Tweens and hair color

[HiStitch626]

DN (12) was to get her hair colored. I think part of this is about how she feels about her own appearance and I think part of it is wanting to fit in at school. There are a surprising number of blonde girls in her class, and I would guess most of them are not natural. She and I are close and she asked me about this and has asked for help with talking to her mom. So thought I’d do a little unofficial survey. Would you let your 12-year-old dye her hair or is it too young?

 

[ilovevacation]

I have a 5yo so I can't say for certain but I imagine if I would it would be semi permanent

 

[kymom99]

Maybe highlights?

 

[momz]

For me, hair color was no big deal. I let mine experiment. After the first couple tries, she decided it was more to keep up with than what she wanted to deal with.

Now she is 21 and is getting tattoos. That’s fine too. They are tasteful, she is using her own money and she’s an adult. So fine with me.

The rules I gave her was to do nothing permanent. I did approve of some ear piercing before 18. But that was the only permanent thing I allowed.

 

[scrapquitler]

DN (12) was to get her hair colored. I think part of this is about how she feels about her own appearance and I think part of it is wanting to fit in at school. There are a surprising number of blonde girls in her class, and I would guess most of them are not natural. She and I are close and she asked me about this and has asked for help with talking to her mom. So thought I’d do a little unofficial survey. Would you let your 12-year-old dye her hair or is it too young?

I would let my child dye their hair. Its only hair, it will get cut off and grow back the natural color at some point, probably.

The place I'd draw the line is in the paying for expensive procedures. I might pay for it for a birthday gift. I might pay for it as a reward for some big achievement. But I'm not paying for salon highlights every other month. If she wanted it regularly, she'd have to come up with the cash herself.

My child dyed her hair for the first time when she was about 12. But we did it at home. She learned to do it herself and I helped her when she needed help. All at her own expense. She's now 25 and I haven't seen her natural hair color since that first dye job. Of course she leans toward green, blue and purple, not blonde.

I also wouldn't pay for mani/pedis for a child. Once in a great while before the dance recital or some big event, sure, but I was definitely not one of those parents taking their child for weekly mani/pedis like some of my friends with their 6 year olds.

 

[kymom99]

The thing is, if the hair is dark, it’s quite a process to dye it blonde

 

[Pea-n-Me]

Personally, I wouldn’t, because dying hair is not something I know anything about and I wouldn’t get into the expense of having it done, either. (I already pay for my own haircut monthly and the dog’s grooming every five weeks which costs more than my own haircut!) DD asked about getting highlights in HS but decided against it once she knew she’d have to pay for them herself, and how much they cost. She just got highlights for the first time last year now that she’s working FT. (She paid $80+ plus tip with our regular hairdresser, so it isn’t cheap.)

 

[Kittyblue]

I let my youngest at 12. If you do a salon it gets expensive, though. Her latest dye job came from a box!

 

[mmbrad02]

My DD will be 12 in October and has been asking on and off for a year to dye the tips of her hair pink. Personally it's not something I am a fan of, but finally told her at the beginning of the school year that if she got all A's the first semester, I would take her to get it professionally done over Christmas break.

1) she is smart. If she wants it bad enough, she is capable of making it happen

2) Her hair is extremely dark and I want someone who knows what they are doing, to do it.

On the flip side I have been highlighting (and now low lighting too, gray hairs!) since college. If she wanted highlights, I could be more persuaded.

 

[Skippy918]

What color is her hair? Does she take care of her hair? I would likely not bleach at that age.
professional hair coloring is expensive, so unless it’s a present for a birthday, or holiday, then my kid can wait till they have a job.
maybe go with something that washes out like overtone or hair chalk or kool aid.

 

[Skippy918]

I would definitely get permission from mom first before you do anything though.

 

[holden]

DD19 had her hair dyed bright pink for her high school graduation. I wasn’t thrilled, but it was her hair. Since then it’s also been blue and green. All of the processing caused her hair to fall out in clumps.

She’s now heading off to college next week after a gap year and is going to the hairdresser tomorrow to go back to her natural color.

DD15 had gorgeous brown hair with natural caramel highlights until she dyed it black at a friend’s house. I haven’t said this to her, but I can’t wait for it to grow out.

All of this to say…hair grows out. I think letting your kids express themselves through their hair is just part of growing up. They are figuring out who they are. How they present themselves is part of that.

 

[VFL]

Hair is nothing permanent. I would say yes.

 

[DLmama]

We let DS dye his hair red last Halloween as part of his "costume." His hair is naturally light brown and the red looked pretty good. It's back to brown now, but he wants to dye it blue. I'm thinking about taking him to a salon this time to do it right.

 

[HiStitch626]

I would definitely get permission from mom first before you do anything though.

Of course, and I would never do this on my own with her.

thanks everyone for the input. I don’t know very many 12-year-old, in fact I know exactly one. But I think I might help her talk to her mom about this. Her hair is not particularly dark, but it probably is a good idea if she decides to do this, and if mom lets her, to have it done professionally. I’ve actually never colored my hair so don’t have much experience with this. I am not sure if my sister-in-law ever has either. if she does, she’s been dying at the same color for the last 20 years!

 

[mumto3girls]

I am in the “it’s only hair camp” and think it is fine for kids to experiment with different styles and colors. It grows out/back so whatever they want to do. I am also, however, too cheap to pay to have my own hair professionally colored so I do it myself at home which means I am not going to pay to have my kids’ hair colored either (unless as others said it is a gift or part of a celebration). I might feel differently if I only had 1 daughter, but I have 3 and what you do for one, you need to be willing to do for the others. To pay for all 4 of us to have our hair cut and colored regularly would be a budget buster for us.

 

[Jangles]

I

Of course, and I would never do this on my own with her.

thanks everyone for the input. I don’t know very many 12-year-old, in fact I know exactly one. But I think I might help her talk to her mom about this. Her hair is not particularly dark, but it probably is a good idea if she decides to do this, and if mom lets her, to have it done professionally. I’ve actually never colored my hair so don’t have much experience with this. I am not sure if my sister-in-law ever has either. if she does, she’s been dying at the same color for the last 20 years!

I am in the U.K. and the majority of schools here forbid children from colouring their hair, as part of the school uniform dress code. Maybe your niece could try something that washes out after a few washes during the next school holiday?

 

[WDW Traveler]

I'm in the "it's only hair" category here. DD has brown hair and has had blonde highlights, completely blonde, purple, maroon, dark red, blue/black over the years when she was younger.

She is 23 and currently has blackish hair. She is only using boxed dyes at this point. Not sure what the future will hold. lol

 

[unrequited23]

Depending on the shade of natural hair and the color desired you have a lot of non permanent options. Gel, spray and chalk colors are the go-to options for the boys in my son's elementary school, but they want fashion colors.

For a 12 yr old girl wanting to go blonde, I would probably encourage an ombre, blonde tips, or chunky money shot highlights vs all over color to minimize damage and be easy to change with a haircut or changing your part.

Another option might be an at home gloss or a color depositing hair mask to change the tone of her hair. If she wants something warmer with more golds or reds look for golden in the name. If she wants something cooler with no gold look for ash.

 

[dreamer17555]

My son has had bright blue hair at 12 and is now at 15 has dark purple. His school had strict dress code but nothing about their hair. We took him to get it professionally bleached and dyed and then when the color started to fade we used overtone to keep the color bright. As it grew out about once or twice a year we would take him back to the salon to have it rebleached and professionally colored. His hair is healthy, full of curls, and just wonderfully him. I’m so happy I let him get it dyed.