uninvite guests?

[nelle]

Has anyone ever uninvited guests? Here's my problem. I invited my sister and her two kids to disney with us in dec and now I'm beginning to think I made a big mistake. She and I tolerate each other but lately she has been a pain in by side. My DH is only going because I promised him he could do the 18 lap richard petty exp. and it will be our first trip home. She and my mother and father aren't getting along and my mother is going with us also. My husband can't stand to be anywhere near her . I could never tell her she can't go because it would hurt her children but how am I going to survive her , my DH, and my mother if they aren't getting along now?
I guess I should have learned by now never invite family!

Anyone have any advise on how or expierence? Help!
Thanks.

 

[troosvelt]

Well I haven't ever been in the position and I'm not DVC expert enough to know, but might there be a convenient 'blame it on the Disney rules' excuse we could propose ?

 

[Lisa P.]

If those children know about the trip, I would not uninvite them. Just because the adults cannot seem to get along, I would not send them this kind of disappointment.

Without question, get your sister and her kids their own studio unit. Perhaps even request different buildings but give everyone the space and ability to get a breather whenever it's needed. Unless extended family are accustomed to being together all the time anyway and they all enjoy a LOT of togetherness, it can be a big mistake to share rooms for a long stay. JMHO.

Make plans early on, regarding how much time you expect to spend together. Perhaps arrange for one meal together each day or every other day. Everyone can show up if they want or skip it if they get busy. Let everyone know ahead of the trip, that you're not going to be their tour guide because you want to respect their individual interests and your individual family time is also a priority on this trip. If everyone knows what to expect, you'll save a lot of heartache later.

Lastly, don't look for problems but don't expect Disney to make everything peachy. Same family, same dynamics, added stress of an unfamiliar place. For us, big family gatherings are prefaced by a whole lot of prayer. Sometimes, these things are best left in God's hands. Hope it works out for you!

 

[CaptainMidnight]

Outstanding advice Lisa. Seperate rooms is an excellent idea.

 

[vernon]

Might be a chance to get along with each other, for a change. I'm presuming you have a 2 bedroom? Maybe getting seperate rooms might work, but IMHO there is the equal chance it would further drive a wedge between you all. Getting a "lock off" might be a middle ground where they could have their own entrance, if things go HORRIBLY wrong you could always lock the dividing door LOL.
I would certainly plan a lot of "seperate time" for the various groups, but given the fact you all are on vacation and I'm sure you'd all liketo have a nice time, hopefully everyone will be trying to get along. Offering to take the kids to the park (maybe with your mom) and offering the chance to have a day/morning/afternoon by the pool might be a deed that puts her in a thankful state of mind. Not many parents get the chance for downtime on their own and it might be the key to icing the bad feeling that seems to have built up.

 

[Tagrel]

Have to agree that univiting children would not be something I could do.

You've received some great advice. Separate Lockoff for sister and her family sounds perfect. And spending time away from each other, doing your own thing sounds good to.

I'd also suggest that you use the two way radios that are so popular these days to help you track each other down (conveniently turned off if you don't WANT to find them!)

Last, its the supposed ADULTS that have the problems here. It sounds like you are in the middle. Try not to feel it is your job to help THEM all get along, that is between them! I'd make that point perfectly clear now. Get along, or my family is going off on our own. Don't fall into the trap of feeling responsible for everyone else's good time. If you make the point now, moody sister might decide not to go at all.

 

[sgtpet]

Sounds like you shouldn't have invited her in the first place. Just tell her that she shouldn't go.

 

[Mic]

I am in a similar predicament with a SIL, so I got out my trusty, tattered Member Guidebook and studied point costs again. I had planned on us staying in a 2-bedroom lock-off and closing the door when one of us needed privacy. But horror of horrors, what if the door was open for the whole vacation??? (And more importantly, FL does have the death penalty for murderers!!) My dilemma was whether to give up the kitchen of a 2-bedroom in favor of 2 studios. I realized that it was only a few points more(2-6)per night to get a 1-bedroom for us and a seperate studio for her, so that seems the most logical plan of action. I will ask to be "near" each other, after no-smoking and upper-floor. DH will not be with us on this trip, and he is the one who always lets his sister know when she has overstepped her boundaries. I, on the other hand, let her walk all over me to a point, then blow a fuse, which would not be a pretty sight at the happiest place on earth.

 

[crisi]

I wouldn't do a lockoff - it would cause friction if someone (your sister) wanted the door open while someone else (you or your husband) wanted it closed. Get a studio - in another building (maybe even another resort) and blame it on Disney.

Then structure your days to get the extended family together for a dinner or two, maybe a character breakfast, maybe an afternoon at the pool - but let each family (or person who is old enough) follow their own interests for the most part - if that interest turns out to be family time, you'll have to deal.

We are doing something similar with my mother in law. Although she is a very sweet woman, we really don't have complementary styles - I'm a get up and go early person - she is a sleep until noon person. I think she will find Epcot most facinating - my small children prefer MK. So our intent is to create a framework of plans: meet us for dinner a couple nights plus Illuminations, a late character breakfast or lunch at Chef Mickey's, and maybe pick one or two share experiences - the safari at AK plus the Lion King show, a late afternoon at the MK - then let her do the things she is interested in while we ride Dumbo from park opening until the line reaches 40 minutes.

 

[sgtpet]

I have already told my wife that if we are to invite family they will have their own studio to do whatever they so want to do. It is easier and everyone has privacy. The only exception is if we bring a grandmother to watch our son, they could stay with us.

 

[Lewisc]

I don't know how far along the plans are but if they've already booked non-refundable air you really have no choice. I certainly wouldn't go over the occupancy rules.

 

[mikesmom]

We got back recently from a large family trip. While there is no ongoing family friction, vacation styles are way different (commando vs. laid back) and they about drove me nuts. We did the 1bdrm plus studio which worked out great. There was room for us to "entertain" and everyone still had their own space. Also, let me recommend something a bit radical. We tagged on a couple of extra days for "just us". Made that decision while we there and I didn't feel like I'd had any vacation. Bless DVC, they found us room at OKW for a couple of days. That extra time gave us a little relaxation and left a much rosier glow on the whole trip. Came back rested instead of frazzled. It cost more points (especially 'cause it went over a Friday night) but it was well worth it!

 

[SnowWitch]

We are in a somewhat similiar situation. I invited my best friend and family to go with us later this year for a 5 night stay in a 2 bedroom at the BWV's. My DH who finds my friend very amusing also finds her husband very "annoying!" Granted I'm with him on that, as the date approaches I'm getting more and more worried.

We decided to add a weekend at another DVC property for our arrival and have so family time. My best friend who is wonderful is booking their weekend accomodations at another resort. This at least gives us all a little distance during the vacation and time to rest after our drive down and hopefully will help with patience later on in the week.

We have told our kids we will NOT be spending every waking moment with the other family. We will have several meals together, do MVMCP, the lights at MGM and the Candlelight Processional together. After that my friend and I read each other real well and if the group can handle more together time we will and if we're all ready to kill her ever so annoying husband then they will go one way and us the other.

To your question (sorry I rambled) I would sit my sis down and be nice but honest. I would voice my concerns about family harmony and tell (maybe explain is a nicer word) her you want this to be an enjoyable vacation for everyone. I'm pretty candid I would just be honest with her. I also agree maybe a studio would be good for her family and just explain to her why or lie and tell her you were going to be over the occupancy limit! Good luck!!

 

[dianeschlicht]

Be sure to set some ground rules about the trip before hand. Then why not give yourself and DH a day or two alone at the end to recuperate from the invited guests? We have found that always helps end things on a good note.

 

[kem330]

It's kind of hard to play counselor here not knowing all the circumstances but something we have done when travelling with a difficult family member is laying it on the line ahead of time: what is expected, etc and throwing it back in their court- if they can't accept your terms, then they can choose not to go. For example you can mention what a special trip it is and how expensive it is and in order to make it enjoyable for everyone, you all need to agree to x, y and z. It still may not work, but combined with the above suggestions of separate units and daily activities it is worth a shot.

 

[crisi]

I'll second (or is it third now) the mini vacation.

We had my parents join us on our last trip. My parents have similar vacation styles and were coming to watch their grandchildren at Disney. So, while the help was wonderful - it was a good deal of togetherness. This was pre-DVC for us, so they had their own room at WL (we had a room a WL, but it was on a different floor).

We arrived early and left late, staying for six nights. They stayed for three nights in the middle of our vacation. About the time we'd had enough of our own children - they showed up with fresh backs for carrying toddlers and fresh patience. About the time we were ready for our own vacation back, they left and we still had a free day.

We also had DH and my Dad spend an afternoon on the golf course, since my Dad kind of got dragged into this.

 

[nelle]

Thanks for the advice everyone. We already have a two-bedroom booked for the 2nd week of dec so I know that there is no way I'd be able to change my ressies now. I think we will just keep the door to the studio part closed and locked. Her kids already know about the trip so I couldn't and wouldn't say that they can't go. As for laying ground rules for her it wouldn't work she is so hard headed and takes things like that as a personnel threat. My parents finally told her that they were going to stop supporting her and that she needed to get a job after a year and a half of being divorced. Thats the main reason my husband can't stand to be around her and why she's mad at my mother and father. She informed us that unless she can find a job that she likes she won't work(apparently there's no job that she likes because its been about 3 years since she has worked).
I'm sure this trip will work out fine, but we will have to split up and just meet up at the room. We will bring walkie talkes, but for some reason my batteries will always be dead .
thanks again.

 

[chris1gill]

Hi Nelle,

You never know about availability, it changes daily as you know... Give a call & see if there would be a 1 bedroom & separate studio available... you never know til you try....

Otherwise, I think it would be wise to keep that door locked as you suggested.... Sending lots of pixie dust!

 

[Kick it up a notch!]

I would just explain to them it is my vacation and I am invitiong you along. You need to get along or you will not be able to enjoy the wonders of Disney with us. That way, if they don't get along prior to the trip you can uninvite them and make sure the kids know it is because the adults can't act like adults.

Reality must set in for some folks to act responsibly and I think if they knew their actions could cause their children (and grandchildren) to not go to Disney then so be it. They need to realize it is their actions, not yours, that can lose them a nice vacation.