Ughh.....my daughter was offensive.....

[AC7179]

Thanks. Hubby called friend's mom to check on them and friend's mom relayed the incident. They just dropped DD off and I went outside to talk about it. I think friend's mom thought my dd was out of line and corrected her (as I would want her to do) and then the friend was just so offended. Friend's mom says she loves my daughter and she is sweet and generous and of course kids make mistakes. So I feel better on that front.........and agree that the friend probably had some issues. That said, I am sorry that my daughter offended her, but I do know that she learned her lesson and won't say something like that again.

 

[AC7179]

Also, to clarify....they were in the drive through. She made the statement to her friend in the vehicle, not to the drive through worker, and not where the worker could hear.

 

[OceanAnnie]

I agree with the other posters that stated the woman has issues. She over stepped her bounds IMO. Correcting is one thing. Your DD is a child. She has just repeated what she has heard. She wasn't the one to make it up. I've heard that saying all of my life in some way shape or form. It's as old as dirt.

It's a cliche because there is some truth to it! (Yes, there are exceptions.)

She should have given your DD a break. She could've be a little kinder. She's the adult. If she gets offended that easily by a child, Lord help her.

 

[Keli]

I would have laughed if she had said that while I was in the car. It was a joke said in the privacy of the car, not said where the employee could hear, and I think the mom's friend was way out of line and waaaayyy too sensitive. I'll bet she gets that chip knocked off her shoulder on a regular basis. I'm sure she's self-righteously proud of herself for lauching into a kid over a silly joke.

 

[grlpwrd]

On the flipside how do you or does she know these workers also attend college?

It seems quite judgmental on your dd's part...

 

[Tasha+Scott]

No offense but I think that the friend's mom and you are both overreacting about this! She is only 12 and it was a joke! You could explain that she shouldn't make those type of jokes to others anymore b/c obviously not everyone can handle those types of jokes. You could also explain that she shouldn't make fun of fast-food workers b/c she does not know their situation. Perhaps they have a degree. Perhaps they don't. Perhaps they are a single mother trying to make ends meet. Perhaps they lost their spouse and are just trying to go on. Who knows? But I don't think the friend's mom had any right to "jump all over your dd". That should have been a conversation she had with you and she should have let you handle it. I don't think your dd deserves to be punished over this. Again, she is just 12 and probably only meant it as a joke. I would simply explain that she shouldn't look down on someone for working in fast-food and give her some of the scenarios as examples that I listed above. No true harm done IMO.

 

[Dakota_Lynn]

My daughter ( just turned 12) spent the day shopping with her friend, friend's mom, and friend's mom's friend in the city. After a long day of shopping, they stop at a fast food restaurant on the way home. Apparently the order was really messed up. My daughter said, jokinging, "This, my friends, is why you go to college," about the workers that messed up their order. Apparently the mom's friend was very offended by this and pretty much attacked my daughter, telling her that she didn't have a degree and she had plently of money, thank you very much, and didn't have to work at a fast food place. From what I can gather, it turned into a very big deal and the friend was very, very offended.

I know that my daughter was probably trying to be funny and it fell flat. I don't think what she said was funny and, had I been with her, would have told her to get off her high horse and quit acting superior. I'm the only person in her immediate family with a degree, it's not like we look down on people without them. I feel awful that she was so offensive. The only thing I can guess that the comment came from is we tell her she needs to go to college so she doesn't end up in a dead end job. I am just sick over this incident. I'm afraid she won't be invited to go places with this particular friend (very nice girl) anymore. She is usually a lovely little girl, but this is probably the second or third time this year she has said something like that that could be taken so offensively. I don't really know what the next step should be.........do you think that the lady making a big scene about it is punishment enough? I'm sure she was VERY embarrassed and felt badly once she realized she had hurt someone's feelings......and I know she would never do so on purpose, but the point is that she did it. Thoughts, anyone?

Honestly, I think it was a good lesson for your daughter to learn. The joke WAS funny, but inappropriate in company she didn't know well. She needs to learn that when in the company of people she's not close to, such jokes should be avoided. It's just the way the world is. I don't think you should punish her, but I do think a letter of apology would make HER feel better about it. She's a good kid and is learning what every child needs to learn. People have very different senses of humor. Some people will get hurt, and those people matter too. It's best to sooth it over and be a little more careful next time.

I can indeed see how the comment could be offensive to people who didn't go to college. Moreover, her comment isn't a correct assessment. Many people live great and productive lives without an education while others who are highly educated are total rejects. I think it is also important that she realize that those people work hard, and that she may herself end up working in such a place someday. It's good to teach her to be kind to people who screw up because she will make mistakes, too, regardless of what job she does. Really, all of this is just an afterthought because I don't think she meant it to be mean. She's 12, and like all 12 year olds, she wants the adults to think she is funny. She made the joke, probably because she heard somebody else make the very same joke. Unfortunately, she chose to make the joke around somebody who was a tad bit uptight. She'll grow from the experience.

 

[Michelle2]

I would "deal with it" by having a little chat with the adult that humiliated my child in public.

I totally agree, even though it was not in front of alot of people, it was in front of her friend and her friend's mom. I think the friend was completely out of line to take it upon herself to chastise your daughter, she is only 12. I agree with the statement of an adult getting that offended over something a child said??? If she had that big of a problem, she should have taken it up with you...her parent.

I don't think she should apologize to this lady at all, in fact the lady owes YOU an apology for treating your DD that way. I think that making her apologize after already feeling humiliation from this woman, would further humiliate her, and hurt her self esteem. But I am biased when it comes to kids, so it is JMHO

 

[Dakota_Lynn]

I would "deal with it" by having a little chat with the adult that humiliated my child in public.

I disagree. Twelve is old enough to take responsibility for such things. The joke was in poor taste in the company of people she didn't know well. She's going to have to learn sooner or later that certain jokes can (or should) only be made around close friends. She went out in the real world, she make a mistake, she got chewed out, she feels bad, she learned a lesson, and she will become a more better person for it. Next time she'll stop to think about whether or not her joke could be taken as mean and that is a good thing. We all learn this lesson as children. I know I did, and so has my daughter. Kids hear jokes at home and most of us tell non-pc jokes in the privacy of our homes; jokes we could never tell in public. The OP's daughter has learned that there is a fine line with humor. To jump down the throat of the women she offended is just crazy. While I do believe the woman overreacted, ya can't go chew out ever person who offends your children, especially when the child is 12 and getting to an age where she IS going to get hurt now and then. She'll be a little wiser and a little tougher for the experience. She won't die. And I swear to you, her psychological development won't be stunted. I hate that I'm defending the woman who over-reacted, but I think it's a greater over-reaction to "have a chat" over this minor thing.

 

[epcotfan]

I don't think she needs to apologize to anyone. It was said in jest. Give the girl a break. If the friend and her mother don't want to see your daughter anymore then it is their loss.

 

[LindsayDunn228]

Yeah, everything Dakota Lynn said!!!!!!!

 

[cjb71870]

12 yrs. old these days is not a child. And, why were you so quick to defend her comments? Just because no employee heard her it's funny? Well then don't watch the news today. Because I'm pretty sure most of the survivors around NO haven't been to college!!!

 

[shortbun]

Although what she said was offensive,as you pointed out, she just turned 12. I think this should be put to bed pretty quickly with you comforting her but making sure it was a learning experience. Maybe the over reaction was necessary for your daughter to never make such a thoughtless comment again. I was glad to read that this all happened in a drive through and no one else heard any of it. She IS only 12. Lesson learned and move on with head held high, honey. Sounds like the mom said everything I would have wanted to hear from her....she loves your daughter, etc. I doubt it was too ugly.

 

[shortbun]

12 yrs. old these days is not a child. And, why were you so quick to defend her comments? Just because no employee heard her it's funny? Well then don't watch the news today. Because I'm pretty sure most of the survivors around NO haven't been to college!!!

I work with 12 year olds every day. I assure you, they are children. Still maleable and still learning, a lot. They are a social experiment in action. It's painfull to watch but very interesting. As a grownup, I interject occasionally to direct them but their resistance sometimes requires a real shock. It's amazing what some of them still don't 'get' and what some do get and will do just to hurt someone else brazenly. In the educational process, children this age are often discussed as the hardest to work with due to hormones and their status as almost grownup. There is just soooo much going on. Still children, yep.

 

[gina2000]

Well, the order was really messed up. And the remark was made in the privacy of a car.

Truthfully, the mom overreacted. Sounds like she's a bit sensitive about education.

And as far as professions go...a job well done is what people look for whether you are a lawyer or a fast food worker. Wise cracks about a messed up order are pretty normal. Better that than outright anger.

And what do NOLA survivors have to do with any of this?

 

[bgirldeb]

I feel bad for your DD. She was being a kid! Heck, I'm almost 30 years old and would probably say something like that among friends and family. Or, maybe something else like "this isn't rocket science".

 

[snoopy]

Geez....I thought it was kinda funny too, and certainly nothing to get all worked up about! Sorry your DD was made to feel so bad. Sounds to me like she has already had her "punishment" -- she hopefully learned how uptight some people can be!

 

[eleanor]

I am glad that I have never said anything bad in my entire life. I am sure that she has learned a lesson that some adults have never learned if you read some posts on other subjects.

 

[VistaLeigh'smommy]

I think she learned a lesson. Now maybe she will think twice about saying things that could offend people.

I think comments like that are VERY rude. She doesn't know if the people in there are working their way through college or not... and of course the friend has issues, when 12 year olds are making comments like that, how many other people have said things around her in the past??? She taught your daughter a well deserved lesson... better in the privacy of a car then for a stranger to overhear her and tear her apart. She will think twice from now on..

Even 12 year olds have to be PC it seems

 

[Bella the Ball 360]

I am going to have to agree that the other woman overreacted - if she was offended by the comments she should have had a discreet conversation with you about it

and I say good for you for instilling in her a desire to go to college!

I agree. You know a lot of people who go do not go to college are sensitive about it. They think we have some "secret knowledge" than they do not and are always trying to play catch up.

My feeling is, first pre-teens and teens have differently wired brains than adults and often they do not think before they speak.

Second, if this woman is so uptight about this then maybe she should try and take a couple of college courses and get over it. From my experience, I have met two basic types of people who do not go to college. The first type is the in your face see I did not go to college and look how well I doing type and the second is the type who is so defferential that it is silly. MOst times these people have issues with not having atteneded college BUT never go back and try to rectify the situation. I mean this in the sense of recitfy so that they will feel BETTER about themselves not that they are looked down upon.

Third, your child is right to some extent. Working at a fast food job is a dead end and in that sense that is one of the reasons you go to college, to avoid it! There are lots of dead end jobs and most likely that was what she was so clumsily expressing.

I have a masters but I look in awe upon a plumber or a carpenter and feel they possess some "secret knowledge". It is all in how you view the world.
In this case the woman is an idiot with issues and mabye you are better of not letting your child be with her.