UGH!! Would YOU go?!

[KimRaye]

DH's Goddaughter/Niece's BD was 7/26. Party was to be 8/3. Ok, we were going. Turned down 2 other invites for that day (including a DIS Meet!) , Party was rescheduled to the 10th because they (SIL & family) wanted to attend a Block Party on the 3rd. (IMO what better way to HAVE a BD party than join it with a Block Party but..... whatever). The 10th was DH's work picnic, we couldn't go to BD party, so SIL re-scheduled again, claiming her Best Friend and us couldn't come so, how about the 24th? I told her it was my nephew's BD that day, which it is but, HIS party is a week early, 8/17! shhh, don't tell. I was just getting furious about her hap-hazard, don't give a darn plans! She lines you up and, if someone, almost anyone can't make it, she re-schedules! And, Wait, she's done it again!! After the 8/24 invite, she asks if we can come 9/7!! No explanation, nothing! DH was gonna go 8/24 but, before I can even answer, she switches the dates again!! Now, PLEASE, would you even bother?!

(btw, a $ giftcard was already sent for Niece's actual BD and, a material gift was dropped off at inlaws when we couldn't be there on the 10th so, it's not like I didn't plan ahead!! My SIL has been driving me crazy about these things for the last 4 years!)

ARRRGGGHHHH!!! VENT Over........not really though. Thanks for listening/reading.

 

[jipsy]

My family used to do that to me. I was always expected to just change my plans and show up. After I while, I learned to say "Sorry I can't be there I have other plans that day." That's all the explanation I felt they deserved.

After about two years, they stopped doing that to me.

 

[worm761]

i wouldnt go. i would make plans for every saturday from here to christmas just so i wouldnt go. sometimes my plans are imaginary but shhh....dont tell!

 

[helenabear]

I'd be torn with what I would want to do. I wouldn't want to miss it only because of the neice and if I had nothing to do that day, I would feel bad not going. However what the parents are doing isn't quite right. I might just tell them "I don't know if I can make it" and leave it at that. Sorry they keep doing this to you all and I feel even more sorry for your neice.

 

[believe]

If I didn't have plans, I would go. It is not the child's fault and and if you have children you are also punishing them by not allowing them to go to the party because of the parents' attitude. It is the kids that matter!

 

[KimRaye]

Originally posted by jipsy
After about two years, they stopped doing that to me.

Only 2 years? SIL has been doing this for over 4 years, Including cancelling on US the day of our parties!! SIL is my DD's Godmother, WHAT was I thinking?! I had many other faithful choices!

sometimes my plans are imaginary but shhh....dont tell!

Hey, mine were too about the 24th!! shhhhhh But, DH was gonna go, I think, it's his niece/Goddaughter after all. I was actually gonna SURPRISE SIL and, show up, with DD, and ADD to her 'head count' and, explain that MY SIL rescheduled a party (just like she did!) UGH!!!

Like I said, vent isn't over. But, it does feel better out in the open!

Thanks, to both of you!

 

[KimRaye]

Elaine & Amanda, I agree with you, too, as a caring, compassionate person but, SIL has really ticked me off for the longest time and, like I stated, the gifts have been sent and, being held by inlaws, etc. until a FINAL date is actually decided upon by SIL but.......

Let's say I agree (AGAIN) to attend, commit the date to her, refuse other invites and, she reschedules for a 5th time?! My gift is still is limbo, my other invites have been regretted to, etc.!! I'm not saying this'll happen 9/7 but, it happened 8/3!

And, remember, this poor child's BD was in JULY!

 

[honeywolf7]

KimRaye, I wouldn't blame you if you did just show up on her.

 

[jipsy]

helena is right - I do feel sorry for your niece. How confusing that must be to have a birthday in July and have your mother change your party date numerous times.

I do give your SIL a little bit of credit - at least she is asking you if certain dates are ok, even if she is changing them.

My family never asked. They would just call and say "Hey we're having a cookout Saturday, can you bring potato salad?" Me: "Umm, how long has this been planned?" "Them: "Oh about a month ago." Me: "And you're just now telling me? Sorry, but I won't be there, I have other plans."

Dead silence on other end of phone. Then "Well, can't you change them? We really want you to be there."

Me: "Then you should have asked me a month ago."

Don't get me wrong; I love my family dearly and we are all very close. For some reason, they just felt like they could do that to me. Especially my oldest sister was the worst.

Good luck whatever you decide.

 

[believe]

Atleast you are invited. DHs brothers have parties for their kids and invite only the wives' family, but not DHs family...not even DH's parents. They don't show for our DDs' parties even though they are given 30 days, if not more, notice. One SIL actually went to a friend's son's party over her own niece's party. It isn't that they always have other plans...they just don't come, even if I do try to reschedule for them. If MIL ask to bring the kids, they say no. I just really feel that the kids should not be punished for parents who are not considerate. I would not bend over backwards to go, but like I said if I didn't have other plans I would go or have DH atleast go.
Can you tell DH's family really 'gets' to me.....

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I would tell her you aren't sure & stall. Then if you have no plans on that day call and say that the plans fell through and you can come after all. In other words give her an "I don't know"/"Maybe" answer.

That way you are covered. You can go ahead and make plans and also don't have to worry about her rescheduling.

BTW they are holding YOUR gift? That is terrible. I think I would deliver it to her in person next year. After all she is dh's Godchild, right? (Have to think of excuse why you want to give it to her on her b-day)

Inlaws...sheeeesh

 

[Cindy B]

I have learned to say "I'm sorry I can't make it..." and leave it at that.

 

[glo]

Kim that would drive me absolutely crazy. I can't blame you for feeling the way you do. I feel bad for the little one. Birthday was in July? What must he/she be feeling?

 

[Rajah]

Originally posted by The Mystery Machine
I would tell her you aren't sure & stall. Then if you have no plans on that day call and say that the plans fell through and you can come after all. In other words give her an "I don't know"/"Maybe" answer.

That way you are covered. You can go ahead and make plans and also don't have to worry about her rescheduling.

Ditto.

 

[Amy]

I feel bad for your neice that they keep changing her party. How old is she? Hope she's old enough to understand. I don't blame you for being upset - I agree with whoever said to give your SIL a "maybe" answer and not feel guilty if something else comes up.

DH's family is famous for planning things ahead but only telling us the night before. Like fools, we used to cancel whatever we had planned to go to the family functions, but stopped that once our kids were old enough to get upset when their plans had to be changed because of family stuff.

We don't have that problem any more; DH's family doesn't invite us to ANYTHING any more (incl. his mom's bday party this past Saturday). Know why? Two years ago, my parents' 50th anniv. was on Aug. 12, a Saturday, so I planned a small party with a few of my relatives that day. We were leaving on vacation on Aug. 13. Our 2 DS's were invited to a friend's bday/sleepover the night of Aug. 12. The week before, DH's sister calls to tell us that she's having an 80th bday party for his mom (her bday is Aug. 10) on Aug. 12. Ok, so an 80th bday is a biggie, but so is a 50th anniv. DH and I decided that we'd split up - the kids and I would do my parents' anniv. party (the kids are closer to my parents anyway) and he'd go alone to his mom's bday party. Well, DH's sister got all snotty and told him (get this) - that we should have changed our vacation AND changed my parents' anniv. party so that we could all come to his mom's bday party!! Never mind that both our vacation and my parents' anniv. party had been planned months in advance and she only gave us 1 week's notice. Grrrrr.......families.

 

[nativetxn]

Don't you have a DIS meet to attend that day? No? Well, plan one

 

[CJMickeyMouse]

It's nice to see I am not alone!!!!!

In our case, they just want the kids there, not us. It's infuriating to say the least! Together with the fact that we get usually about an hour notice.

I just got blasted by one of these situations today so I am sitting here fuming but at least this thread made me smile!!!

Thanks, guys!!!!

 

[Disney Doll]

I would lay my father's famous quote on them:
"Poor planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part."

 

[musicfan]

Wow. I guess I'm alone. I was kind of feeling sorry for the SIL, trying to find a date where everyone can come so no one feels left out. And changing the date quickly as soon as she learns it's a bad date for someone so you don't get something nailed down on that date.

I think I probably come across like your SIL. I thought people appreciated my efforts to include everyone possible, but obviously a lot of people see it as obnoxious, so maybe I'll rethink it.

 

[Amy]

I have a quote by Bill Cosby on my fridge, and I read it every single day. He said: "I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is to try and please everybody". I keep that in mind when I'm planning anything - I make sure the date is ok with the most important people and hope everyone else can make it. You'll go crazy trying to find a date that makes everybody happy, and that sounds like your SIL. And what happens? Your poor niece doesn't get a bday party!