phychologist who could recommend some tactics for dealing with a person like this. There's a fine line between taking a stand and pushing a loon over the edge and none of us armchair phychologists know where it is. I think in a case like this talking to a professional could be helpful.

 

[luvwinnie]

Well, if it were me, I'd call the cops and explain all this to them, see what your options are. It may be that all you want to do for now is have the police document the situation. I know I wouldn't want to escalate it by having them actually contact him and tell him to back off. While they could increase patrols around your home/work for a couple of days around your house, they won't be able to do so forever without some immediate threat.

If you are concerned enough about him, call your phone company and see if they can block him from calling you. Call you IP and see if they can block him from emailing your personal email.

It might be worth your time to consult with a phychologist who could recommend some tactics for dealing with a person like this. There's a fine line between taking a stand and pushing a loon over the edge and none of us armchair phychologists know where it is. I think in a case like this talking to a professional could be helpful.

Thank you for understanding my fears. I don't think he would come to my house...it's mostly the area around work I worry about since that is easy for him to get to and my husband isn't around. He is blocked from my work email and I set up my yahoo so that he gets a msg saying "this account is closed". That happened a few months ago and he hasn't emailed me since. I guess he believed it. Getting his phone number blcked is a great idea. Thanks.

 

[MouseketeerOvaHere]

It might be worth your time to consult with a phychologist who could recommend some tactics for dealing with a person like this. There's a fine line between taking a stand and pushing a loon over the edge and none of us armchair phychologists know where it is. I think in a case like this talking to a professional could be helpful.

This may be helpful, but keep in mind that the psycho that just attacked Fort. Hood was a psychiatrist for mental health. The suggestions that they may give should be discussed with a law official as well.

Personally, I think the OP is being to hastily with this guy and she may be in for a rude awakening one day. I've dealt with a mentally disturbed person before and they can flip in an instant. I mean, months have passed and this guy is still putting a lot of his energy into this. A disgruntle employee that lets things play out this long is a very dangerous situation.

 

[java]

Oh my I just saw this and can't believe this is still going on! Luvwinnie I am so very sorry. It's got to be scary. Does your "small" office have human resources? If so notify them of the contact he has been trying to make with you.

We had a wacko at my job that got let go. He was creepy at work and even creepier when he was let go. He would show up near people's apartments. Never did anything- just wanted to make us all uncomfortable- and we were.
Ours was a huge office though and we did have a security guard posted on our floor after the "events". As well as several in the lobby.
Stay safe. And I agree that a restraining order would just escalate the situation right now.

 

[luvwinnie]

Thanks, Java. I'm reading about others who have gone through this and I can relate to that feeling of "oh, I'm just overreacting" and then the next minute you are so scared and feeling preyed upon...you also are dealing with some who dismiss it...lots of stories out there of people who went to the police and nothing could be done. But I will call and see what they say. I am also feeling very angry.

 

[HeatherH]

I'm glad you are going to the police. That is some very scary stuff! I know that no piece of paper will protect you, but it is definitely a good idea to discuss what is going on with the professionals. Stay safe.

 

[luvwinnie]

I am shocked that the victim has to PAY for a restraining order. What is wrong with the world???

 

[surfergirl602]

No, I'm not...I am very realistic though. Even a restraining order doesn't stop an irrational person...in fact, I'm afraid it will really make him blow.

Good luck. Keeping you in my thoughts!!

 

[luvwinnie]

I wonder if I could pay a lawyer to write a letter to him AND HIS ATTORNEY telling him to stop contacting me or a restraining order will be the next step.

 

[MouseketeerOvaHere]

I am shocked that the victim has to PAY for a restraining order. What is wrong with the world???

I felt the same way to learn this when I inquired about one. I was told it's to discourage from people filing false reports just because they want to get "back at someone". I don't know about every state, but here the person the order is against is served papers either at work or at their residence.

I wonder if I could pay a lawyer to write a letter to him AND HIS ATTORNEY telling him to stop contacting me or a restraining order will be the next step.

That sounds like a good alternative. I have never used an attorney but perhaps this would let the guy know that you are willing to let things go unless he pushes it. I'm sure an attorney has a way of saying, please refrain from contacting my client or otherwise we shall have to take further action to protect our client. That way, the attorney sounds like he/she is the one directing the order and not so much like you are demanding it. He would be upset with them, perhaps not you.

 

[luvwinnie]

Printing out emails today that I have to keep a file...i have ones showing he admits to mental issues and going off his med...and the ones from last week showing how scared coworkers were that he showed up.

 

[AlleyKat]

HE CALLED MY HOUSE andleft a msg Tues. about how it's been going on too long, it makes no sense that we don't talk and it doesn't get any easier on him.

I hope you saved his message!

His wife should be filled in on what's going on!!!!!!

The personal and potential legal ramifications of this mans actions should be made known to her!

 

[luvwinnie]

I hope you saved his message!

His wife should be filled in on what's going on!!!!!!

The personal and potential legal ramifications of this mans actions should be made known to her!

I don't know how to contact her other than their phone number.