Ungrateful children

[jann1033]

hmm my kids are 27/29...finances were tight sometimes when they were young . they never got everything they wanted, knew the value of a $ and turned out well...but i can picture the stomping act happening when they were that age. kids don't have the ability to view things like more mature adults can.
i say this because while i don't think it's exactly a "stage" i think it's normal...last time they got spending money and so naturally expected it this time and were disappointed it wasn't going to happen....just like I, at 52 yrs old. "expect" I will go to LeCellier and would be disappointed if i couldn't
due to their immaturity and my "advanced age" we would react differently but still be disappointed
as far as expecting husband to sell his stuff, their immature minds are just trying to find a solution imo...the garage sale/ chores to make money being a better one but that cause we are adults.
don't know you so i can''t judge your parenting abilities but imo
unless you rountinely indulge their every whim you aren't a bad parent, they are just learning a fact of life...you don't always get what you want and you will be occasionally disappointed...

 

[Esteri]

I feel your pain. Our last Oct trip my now 16 DS told me my walking too slow ( 3 months pregnant) and desire for everyone to atleast eat dinner together, was ruining his entire vacation. He then procedeed to inform my that for the past several trips to the world had been ruined by me because I didn't allow him to do what he wanted. . .

Wow. You stick with not letting him go this year. I think if one of our boys ever expressed this sort of disrespect we would pack him onto a plane home the next day, AND he'd probably not come the next year either. At 16 he should know better.

 

[EnnEss]

My parents let me pick one thing to buy at Disney when I went and was too young to have money of my own, I think I was 8 or 9. I picked a board game from the star tours shop in DLR and it was kinda like monopoly except way bigger and had various moons on it. Come to think of it I'm not sure if it was a Star Tours thing as it may of been before Star Tours opened, but it was from Tommorowland for sure. This was about 18 years ago, not only do I still remember it but I loved playing it after. I don't recall but I would not be shocked to hear that I whined about not getting a pop or something I wanted at the time, was young and didn't fathom how much it cost just to go. Yet when I remember it now I am very greatful.

 

[rainy~daze]

....

 

[Brian Noble]

I hear you----my kids can be like this too. You didn't go wrong, and won't---unless you actually sell the hunting gear!

I would tell them something along the lines of: "Well, if it will be too hard to bear being in WDW without being able to buy anything, I'm sure Grandma would be happy to watch you for the week. But, if you come with us, we won't be buying toys or souvenirs."

 

[Boncho]

I completely understand your misery, OP. This past January we took our first family trip to Disney, me, DH DD3, DS4 and my stepdaughter15, my MIL and 2 SIL and my nephew(the inlaws paid for themselves). She(15yo) does not live with us, but with her mother, she spends no time with us at all, except for her birthday and Christmas or when we are doing fun stuff(convenient for her, huh??). We always invite her to join us when we go to hershey park, kneobels, etc. So, we figured since it was a family vacation, we would invite her to join us. I spent 10 months planning the trip, making ressies for dining , everything! All by myself, I asked everyones ideas and input, they were all TOO BUSY! My stepDD got to see some of my planing on the computer and knew Disney was not a Six Flags Great Adventure kind of park. She also knew her brother and sister were too small to go on 'big' rides. From the moment we landed in Orlando, she was a, a name I cannot say on these boards!!!! Talk about ungrateful!! She didn't even come to our wedding when we got married cause she liked her dads ex girlfriend (the parents were never married). I have always tried to include her and put up with all her bratty crap! We paid for her whole trip, just told her bring your own spending money, because we do not buy souvenirs, maybe a tshirt is all. I bougt the kids autgraph books to take, and she said ooh I'd like that that sounds neat, so I got her one too. She left it in the room everyday and said I have no where to put it, I carried the kids' in my backpack, I said want me to put it in here, she said NO! I don't want autographs! ooooooooookkkkkkaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyy! She was moody as all heck and spent no time with her father anyway. She complained about the food, threw most of it away, complained about the shows, complained about the rides, complained because it was too hot, too cold, too dry, too wet...everything!!!! what a miserable little snot! She hung out with SIL's most of the time, which was good actually because we didn't have to put up with her. Fine, but at least say thank you! we came home, she gave a see ya on her way out the door, and didn't hear from her for 3 months, till easter, to see if she got gifts from family members. We are planning a trip this december, and needless to say she is not invited, my DH told her at Easter we are going again, but he figured she had such a terrible time, he didn't think she should join us again, all that money to be miserable? She could just stay home and be miserable for free. Sorry. I had to vent that out a little!! I have been holding it in for so long now! (oh and by the way we haven't heard from her since Easter--guess we should have bought her something if we wanted her to call) But no fear her 16th birthday is next month, I'm thinking $16 in a card, mailed to her??

The card with $16 in it is a excellent idea. I know exactly how you feel, I have a stepson exactly the same way. The only time we hear from him is when he wants something - it breaks my husbands heart.The only difference between us is that I have given up giving until my stepson is mature enough to want to spend time with his father and his brother without expecting something (besides love) in return.

 

[JKMJ441724]

When they think back on this trip, they will only remember how much fun they had with their parents in DISNEY. They will never remember the amount of spending money they had.

 

[Disneyrsh]

I agree with what others have said about encouraging them to save their own money, etc.. But here's what the grammy in me says: 25 years from now they will not remember the stuffed Mickey or the light-up twirly thing. They will remember the fun you had together as a family. And they will realize the sacrifices you made to provide them such an opportunity.

That's true, to a certain point. But I STILL have my stuffed Figment from October 1982. I treasure him!

If you wait for the kids to develop gratitude, you'll be waiting a looooong time. It's not some innate ability that magically turns on at a certain point. It has to be taught, just like the value of a dollar has to be taught. My kids are really young, and they see the bills.

We just had to cancel a trip in September with free dining because our TV died, and we explained to the kids that there wasn't enough money in the budget to go to Disney in september and replace the tv, and that we, as parents, felt like the tv was something we would get more benefit out of and that that was the way we were going. We also let them know that we have another trip later down the road that we could start planning for, to take the sting out of it. They were bummed but no tantrums, no yelling, they UNDERSTOOD that the world isn't made of money.

I had no idea what the value of a dollar was and I was a spoiled, ungrateful brat as a kid and a teenager. It wasn't until I was living on my own and dirt poor that I realized how much my parents had given me. And also how much they could have taught me about money, but didn't. It was really really hard to learn about the value of a dollar as a grownup.

I also have to add, those posters that are saying 'hang in there' and other posts along that line, I think that is TERRIBLE advice!

Her kids made her feel awful, and your solution is to hang in there?

No!

You don't get to be made miserable and have your heart broken by your kids' bad behavior wihtout those kids getting read the riot act!

If you don't let them know that that behavior is unacceptable and hurts you, then they will continue to do it! They're kids; they don't come pre-programmed to behave in set ways, they explore and push the boundaries, and this is one boundary that you need to push back on, or they'll keep doing it.

They're not bad kids, they're normal kids.

It's up to you to let them know what does NOT fly in your house, EVER.

 

[dpuck1998]

Don't mean to hijack the post, but just a quick question. I give my kids 100 bucks when we goto Disney too. Usually it's for junk here and there, do you make them use this for t-shirts or any clothes type items they might want? I usually buy clothes for them and a pin here and there and let them use the 100 on toys for the most part. Actually my 7 y/o brought money home to save on our last trip. He wanted to buy a gameboy game.

 

[Chuck65]

When they think back on this trip, they will only remember how much fun they had with their parents in DISNEY. They will never remember the amount of spending money they had.

Very well said........on my first trip in 1972, the one thing I remember most is going into the Haunted Mansion with my dad and him holding me up when the room starts stretching. I can't tell you one, if any, of the souveniers I brought home.

 

[Boncho]

Don't mean to hijack the post, but just a quick question. I give my kids 100 bucks when we goto Disney too. Usually it's for junk here and there, do you make them use this for t-shirts or any clothes type items they might want? I usually buy clothes for them and a pin here and there and let them use the 100 on toys for the most part. Actually my 7 y/o brought money home to save on our last trip. He wanted to buy a gameboy game.

When we go, my son uses some of his money for t-shirts but I also buy him t-hirts - by the time we go home, he usually has 5 or 6. My son (11) is growing so fast that I have to continually buy him t-shirts anyway so when we're on vacation, if he wants one that costs more than I want to pay, he uses his money to buy it.

 

[Ride Junkie]

My kids misbehaved in a ladies clothing store while I was shopping. When I was done, I put them in the car and drove to a Target I don't usually shop at. I took them to the toy aisle and proceeded to make a scene and act JUST LIKE THEM in the other store. I whined loudly about all the things I want "a maserati, a cruise, some time to myself, nail polish" I (gently) pushed them around and kept them from looking at the things they wanted to see. Embarrassed the living daylights out of them (they were 3 and 7 at the time). Even the 3 yr old remember and every time she saw a Target sign she'd say "mommy if we go there are you going to 'pester' us." The parents around us at Target knew what I was doing and either giggled or smiled knowingly and nodded. It sure did work!

Lizzybee - that is awesome! Heh heh.

 

[Teresa Pitman]

The card with $16 in it is a excellent idea. I know exactly how you feel, I have a stepson exactly the same way. The only time we hear from him is when he wants something - it breaks my husbands heart.The only difference between us is that I have given up giving until my stepson is mature enough to want to spend time with his father and his brother without expecting something (besides love) in return.
__________________

I don't know if this applies to your situation, but have you ever seen the book called "The Five Languages of Love" (I think that is the title). It is an excellent book - there are versions to help parents with children, and to help couples. Anyway, the author explains that different people need different things to help them feel loved. For some, it is physical touch - you can say the words "I love you" all day long, but they don't really FEEL loved until you hug them. For some, it is words of affirmation - not that they mind being hugged, but it is hearing "I love you and I think you're wonderful" that makes them feel loved. Often relationships get into trouble because one person is trying to express love to the other, but not in the way that makes that second person truly FEEL loved. It's like speaking two different languages.

The reason I mention this is because two other "languages of love" are Thoughtful Gifts and Acts of Service. Some people really only feel love when the other person does something for them (an act of service) or gives them a gift. Your stepson may not actually be selfish or immature (I don't know, because I don't know him) but may simply be trying to communicate what he needs to feel loved. The words or hugs he's currently getting may not be "speaking his language."

The gifts and services do not need to be big things - it is the "thinking about you" aspect of them that makes it meaningful to the other person.

Teresa

 

[Tissa]

I completely understand your misery, OP. This past January we took our first family trip to Disney, me, DH DD3, DS4 and my stepdaughter15, my MIL and 2 SIL and my nephew(the inlaws paid for themselves). She(15yo) does not live with us, but with her mother, she spends no time with us at all, except for her birthday and Christmas or when we are doing fun stuff(convenient for her, huh??). We always invite her to join us when we go to hershey park, kneobels, etc. So, we figured since it was a family vacation, we would invite her to join us. I spent 10 months planning the trip, making ressies for dining , everything! All by myself, I asked everyones ideas and input, they were all TOO BUSY! My stepDD got to see some of my planing on the computer and knew Disney was not a Six Flags Great Adventure kind of park. She also knew her brother and sister were too small to go on 'big' rides. From the moment we landed in Orlando, she was a, a name I cannot say on these boards!!!! Talk about ungrateful!! She didn't even come to our wedding when we got married cause she liked her dads ex girlfriend (the parents were never married). I have always tried to include her and put up with all her bratty crap! We paid for her whole trip, just told her bring your own spending money, because we do not buy souvenirs, maybe a tshirt is all. I bougt the kids autgraph books to take, and she said ooh I'd like that that sounds neat, so I got her one too. She left it in the room everyday and said I have no where to put it, I carried the kids' in my backpack, I said want me to put it in here, she said NO! I don't want autographs! ooooooooookkkkkkaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyy! She was moody as all heck and spent no time with her father anyway. She complained about the food, threw most of it away, complained about the shows, complained about the rides, complained because it was too hot, too cold, too dry, too wet...everything!!!! what a miserable little snot! She hung out with SIL's most of the time, which was good actually because we didn't have to put up with her. Fine, but at least say thank you! we came home, she gave a see ya on her way out the door, and didn't hear from her for 3 months, till easter, to see if she got gifts from family members. We are planning a trip this december, and needless to say she is not invited, my DH told her at Easter we are going again, but he figured she had such a terrible time, he didn't think she should join us again, all that money to be miserable? She could just stay home and be miserable for free. Sorry. I had to vent that out a little!! I have been holding it in for so long now! (oh and by the way we haven't heard from her since Easter--guess we should have bought her something if we wanted her to call) But no fear her 16th birthday is next month, I'm thinking $16 in a card, mailed to her??

Does you husband know the names that you call his daughter? I have the same kind of relationship or lack of one with my father and I'm now 36. My stepmother never made me feel welcome and always made it clear that her kids were more important. The pictures of us with my dad were put into the back bedroom, so we could see them when we stayed the night while her kids 8x10's were all over the living room. While I'm sure you are doing everything you think you can to be nice to her maybe she sees it in a different way. It could be the wrong way but when you dad remarries and has more kids it can be difficult. Be the adult and do a little better than $16 for her birthday. This will only cause further problems.
Just my two cents

 

[rainy~daze]

Does you husband know the names that you call his daughter? I have the same kind of relationship or lack of one with my father and I'm now 36. My stepmother never made me feel welcome and always made it clear that her kids were more important. The pictures of us with my dad were put into the back bedroom, so we could see them when we stayed the night while her kids 8x10's were all over the living room. While I'm sure you are doing everything you think you can to be nice to her maybe she sees it in a different way. It could be the wrong way but when you dad remarries and has more kids it can be difficult. Be the adult and do a little better than $16 for her birthday. This will only cause further problems.
Just my two cents

Well maybe I can add that 2 cents to her $16. Maybe your situation was different, but I have done nothing but try to make her feel welcome. Since day one she was a terror, since I met her at 8 years old. She said she missed my DH ex girlfriend(who she was terrible to also by the way). She was so mean to me, and I tried to be nicer and nicer. Then Christmas came, I got her a gift from somewhere she thought was expensive( it wasn't really) and she came over hugged me and said I love you. Funny, cause the day before she was still being a brat. The parents were never married, and her mother had a live in boyfriend since the day she was born, so it is not that I took her daddy from her mother. She is spoiled, plain and simple. She would call us in the middle of the night and tell us her mom and the BF were beating her, so we would call the cops to go to their house. Then all of a sudden it was hunky dory, no problems there, we were the crazy ones. We have made a room in our house on 4 occasions in 2 years for her to move in with us, and do you want to know why she didn't??? Because at 13 her question to us was, 'can i still shop at Abercrombie and Fitch every week and sleep over boys houses, because my mom lets me?' We said that is not even up for discussion at this point, it is about your safety, nope, to her it was about what will you buy me. We at the time had 2 little babies at home, and A&F is not a necessity, formula and diapers were. And as for sleeping over at boys houses, yeah right! While at Disney I said to her one night, you know there ar 9 peole here, not just you, be a little bit more flexible, try to understand there is a lot to see, not just the stuff you want, she told me I was p***ing her off. So yeah, I should cut her some slack. I mean she'e only 15, it's a teen thing, and in 5 more years it will still be okay because it's a college thing, and in 5 more, etc, etc. At some point you grow up. I cannot excuse the way she treats her father and her brother and sister. I know some stepparents are jerks, but it was my idea to invite her to Disney to begin with thinking she might like it. Boy was i sorry. I am the one who tells her father to call her all the time, she never return his calls ever. I watch his heart break day in and day out, it is not a matter of we don't want her around. She chooses to be this way, so I should give her more? Well, gee maybe we should just buy her a car since then she can drive down once a year to see us. And her pics are on our fireplace and the frig, where all the other pics are. Being in her shoes, maybe you have some idea of why she is the way she is? Because I have no idea how to get thru to that kid, but I do know spending more money on her is NOT the answer in any way. We invite her to hang out with us, go to the parks, go to the drive in, go swimming,go to picnics-- she never even responds. So, I am out if ideas.

 

[DawnM]

Wow.....we go to Disney all the time and I have never given them $100 to spend!

We have light chasers that say "2000" on them, we have some really cool Disneyland light up necklaces with the Electric LIght Parade on them from around 2000, and we have some Buzz Lightyear stuff. I think we haven't even spent $100 total on all of it together.

All our Disney stuff was purchased at Disney Outlet stores. They have a Disney bucket of stuff they take back with them every year to the parks so that they have "what everyone else has!"

My kids LOVE going to Disney. They know they can pick out ONE item at the Disney Outlet store while we are there and that is that! Occasionally I have let them pick out a lego item at DTD if it is something they haven't been able to find anywhere else, but that is a SPECIAL occasion....not a given.

We do Disney as cheap as possible so we can keep going back!

Hope you get some better attitudes going before you head down there! My kids are not even close to perfect, but they are very clear about our money situation and part of their allowance includes "attitude" for the week!

Dawn

 

[Kath2003]

My folks never gave us a buck on vacation. They fed us two (yes, two, not threee) good meals a day, albeit at somewhere like Ponderosa/Sizzler/Perkins/Denny's for breakfast and Bennigans/Chillis etc for dinner and that was it. If we wanted a soda, we had to pay for it out of our OWN money. If we wanted an ice cream, we had to pay for it out of our OWN money. If we wanted a hat, we had to pay for it out of our OWN money. We earnt this money by doing odd jobs ($6 for washing the car for example) throughout the year, from gifts for birthdays and employment as teens.

If my folks decided to buy is a Mickey Bar BETWEEN THE THREE OF US (me and my 2 sisters), that was a big treat. I remember thoroughly enjoying sharing a Mickey Bar with the other two in the line for Jungle Cruise aged 14!!!

Your kids sound almost like they've had the "best" of everything throughout their lives. I understand that every parent wants that for their children and it sounds like you have worked hard to give it to them.

But I think NOT having the "best" of spending money will help them more than $100 a piece will EVER do. I think it'll teach them to budget, to appreciate what you DO have and to realise that money is not going to be handed to them on a plate for the rest of their lives. Harsh? Yes. Fair? Yes.

Basically what I'm trying to say is: don't feel bad or guilty for not coughing up $300. Saving those $300 now because you *have to* will save you thousands of bucks in the future AND hassle in the future when you explain the value to money to your children. It teaches them a lesson worth way more than $100 a piece - and it's a hard lesson to learn BUT I admire you as a parent for doing it, volunatarily or otherwise!

 

[TastefullyChris]

Right on, Babar41 ! We saved for 18 months for our trip and I let my boys 10 & 12 know how much it cost, what we were sacrificing, and that they would need to earn their own money for souvineers. The only exception was the Change Jar. We tossed our extra coins in a big jar and they got to split it. Funny thing is, they had each saved about $60 from allowance, chores, birthday money etc. When I took the change in to the bank (without them) it was close to $150!!! I really didn't want them blowing more than $100 each, so I gave them each $35 and put the rest in the "meal fund". They didn't know the difference and were happy to have what was given to them.

Before we went to the parks, I reminded the boys to spend carefully. Daddy and I were paying for the trip and meals, but ANYTHING else they wanted was on their dime. I had to laugh at my oldest...he was silently counting his change after buying one of his souvineers. I asked him what he was doing and he said "I am seeing if I have enough to buy a bottle of water...I'm really thirsty!" I told him we could certainly spring for a drink or snack...he didn't need to spend his $$$ on that!

All OP's that mention more careful spending are RIGHT!!! I never saw my
kids deliberate so much over spending each penney of that money!

So, take heart, stick to your guns and give 'em a good "talking to". A "happy heart" at WDW beats pouting at home!!!

 

[SnoWhiteRabbit]

It's just kids. I would not worry, you've done nothing wrong. Once they get to WDW they will forget about the money and have a blast.

I agree, and I like the suggestion for a garage sale, and maybe they can do a few odd jobs before the trip for neighbors (don't know the ages of the kids..).

Have fun!!!

 

[artsya3]

.'Tis it true... that after years, a select few memories and thoughts stay in mind about the vacations you take..

I



For instance at Disney the few things I remeber from years before when I was half my age or younger;(At The Moment- Remeber..)

1. MGM, They had the stage set from different tv shows, cheers, giligan's Island and ? another one, the people in the skits were people who came to watch the show, they picked the people who were to be in them before people took thier seats, They would ask for volunteers and/or spot someone perfect I guess. .. well we went and watched it, My mother wouldn't give up she suggested that we go through again , and maybe a third time. ... So either the second or third time I was picked as the movie star: Ginger! Hah, I was so happy, I wore a huge wrap around neck glittery scarffish thingie and waves big and blew kisses while smiling, to make people feel comftorable it wasnt' taped and so on ly your friends and family saw you and the other on tv screens scattered throughout the room and on the tv set (set up) like you were really on tv and getting taped, but not and just watched by your family


2. THe Indiana JOnes show..or performance, was it a ride too? well I member sitting in bleacher like stands and watching an escape of some kind and a car being blown up, was very exciting and you could smell the smells of all the action. Remarkable.


3. We went on some tour and saw the a tv show set up, Blurry memory atm,,
Another tour or same? was the Roger Rabbit um ______ I actually have a picture of this somewhere and me under the _______(big rolling machine) and also right next to it you saw the black hole items,

4. The Marriott, We usually stayed there if not all times, I loved how the pools were open 24/7 and there was 3 and with 2 jac/ .. Where I discovered Room Service!

5. I dont' remeber this really but I have a mickey mouse certificate from being watched by them when I was younger, Its just that I rember looking at the certificate every now and then.(so sometimes stuff jogs the memory)

6. Its a small world ride.... I loved this the most I think. well I went back last year and wasnt' sure if its because they changed it a bit or what but some of my love for it seemed to be gone, Maybe because it was smaller then I thought like the song. And see it like that 'cause I got bigger.

7. Epcot, posing in front of the BIG BALL!!!. .

My mother is the reason the for most of the greatestest memories I have. and ever will. She took me on trips, played with me (ALOT), helped raise my son, supported my art, great sence of humor, different activities, loved me enormously, cared, shouted, sacrificed ,worked her tush off and still kept going,

Everyone has a certain kind of manner, spirit, way of doing/saying things that make them special, so we need to treasure everyone's unique-nesses while even enjoying our own!!!

I took my son last year and we went way over what I though we would spend, I brought home so much that we had so many bags (carry-ons) Looked like something out of a movie or? ..


This year we are going to go again and I started to tell him about this system where he does chores and earn points(got that from like dvc) and he hasn't helped that much in weeks, although he is pretty helpful already, keeps his room clean brings up stuff from cars.. Now he is bringing up laundry and downa and actually putting his (10)and his brother's (who's 2) clothes's away.

I liked the thought from a post that said half goes in the bank,
So points are .50cents and most things are 2pts, although some are 10pts or 5pts depending on the chore. He said I almost have all the points I want/need. He I think is working his way to 100, although he's trying to convince me that a point =1.00,

And because we got so much stuff from last year.. we are to listen to another post and bring some of it back like a hat disney light up, if I can find the auto book hmm (have so many books) and a mickey disney. oh and what I really liked well what he really liked!!


Great Idea for revisitors to Disney, well I think anywho...
The Pins, the trading pins, you buy a few pins, and then you can trade with any worker wearing it ,, you dont have to trade if you see something you dont' like, just say no,,, My son likes the pirates of car,, so he'll probably be looking for that pin on someone, and it occupys time and its like getting something new but trading, and you can even trade with other people but I dont rember if my son did that too much, some won't want to, which is fine because there was a lot of cast wearing them!! cast= even the workers for the rides. like in Epcot!!



Great ride the one by the hmm well its on the left if you look straigh at the contries and kinda in the middle by china? (is it dutch or, ?Finland.)something like that) and then its like a little coaster and makes you think you'll fall out the side but you don't and you see that from outside, one of my favorites.


I just remembered one of the most greatest disney trips of all!!

This is how special my mother is... She planned for us to see off a family 'cousin' who was a bit older on a plane.,, We were to visit plane, the piolet and test out the seats, and see the cousin off,,Me, My Mother My about same age boy cousin and his mom(my mom's sister) and The Cousin who was around my mother's age. So we went to see her off on the plane, we sat on the seats, I had just stayed home a few days chicken pocks from school, omg what a trip.. We where in the plane and it said that all leave not staying on the plane(something more official sounding although that generally) And I was like we got to get off and there they told us we were going to Disney me just over chicken pocks and my mother because of that brought all my homework from school, she had talked with the teacher.... Ty Mrs. Mac Entire.. And so wow was I in smiles, and my cousin even after an hour on the plane was like yeah right we r going, it's a joke he's still saying. But It wasn't and we went.

From this trip there is a picture of me and my cousin on a rock that I have, heh and his underwear are kindof showing from his shorts, not too much, but he's wearing MIckey Underwear!.