Update in 1st post-Cancellation question/ long vent/ seeking suggestions

[goofy4tink]

Babies notoriously arrive on dates other than due dates..those dates are, at best, guesstimates. As your sister has said that she doesn't need you right in the room with her, but afterwards, I would think that if you got there even 5 days after the baby was born, it would be fine. You have the rest of your life to be there with them.
Your dh and kids should be first and foremost for you. You have made plans, important plans. The rest of your family is counting on you to go with them. To ask everyone to change their plans in order for you to be with your sister after her baby is born is a bit much. I understand wanting to be there, for her. But in all reality? Being with your dh and ds are more important. Surely your sister has her dh to support her for the few days you might not be there.

 

[sharadoc]

I agree that you should not postpone your trip. You could explain to your sister that she will know the joy of motherhood and know the mother's love that you already have with your DS. Therefore, your DS (and DH) cannot be asked to put aside their vacation for that baby.

I'm sure it's tough to think about that conversation but if you're close then hopefully it will be positive and won't interfere with your relationship. If it does, then it would be very selfish of her to think her needs comes before your family.

Good luck!

 

[Iforgetmypassword]

I'm a terrible sister.

I'd tell her that I would do my best, but make no promises.

 

[sydneysmom]

I love my sister very much, but personally, I would keep our vacation that we've planned for 3 years. Both she and the baby will be there when you get back from vacation and it will probably be even a better visit because both will be home from the hospital and settled in.

If she's late by a week or 2 weeks, and it's possible, then what? You've cancelled your family's trip, your in-laws, etc.... Plus, even if she's ontime, there's going to be all kinds of people in and out of the hospital. You'll have better time alone with her and the baby to help, and such, when they're all settled at home.

Go on your family vacation.... while "she doesn't ask for much", it is kind of alot to ask someone to cancel their vacation that you've been planning for 3 years. Just my opinion. Good luck.

 

[ItsNotMuchofaTail]

Well, my opinion is extremely unpopular it seems. I would probably stay home myself and send DH and DS on the trip. I wouldn't want to disappoint the ILs and DH and DS, but I wouldn't miss the birth of a baby so long-awaited.

I didn't want anyone in the delivery room, honestly, I would have been good with me and a doctor, LOL, but I would have been really sad if my family wasn't there afterwards.

I feel like WDW will always be there later, a first birth for my sister will never happen again.

And the thought of any time traveling with my exILs in an RV is enough to give me hives. So, people's reponses are definitely colored by their own experiences.

No matter what, its a shame of a predicament to be in. I don't envy you.

 

[darkwing818]

Well, I'm not answering your questions, just giving my opinions. So, you've saved & planned for this vacation with your DH & ILs for 3 years. You're "very close" to your sister & she doesn't ask for much? Are you not "very close" to your DH? Does he ask for too much? Do your sister's wants take precedence over your husband's?? Coz really, she just wants you there to share her happiness (which I understand), but she certainly doesn't need you there in the first few days.

No wonder your DH gets sad & bickers. His preferences are taking a backseat to your sister's. I think you should "specifically" tell your sister that you have planned your trip for 3 years & there's no way you can disappoint your DH & son by postponing it for a year. Really, they should be your priority.

A previous poster said WDW will be there. But guess what, so will the baby. It's not going anywhere (for at least 18 years! ) Share your sister's joy now, throw her a great baby shower, shop with her for baby items & plan to spend time with them before & after your vacation. Your sister's family shouldn't take priority over your's. JMHO.

Agree 100%, I also like a PP comment about utilizing Skype if the baby was born while you were away. Just my to 2 cents worth, Good luck what ever you decide, clearly not an easy decision for the OP.

 

[donnot]

I agree with this sentiment. Your sister should understand. Plus, your help will be much more valuable to your sister after they get home. I wouldn't disappoint my husband and child (or in-laws) on the "chance" that my sister might deliver about that time. Let your family get excited for the trip and enjoy the heck out of it. My father-in-law is no longer with us, but I sure wish we could take a trip with him. That vacation will mean a lot to your son, husband, and parents in law. Taking a vacation with your family doesn't make you a bad sister.

Agreed! Your sister will need you way more 2 weeks after the baby comes than on the day it arrives! Make your hubby & son (& yourself) happy, then come home and make your sister happy!

 

[mom2rtk]

Agreed! Your sister will need you way more 2 weeks after the baby comes than on the day it arrives! Make your hubby & son (& yourself) happy, then come home and make your sister happy!

I'm sure she doesn't realize it now. But she will.

 

[StitchesGr8Fan]

Does your sister know the trip falls around her due date? If she does and still wants you to be at the hospital, I don't think that's fair.

You are a good sister for trying to keep everyone happy. However, I don't think I would postpone a trip that my DH and I saved for for 3 years, disappointing DH, DS, and IL's for a baby that MAY come while you are away. It's not fair to them when you could wait to see the new baby a few days after it is born.

Discuss with your in laws and ask them when you need to make a decision by. Don't change any plans until you have to.

My best friend feels awful that she scheduled her vacation a few days after my due date. I told her no worries. I don't expect anyone except my husband to arrange his schedule around the due date.

 

[disnut8]

I think you are being a good sister.

But... if there is one thing that being a mom myself has taught me is that your family with your partner/kids has to come before your family of origin. That and babies are unpredictable. As a preemie mom, I can say they like to surprise you.

All in all I think I would have a heart to heart with your sister. I would tell her your situation and I would frame it that you would love to skype from there if the baby arrives during that time (and there is a good chance this would all be moot and baby could be late or a little before then) but that you would be there at any point before or after the trip. And I love the idea of helping out once baby arrives and they are home. I would've loved an offer like that!

I agree. My grandson was predicted to come over Labor Day weekend six years ago. So, my husband and I canceled our Disney World trip, drove 12 hours one way from Georgia to Ohio for the blessed event.

We sat around and watched each other for the weekend and then drove back to Georgia with no grandson being born. He made his debut the NEXT weekend and we weren't there. Guess what? We still love him and he still loves us and we are still part of his family and always will be.

I guess I still don't understand the whole "have to be at the hospital when the baby is born" thing. When I had my son, I wanted everyone out and some peace and quiet. I did not like having my entire family there the weekend my son was brought home. That's the time for only the small family, not everyone under the sun. That can come later. Plenty of time.

 

[Happyjen27]

I suppose you need to ask what would be worse:

Missing the birth of your sister's first long awaited baby by a week?

Or cancelling a trip to wait around and have no baby born during the time you should have been in WDW?

My DH and I are very much in love, but OOOOOH BOY if I cancelled a trip for a reason as unreliable as my sister's baby's birth, and it didn't happen during that timeframe, that would be a rough week around my house.

I'm amazingly close to my 3 sisters, and none of us would be upset at the other being out of town for an already scheduled vacation at the time of the birth of our first child(ren).

 

[Carriesouthard]

I suppose you need to ask what would be worse:

Missing the birth of your sister's first long awaited baby by a week?

Or cancelling a trip to wait around and have no baby born during the time you should have been in WDW?

My DH and I are very much in love, but OOOOOH BOY if I cancelled a trip for a reason as unreliable as my sister's baby's birth, and it didn't happen during that timeframe, that would be a rough week around my house.

I'm amazingly close to my 3 sisters, and none of us would be upset at the other being out of town for an already scheduled vacation at the time of the birth of our first child(ren).

Yes...exactly! The you know what would hit the fan if i cancelled a trip and we sat around waiting for a baby to come all week, lol!!! It's not like you are planning this trip knowing she is due while you are away. You said its been 3 years coming. My sister would never ask me to cancel a vacation and I would never ask that of her. I have 3 girls and I've learned they come when they want! Don't cancel your vacation, chances are with a first baby it will be born after her due date anyway!

 

[fbb]

OP, that's an enormous amount of circumstantial identification for someone who wants to remain undetected.

Go on the trip and keep your son and husband happy.

 

[Princess86]

OP here- thank you sooooo much for all of your replies! I'm sorry that I posted and ran, but I'm SWAMPED at work today! I will be home later on today to answer all the questions and clarify some things. Thanks again for your input!!

 

[Mama Who]

I agree that you should let your sister know that your long scheduled vacation is that week and that cancelling is causing marital *******. I would hope she'd understand.

If you were her birth coach, if she was single or her husband was deployed or she *needed* you in some way, it would be one thing. If you are simply going to be one more beloved face in her adoring entourage... surely that can wait a couple days if the baby comes as scheduled.

From your husband's perspective, you're telling him that plans that are very important to him and include *his* family are less important than your family. I can see how that would make him unhappy. Sometimes we need to put our spouse first when it's really important to them.

 

[Princess86]

OP here - I should have added that I really want to be there. We are best friends and I know that if she had the baby while I was away and I saw pics on Facebook of other people holding her baby, it would kill me! But thanks to you all, I see that I'm neglecting my husband's and son's feelings.

 

[Princess86]

I'm so happy for your sister! I've been there and it's great that she is PG.
Is there a chance that she's carrying more than one baby? If so, babies will likely come a little early.
If not, I'd move the trip or be prepared to leave Disney at a moment's notice.

Thank you!! She is only having one.

 

[Princess86]

If you absolutely must not go to WDW because your sister and her husband may have their baby on it's due date and she wants you to visit her in the hospital right after it's birth, then opt out but let your DH and son go w/out you but w/ DH's family.

My DH will not go without me.

Did your sister do this for you when you had your children?

She was there immediately after both of my children were born. I know I would be mad if she wasn't there.

Or talk w/ your ILs maybe they can move the trip up or back a month - hopefully something will work out and you can go to WDW and support your sister.

All of us an only go this one week because of school days.

 

[Princess86]

A few questions:

Does your sister know about your trip?

Yes she knew. Honestly, when she told me the due date I texted her back and said, "Don't worry, I'll find someone else to watch my dog". It didn't compute that we would be away on her due date. She said, "no, I want you here when I have the baby".

Are you going for a week? If you're going for a week or so, you might very well be back before she has the baby.

With driving, 9 days.

 

[smitch425]

OP here - I should have added that I really want to be there. We are best friends and I know that if she had the baby while I was away and I saw pics on Facebook of other people holding her baby, it would kill me! But thanks to you all, I see that I'm neglecting my husband's and son's feelings.

I think it is very sweet that you want to be there, but still hold firm to my first response of not canceling the trip. My SIL is having my newest niece on Monday. We are toying with the idea of traveling to see them next weekend, but haven't decided yet. You will get much better quality time with both your sister and the baby once she is home. That's even if she goes full term. If you keep the trip, make sure you bring back a special plush for the new little one. I got my niece (my brother's first daughter) a giant stuffed Pluto. The new baby got a stuffed Donald with a bell inside for Christmas. I can't wait to meet my newest niece, but my own family I that have made with my husband takes priority above all else.