Update in 1st post-Cancellation question/ long vent/ seeking suggestions

[Princess86]

Well, I'm not answering your questions, just giving my opinions. So, you've saved & planned for this vacation with your DH & ILs for 3 years. You're "very close" to your sister & she doesn't ask for much? Are you not "very close" to your DH? Does he ask for too much? Do your sister's wants take precedence over your husband's?? Coz really, she just wants you there to share her happiness (which I understand), but she certainly doesn't need you there in the first few days.

No wonder your DH gets sad & bickers. His preferences are taking a backseat to your sister's. I think you should "specifically" tell your sister that you have planned your trip for 3 years & there's no way you can disappoint your DH & son by postponing it for a year. Really, they should be your priority.

A previous poster said WDW will be there. But guess what, so will the baby. It's not going anywhere (for at least 18 years! ) Share your sister's joy now, throw her a great baby shower, shop with her for baby items & plan to spend time with them before & after your vacation. Your sister's family shouldn't take priority over your's. JMHO.

Thank you! I never thought about that, you're 100% right!

 

[Princess86]

I agree with this sentiment. Your sister should understand. Plus, your help will be much more valuable to your sister after they get home. I wouldn't disappoint my husband and child (or in-laws) on the "chance" that my sister might deliver about that time. Let your family get excited for the trip and enjoy the heck out of it. My father-in-law is no longer with us, but I sure wish we could take a trip with him. That vacation will mean a lot to your son, husband, and parents in law. Taking a vacation with your family doesn't make you a bad sister.

Thank you, that put a smile on my face!

 

[Carriesouthard]

She was there immediately after both of my children were born. I know I would be mad if she wasn't there.

Would you be mad if she was away on a vacation it took 3 years to save for? I get being upset if she is right down the road and didn't bother to come see the baby but if she were in Disney with her own family how would you feel?

 

[Princess86]

I agree with this 100%. Most people do not deliver on their due date. No way would I cancel a vacation to sit in a hospital waiting room. She doesn't want you in the room for delivery. IMHO, if you aren't special enough to be in the room when the baby is born, then she isn't special enough to drop the rest of your family for her. Don't get me wrong, not saying she doesn't love you because she doesn't want to have you in the room, but with love should come understanding. She should understand that you would be extremely put out to bail on your family on the off chance she goes into labor. Neither of my sisters would ever expect me to dump my family plans for them, just as I wouldn't expect them to dump theirs for me. I say keep the trip on. Odds are good that she will deliver before you leave.

I'm sure the reason she doesn't want me in the room is because I didn't have her in the room when my son was born. Lol. Then when my daughter was born she was watching my son. . Thank you for your reply!

 

[Princess86]

How would you like it if he cancelled something you had been waiting and saving 3 years for because his sister or brother was having a baby?

We actually had this conversation and we both agreed that we would need to be here if his sister had a baby because his Mom would be very upset.

 

[Princess86]

It's true about the cancellation policy, but not making a decision puts her in-laws and nuclear family in a bit of a bind leaves them hanging. It wasn't clear to me whether the in-laws would drive their RV down if their grandson wasn't coming along. Is the vacation postponed/cancelled for everyone?

Yes, my IL's would still go with their children.

 

[Gracefulskinny]

Something someone once told me that I have to always remember is, "Your time is an investment, make sure you invest it wisely."

As I'm sure you know life and parenthood put strains on marriage and unless you take the time to invest in the Core family unit (You and your Husband first kids second) your marriage will be doomed to fall apart.

With the in-laws with you this trip is a chance to secure the foundation of your marriage with your husband. And while yes, sister's and their much anticipated babies are both exciting and important, the blow to the foundation to your marriage (Even if it seems insignificant at the time) is not worth it.

If you truly need to feel like you are one of the first to see the new baby arrange to skype.

This may sound a bit harsh but the fact remains, best friend or not, your sister is not you life partner. Don't damage the core family unit over something that in the long run won't make the biggest difference.


Also, I believe that pp has already stated this but having been in a similar fertility situation as your sister keep in mind that things can happen. Its horrible and heartbreaking when it does but if you are insistent on being there for the birth I would wait until she is FIRMLY into her second trimester before even considering altering plans. I'm pretty sure if you made the decision to cancel the vacation and then the horrible happens that she would feel that much worse over the whole thing.

 

[Princess86]

I feel like WDW will always be there later, a first birth for my sister will never happen again.

That's what I'm thinking.

And the thought of any time traveling with my exILs in an RV is enough to give me hives. So, people's reponses are definitely colored by their own experiences.

No matter what, its a shame of a predicament to be in. I don't envy you.

We did this years ago and actually had a great time.

 

[Princess86]

OP, that's an enormous amount of circumstantial identification for someone who wants to remain undetected.

Go on the trip and keep your son and husband happy.

I just didn't want my sister's friends to see my picture and make the connection. They also don't know that we're going to wdw.

 

[Princess86]

I think it is very sweet that you want to be there, but still hold firm to my first response of not canceling the trip. My SIL is having my newest niece on Monday. We are toying with the idea of traveling to see them next weekend, but haven't decided yet. You will get much better quality time with both your sister and the baby once she is home. That's even if she goes full term. If you keep the trip, make sure you bring back a special plush for the new little one. I got my niece (my brother's first daughter) a giant stuffed Pluto. The new baby got a stuffed Donald with a bell inside for Christmas. I can't wait to meet my newest niece, but my own family I that have made with my husband takes priority above all else.

Thank you and congrats!

 

[Princess86]

She was there immediately after both of my children were born. I know I would be mad if she wasn't there.

Would you be mad if she was away on a vacation it took 3 years to save for? I get being upset if she is right down the road and didn't bother to come see the baby but if she were in Disney with her own family how would you feel?

That's true, I never thought of it like that. I remember being upset because my Mom was coming back from Europe a few days before my scheduled induction. But she goes all the time.

 

[worm761]

You have child so think. Did you deliver on your due date? How far out were you? With my first, I was 3 almost 4 weeks early. With my last one I was 2 weeks past due. Babies RARELY arrive when we tell them to.

As for canceling your long awaited long saved for vacation, no. How are you going to feel when she has that baby 2 weeks before your trip? And you canceled for nothing. If it took you three years to save for it then my guess is that at some time in the next year, something else will come up and it will get pushed again. This is time with YOUR family making memories for YOUR son. What is more important to you? Your sister having a baby or your son making lifetime memories?

 

[Carriesouthard]

So you said you would be mad at her if she didn't come see you in the hospital right away...what if she were away on a family vacation? I can see being upset if she was right down the road and didn't come but not if she were away with her hubby.

You need to do what is right for you DH and ds...inlaws aside.

 

[Princess86]

Also, I believe that pp has already stated this but having been in a similar fertility situation as your sister keep in mind that things can happen. Its horrible and heartbreaking when it does but if you are insistent on being there for the birth I would wait until she is FIRMLY into her second trimester before even considering altering plans. I'm pretty sure if you made the decision to cancel the vacation and then the horrible happens that she would feel that much worse over the whole thing.

I'm leaning towards sticking with our vacation. If I do, I'm definitely going to wait until she's farther along.

 

[kevschickee]

Now I need to know what you will decide so keep us posted.

 

[Princess86]

Now I need to know what you will decide so keep us posted.

I'm going to go ahead with the vacation plans. In a month or two, I will talk to my sister about it. I have to be honest - if she is going to be really, truly upset, then I might cancel. She's is the most calm levelheaded person I know and she never gets mad. But if she does, 'losing' my sister and having no contact with my future niece or nephew is not worth a vacation. Like I said, she's levelheaded so I highly doubt it would EVER come to that, but that would be worse case scenario for me.
I will annoy everyone by bumping this thread when our plans are set in stone.

 

[DopeysMommy]

Well, my opinion is extremely unpopular it seems. I would probably stay home myself and send DH and DS on the trip. I wouldn't want to disappoint the ILs and DH and DS, but I wouldn't miss the birth of a baby so long-awaited.

I didn't want anyone in the delivery room, honestly, I would have been good with me and a doctor, LOL, but I would have been really sad if my family wasn't there afterwards.

I feel like WDW will always be there later, a first birth for my sister will never happen again.

And the thought of any time traveling with my exILs in an RV is enough to give me hives. So, people's reponses are definitely colored by their own experiences.

No matter what, its a shame of a predicament to be in. I don't envy you.

Would it be better if it weren't her sister's first birth?

Go on the trip, make some casseroles before you go, and be a helper when you get back.
Babies don't go bad if you don't see them right away. Have fun with your husband and son.

 

[DopeysMommy]

I'm going to go ahead with the vacation plans. In a month or two, I will talk to my sister about it. I have to be honest - if she is going to be really, truly upset, then I might cancel. She's is the most calm levelheaded person I know and she never gets mad. But if she does, 'losing' my sister and having no contact with my future niece or nephew is not worth a vacation. Like I said, she's levelheaded so I highly doubt it would EVER come to that, but that would be worse case scenario for me.
I will annoy everyone by bumping this thread when our plans are set in stone.

If your sister absolutely required your presence, she would have held off on the IVF to not coincide with your plans. She and her husband will be just fine, like everyone else.

 

[sharadoc]

I'm going to go ahead with the vacation plans. In a month or two, I will talk to my sister about it. I have to be honest - if she is going to be really, truly upset, then I might cancel. She's is the most calm levelheaded person I know and she never gets mad. But if she does, 'losing' my sister and having no contact with my future niece or nephew is not worth a vacation. Like I said, she's levelheaded so I highly doubt it would EVER come to that, but that would be worse case scenario for me.
I will annoy everyone by bumping this thread when our plans are set in stone.

I have no right to judge your relationship with your sister, but if I had a sibling that would threaten cutting me off because I chose to go on a vacation that I had saved for 3 years to spend with MY family then I would have to say "good riddance." Your husband and son should always be your first priority and if they're not, then there's a bigger issue there It's not the vacation, it's the time with your family, your DH and DS time with parents/grandparents. They are just as important.

 

[Mama Who]

If your sister absolutely required your presence, she would have held off on the IVF to not coincide with your plans. She and her husband will be just fine, like everyone else.

There is that. If OP being present is so important to the sister that she would find it grounds for cutting off the OP and with holding the baby, it would have been worth scheduling around.

It is grossly unfair to ask a sibling to screw up their marriage for your whim. Needs are one thing, but this is a want, not a need. The sister is not sounding like much of a friend right now. I understand about long awaited babies (believe me, first hand) but the rest of the world has responsibilities and needs too. OP can either please her sister or keep her commitment to her spouse, child and in laws. Hardly seems like a fair demand.