trips to Disney without the spouse?

[Donald Duck888]

I know there is a sticky thread for single parents at the top of this forum but I had a bit of a different slant on it that I was hoping to explore.

I am married with a wonderful 6 yr old daughter who loves Disney as much as I do. My wife on the other hand "hates" (her word) going to Disney more than once every 5 years at the most. In fact if I even try to bring up going it ends up in a big argument with her telling me to not even talk to her about it.

I on the other hand would like to go once a year at least until my daughter is older as I feel we will only have these years one time in our lives. So I have decided that my daughter and I will go solo (without my wife) each year.

So my question is how many others on here make trips without their spouse and how does it go over with their spouse?

My wife was ok with this the first time we went without her but now is seeming to be more resistant to the idea. I even tried to offer up going other places in addition to Disney but that too went over like a lead balloon.

Just curious if I am the only one who's spouse is totally against going to the world of Disney.

 

[Simba's Mom]

Many of us have Disney-resistant spouses (although mine's getting more "Disney-tolerant), but I must admit that I don't know anyone with young children in that position.

 

[old lady]

Mine dislike the expenses, but I am curious to know if she has been there before. It makes no point saying you refuse to go when you haven't been there once especially with childr so young.

 

[Donald Duck888]

I am curious to know if she has been there before.

We have been before as we went when our daughter was 2,3,4 + 5. It was after we went when our daughter was 5 that she decided she did not want to go for 5 more years.

I think she actually does not really want to vacation anywhere as I offered to go other places this summer but she did not want to have any of it. Then the other day I said, if we don't go to Disney next year where do you want to go instead and she said she does not want to go anywhere and just wants to stay home to relax (kind of what we ended up doing this summer).

I actually think (at least in my crazy opinion) that there are 2 basic types of vacationers one kind is the "relax" vacationer that really just wants to do pretty much nothing but relax like spending a whole day on the beach sitting in the sun. The other is what i call the "distraction" vacationer. They like to go somewhere and have things to do and things to see that disract them and take them away from the "real world" even if only for a short time, to me Disney falls into this catagory (although one could fit it into the other catagory as well depending on what one does while there). Actually i think most vacations are a mix of the two types. Unfortunantly for me I am the distraction type and she is the relax type i guess and she wants none of the distraction part to a vacation right now.

 

[michellejed]

I have taken several vacations on my own with the kids for various reasons and we always have a good time.

Could be your wife doesn't like the fact that your DD and you are enjoying yourselves without her and that's why the resistance.

Only you can tell what is right for you. I never regretted any vacations I took and especially the solo with the kids!

If your wife likes the beach lay around kind of vacation then just offer a resort she can just chill at, Poly,CR, come to mind, maybe BC., if that doesnn't work then go by yourself and enjoy your DD.

 

[mkymouse40]

My husband hated going also, so many years ago, I started going without him. I felt guilty for a long time, and still a little bit, but it is my vacation (or yours in this case) and I am not going to stop going because of someone else. My daughter and I go alone (although she is an adult), but we have a blast.

Your are right when you say that these years only happen once...you can't get them back. I think your daughter would be so happy to go alone with you if necessary.

So, ask your wife if she would like to go with you and your daughter, if she says no, then tell her you will both miss her terribly, but you will take a lot of pictures; then plan your trip and don't feel guilty. There are many children that go to Disney with only one parent and they have a wonderful time. I have sat next to many father/daughter families in restaurants, on the monorail, in lines, etc. and had nice conversations with them.

Good luck and start planning that vacation. You will cherish those memories the two of you make forever.

 

[ToddyLu]

DH has only allowed a solo trip once....once...and that was a necessary meeting for work. He didn't think it was funny when I called from DTD and said "Guess where I am...." either.

I have a DH that does NOT like to travel at all. I have been lots of places but he loves home....I can get him to WDW though...it is our happy place together but at times I wish he would do other things....not affecting our Disney trips of course. I mean "extra" trips.

 

[DisneyBelle27]

I know every relationship is different but if my SO told me I wasn't ALLOWED to travel solo I don't think he'd be my SO for much longer! My ex DH was overly controlling in some aspects, one of the reasons he is an ex, lol.

Went on a solo Disney trip last year w/out my SO, had a blast, and he was happy that I had a blast!

 

[glammadiva]

My spouse hates Disney. I go without him. I pay for it out of my money and if he doesn't like it, he can always join me.

 

[Donald Duck888]

Thanks to all for the replies. I feel much better now about just doing what I best for me and my daughter when it comes to vacation time.

I think those on here that hypothesized that my wife may be bothered by my daughter and I having a great time without her on vacation may be onto something. She was fine when I planned the first time to go just my daughter and I but now that the next year is coming up after she saw what a good time my daughter had she is more resistant.

It is tough though as I always ask her to come (which she says she does not like me asking) but she also seems to get angry at the fact that my daughter and I actually want to go rather than just staying home for vacation. Then she gets mad at me for telling my daughter that "mommy does not want to come this time" but that is the fact.

Any one have any thoughts on how to tell my daughter mommy doesn't want to come this time without saying just that?

When I ask my wife how she would like me to tell our daughter she just goes off on how irrational it is to go to the same place every year and why do we need to vacation every year. I really think she wants me to just not go with our daughter so she will not have to look like the one who does not want to go.

Who would think that vacation of all things would cause such friction.

 

[DelftBlue]

Have you taken a moment to ask your wife where she wants to go on vacation? Disney is great, but there is more than one fantastic travel destination out there. Couldn't you space out your trips a bit more so you guys can try going on vacation together? Your wife's resentment will probably grow. Also, how much vacation time do you have? I only get two weeks. I would want to spend as much of that time with my spouse if I had one.

****I just noticed the post where you asked your wife where she wanted to go. I skipped that one. You should probably make it clear that you would like to spend time with her and state the reasons why unless this is solely about your desire to go to Disney. I suggest you both read: Proper Care and Feeding of Marriage by Laura Schlessinger. Your wife could probably benefit from Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands.

 

[LSchrow]

my DH is much like your DW - might go on vacation, but not so willingly
his family rarely traveled or vacationed while growing up; my family visited all but 2 states (Hawaii & Alaska), canada & mexico (many repeatedly, some for months at a time). DH's first vacation (and plane ride) was at age 26, when he joined my friends & i on a trip to europe.

it took years of "we're going on vacation, with or without you" to get him to actually enjoy being away from home (still working on him for an african safari though).

at your daughter's age, mom should join you if at all possible. have you considered adding a few special things for just her & your DD: spa treatment, a nice dinner, tour, etc.
she might be more receptive if there was something to do other than just the parks, every hour of every day.
don't forget a special dinner or night out, for just your DW & self (there are kids clubs as well as in-room sitters).

later on, she also might enjoy a mini-vacation for just the two of you (not WDW).
good luck

 

[EvilQueenT]

Let me start by saying I have a great marriage and we've been together 21 years and best friends for about another 5 before that. We have 2 grown children (29 and 24) and a 9 year old granddaughter. My husband likes disney but doesn't like going more than once every few years. I, on the other hand, have been going since 1972. We did the typical family trips as our kids were growing up and I go with him whenever he feels like going, sometimes just the 2 of us other times with various members of our family. At first I went with my sisters for an all girl trip, then with our careers we just couldn't always get away at the same time (his work is super busy in the summer when our granddaughter is able to go due to school schedules that sort of thing). So now I go multiple times a year with any combo of family members from all over the place. I most often go with just the granddaughter and/or her and my daughter w/ or w/o her fiance. My husband is perfectly fine with it. We have a great relationship and our interests sometimes just don't match so we don't punish the other for that. For instance, he and my sister LOVE The Eagles...me they're fine but not enough to see in concert more than once so they go without me. When I want to go to disney and he doesn't he's perfectly happy with a new mug or tshirt brought back to him.

 

[ScrampShopper]

My hubby isn't a big fan of Disney World, but I am obsessed with going there. I've got DD (3 yrs old) just as obsessed as me. Of the 40 days DD and I have/will spend at WDW on my current AP, he has spent 6 days there with us over 2 of those trips. He comes for a long weekend, usually at the end of our trip. It is an arrangement that works for us because it gets me out of going on the hunting trips. One of the reasons this arrangement works for us is because we can afford it without having to sacrifice on other things and because he gets a lot of vacation time and we do go to other places together every year. It also helps that we both love to travel and can't understand the concept of relaxing at home.

As a PP suggested, book a hotel where your wife can relax while you go to the parks, then spend the evenings together.

 

[momof2gr8kids]

It also helps that we both love to travel and can't understand the concept of relaxing at home.

I find there is no "relaxing at home" when you are on vacation. Especially with kids at home. I just finished a week of holidays, playing taxi driver, babysitter, cook, referee, etc. and I told dh never again will I waste holidays staying at home. It was NOT a vacation! LOL. Plus people know you are home and expect you to call back asap, answer emails, etc.

I have a friend who doesn't understand me wanting to travel or go camping, and I can't understand her wanting to sit around and "relax". LOL

OP, enjoy your vacations with your daughter and don't feel guilty!

 

[Donald Duck888]

I find there is no "relaxing at home" when you are on vacation. Especially with kids at home. I just finished a week of holidays, playing taxi driver, babysitter, cook, referee, etc. and I told dh never again will I waste holidays staying at home. It was NOT a vacation! LOL. Plus people know you are home and expect you to call back asap, answer emails, etc.

That is exactly what i told my wife LOL. Staying home is no vacation there is always something that needs to be done or fixed or whatnot. Not a vacation at all if you ask me.

 

[TrudyNH]

This discussion is a bit older now but I thought I would share. When my son was 4, we as a family decided to drive 15 hours to visit friends. My son was a very quiet traveller who made the drive a breeze. Unfortunately during that week, I realized my husband hates the following:
1. Driving, especially in traffic
2. Spending money
3. Any noise in a vehicle as he drives
4. Long lines
5. Crowds
6. Amusement parks
7. Fast food.

I did manage to get him to visit Disney on our sons 9th birthday and he was miserable which ruined the vacation. Since then. I plan a trip for my son, his friend and I while my husband goes elsewhere. Usually he is in the same area golfing with friends. As long as my child wants to travel, I will save every penny and make it happen. 402 days to go.......

 

[twinmom108]

Sounds like the op's wife might benefit from a Disney Cruise.

My DH is not a big Disney Fan either so I've made several WDW trips with either all 3 sons or just me & 1 DS without hubby.

Last year in October, my DH & my best friend's DH let us go by ourselves together with out any kids. We had a blast!!

 

[Donald Duck888]

Sounds like the op's wife might benefit from a Disney Cruise.

Funny story, I was actually looking at those last night, lol. I was looking at the Alaskan ones as that would probably be the only destination that overly interests me let alone my wife. Well the wife is not really interested in that plus i got sticker shock when i saw that it was almost $3000 per person for a 7 day cruise.

 

[Donald Duck888]

I did manage to get him to visit Disney on our sons 9th birthday and he was miserable which ruined the vacation. Since then. I plan a trip for my son, his friend and I while my husband goes elsewhere. Usually he is in the same area golfing with friends. As long as my child wants to travel, I will save every penny and make it happen. 402 days to go.......

It is very tough when someone just doesn't want to be there isn't it. Have had that experience myself and it does take alot of the fun out of it.