"Unusual" funeral experiences?

[antmaril]

When my husband passed away nine years ago, his brother, my son and I were at the cemetery making arrangements. I was 57 when my husband died and his brother was 53. My son was 21. So, we are in the office talking with the cemetery rep who seemed a little nervous. I think he might have been new to his job. Towards the end of meeting he makes a reference to the "boys". I thought to myself "the boys?" I couldn't look at my brother-in-law or my son, for fear of laughing, but I could see my son's face in the corner of my eye. I thought he was going to lose it. This man thought I was their MOTHER!! BOTH OF THEM! When we got outside, we all just went crazy laughing. I know I should have felt insulted, but it was all just so ridiculous, that it cracked me up. And, let me tell you, it felt good to laugh like that. We all needed it!

I promise you that I did not look like I could have a 53 year old son. We have joked about that incident for years.

 

[Marchand63]

The only one comes to mind was my Dad's wake. He collected hats & loved playing cards with his buddies at the DAV, drinking a few drops of his favorite scotch.

So when people showed up at the wake more than a few broke into laughter seeing him wearing his favorite vintage 18th top hat, holding the perfect gin rummy hand with a bottle of Ballantine next to him. To say his Italian side of the family was horrified was an understatement but he was my Dad and I wanted to send him off his way.

Oh and I delivered the eulogy which I think made the priest face palm when I told the story how my Dad ran a still on one the islands he was stationed on in WWII. But that was my Dad

OH and his prayer card picture was of him on the back of his boat fishing.

 

[MIGrandma]

I don't remember anything unusual happening at any funerals I've ever been to, but when my Grandpa died I put a couple Brach's pink peppermint candies in his pocket as he always carried them for his grandkids.

And this past July, when my Mom passed away, our oldest granddaughter put a loner Euchre hand in the casket with her (yes, she asked permission from me first) and I put in a ball of yarn and crochet hook. She enjoyed playing cards and crocheting so much over her lifetime.

 

[mousefanmichelle]

When my grandmother died we put a can of beer in her casket with her. Not sure if it was buried with her or not though. I am skeptical about what actually stays with a dead person being buried. I have visions of the casket getting looted before it goes in the ground lol!

For my mom's funeral my extended family thought it would be a great idea to tail gate in the parking lot of the funeral home. I did not think it so great but.....the majority won out on that one and so did my stomach when it was time to eat lol

The only memorable thing for my dads funeral last year was that I had people fighting over who would be the pall bearers. My dad had enough grandsons to do it but my sisters wanted this person and that person so I kept getting cornered at the funeral home while I was trying to get through the visitation....eyeyeyeyye.... why do funerals bring out the worst in people?????

 

[prprincess]

The only thing I can think of was my husband's aunt's funeral viewing last year in Montreal, Canada. Food was laid out/served not only at the funeral home, but in the same room that the coffin was in. I'd never seen this before, and thought it a bit morbid, but was told my the cousins that it was normal for funerals in their area in their area.

 

[bethy]

I went to the funeral of one of my good friends father in law. Just before the funeral, her sister in law and her long time boyfriend got married right in front of the casket. I guess they got a 2 for 1 on the minister.

This one takes the cake for me!

Great thread!

 

[nkereina]

Not unusual, but I thought this was a nice gesture I hadn't seen before - at the cemetery after the my cousin's funeral service, we were handed yellow balloons (my cousin's favorite color) and index cards and were told to write a message to her on it and tie it to the balloon. When everyone was ready, we all released the balloons at the same time saying one of the phrases everyone always knew her by. It was nice to stand there for a few minutes in silence and watch the balloons float away into the sky.

Back when my grandmother died in 2004, we were still in the era of disposable cameras. When we got to the open-casket wake, my grandfather whipped out a disposable camera from his pocket and took a photo of my grandmother's body! LOL! He had the purest intentions though - he just wanted to remember the moment and thought that she looked lovely that day.

 

[Gumbo4x4]

Maybe not unusual per say, but my grandfather was a Scottish immigrant. His funeral featured the “piping in” where the bagpiper at the conclusion of the ceremony walks away as he plays, and it’s not officially over until he’s far enough away that you can no longer hear him. There was a heavy fog that day, so the piper basically faded into the mist as he marched away. Grandpa would have loved it.

 

[sibesx2]

Some of us rode in the family limo from the funeral home to the graveyard (and back) for my Mom's services. One of my relatives rolled down the window and started waving to passing cars as if she was royalty. We were all cracking up. The limo driver even got it on the fun by randomly rolling down our windows. It was a much needed break from the grief for a moment.

Many years ago a coworker was murdered in a robbery. His supervisor who was known for long rambling speeches gave the eulogy at the funeral mass. He tripped and almost fell stepping up on the altar. My supervisor who was sitting next to me starting giggling and trying hard to stop. That got me giggling and eventually the person on the other side of me (my supervisor's supervisor) joined in. The longer the eulogy went the harder we giggled and fought to stop. The people sitting behind us thought we were crying and I guess we were because we were laughing so hard we were crying.

 

[tvguy]

My dad's mom died when I was twelve. He drove down, but my mom was flying and asked if I wanted to go with her, because I'd never been on a plane. I chose staying home to go to school, instead.

I was 8 when my mom's dad passed. We flew to Canada but I did not go to the funeral.
My first funeral was a year later when my dad passed away.

 

[tarheelmjfan]

I've been to quite a few funerals, all have been "traditional". Which reminds me...I really, really hate visitations. Everyone talking and sitting around a dead body. No, thank you!

I agree with you about visitations & that horrible receiving line that my family always forces me to stand in. We're not hosting a party. Why do I have to play host, during the worst times of my life? It doesn't help that so many people are telling me my loved one is in a better place. Call me selfish, but I'd rather they be with me. I actually think receiving lines are cruel. Long viewings & funerals can be too. I've told my DH & DS, if I pass away & they don't want to have a public viewing or funeral to not let anyone talk them into it. They seem to be more for people to catch up than anything. OTOH, my sisters take it all in stride. Maybe, it's just me.

 

[VandVsmama]

I totally relate to another person's reply talking about how much they really hate viewings. I hate them, too. I've had to go to 2: 1 for my grandmother and 1 for my grandfather. 2 hours of hell. Sitting in a room for 2 hours with a corpse and making quiet small talk with people. I've never been able to wrap my head around that.

 

[Lilacs4Me]

I agree with you about visitations & that horrible receiving line that my family always forces me to stand in. We're not hosting a party. Why do I have to play host, during the worst times of my life? It doesn't help that so many people are telling me my loved one is in a better place. Call me selfish, but I'd rather they be with me. I actually think receiving lines are cruel. Long viewings & funerals can be too. I've told my DH & DS, if I pass away & they don't want to have a public viewing or funeral to not let anyone talk them into it. They seem to be more for people to catch up than anything. OTOH, my sisters take it all in stride. Maybe, it's just me.

Same here. My family traditionally does the full-on 3 day wake and Catholic Church Mass. The first day is from like 4-9pm, the second day is 9-9, and the 3rd starts at the funeral home, processes to the church, then to the cemetery, then back to the church for lunch, then some relative inevitably throws out an open invitation to their house after. It's exhausting.

I think I just want one day. A few hours at a funeral home, a pastor to give a prayer, people talking about me (hopefully all good things! haha), and cemetery then done.

DH wants a closed casket because he doesn't want anyone staring at him when he is dead. But he also said that if his mother is still alive, let her do whatever she wants. I agreed....to DH and I, formal funerals are not our "thing", but DH's mother loves them. She will travel for miles to attend a funeral for relatives and other people she barely even knows. Me, I avoid them at all costs if I can. But having two sons of my own, I can see how a mom would want to send her own child off "her" way, so if/when the time comes, she will have full say, even though I will hate it.

 

[jaybirdsmommy]

Let's see, I've got a few......My Mother tells the story of her Grandmother's funeral. Apparently the entire family was removed from the funeral home because they were laughing and having such a good time that the people there attending a different funeral were offended. Her Grandmother had been very sick for a long time and the family was pretty spread out - instant family reunion.

At my father's funeral, my husband got a phone call from his Dad. My lovely FIL proceeded to yell at him over the phone because he had hear we were in the state (we live about 6 hours away) and hadn't come to see him yet. and yes, before anyone asks he did know why we were there.

I'm sure as a child I probably made someone's unusual list. My paternal grandparents considered funeral going to be their favorite hobby. Sunday afternoon visitations were their favorite thing in the world. Since I went to church with them most Sunday's I usually got dragged along. Even if there wasn't a visitation for someone they knew on a particular Sunday, they'd go to visitations of people whose names sounded familiar, just to see if they might know them or anybody else there. I cannot tell you how many times my Grandmother would walk into the funeral home, go up to the body in the casket, look at them, turn to my Grandfather and say "I have no idea who that is." Then we'd leave.

Last but not least, when the same Grandmother was on her death bed my Grandfather died very suddenly and unexpectedly. Our local newspaper had a bad habit of screwing up obituaries so almost everyone who came to the funeral was shocked to see that it was actually my Grandfather who had died and that the newspaper had gotten it right for once.

 

[tarheelmjfan]

Same here. My family traditionally does the full-on 3 day wake and Catholic Church Mass. The first day is from like 4-9pm, the second day is 9-9, and the 3rd starts at the funeral home, processes to the church, then to the cemetery, then back to the church for lunch, then some relative inevitably throws out an open invitation to their house after. It's exhausting.

I think I just want one day. A few hours at a funeral home, a pastor to give a prayer, people talking about me (hopefully all good things! haha), and cemetery then done.

DH wants a closed casket because he doesn't want anyone staring at him when he is dead. But he also said that if his mother is still alive, let her do whatever she wants. I agreed....to DH and I, formal funerals are not our "thing", but DH's mother loves them. She will travel for miles to attend a funeral for relatives and other people she barely even knows. Me, I avoid them at all costs if I can. But having two sons of my own, I can see how a mom would want to send her own child off "her" way, so if/when the time comes, she will have full say, even though I will hate it.

Sadly, my Mom is deceased. Thanks to MIL antics FIL's funeral was a very awkward experience for DH, DS & I, as well as some who came to show their respects. She would be the last person who should be involved in planning anyone's funeral. It wouldn't be a problem anyway. She's the least sentimental person I know.

 

[luvsJack]

I used to hate visitations too and still think some are too long and too tiring. BUT for my Dad's funeral, I needed it. It helped give me closure. And I needed to see him that night and then know that I would see him again the next day to really say good bye. With my Mom, we did it all in one day and I hated it.

DH's father, brother and nephew all died 3 years ago within 10 months of each other. His brother died first and MIL insisted on the wake being at the church which made her feel more of a "host" than I think she would have felt at a funeral home. She stood the entire 4 hours and the church stayed packed. Same thing 3 months later with FIL. When Dnephew died it was the same but at a different church and she had to deal with his mother (the ex to the son that died earlier in the year). The ex is what made it unusual.

This "mother", was high as a kite when she got to the church for the wake. Then half way through she sent a friend around to see if she could find more drugs. The church had one small ladies room. The "mother" and friend went into the ladies room and locked the door and stayed in there for at least an hour. It was crazy. My mil had to go bang on the door and get the idiot out (the rest of us tried but couldn't even get her to answer). The next day she kept falling asleep during the service. Her daughters kept having to punch her to wake her up. I realize that she had just lost her son. And I can't imagine the pain she was going through. I get taking something to help you through but to be that high is just inexcusable. Of course this is the same woman that walked out of the hospital on her kids the night their daddy died.

Sadly, the friend lost her daughter about a year later and the entire thing played out again at her daughter's funeral.

 

[gotomu212]

At my fathers visitation a woman came up to me and started going on and on about how lovely my father was and how she would never forget the time they spent together in Spain 10 years before.....uhhh what was my dad doing in Spain and where was my mom during this??? Turns out the woman went to the wrong visitation room and her long lost love was in the other room. We still joke at family get togethers about dads illicit Spanish affair.

 

[leebee]

When we were in our early 30s, my best friend died of pancreatic cancer. She lived with my sister during the 10 months she was dying, and they were long, hard, sad months. My friend had been a very large woman, but of course her weight dwindled as she became sicker and sicker. After she died, her mother had her cremated. We all met at the cemetery for the memorial service, and when my friend's mom stepped out of the limousine with the cremains box, which measured about 6"x6"x6", my sister and I lost it. I know it was mean... petty, really... but all I could think of was, "HOW did she fit in that little box?" My sister was having the exact same thought, and it was all that either of us could do to not dissolve in laughter. SO disrespectful (although my friend would have been laughing with us) at such a sad, sad time. In my defense, as I said before, it had been a long, hard 10 months, full of things that nobody should have to go through or witness, and I think we were just at the ends of our ropes and behaved... inappropriately for a funeral.

Then there was the gathering after my mother's memorial service. My mom had been cremated, and as we were scattering her ashes elsewhere, we didn't have an urn or anything like that... and at the service, we just had a display of photos on the altar at the front of the church. My mom's cremains were in a box at my sister's house, in a plain brown box on the edge of the hearth, pretty nondescript, just sitting there. Anyhow, after the service, we all went back to my sister's house for snacks and drinks. You know how those things go; family and friends who haven't seen each other in awhile get to eating, drinking, talking, laughing- having a great time over a sad situation. At one point, my Aunt Jean said, "What a great party! Betty would have loved this; too bad she's not here!" My sister caught my eye, we both glanced at the fireplace, and we both started laughing so hard, because of course, my mom really WAS there!

I'm starting to think my sister and I shouldn't be allowed to go to funerals together.

 

[ms.yt]

At my half-sister's aunt's visitation, some of her sisters decided they wanted a photo with their sister in her casket. Someone mentioned that I was a good photographer, so they asked me to take it. I was not really thrilled at the idea, and it got even weirder when they realized it would be hard to see their deceased sister since she was lying in the casket. They discussed it and decided the solution was to prop her up and hold her while the photo was being taken. Luckily, some people came up to them to express their condolences and I saw my chance to escape. I still don't know if they ever got anyone to take the photo.

 

[OhMari]

I agree with you about visitations & that horrible receiving line that my family always forces me to stand in. We're not hosting a party. Why do I have to play host, during the worst times of my life? It doesn't help that so many people are telling me my loved one is in a better place. Call me selfish, but I'd rather they be with me. I actually think receiving lines are cruel. Long viewings & funerals can be too. I've told my DH & DS, if I pass away & they don't want to have a public viewing or funeral to not let anyone talk them into it. They seem to be more for people to catch up than anything. OTOH, my sisters take it all in stride. Maybe, it's just me.

Nope, I am totally with you. I told my family I would haunt them if they had a viewing.