Trying to keep my son from dropping out

[MushyMushy]

I'm trying not to panic, but I'm getting the feeling that my son is thinking of ways to drop out of school. He's a junior and his grades have improved immensely this year, along with his attitude, but a few things he has said to me have me really concerned.

First of all, he turns 17 very shortly and that's the age where they can drop out in PA. His principal has told him quite a few times that he WILL drop out, so he had actually nurtured this acceptance of it with my son, but that was all before when he was doing poorly and had bad behavior. I won't say what I think of this man or what I want to do about it. I'm sure you can guess. I've been countering it over the years by letting DS know that dropping out is not even an option and we won't even consider it.

Now that he's turning 17 soon, I've been hearing the comments. He doesn't want to work on his senior project which is due soon, he doesn't want to get up early anymore, he's bored, he's sick of school, he wants to get a job, blah blah blah. Oh and he said something about how the GED is easy and he could pass it in a flash. I know he's building up to hit us with the big whammy.

He's going to make our lives a living hell if he gets this idea in his head. Dh and I are mentally preparing ourselves and it ain't gonna be pretty. I could use some words of advice and maybe support.

 

[natenapril]

Hang in there!
I dropped out of high school when I was 17 as well. I would be mortified if my children did the same. Just remember to be there for him and be positive. I wish I had parents who cared like it sounds like you do for your son.
Here is some pixie dust for the times you are headed for.

 

[Cindy B]

It will be a living **** for a adolescent to find a job without a GED. The GED is very similar to the Praxis I now, so it isn't as easy anymore!

Job outlook will be slim to none. I would get a contract ready with rent (yes I paid rent at 17), utilities cost and thier own food cost ready. Ask for plans to pay that and this is what he would have to look forward to (HAHA) if he chooses to leave high school.

Don't wuss out on the rent figure either. Make it comporable to a one bedroom apartment cost so that would scare him straight into staying in school.

Say the rent figure is $600. Of course, with limited education he may not find a job that pays that rent, cable, phone, internet, car stuff and food. But if you make the rent like $200 it would seem easy to attain.

Make a list of bills with costs.
Make a list of jobs with little education.

Show him the math.

Also show him some Praxis I problems, if he thinks it is hard.. say to him that is the GED.


BTW, he will not even be able to join the service anymore without a GED. (if he is thinking that route). I read somewhere that a GED is required.

 

[SC Minnie]

If he is talking about wanting to get a job what kind of job is he expecting at get? And at what $/hr?

I agree with CindyB. Make a list of the bills he will have and what he will probably be bringing home after taxes. If he is going to make adult decisions like dropping out of school then he should have adult responsibilities.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

DH and I would probably say to our child, if you drop out then move out.

Wait....we probably already have.

Seriously we would pack their stuff and take their keys to the house, cell phones, car keys, etc....

If he thinks a "senior project" is hard...just wait till he finds his butt on the street.

 

[RitaZ.]

No advice, just .

Actually, one suggestion for you. DH's grand-niece chose a program that allows some students to finish their high school education in a program called Storefront School. Here are a couple of links to give you an idea of what they're about. There may be similar programs where you live. Anyway, just an idea.

http://www.usd116.org/adult/storefro.html

http://schools.volusia.k12.fl.us/storefronte/

 

[Wishing on a star]

Wow!!! I really feel for you, and your son.

Three things come to mind...

1. Reverse Psychology... tell him how you would just LOVE to see him prove that darned principal wrong/or right. (the best revenge is a good life!!!) You have to give him an incentive and an option other than "Because I say so!" You wouldn't want that to backfire.

3. Reality Check... In his mind he is probably thinking 'freedom', 'my own money', 'no more teachers no more books', etc... In his mind he is thinking like this is the beginning of his adulthood. Remind him that whether he is in high school or not, he is still a minor, and as a member of your household, all the usual rules, curfews, etc.. still apply. Give him a reality check.

2. Bribery... Sure he could drop out. But, let him know that as far as you and your DH are concerned, this will not be the easy way out for him. He is sure to find out that finding and keeping decent job is not as easy as he thinks. (PS: what are the labor laws in your state. Are they for 16 and under, or for all under the age of 18?)

Let him know that you are prepared to support him and help him as long as he is a student, but that he will be not be on the receiving end of any gratuitious treatment if he chooses to drop out. In other words, you will be thinking twice about any generous graduation type gifts or perks if he does not actually stay in school and graduate. After all, if he is working, then he can afford his own.

Okay, having said that. I will offer one other long shot.
Now, I was a pretty good student, so that was not the issue. But, when my senior year came around, I had pretty much had enough... I really only needed certain credits, like Senior English, to graduate. So, there was a program that allowed me to pull out of high school, take an acceptable english class at the local college... and I graduated right along with my class. Cap and gown, diploma, and all.

 

[Tazicket]

Just want to give you a

I think you've gotten some really good advice so far (and I'm sure you'll get more!).

Could you maybe present the list of bills thing in a way that makes it look like you are ok with him dropping out? Like, maybe he's expecting you to be all mad (I don't know your son, so I obviously don't know if that's something he'd expect) - but it seems like something a teenager would do to test the waters.

But saying something like, "Ok! You want to drop out of school? Great! Let's look at how much it will cost." And then let reality bite him in the butt. (Kind of like on Full House when Michelle wanted to run away and they brought her suitcase to her).

 

[lilyv]

I would make sure to have two plans, not one. The first, stay in school, progress to college, head out on own with the benefit of an education. The second, get a job now, pay rent, expenses.

Sometimes it's better to give options, rather than (what they think at 17) is a lecture.


Make an appt with him, DH to talk about this. Keep to a time limit, maybe 1/2-1 hour, and then arrange to talk again in a couple of days. See if you can get a conversation going where he's willing to explore specific ideas/goals for HIS future.

And here's a hug. Kids can really just exhaust us, sometimes.

 

[DawnCt1]

I think you can use the relationship (or lack of) that he has had with the principal in your favor. I am assuming it hasn't been good for your DS either. I would point out to him that there is nothing that that "man" would like better than to see him give up; and giving up is exactly what it would be. Point out to him that his success may actually be the key to "getting even" for the way he has been treated through out his high school years. Sometimes that short term view works better than the long term "you won't be able to get a good job" view.

 

[poohandwendy]

Honestly, I would tell him he cannot live in your home if he drops out of school and I would be serious. I would take a really hard stance on this one. He will forever regret it, if he drops out.

{{{HUGS}}} That principal should be fired, IMO.

 

[TinkerbellMama]

I'm sorry you are struggling with this issue.

My support may come out of left field, and may not be what you are hoping for, but it will certainly help you all make the best of it if he DOES choose to drop out of school.

I highly recommend the Teenage Liberation Handbook by Grace Llewellyn. It is a book about "rising out" (rather than dropping out) of school and taking responsibility for one's own lifelong education. It examines the possibilities for those who choose not to be conventionally schooled, but who still have brains, dreams, and goals. I have had this book for many years and find it incredibly inspiring. My own child will be homeschooled and I hope to draw from this resource along with many others, when my son is a teen and not attending school. Remember: school is not the only way (or even the best way, in many instances) for a young person to learn and/or reach his/her full potential.

Good luck to you and your son!

 

[Wishing on a star]

A couple of posters here have made the comment like "drop out - move out"

Would that even be legal?
Or could a parent get called up with DCS?
What are the laws in your state, OP?
Is there a process that a parent would have to go thru, and papers to sign, in order to give their 17 year old the status of emancipated minor?
Otherwise, is not the parent still responsible for all legal liabilities and repercussions. (see the other current thread about parents of teen being sued...)

Personally, it would have to be a lot worse than a 17 year old kid who is wanting to drop out of school for me to kick my kid out before they turned 18.

I really would have serious concerns with the effectiveness of this type of ultimatum. It could easily backfire with some bad results. And, I would have to consider the long term affects on myself, my child, and our ongoing relationship.

To any parent who does consider choosing that option, you had better be ready to follow thru.

 

[Toby'sFriend]

If you want my truthful opinion, I'd consider just letting him take the GED and sending him onto a Community College course. Haven't you said he really likes shop or auto repair or something like that?

You know, there's nothing at all wrong with that. Maybe that is just who he is meant to be.

 

[DawnCt1]

Honestly, I would tell him he cannot live in your home if he drops out of school and I would be serious. I would take a really hard stance on this one. He will forever regret it, if he drops out.

{{{HUGS}}} That principal should be fired, IMO.

I think that would be a major mistake. At 17, he still needs a degree of parenting and supervision. I would find another "hard stance; no car, no cell phone, he would get driven to work, etc. but tossing him out? No.

 

[lilyv]

A couple of posters here have made the comment like "drop out - move out"

Would that even be legal?
Or could a parent get called up with DCS?
What are the laws?
Is there a process that a parent would have to go thru, and papers to sign in order to give their 17 year old the status of emancipated minor?

Personally, it would have to be a lot worse than a 17 year old kid who is wanting to drop out of school for me to kick my kid out before they turned 18.

Wishing you make some great points. With further reflection, it might be very good for OP to consider some counseling. OP has a lot to think about, and some support as she sorts out how to best help her son now and in the future might be very valuable. Legally, ethically, emotionally...lots of things to consider as she works with her son during this tough time. I also wonder if there might be alternative tracks to a diploma that might be more suited to OP's son than the regular high school diploma. It would be so worth the research to see what's available.

 

[ericamanda01]

I say take him to Monster.com and have him look at the job he won't qualify for without a diploma. Let alone without at least an Associates degree. It might scare him into staying in.

 

[EthansMom]

My kids are a bit younger and this hasn't been something I've had to deal with (yet), but I would use a carrot/stick approach.

Head his intentions off at the pass by sitting DS down and telling him that you were proud that he'd been doing so well recently, but that you feel he's been slipping lately (not wanting to work on his work, etc..). Tell him that you're concerned that he's thinking about dropping out of high school and that you'd really hate to see him prove his jerk of a principal right.

Tell DS that you really want to see him graduate from school before going on to his adult life (college, community college, military, trade school, etc..). There are much more options available for someone with a diploma and most employers and education institutions find a high school diploma more desireable, these days.

Consider offering DS an incentive ($$$, used car, vacation, whatever you consider reasonable and affordable) to continue school. School IS his job and he should be rewarded when he's doing well.

Good Luck!

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I think that would be a major mistake. At 17, he still needs a degree of parenting and supervision. I would find another "hard stance; no car, no cell phone, he would get driven to work, etc. but tossing him out? No.

Yes, he would be tossed out. Then again if he was our kid he would already know this. So it would not be a surprise.

At 17 alot of people I know moved out and were on their own. They were better off learning the lessons right away than the people I know that were coddled.

Best to learn how things work asap if that is the path you are choosing.

My nephew was one of them. He was kicked out for being gay at 17 and now he is 21 living in NYC, doing OK.
He wanted to move in with us at the time and we gave him the same "rules" that we will have for our kids.

He choose not to live with us.

 

[doxdogy]

As the mother of a daughter that dropped out. Actually it was her biological mother that allowed her to drop out, her father and I were dead set against it. A nephew that dropped out and niece that dropped out with about 6 months to go until graduation. I honestly don't know if you can "talk" him out of dropping out. DD does now regret dropping out and I think she is somewhat embarassed that she does not have a high school diploma.