UPDATE in orig. Older dog - How to help kids, She's gone

[RF536]

The title pretty much says it all, we have a 12yr. German Shepherd mix that is rapidly getting older. We had to take her in Christmas morning, because she could not stand. Our vet says, she has arthritis in her spine and in both hips and knees. He gave her a shot in the office, and send up home with the medication to help with the pain and stiffness. We have known about the arthritis in her hips and knees for awhile, the spine was news to us.

We are trying the medicine and have seen some improvement, but her movement is very limited, she basically only gets up to go outside the go to the bathroom, or when she thinks she might get a snack. Otherwise she lays in our bedroom, next to her food and water dishes.

So my question is, how do we help our 2 DS ages 7 & 9 through was will be a very rough time for them? They know she is old, but they don't realize that she will not be around forever. This is the only dog they have ever known, we had her when both of the boys were born. They really have not had to deal with death, the only person they know who died was DH's grandfather and he died several years ago.

Also chances are we will have to have her euthanized, the vet said as the arthirtis in her spine gets worse she will lose her bowel and bladder control. So how do we broach that subject with them.

UPDATE: We had to have her euthanized today, the meds. helped with the pain, but her hip was still giving out on her. She was also having accidents in the house which was upsetting to her, and she would try to stay outside. The deciding factor was that she snapped at DS8 today, which is was totally out of character for her. We didn't boys to to start being afraid of her or for her to hurt one of them.

 

[Freyja]

Have you seen the movie Marley and Me? Maybe you could watch it together as a family and have a discussion about your own dog along the way.

I´m sorry you have to go through this. This is one of the things I dread most having to go through with my own children, although our dog is only 4.

 

[sharlon]

We just went through this last February with our kids (11, 10, and 3 at the time). We made sure that they knew that Goldie was getting old and was sick. They knew that she was having difficulty walking and going outside. The night before we took her to be euthanized, the girls (older two) slept on the floor in the den, so that Goldie could lay down with them if she wanted. The cuddled with her in the morning and so did our 3 year old son. DH and I took Goldie to the vet and left the kids at home. They were very upset. We weren't really prepared for the 3 year olds reaction. He was ANGRY. When we got back, he yelled at us to go get his dog. The older two were calm and had basically accepted it.
Hugs to your entire family. It's so hard to lose a family member. Just do what your heart is telling you to do and say to your kids what they will understand.

 

[tevagirl]

I have no advice but my heart goes out to you.

 

[msmayor]

Get the book "Dog Heaven" by Cynthia Rylant. A very good book for kids of ALL ages (adults too!) who love their dogs and must say goodbye to them.

 

[Breezy_Carol]

Another book that the vet gave us years ago when we had to have a dog put down was "The Tenth Good Thing About Barney." And I told them the dog died at the vets. I didn't want them to think I made the decision but they were only 3 and 5 and the dog got sick suddenly.

to you all.

 

[sunnyday123]

We lost our lab a year and a 1/2 ago. DD grew up with her and thought of her as a sister-and wrote about her in her family tree project in 1st grade. Her teacher remarked that she thought it was wonderful for two sisters to be so close. I thought having to have her put to sleep was the hardest thing I had to do until I had to tell DD that she was gone.

I made sure she gave her extra hugs and kisses in the morning, and had taken lots of pictures of them together. The best way to do it is to let them know how much pain she was in, and it was the best thing for her. I told DD that the Dr. did everything she could, but her body just couldn't keep up anymore. Don't throw out anything of hers. Let them decide what they want to do with it. DD has our labs collar, toys and leash in a box in her room.

There really isn't an easy way to do it, and you don't want to tell them specifics, but you don't want to lie to them either. Just give them as much of the truth as their age can handle. As a side note, please don't tell them anything other than the truth. My parents told me my cat "went to live with the vet" when I was 8, and I swear I have never forgiven them.

Hugs to you. This is never easy.

 

[sunnyday123]

oh, I forgot. Don't bring up another puppy. My Dad kept telling DD he was getting her a puppy for Christmas and she refused to open his presents and got really angry if anyone brought up the idea of getting another dog.

We have a Newf puppy now , so it does get easier with time.

 

[susykt4]

Wow. We just lost our 13-yr-old German shepherd the day after Christmas and my kids are 7 and 9. He went down and couldn't get up and stopped eating and drinking. All on Christmas day. Anyway, he had been deteriorating for a while, but this was really sudden and I hadn't thought about what to tell the kids about his death. I decided to just be honest and give them the facts about euthanasia and death. DS7 couldn't really wrap his brain around it, but DD9 understood. We spent most of Christmas day loving on Brady and saying goodbye. There were tears and lots of laughter remembering all the goofy things he did. The kids are sad and maybe a little confused, but not devastated. Honestly, I don't think they are nearly as upset as I am. I think just be really honest about what is going on. Probably they'll be sad, but they'll be ok.

 

[kacaju]

We lost our lab a year and a 1/2 ago. DD grew up with her and thought of her as a sister-and wrote about her in her family tree project in 1st grade. Her teacher remarked that she thought it was wonderful for two sisters to be so close. I thought having to have her put to sleep was the hardest thing I had to do until I had to tell DD that she was gone.

I made sure she gave her extra hugs and kisses in the morning, and had taken lots of pictures of them together. The best way to do it is to let them know how much pain she was in, and it was the best thing for her. I told DD that the Dr. did everything she could, but her body just couldn't keep up anymore. Don't throw out anything of hers. Let them decide what they want to do with it. DD has our labs collar, toys and leash in a box in her room.

There really isn't an easy way to do it, and you don't want to tell them specifics, but you don't want to lie to them either. Just give them as much of the truth as their age can handle. As a side note, please don't tell them anything other than the truth. My parents told me my cat "went to live with the vet" when I was 8, and I swear I have never forgiven them.

Hugs to you. This is never easy.

I agree.

 

[RF536]

Thank-you for the suggestions, I will look into the books that were suggested.

Susykt4 - I am so sorry to hear about your loss, I am happy to hear your kids are taking it so well. They will remember their last day with your dog for a long time.

We initially thought we were going to lose ours on Christmas since she couldn't get up and was going to the bathroom in the house. Luckily after a little while she perked.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Wow. We just lost our 13-yr-old German shepherd the day after Christmas and my kids are 7 and 9. He went down and couldn't get up and stopped eating and drinking. All on Christmas day. Anyway, he had been deteriorating for a while, but this was really sudden and I hadn't thought about what to tell the kids about his death. I decided to just be honest and give them the facts about euthanasia and death. DS7 couldn't really wrap his brain around it, but DD9 understood. We spent most of Christmas day loving on Brady and saying goodbye. There were tears and lots of laughter remembering all the goofy things he did. The kids are sad and maybe a little confused, but not devastated. Honestly, I don't think they are nearly as upset as I am. I think just be really honest about what is going on. Probably they'll be sad, but they'll be ok.

I was just going to say that. Don't forget that you are grieving too.

 

[Wall-E1]

I'm so sorry about your dog. It is just about the hardest thing to go through as a parent. There really is no easy solution. I feel for you. I have had to do this. Just keep your kids close to you after. They will need extra hugs. They may want to sleep with you. I'm sure you're already a great parent, but understand that even though you are going through grief at losing the dog, it is intensified in children. You will need to talk about it with them. Again, I'm so sorry. I don't know what's worse - losing the pet or seeing children in such pain.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

I was in a very similar situation w/ two aging GSDs and two young children. One of the dogs developed a brain tumor and had to be PTS unexpectedly; the other had what your dog has and gradually lost his abilities to walk and toilet himself. Very sad. The dogs were here when the kids came home, too. It was a difficult time for my kids as I was going through cancer treatment at the time myself as well.

We took the approach of being open and honest with them about everything, in a way they could understand. They rose to the occasion. They willingly helped become caretakers for the invalid dog (and me, in small ways, like covering me up with a blanket if I was resting; or bringing me food, etc). I believe their experiences helped them become more compassionate people as they learned it was not always about them, but about others as well. Not a bad life lesson to learn.

Their kindergarten teacher lent us the book above, but I'll say it probably helped me more than it helped them. By the time we put the second dog to sleep, we were all pretty much reconciled and ready (as much as you can be) and knew we'd done all we could to help him live out his days w/ love and compassion. We did get a puppy several months after the first dog died while the other dog was still with us (which was necessary for me to heal, but that's a whole other story) and she helped us tremendously in our grief. The kids helped train her which was great as well.

We have a way of naming our dogs which carries on and honors the spirits of our previous dogs. Although we don't carry a lot of guilt, it does help us feel we're all connected and that life goes on even when one dog passes.

HTH. Good luck.

 

[cocodog]

So sorry you are facing this-- I can empathize. We lost our 16 yo dachshund last summer, as several years of declining health.
We had thought we would have to have her put down, but in the end, she was able to die peacefully at home, surrounded by her family.
Although my children are older than yours (just turned 10 and 12), I must say that they took her death much better than both dh and I.
We had adopted another dog (adult) a year or so before her death, and I think that eased the sting just a tad.
Will keep your family in my thoughts.