Thanks for the replies. I'm feeling much better after a night's sleep and reading some of the replies and suggestions here. I've spoken to DS and he sounds interested in having someone over (but not jumping up and down enthusiasm). I just emailed one of his friend's parents to invite the friend over for one of the afternoons where I'm picking the boys up from school earlier; that'll force us to take action on the house.
We're not in the horder category thank goodness. We're just messy -- toys, books, stacks of research papers (DH), and other stuff everywhere on the floor, couch, stairs; and the house needs a serious dusting/vacuuming. DH and I usually bring work from home as well; so after dinner and getting the kids to sleep we often continue working. I've seriously thought of hiring someone to help us clean; but I can't get over the fact that we should clean up the clutter first.
But baby steps first.
I envy those of you who live in neighborhoods with a lot of kids who just naturally play outside or hang out together. Some of DS's friends live in pockets like that. But around us are mostly retirees or older parents (with high school or college age kids); a few families with younger kids have moved in but they are much younger than our kids. I didn't think about this aspect when we picked the house; in hinesight we should have tried to figure out how many similar aged kids lived on our streets.
Here's what I would do.
I'd pick up all the clutter, put it in bags, boxes, whatever and bring it to a "staging area"...a spare room, your basement, your garage. And by clutter I don't necessarily only mean the things you mentioned, but also anything that you look at and think "Do I really need this for any reason". Move it all somewhere where you can get out out of the main living area of the house.
Then clean the house, which will be a lot easier to do once you don't have to clean around all the clutter.
Dust the whole house room by room...furniture, baseboards, window blinds, window sills. Then vacuum the floors. Clean the bathrooms and the kitchen counter....don't forget to dust in the bathrooms too...along the top of the tile, if you have a vanity etc.
Now your house is decluttered and clean.
Now go to your staging area where you put all the clutter.
Go through it bag by bag. Be ruthless.
If it's not something you need or brings you joy or has sentimental value, get rid of it.
If it's still a useful item, but you don't need/want it, put it in a box to donate it.
If it's not useful discard it.
If it's something not useful and recyclable, put it in your recycle bin.
If its something you need to keep, then make a place for it and put it there.
Or put a table on your front yard and put "Free - Tag Sale to benefit X Charity. Take whatever items you want and pay whatever amount you want, which we will give to X Charity as a donation at the end of the sale". You'd be amazed at how the word Free brings people around and most people will give some sort of donation...and if they don't, what do you care as long as it is getting the clutter out of your house???????
Toys - into a playroom, the children's bedroom, an area in your basement. Have the kids take along hard look at the toys and determine if they REALLY want to keep it. Any toys that are no longer age appropriate for your children should be donated...Big Brothers/Big Sisters, a local battered women's shelter, a local hospital, Goodwill, Salvation Army. Big Brothers and Salvation Army will come pick stuff up....at least they do in my area.
Books - same as toys. If you want to keep it, it needs to have a place....bookscase, storage bin. If you don't want to keep it, donate it to your local library.
Research Papers - if they are things DH needs to keep, they need to be stored somewhere. In a labeled Rubbermaid bin in the basement, in a storage bin under your bed. If he is a professor and is reading/grading them, then while they are in your home they need to be somewhere other than on the floors, stairs, couch....buy a decorative box or basket and tell him if he is going to sit in the livingroom to grade papers, when he is done grading them they go into the decorative basket until he removes them from the house. They don't get left on the couch, they don't get piled on the stairs or the coffee table or anywhere else.
Stairs - put a basket at the top & bottom of the stairs. Things that need to go up or down go into the basket, and ANYONE who goes up or down brings the basket with thm and puts the item away, or at least puts the item into the bedroom of the person to whom it belongs.
The key is once you get all the clutter out of the main living area of the house and got through it, what's left does not go back into the house until it has a place to "go", and the place to go does NOT include the couch, the stairs or the tabletops in the main living areas. That way the house doesn't look cluttered and because it's not cluttered it's easier to keep clean because you don't have to clean around all the stuff.
Bedrooms are goign to probably be a bit messier, but in general, who's in your bedroom anyway, other than you guys? Bedroom doors can be closed. That's a beautiful thing.
If the kids want to have a sleepover, if their bedroom is cluttered then they have to clean it up in preparation for the sleepover.
My goal is always to keep the "public" area of the house (in my case I have a livingroom, kitchen, den, diningroom and bath on the main level)presentable...not spotless....after all we do live here...but presentable.
The bedroom space upstairs may be a bit messier but, in geeneral, no one goes up there other than us, so it's OK.
My Achillles heel is my basement and garage. DH is a packrat so we fight that battle all the time!!!!!
Once you get it under control it's easier to keep it under control.
