UGH!! What is wrong with children today??

[ilovemcbride]

LONG vent ahead...

Some of you may know that I'm a teacher. There is a child in the 5th grade who never does what he's supposed to do...homework, following the directions, etc. Anyway, Tuesday he cracked my window in the gym with a kickball. He'd gotten in trouble before while playing kickball (different offenses) so I'd had it. I told him no more kickball for him the rest of the year. Not at recess, not at gym. I told him he could play in the outfield but he was NOT allowed to kick. So today I have half of the kids in the gym for recess and the other half are outside. One of the 5th grade girls comes in to tell me that he kicked the ball and hit my mom's car (she teaches there too). So I go out to get him and ask him WHY he's playing kickball when he was told not to. He just looks at me!! So I made him go in and sit down. I told him he continally defied my authority. He admitted that he had went out yesterday and played as well. He says he knows what he's done wrong. But does he correct it? No! I've called his mother and called his mother, but there's no help there. Usually when I call her it's around 11:30 and I get her out of bed. I know if there's no support at home that there's not always a lot of hope.

What does a person do? He acts all remorseful for what he's done and then he goes and does it again. He's gonna be one of those kids who's gonna have a hard time in middle school next year. Parents, teachers?? Any help??

Boy that feels better, getting that off my chest!

 

[poohandwendy]

Sounds like it is time to try to get the mother in for a conference. With you, with the guidance counsellor, with the principal...What does the principal say?

Also, is there a father in the picture?

 

[perdidobay]

The problem with kids today???

parents that don't want to parent.

 

[mum4jenn]

I know you probably do not want to hear this but I think he just need some good old TLC.

Is there a school counselor??

My school had a kid like this...also a 5th grader.... that had a horrible attitude and seemed to always be in trouble about something. The Principal and the counselor started showing him more attention and finding things to talk to him about that interest him. He has a sad home life and would act out for the attention. Now this kid has made a complete turn around and he smiles and jokes and you can tell he has made so much improvement.


Now I am not a teacher..I am the lunchroom manager...but I have seen this kid every school day for the last three years and he used to give me so much grief in the lunchroom we hated even looking at each other and now he gives me high fives!!!

 

[mermaidlady]

Okay I have one minor gripe. You say that you call his mom at 11:30 and get her out of bed. If you called me at that time you would get me out of bed as well because I work nights. Please make sure you have all the facts before you judge her for poor parenting based on the time she sleeps. Gripe over, carry on with the regularly scheduled vent.

 

[joshsmom]

The problem with kids today???

parents that don't want to parent.

Unfortunately, this is so true. I'm a child welfare worker and the reason I have a job is that parents don't want to parent or don't know HOW to parent. Most of the time, they put their needs above their children's needs and the child ends up acting out to get the needed attention. Very sad.

 

[ckay87]

The problem with kids today???

parents that don't want to parent.

Not necessarily.

 

[chris1gill]

Umm, you've got two things going against you...

First, one problem these days, is that parents don't know how to parent, they don't set boundaries, they don't set consequences.... thus, there's no reason for a child to behave, or even know how to behave

Now, you have an entirely different problem.... What consequence did you set as the teacher?? The consequence is that you spoke with him again & that's it... he's not afraid of you or what you might offer up for punishment... but therein lies your problem, what type of punishment can you as a teacher shell out? What does the administration allow for?

Why kids don't behave is more than one problem all wrapped together....

 

[ilovemcbride]

Okay I have one minor gripe. You say that you call his mom at 11:30 and get her out of bed. If you called me at that time you would get me out of bed as well because I work nights. Please make sure you have all the facts before you judge her for poor parenting based on the time she sleeps. Gripe over, carry on with the regularly scheduled vent.

Mommy doesn't work.

 

[ilovemcbride]

Sounds like it is time to try to get the mother in for a conference. With you, with the guidance counsellor, with the principal...What does the principal say?

Also, is there a father in the picture?

There's a stepfather. There's a father somewhere, because he tried to get custody of him and his sister last year. I'm assuming he's in another state, but I'm not sure.

Our principal just basically says there's noone at home that really cares, that his mom is as disorganized and scatterbrained as he is. She says that school's almost over, so basically, deal with it as best you can.

 

[ilovemcbride]

Umm, you've got two things going against you...

First, one problem these days, is that parents don't know how to parent, they don't set boundaries, they don't set consequences.... thus, there's no reason for a child to behave, or even know how to behave

Now, you have an entirely different problem.... What consequence did you set as the teacher?? The consequence is that you spoke with him again & that's it... he's not afraid of you or what you might offer up for punishment... but therein lies your problem, what type of punishment can you as a teacher shell out? What does the administration allow for?

Why kids don't behave is more than one problem all wrapped together....

Um, even though you probably didn't mean anything, I kinda take offense to the "not being afraid of me" comment. Number one, as a teacher, I don't want kids to be afraid of me. We have a teacher at my school that the little ones are afraid of, and the older ones absolutely hate. Does that mean they listen to her? Hell no, they do the exact opposite. In a case like this, there's not a lot that can be done, punishment wise. Detention is about as far as you can go, and he's been that route many, many times. With all the new PE guidelines, we're not supposed to take PE time away from them, even though some teachers do.

 

[darrose]

Was breaking the window an accident that happened while playing with other children?
Would you have given the same punishment if it was from a student you liked better?
When at recess is there any adult supervision at all? And the half of class inside the gym-are they supervised while at free play?
My advise is to allow him to exercise in the outfield with the others kids kicking the ball AND to disicpline more concrete timeline and for less time. For example,
hitting your moms car with the ball (and please be sure he really did it and the person telling on him isnt being a bully to him) punish him that day and not some
vague timeline (to him~maybe) of until school finishes. My school district doesnt
end until middle of June--a month sounds like a long time for a punishment of an accident and of kick balling you did not see first hand or another adult did not see.

 

[MOMOFMNM]

From one teacher to another...

you may take this the wrong way but here it goes...

this is a public forum. I don't know that I would appreciate my dd's teacher openly displaying behavior or family issues on a public message board. I am quite sure that is grounds for termination in our district. I am not trying to be mean here and I know we don't know who you are personally but I put myself in the place of the child and the family. Are there things with my students I disagree with? Certainly. I teach HS special ed and deal with a lot of behavioral students. I try to get on their level and be a person they can deal with, trust and look up to and that is the best I can do. It is totally frustrating sometimes I agree with you. Not worth the $$ they pay me sometimes, true. But my good days far out weigh my bad ones. Seems like your student may just need someone to offer him guidance and consistency. Often children of divorce (as you are suggesting) have behavior, emotional, or trust issues...they may have attachment issues as well.

I know you know all of this...I just thought I would help you soften your "hard day" sometimes that helps me a lot when I get mad at my job!!

I know you are a great teacher and do your best!!

 

[kristen821]

Okay I have one minor gripe. You say that you call his mom at 11:30 and get her out of bed. If you called me at that time you would get me out of bed as well because I work nights. Please make sure you have all the facts before you judge her for poor parenting based on the time she sleeps. Gripe over, carry on with the regularly scheduled vent.

I was thinking the same thing since I also work nights!

 

[Wish Upon A Star]

I'd like to say the parents too, but I'm not totally convinced of that yet.

I work at a high school and I see and hear a lot of things that I could never imagine coming from a parent. Sometimes I get calls from parents who are at their wits end and can't get their child to come to school and other times I get parents who are so out there who refuse to believe that their child does anything wrong and ends up blaming administration for bullying, race, religion, etc . . .I just don't get it sometimes . . .

Parenting is hard and you see so many people forgetting who is the parent . . .most of the kids nowadays are running the house, rather than being the kid. I see this on a daily basis . . .there are many kids that don't even respect their teachers anymore. I think what is missing is the fear of punishment nowadays. I know if I ever got in trouble or got caught doing something I would be absolutely TERRIFIED to go home and face my parents (not that I was beaten or anything) but you just have that fear of the unknown . . .or, as I called it, THE WRATH OF DAD.

I can't imagine being that parent who can't get their kid to go to school, I can imagine the hurt and devastation they must feel, but come on . . .where did it all start? It starts from the home . . .if kids just run amuck and do and say and carry on as they please with no retribution, the kids aren't the ones to blame, its the parents . . .

 

[kristen821]

I am wondering to if it was an accident or if it was done on purpose. If it was an accident I would either not allow kick ball to any of the students since that kind of thing can happen to anyone or allow him to play too and ask him to try and be careful.
He was wrong in playing when he is not allowed to play, but he was probably hoping you forgot or were just mad and didn't really mean he can never kick a ball again.

If he broke the window and kicked the ball at your mothers car on purpose then you have a just punishment.

 

[N.Bailey]

We have 10 1/2 days of school left. I'm not sure how many more you might have in your district, but if you're getting close to the end of the year, I'd suggest just trying your best to deal with him as little as possible. Hopefully the kid will pass and you won't have to deal with him next year.

I agree that if the parents aren't willing to back you up, there is little you can do. In our district, many kids are being sent to alternative schools because of these types of parents. Some of these kids I've known from little up (playing with my kids, not by me having a relationship with their parents) and I've watched the sweetest kids in the world turn into the biggest trouble makers I've ever seen.

One little girl was at our home daily growing up (about 4 years of age to sometime in 4th grade) from 9 AM to 9 PM (her parents never checked on her or called her home for dinner (not even Christmas dinner), but once she started hanging with the wrong crowd, smoking cigarettes, doing drugs, and having sex, I had to tell my daughter she's not allowed around her anymore. Last year this girl tried to kill herself and so did her mother.

Same thing with a little boy we've known from little up. The past 2 years, he's spent maybe 2 weeks total in our middle school, then he's sent straight back to the alternative school because he just can't get along with his classmates.

Wednesday, the kids had a field day of sorts. If the kids in our district read all the required books (25) in a year, they're allowed to go on this trip. One boy we've known since kindergarten went with cigarettes, a knife, a toy gun that looked like an exact replica of a real one and a few other things I can't think of right now. He got 10 days OSS which means he wasn't allowed to go to the 8th grade party this evening (my kids are there now). This little boy used to be a doll too. The first time he spent the night at our house, his parents had to come in and meet my husband and I. I really liked them for doing that and am now wondering what the heck happened since those days?

I just don't get either!

 

[Rella Bella]

I understand that you've had a rough day and that you're frustrated dealing with this boy. But as a parent this disturbs me on many levels. I honestly don't mean to flame you... so please put on your fire suit and hear me out.

There is a child in the 5th grade who never does what he's supposed to do...homework, following the directions, etc.

This is the picture of an ADHD child.

My son is ADHD and he HATES school work because it requires a level of concentration that -- even on medication -- he has a hard time maintaining through an entire assignment.

Unless his teacher communicates with me directly about out of class assignments or reports etc, they don't get done. DS would rather lie that he has already finished and get in trouble later than to do the work in the first place. We have been working all year to turn him around but even with 2 parents trying to keep up, things still slip through the cracks once in a while.

He'd gotten in trouble before while playing kickball (different offenses) so I'd had it. I told him no more kickball for him the rest of the year. Not at recess, not at gym. I told him he could play in the outfield but he was NOT allowed to kick.

This sounds pretty severe.

It really bothers me when my son gets 'punished' by taking away phyical activity. ADHD kids really need to get their energy out. He doesn't need to be sitting during recess. (Or even standing in the outfield.) Certainly there can be some other punishment -- an extra assignment or something, why is it always that!

So I go out to get him and ask him WHY he's playing kickball when he was told not to. He just looks at me!! So I made him go in and sit down. I told him he continually defied my authority. He admitted that he had went out yesterday and played as well. He says he knows what he's done wrong. But does he correct it? No!

What did you want him to say? Most kids caught doing what they're not supposed to will react just like that. And it sounds like he then confessed. Is that bad??

Is there something else for him to do or is it kick-ball or nothing? I would think if you told him no kick ball and then sent him outside where everyone else was playing kick ball that would be really unfair.

Sounds like he has some impulsivity problems -- very common with ADHD children, not all of them are 'hyperactive'. With impulsivity you can't just tell a child what not to do. You need to give them an alternative. Why not make him jump rope, run laps or shoot baskets or do something that can help him obey and get out his frustration.

I've called his mother and called his mother, but there's no help there. Usually when I call her it's around 11:30 and I get her out of bed. I know if there's no support at home that there's not always a lot of hope.

Try calling at another time of day. Just because she sleeps late doesn't mean "there's no support at home". If he has undiagnosed ADHD she is probably much more frustrated than you.

What does a person do? He acts all remorseful for what he's done and then he goes and does it again.

Get the school counselor involved. Talk to his other teachers, if they are having similar problems then you need to have a conference with the parent and get a plan of action. If this is a public school then there should be testing available, (if it's not public, he is still entitled to the testing). Get him some help. Kids don't get in trouble everyday because they enjoy getting yelled at and losing their recess.

He's gonna be one of those kids who's gonna have a hard time in middle school next year.

Well he might be just that if all the teachers just write him off as a 'bad seed' that they'd just as soon 'pass' so they can be rid of him.

This is one of the hardest things for me as a parent. I'm not at school so I don't know what is really going on. DS only tells us what he wants us to know. I ask his teachers to please let us know if he fails to turn something in or doesn't complete an assignment but we still end up with failing grades 'because of incomplete work'. The teachers expect all the kids to be the same, act the same, learn the same. So when your child isn't the same it is very frustrating.

Give the kid a break. Maybe he just needs a friend and an advocate to get him the help and encouragement he needs to become the best he can be. You (and the other staff at your school) have a chance to really turn him around! Please take it!

 

[darrose]

Back for some more thoughts.
I live in an excellant school district and that school district supports parents, teachers, students by having in writing (school hand book) rules and expectations from the students.
One example, the homework not being turn in by the due date my sons school he extra time (depends how much extra on each teacher) to turn in an unexcused late assignment but the grade automatically can only be 50 percent. If he does this 3 times in a month then he would have to go
to the homework help club (optional help if one wants to go, but manatory for those whose teacher writes them up once (held thursdays after school). Plus, we have guidance councilors that can also help
the students and the parents work through behavior issues.

Each teacher on the first day of school went over their class expectations and policies and as a parent I read them that night and signed showing that I too understood each teachers class policies. (the students signs this too)

My other advise to you would be to follow your schools procedures with this student and use all the extra help your school might have (guildance conselor, assistant principal, principal, and perhaps
recommend the student for a behavior IEP?(think that what it is called) where
next year he would have a para with him part time to help him with his behaviors and organization and to help the classroom teacher maintain time to teach to all the students.
Our school never has recess, lunch, or free play without any supervising adults so I hope the OP school has adults watching the children. So if you school does this without adults maybe you can champion for rescources to help your school pay paras over the lunch/recess periods to help your school teachers.
Good luck I feel for both you and the boy (because it sounds like he is not getting any help or guidance at home) and hopefully early intervention will
help him become a better student in the years to come.

 

[momof2inPA]

OK, the broken window in the gym is your fault, or no one's fault. It happens all the time at our YMCA. Kicked balls break the lights. So, you really aren't supposed to kick balls, but kids do it anyway.

Now for your mom's car. If it were parked close enough to the playground that a kicked ball could hit it, she took a chance by parking it there. If you send kick balls onto the playground, you can't expect all kids to be able to kick them except that one boy, and having a stong leg isn't reason enough to tell the kid he can't fully participate in the game. It sounds like the kid was in a situation where he was doomed to fail, and like he accidentally kicked a ball that hit a car which was parked in a bad spot, and like he was really sorry. One detention. Tell your mom to park somewhere else. Don't let kickballs on the playground or be used in gym if kids aren't allowed to kick them.