UPDATE Poor sportsmanship & discipline

[tiggerlover]

DH and are always talking to our son (6) about good sportsmanship and how it is not all about winning, just about going out there and having a good time. Today at DS's soccer game he was a very poor sport and DH and I just don't know what to do about his actions. He got hurt after the half (twisted his ankle) and from there proceeded to have a meltdown. He said the game is so dumb because the other team had more players and he just didn't like playing because they couldn't score, etc. Then when it was time to line up and shake the other teams hands DS refused. I was so embarassed, as was DH. Besides talking to him, which we are always talking about being a good sport, how else can we get our point across to him? He normally isn't like this, and I know he was VERY tired and he got hurt, but they really aren't excuses, I just need for him to understand that his actions today at the game were unsatisfactory.

 

[amid chaos]

I think I would be tempted to pull him from the next game and make him go, sit on the sidelines and watch.

 

[worm761]

i agree with amid chaos.
if my DS (6yrs) cant play nicely then he doesnt play at all. that is a ground rule that goes for everything, including organized sports.

 

[zurgswife]

I don't know that I would make him sit and watch the next game...I think I would have the sportsmanship talk again and explain that he is part of the team and he will be part of the team during the next game, which includes shaking hands after the game win or lose. And if he can't I would restrict some other privlige...computer, friends afterschool, sleep over.... But I would make hime play in the game.....

I still think sometimes kids will behave this way because they are kids and don't know how else to express certain frustration....it is up to us as parents to keep the course clear and hopefully they will learn what we are trying to teach them....

 

[NHAnn]

sometimes kids will behave this way because they are kids and don't know how else to express certain frustration....it is up to us as parents to keep the course clear and hopefully they will learn what we are trying to teach them....

Excellent point, but I would add that I also think it is a coach's role to give sportsmanship lessons too......all too often though, with kids that are still young, the coaches get wrapped up in the winning as opposed to the learning and having fun part, too! And look at some of the adults, professionals, in the sports world that exhibit such horrible behavior too. It's sad.

I wouldn't take away unrelated "priveliges" for something like that with such a young child...I don't think he'll get the connection. You said he isn't normally like that, I would just have a low-key talk again, perhaps speak to the coach about taking a general approach to reminding the kids, and see what happens next game and over the season. If it keeps up, maybe soccer just isn't his thing.
I would chalk it up to a bad day..hurt, tired, cranky, you've made your point with him that it's not acceptable, let it go...and see what happens!

 

[d.kurz]

I have watched in DD's girl's softball league a really talented pitcher behave badly over the years. She is a really bad sport, and to make matters worse, her father often coaches. She once refused to be presented with a 2nd place trophy and she often dissolves into angry tears if she walks a lot of players. It's embarrassing to watch.

I think you are so smart to nip this here and now. I think sitting out a game is entirely appropriate. Or perhaps warn him of that consequence if he can't be a good sport at the next game. Then follow through.

Good luck to you!!

 

[shortbun]

Hi! 6 yo and hurt, tired,embarrased and disappointed =
I don't want to do the line up.
I'd have excused mine and totally
understood why he was feeling that way.
We would have had an talk about what
he was feeling and why-again
explaining how "good sports" do it and telling him that
soon he will be feeling like a " good sport". My ds, 7yo is
finally starting to get it-he's super competitive too and
has similar troubles. We celebrate his successes and allow
him to have trouble, albeit defined as not a sportsmanship
success. These concepts are learned and believed if the
child gets it on their own. For myself, I don't believe in
forcing a young child to shutdown their emotions.
I explain that
other choices would have been better and how others might
feel as a result of his choices. I don't do it all cheerful and
sweet either-I'm matter of fact but supportive and sure that
in time, ds will be able to show good sportsmanship. Not all
kids care as much as my ds and not all kids are so emotional.
If he were 10, I'd be embarrassed over
that type of behavior and find some
good consequences. At 6 ot 7, even 8-I'd chalk it up
to immature emotional makeup and put it on the
"in the future" plan.
Relax, he'll get it. In all seriousness,
punishment for emotional insecurity
would just make my ds feel unsafe to share his
disappointments with me later- keep that door open!

 

[gepetto]

Originally posted by amid chaos
I think I would be tempted to pull him from the next game and make him go, sit on the sidelines and watch.

That is a good idea.

No one WANTS to do that handshake at the end of a game they lost but I think every kid should be required to do it. If you are going to have a child in sports, they need to learn to lose gracefully too.

 

[Disney Doll]

I vote for sitting out the next game. That will make a bigger impression on a younger child than talking, advising etc.

 

[tiggerlover]

Thank you all for taking the time to respond, your replies were most helpful. We spoke with DS about this again and told him what we felt was appropriate and what was expected of him if he wanted to continue playing. We told him he can play this Saturday, but if there is a repeat of his behavior he will be sitting on the sidelines. I also like the idea of the coach reinforcing good sportsman ship, this will (hopefully) back up the message we are trying to send. I hope to mention this to the coach this week at practice.

Thanks again!

 

[mamajoan]

Hi, We coached soccer for several seasons when the kids were younger. I think is important for coaches to speak to the kids this age prior to each game regarding good sportsmanship behavior. It is just as important to be a gracious winner as a good loser. I suggest having your son speak with the coach. Give him one more chance to act responsibly... after that then decrease his playing time if he does not make an effort. I am sure you have made it clear to him what his responsibilities as a team member include. My dh use to walk with the kids having trouble with the handshake routine, to encourage correct behavior. Again, I think this is an important skill for all kids involved in sports to refine.
Best wishes for a great soccer season.

 

[tar heel]

Try to look at the big picture (not just the soccer game), too. You posted earlier about his having difficulty adjusting to your move. This is probably part of that. I also would be concerned that he may be in a program where competition is being stressed too much. His reaction to losing especially indicates that may be the case. At 6, my kids were as interested in the after-game snack as they were who won, so I would be concerned if the score (rather than playing and having fun) is the most important thing.

 

[shortbun]

I agree with Tar Heel! This is the boy with
few friends who couldn't speak Italian and the
girls wouldn't include him in their sleepovers-right?
Whew-lots of stuff going on here. He's really
craving some successes, that's clear. Why don't
you try to find him something he can do easily so
he can "win" and feel like he won. Being injured
and losing the game at 6 might just be too much
to expect him to tolerate. Glad you held off on the
loss of play and made it clear what the penalty
would be if future lack of fair play was involved.
Besides, the whole team loses that way and
just maybe there is another natural consequence
that could be invoked. Kids that are naturally
competitive are hard to deal with when they are
young- I have personal experience. We worked
very hard to have a non-competitive lifestyle and
have non compete games in our house. Just like
weapons-DS created competition where it did not
exist and HATES to lose. It's tough, good luck.

 

[tiggerlover]

I am thankful for everyones replies and happy to report that DS has had two weeks of good sportmanship and a great attitude towards the game and his team mates. I think we may have finally gotten through to him and it really shows, he is playing better, handling loss wonderfully, shaking hands at the end of the games and even giving kudos to his fellow team members for their good plays. Today his team lost 0-4 and he was just excited because him and some team mates made so good plays regardless of the fact that they didn't win and he was telling everyone we had a good time and maybe next time we will win.

 

[tedsmom]

It's always something with kids, right? Another little phase nipped in the bud!

 

[Zurg]

It is amazing how these little test our kids put us through work out isn't it?