Update. I have talked to my friend from the Disney meeting

[MsDisney23]

First of all I would like to thank all of you for your support.

Here is the update:

I emailed a very nice letter to Elaine, I tried to make it very nice and unhurtful. Here is a copy:

Dear Elaine,

I find myself in a very difficult situation. One that I did not think would have happen. Trying to organize a group of 8 people has became very stressful to me. This should have been a fun and stress free thing. However it is not working for me and is having an effect on my health. This was a free trip with no financial investment for any. My health must come first!

I am currently rescinding my invitation as I take time for myself to rethink this trip. It just is not working for me at the present time. I understand that your children are important in your life, and I would hate for this trip to interfere with your other obligations. I have tried very hard to please everyone and had invested alot of time in planning the best trip possible for this group. Unfortunatly this has not worked, My decison was a very hard and difficult one to make, however I felt I could not go ahead and put my health at risk.

Kitty

Now from this I get a response from her: Kitty - Are you cancelling completely?


My response was: Yes, with you I am. I have obligations to the other's in the group. You made me feel and you showed as though you where not really interested as the other's.

I felt my letter was fine, now she is wanting to basically know if I have cancelled the whole trip or just her part. so I gather. You see in my letter I never did say that I was cancelling, just that I was going to rethink my trip. After her ? me, I did need to be honest with her. I did not want to hurt her feelings. I did not tell her that I have a replacement for her. Her attitude and rudeness is overwhelming and I am in total shock! I tried to be kind hearted about this situation that she had created.

Now her response to me: Sorry you feel that way. Hope you didn't jump to the wrong conclusions. One meeting? Oh well, have a good time.

E

Wow, at this point I am walking away. It was her nasty attitude, rudeness, lie's and her lack of interest. Of course she would like to make it look like me. What would make me jump to the wrong conclusion, I am sure she is aware of what she did. As I tell myself everyday, I must take responbility for what I think, what comes out of mouth and the way I treat people. I would never have ever treated or talk to any of my friends the way she did.

Again please do not flaim me as I was only trying to be kind to a friend. I now know that I made the right decision. I will now move forward from this.

Again I thank all who have followed this and helped me. You guys are the best. xo

 

[Karel]

Wow. You are reading way more into this than I am. Granted, I didn't talk to this person or know her, but I don't thinking asking if you cancelled completely was out of line. Your letter is a bit unclear on that point. She doesn't know that you didn't send the same note to everyone. Obviously, she's not sure what she did and her response seems rather tame.

 

[MsDisney23]

Dear Karel,

Trust me she knows what she did and said.

 

[disykat]

I think her response sounds sarcastic and puts down the obvious angst you have had over this situation. Her response about one meeting (when she wasn't willing to let you change the time to make future meetings) was just missing an eye roll IMO. Obviously it was about more than missing the meeting.

Time to forget it and move on.

 

[dcgrumpy]

I am currently rescinding my invitation as I take time for myself to rethink this trip.

I can understand why she thought you were cancelling the whole trip. Why not just be honest and say you replaced her already?

 

[gymnasticsmom68]

I missed, other than her missing the meeting, where she was so rude. Maybe you are reading more into things than you should?

 

[minniecarousel]

Honey - it's over and done with. She sounds like the type of "friend" that you can do without! Try to relax and enjoy yourself!

(I am glad that you let her know that she was "uninvited". It needed to be done.)

 

[DukeStreetKing]

I agree with the others - your letter was not completely clear regarding replacing her/cancelling the trip. I know what's going on with your situation and I was a little confused.

Just do it already - tell her she is not welcome to come along, that you have already replaced her and be done with it. You will feel much better.

Enjoy your trip.

 

[kasar]

Well, that must have been really hard for you to do. I'm glad it's all over and you can get on with the planning. Good luck.

 

[Bojangles]

What did she lie about?

I was under the impression that something came up and she couldn't make one of your little "planning" meetings. Some people aren't planners...in any case it sounded like you had done all of the planning anyway. What was so crucial that she absolutely had to be there?

 

[goofy4tink]

Two things...first thank-you for spelling rescind correctly. Everyone I know spells it with just the s and no c. Secondly, how is this going to impact your friendship? Do you think it's over and done at this point? I don't blame you at all for feeling the way you do. She was pretty uncooperative, to say the least. I don't know where you could take it from here. Maybe your email was a little unclear as to whether or not you were canceling the whole trip or just 'her'. If it comes up again, could you just say..'hey, I rebooked it and didn't tell you since I felt I was putting you in a bad situation the first time around. Didn't want to put you there again. sorry.' But, then again...I'm one of those dopey people that tries to make everyone happy and that's what got you into this situation to begin with. So never mind my advice. Try to take it easy. We can't please everyone. Hopefully this 'friend' will either understand or it will be no great loss of a friend.

 

[floridaminnie]

Sounds like she really doesn't care anyways. Go have fun with your friends!

 

[MsDisney23]

I tried to be a better person here and not hurt her. I did not feel it important to tell her that I had replaced her or that the trip was not cancelled. I only owed it to her to let her know that I had rescinded my invitation. Trust me, this was a smack in the face and hard one. I have never had a friend be so nasty and rude to me. I am not sure where the problem is. All I know that she was very much invited, ( was asked well in advance and aware of everything, the same as the others, etc.) so that there would not be any problems at all. She was to be part of this group with all aspects. I tried everything to get her involved. Why let one bad apple spoil the whole bunch.

I am now going to go forward and get this group ready for the Mouse and some fun.

 

[Bojangles]

Originally posted by MsDisney23
Trust me, this was a smack in the face and hard one. I have never had a friend be so nasty and rude to me.

What did she do that was nasty and rude? Not go to the planning meeting?

 

[HLFDZN]

In trying to plan a 40th Bd cruise for 8 people I had to back out of the planning completely. I had one friend who I remain close to who would not "reply to all" when it came time to vote on things like how many days, where to cruise to, price, time of year. Well we wanted to get it planned and she would not budge on what she wanted. It ended up with me baling out on the planning part of it and blaming another friend who offered to take the rap for the itinerary that was chosen. I know it was kind of deceitful, but I could not handle the stress of trying to make everyone happy. In the end only 4 of us went and I think no matter what we would have decided she was not going to go. We have noticed that if things are not her idea, she will back out..well her loss. I filled her in on the fact that we all decided to go back to Mexico for the 45th BD and she made the comment " You pay my way and I will go anywhere" Well I wonder why she feels that we , who scrimp by putting $20 bucks away a month for these trips, would have to pay for her to go too.. She is by no means poor, just cheap. I don't think she will ever join us, which is unfortunate, we have been friends since high school. I feel for you...it is a tough position to be in I know I was there. I had to break the news to her that I was actually going on this trip even though she decided it was too long. Same thing though, if she wants to do it , she can find a way, if she does not..she will find any excuse to not go. Melissa

 

[disneyjunkie]

What kind of health problems were you having? What did your friend do that was rude and nasty?

I'm planning a trip for 8 people for Easter break. If I told them we were having planning meetings, they'd laugh me out of the room.

 

[poohandwendy]

What did your friend do that was rude and nasty?

That is what I am trying to figure out? I feel like I am missing some dialog or something....

 

[crazyme5kids]

It is probably better for both of you in the long run. I must say though I think you really have over reacted to the situation. There are times I have been the person trying to make plans for a group, I get some input, but I don't expect everyone to come to meetings or even care about the details. There are times someone else is doing the planning and I just say let me know what you decide and I'll be there.
You have given your friends a nice gift, but it seems to come with too many strings attached (make the meetings or your out).

 

[gymnasticsmom68]

I tend to think you overreacted too. I must have missed whatever it was that was so mean and rude. I thought she missed a 'planning' meeting to take her child somewhere. In my world, fulfilling my responsibilities to my kids would come first.

I understand that your children are important in your life, and I would hate for this trip to interfere with your other obligations

To me, this sentence means, 'I should come first and you put your kids first, so you can't go'. Judging from her response, I don't think she's too broken hearted over it.

 

[MsDisney23]

My friend made a FIRM commitment when asked to go. She does not know any of the other women going. All the other women know each other. She has done nothing but complain about everything! When I would tell her about what decison we made as group she would find fault in it. She has lied. She would tell me that she would be coming late, then not show up. or even call. Then she would tell lies, etc. She even has gotten nasty and rude to me, when I offered to make the next get together for her convenience!

The group has decided to go into together and pay $60.00 each for a limo and towncar (for luggage) roundtrip to the airport. She was upset that we made that decison without her and told me that she would rather find her own way to the airport.

There is something not right here and her attitude is terrible, one that had lead me to believe that when the time comes in May, she will tell me she can not go and to bad! She has already told me this.

Now for those of you who have asked about my health. I have been on insulin for 40 years. I wear an insulin pump. I lost my eye sight for two years and underwent over 30 major eye operations in the past three years. I have had a heart attack a year and half ago, and need to have open heart surgery. I am also waiting to get a pancrease transplant, which I hope will be very soon. Now I have never used my conditon as a cruch, and take responsibility for my own care. This trip was very important to me and still is.

I did not put any strings on this FREE TRIP! So far all has went well with everyone except one. What would you have done. I tried talking to her everything. I had to do something.