Uninvited wedding guests

[ChocolateMouse]

Disney Weddings can provide uninvited wedding guests for a fee, but I've acquired that problem for free. I had booked an Intimate wedding and only invited immediate family, but my parents have been spreading the news to extended family and my invitation list is growing.

After tonight, I've been informed my new tally is 24 guests (and possibly to grow), including bride and groom (I think Disney counts us as guests too?). That throws me out of an Intimate wedding into the world of Custom weddings. I don't know what that means other than to expect more details and a much higher cost. (I'll assume Disney will happily upgrade the wedding package since they're making substantially more money).

My first thought was to put my foot down and restrict my list to 20 guests. I can't stop people from flying down, but they wouldn't be able to attend the ceremony. On the other hand, if a family of four if willing to spend $4000+ to fly down from Canada to attend my wedding, the right thing to do seems to be to welcome them and thank them for the love. I do know if I had invited the world rather than immediate family, I could fill a charter bus. After all, a Disney wedding is very exciting.

I was wondering how you guys handle this situation? On many occasions, I've seen wedding guest lists expand to include guests that parents or other people wanted to attend. I can handle that to an extent, but what if it causes you to substantially rebudget and change dinner/reception plans?

 

[Laurafoster]

We had the same issue. Disney only allows 18 guests for the intimate plus the bride and groom which makes 20 maximum.

I originally planned for an intimate but as i had 26 people wanting to fly over from England i upgraded to a custom and im glad i did. However my parents and In Laws were paying for the wedding! If it had been me needing to pay the extra difference between an intimate and the $10,000 minimum for a custom wedding i would have put my foot down and say im sorry but i cannot afford that?!

 

[wendy46001]

I'll agree with Laurafoster...it kind of depends on who is paying....DH and I paid for our wedding, so when Mom and MIL said they were inviting so in so...we politely said no you cant....we had a budget and that included a certain number of guests....While I agree that if out of town guests is a wonderful addition, it can put a big strain on the finances....So for us even though second cousin jerry (who we have never met) wanted to fly his family from Hawaii for the Disney wedding, we had to say thank you but no…..A tough choice but one that we had to make

 

[Moonpie]

We paid for our own wedding, and if any one of my family members wanted someone added to the guest list they asked us first. I don't think anyone should "pass along" an invite to a wedding that isn't their's, without asking first...even if they are the ones paying for it. I seem to recall an episode of "Whose Wedding is it anyway?" where a parent actually made photo copies of the wedding invites and started passing them out to people at work, and people she just met...soon the couple's invite list grew too big for their venue!

 

[tmli]

I would be afraid to change to a custom only to have the "extra" guests back out at the last minute. Which, from reading others experiences, happens often.

We are paying ourselves and would have to politely refuse extra guests. However would give them the option of joining us for all the other festivities we have planned with the exception of the actual ceremony.

 

[disneygirl_wdw]

I am having the same problem. We are paying for our own wedding and in college as well. We had said our immediate family, but now my parents said I should invite my uncle and aunt because we are a small family. However my fiance has 2 brothers their wives. That added to the other guests and us is 22. I am hoping things will work themselves out. I was also having problems when his brothers were wanting to bring their grandkids. However, I have sortof dealt with that. I have made it clear that only 18 guests can attend, so hopefully it won't go over.

 

[ChocolateMouse]

My fiance and I are paying for the full wedding cost. On one hand, I'm concerned about the additional cost and additional planning for a Custom Wedding (the idea was to keep it simple). The additional cost of a Custom Wedding is equivalent to one very good honeymoon or Disneymoon.

On the other hand, I'm now concerned about family relations. If I allow some family members to attend while excluding other family members, I can see potential negative long term effects in our family relationship. Anyone suffer a deterioration in their relationship with relatives after excluding them from your wedding?

If there's one fortunate thing, this is the first time I've felt like this during the planning process:

 

[evedein]

We had a similar problem with DD's intimate wedding. FMIL kept insisting that aunt so & so & her family just HAD to be invited. DD kept referring her back to me. So I got to be the bad guy. I just kept repeating that DISNEY only allows 8 guests (it's 18 now). Not our fault... its Disney rules. In your case you could invoke Disney rules to your parents. If that doesn't work you could always say "unless YOU want to pay the greatly increased cost of a custom..." I'd also give them a much higher number than the $10,000 minimum, because things can spiral out of control very quickly if they're inviting everyone they know. My personal preference is BLAME DISNEY!
As it turned out, there were no hard feelings from the aunt.

 

[evedein]

P.S. I wonder how many of those people really want to come to your wedding vs an excuse for a WDW vacation? What I mean is, if you were getting married in say Kansas, how many of them would put out the time & money to come? If they would, then they really love you & probably should be invited. Otherwise, let them plan their own WDW vacation,

 

[afinter1]

On the other hand, I'm now concerned about family relations. If I allow some family members to attend while excluding other family members, I can see potential negative long term effects in our family relationship. Anyone suffer a deterioration in their relationship with relatives after excluding them from your wedding?

I know exactly where you're coming from. DF and I are paying for our intimate and we ran into guest count problems. To make things even more interesting, DF and I initially didn't want any guests but we made the mistake of informing our family about our planned elopement. Rule No. 1 is to never tell family you're planning to elope!! I didn't know the chaos this would cause, especially the amount of guilt we'd receive for not wanting to invite any family down. Our reasoning was this: We wanted a ceremony between the two of us, we do not crave attention. Plus, we would have an uneven amount of family coming from both sides seeing how DF's family is a split family. On top of everything else, some people would be paying tooth and nail in order to come to our wedding when they don't have any business whatsoever to spend money they don't have.

It was quite the quandry. So, we stuck to our guns and said what we started out with -- No one is coming. Not only is it fair to what we want, but it's fair for both families.

Good luck with your decision. It's not easy to get through these situations!

 

[dannirose]

P.S. I wonder how many of those people really want to come to your wedding vs an excuse for a WDW vacation? What I mean is, if you were getting married in say Kansas, how many of them would put out the time & money to come? If they would, then they really love you & probably should be invited. Otherwise, let them plan their own WDW vacation,

That is a good point - we have friends/relatives coming out of the woodwork all of a sudden because it's a DISNEY wedding. And don't get me started on the family members on both sides inviting THEIR friends and other people because there's a room/ticket discount.

At first I felt bad telling people we didn't have space but the more I have to say it, the easier it is getting - the last one just rolled off my tongue without even stopping to think about how to phrase it (then again, this person informed me she had invited her 8 closest sorority sisters so they could really enjoy themselves - so my "what f**king drugs are you on" answer might be a little harsher than you want to give people, but I thought it was appropriate at the time).

Hang in there!

 

[shaun&miranda]

We were having an Intimate Wedding, with just immediate family and a handful of friends. Then Aunts, Uncles and Cousins started to say they wanted to come and it was very awkward saying no - so we developed a system.

We explained the 20 person rule, and that we were at 20 people, so if anyone else wanted to come, they would be very welcome, but as we would have to upgrade to a custom wedding, their wedding invite would contain an invoice for 5,000 GBpounds to pay the difference in cost. We always said it as kind of a joke, and it always made our relatives laugh and understand our position. It worked!

(Although then I weakend and invited my best friend from school, so we have gone with custom anyway and no-one knows! Sssshhhhhh! It's a secret! )

Miranda

 

[aprincess72]

We are doing an intimate wedding 4/27/07 at Seabreeze Point. My father said we could do the custom wedding or he would give us the difference. We are taking the cash! Plus it really eliminated the stress of deciding who the people to invite would actually be. Just as some of you mentioned the moment you say "Disney" people start inviting themselves!
So... DF and I wrote a letter to our guests and explained that we were having a small private ceremony and only inviting our closest family and friends. We followed that up with phone calls so we could explain on a personal level that the invitation is solely for those to who we extended it. So far everyone has been completely understanding! My future in-laws also threw us a couples shower / reception in his home state so we could celebrate with friends and family who wll not be at the wedding.
I'm really glad I went with the intimate wedding. Of course if I was wealthy I would love some of the custom options! However, I think with the small wedding you get to spend more quality time with your loved ones at the happiest place on earth!

 

[Tinkerbelle14]

My parents paid for the wedding, but they knew we wanted an Intimate with immediate familiy only. Since the guest allowance was bumped from 12 people total to 20 around the time we booked, by parents played dumb and told everyone we were already at our max. For those who knew about the 20people limit, my parents simply said that we couldn't invite them without inviting other aunts/unlces and some even said that they might just fly down anyways. We were honestly expecting to see at least 4 people standing on the boardwalk, "just happen to be passing by" during the wedding! They all respected our wishes though since we had an "at-home" reception.

 

[myprincessgirlisa]

I'd put it this way to the parents/inlaws.....if they want to add guests to the lists, they will be paying for the wedding to accomadate the $10k min

I dont think thats right of them to add people at your expense...they should ask you 1st or fork out the cash.

I agree with some posts,,,,,its a reason to take a vacation to wdw...easier to get time off.

Dont let pushy parents/inlaws spoil your dream....I ve seen/heard to many brides complain that they gave in & didnt have the wedding they wanted.

I wish you the best in planning & what ever you decide I hope its the best day ever for you

 

[PrincessBride07]

Like all the other brides, I completely understand. My DF and I started out with an intimate because I am completely afraid of being the center of attention. (unless the groom decides to wear the white dress and walk down the aisle I will be the center of attention for a little bit ) Also, we didn't want our guest list to grow out of control. He has 11 aunts and uncles, and when you add in their spouses and children......it scares me to even think of that number . We decided on immediate family only with a few close friends. We explained to the family that if we started inviting extended family it would grow too large and expensive, they understood and no feelings were hurt. We did decide to bump up to a custom because even the immediate family is somewhat large. Anyways, I would ask myself if you or your df really want these extra guests there. You might want to explain to them that if you invite them what the cost is, and you can't afford it if they decide to back out at the last minute. If you really want them there and they are definitely going to be there, do it. If they are unsure or you are adamant about keeping it small, do as the rest say and blame Disney . You could always have the video made and show it at the home reception. Best of luck with your decision.

 

[DisneyBrideWannabe]

Same prob here. At first we were going to have the custom, but everyone seemed a bit hesitant about the disney wedding and we didn't think we could fill the room quota, etc... I couldn't see spending $15000 on 25 people, when we could pay $5000 for 20, so we had to cut 5 people. While our immediate family is still a bit hesitant, our extended family all want to go!!!!
The intimate works for us, but we are a bit over 20 number: our solution is to put Df's 3 nephews in a kid club during the wedding and dinner reception. We are footing the bill, but a $100 is worth it.
I think that soome people are in the dark about how much a wedding costs, Disney or not. Prices have changed since 1980!! At a recent wedding, I was talking with a couple guests who thought that it was like $25 a head! I was like, multiple that by 4: the average US wedding is $20000!!! I just explained to our extended family that even if we had a wedding up here, we wouldn't be a able to invite 200 people, especially at $75 a person. Instead we are having a BBQ when we come back for some of aunts , uncles & cousins that couldn't attend.

 

[pintradingwedding]

but if you don't care to spend time with them, if they are more your parents friends than yours, I say no way! it's not worth the stress of going into debt over.

but if they are people you love, it is AWESOME that they want to come.

we had 100 people show up and we all had a BLAST. it was worth every penny in my mind