Travelling with someone elses child... WWYD?

[aussietravellers]

I have done this locally, within Australia that is, taken a friend of DS's away with us on holiday. When we have done this, the boy's parents paid for his airfare and that was it. I was a little surprised when they didn't send him away with any money, not even $1 for souvenirs or something (for a week).

As we were already away and staying longer, the boy flew as an unaccompanied minor both ways, we met him at the plane and took him to the plane. But I thought it was strange not to send him with any money, not even any money to buy himself something on the plane on his way. I know when my son just goes to a theme park or a movie or something with a friends family I send him with some money for lunch or souvenirs. Often he doesn't spend it, but I would never send him away for a week with no money at all.

Anyway I have been thinking of when we go to DL in December that I might see if a friend of DS's would like to come for a week or a few days of our 2 week trip. There is one particular child that I'm thinking of, he is one of DS's best friends (not the one we took away last time) and he goes with his family to the US for the whole of the Nov/Dec/Jan School Holidays (I say Nov because they usually break up around the 25 Nov, this year it's the 30th Nov), so he would be in the USA already. So I was thinking that we get a kids suite at HoJo's, so the boys would have their own room and may see if his parents would be happy for him to fly from where they are in the US to Anaheim, well I have looked and he could fly into John Wayne airport. So we would meet him at the plane, then take him back to the airport for him to fly back to his parents.

I just wonder if it will be too much though (for me ) When we have gone away before it was a relaxed beach holiday, so not a lot of expenses for me to cover for the friend, just meals but of course as he didn't take any pocket money, if my DS wanted a souvenir, I had to buy the other one one too and it fast added up. Disneyland would be a whole different scenario. Meals are fine, but I'm thinking of the tours to Legoland or the SD Zoo or Universal, Fantasmic dessert party, Holiday Tour, all of which we are going to do. Some of those we could do before or after he came, but not all as he would come for half the trip. So it could become quite expensive .

As this is a surprise trip for DS, I have been asking him questions about things he would like to do if we ever go the the USA again and I have asked him if he would like this friend to come along for part of our trip if we ever went at a time he was in the USA. Of course I would have to ask the parents etc, but I am just throwing the idea around before incase it may not actually be a good idea.

So I would have to get his parents to pay for and organise his airfare (which I am sure they would expect), but I can't really ask them to pay for the day trips can I? I guess I would really have to cover those as we would do at least one, probably two when he was with us. I wouldn't ask for food or accommodation expenses as I think that is what I have to cover, inviting him to come along. But after the last time and the parents not sending him with one cent (although this is a different child/family), what if he came along without any money and we are at the Zoo or Legoland and my DS is getting things, I can't really not let him have anything, although if he had his own spending money then I wouldn't have to worry.

If my DS went away with anyone, then I would send him with spending money and wouldn't have any problem paying for his day tours, actually I'd even offer money for food.

I would love to know what others would expect from a family if their child was invited away on a trip like that to DL and also what they would expect if they took someone elses child away with them.

 

[Ms. Shuttergirl]

I guess my first question would be - is this something you think the parents would even consider doing? I have to say there is NOOOO way I would send my young son on a domestic flight in a foreign country by himself. I'd probably be hard pushed though to do that in Aus .

Obviously you think this is something the parents would consider so onto the next part. I think you need to word your "pitch" to the parents in such a way that says something like:-

We would love little Johnny to come and spend 7 days with us in LA, if you could cover his flights, day tours and a little spending money, I would be happy to cover his accommodation and meals. I was thinking of taking the boys to "such" and "such" over that week and the tours cost approx. $xxxx, I've researched flights and they would be $xxxxx. As for spending money for little Johnny for souvenirs, well that is up to you guys and what you think he might want. Ds and I will be there to meet him at the airport, we will be staying at HoJo and eating at various fun and somewhat healthy places. Yadda yadda yadda.

My suggestion would be to email them the idea. This will give them time as a parents to discuss, as well as time as a family to discuss before responding to you. That way they are not put on the spot, they will have an idea of the cost to them, they know you are more than happy to cover the accom and the food but what the expectations are of them.

Then if they say yes, they are going to provide all that is necessary for Little Johnny to have a good time and for you not to go broke and if they say no, you will have escaped an expensive experience.

Just my 2cents of course

 

[battymum]

Thats a very generous offer - but you really need to talk to the parents and be open about all of this before you tell either of the boys.

Does this boy have siblings? It could be a very difficult situation to put the family in. I would hate if one of my children were given an offer like this. But considering they will already be in US the additional expense is probably not much.

It would be really strange for them to not send him with any money - but if its just souveniers and junk - maybe you should limit what your boy has to the same or near to. (if there is something your son really wants or cant get anywhere else, try to be discreet and buy it for him)

For excursions, entries etc - you need to put a price on it and be upfront to the parents with a number.

I think there are also all sorts of other legalities that you will have to think of, should he require any medical care, he may need his own travel insurance. You will need to travel with a notarised letter of authority to be his guardian, not exactly sure of the details but have read it before.

 

[aussietravellers]

Thanks Ms.Shuttergirl

You know, I didn't even think about them not being ok with flying unaccompanied. I have flown unaccompanied in Australia & overseas since I was 8 (boarding school) and my DS has flown back and forth on occasions within Australia when he has met up with family. Also with my other friend sending her son to us one trip and another friend of mine just sent her 10yr old DS to Europe and back unaccompanied. So the thought that that may be a problem had not even occurred to me. Thank you so much Ms.Shuttergirl for mentioning that Gosh, that is why I really do love bouncing ideas around on Dis, where else can we do that.

If I did decide to go ahead with it (which I'm still not really sure). I would discuss it with the boys mum, in private before I told my DS about it. So that she can discuss it with her DH in private and if it's not something they would be happy with then their DS and my DS would never know, so no disappointment. As they have a house in the USA and do travel there a lot, I know their daughter lived over there for a while too going to school, flying back and forth from the US (and she's still school age), I'm sure that the flying will be ok but who knows
Kids flying unaccompanied, it's usually pretty strict and well supervised, some airlines won't take them (like Jetstar) and there is a lot of paperwork and checking of details on pick up with Virgin when they fly on their own. They are well looked after. I know the 100 or so times I flew over the years as a child, we were always well taken care of (actually bordering on annoying )

I'm just really not sure about what is ok or expected for one to contribute towards a vacation you are invited along on.


Maybe I am biting off more than I can chew Why am I thinking of adding this stress to my vacation planning. Maybe with the trip being so far away and I don't have enough to organise

 

[battymum]

I was replying but got shut out -

I forgot the age of your son, I was thinking of my boys who are 14 - in my opinion (and it is just that) cherish the time when he is happy to travel with "just mum" for sure there will be a time when that is not enough.

 

[aussietravellers]

Thats a very generous offer - but you really need to talk to the parents and be open about all of this before you tell either of the boys.

Oh Yes I would definately discuss it with the parents before mentioning it to the boys. I would be furious if somebody asked my DS on something like that before it was discussed with me and the finer details were hashed out. I would also not want him going anywhere with people who where not responsible, so I wouldn't let my DS go off with just anybody so it's possible they may not be happy with it as they don't know me well (although I am a responsible parent, well I think so anyway ).

Does this boy have siblings? It could be a very difficult situation to put the family in. I would hate if one of my children were given an offer like this. But considering they will already be in US the additional expense is probably not much.
Yes he has an older sister but she will already be on vacation and they probably have friends locally as they do have a house there and go all the time and she has lived there. As they are there for 2.5 almost 3 months, I'm sure if her little brother left for a week, she would probably jump for joy with the peace, I know I would if I had a break from my baby brother

It would be really strange for them to not send him with any money - but if its just souveniers and junk - maybe you should limit what your boy has to the same or near to. (if there is something your son really wants or cant get anywhere else, try to be discreet and buy it for him)

I know it would be strange wouldn't it! I would never send my DS away without some money and I had never thought otherwise.... until.... we took a child away and he was sent penniless, which I thought was odd. Like what if he had wanted to buy something on the plane, or needed money for an emergency or something.

For excursions, entries etc - you need to put a price on it and be upfront to the parents with a number.

So you think it would be ok to ask for them to pay for that I just don't know if inviting him means I am really responsible for all expenses (aside from airfare and hopefully spending money for souvenirs)

I think there are also all sorts of other legalities that you will have to think of, should he require any medical care, he may need his own travel insurance. You will need to travel with a notarised letter of authority to be his guardian, not exactly sure of the details but have read it before.

I would assume that they would have travel insurance as they are already away travelling. I would make sure that I had all medical insurance details and yes... the notorised letter! Thanks for mentioning that, I would make sure I organised that. My DH passed away and I always carry his death certificate with me incase I ever have a problem travelling with my DS without his other parent (I know some countries question parents travelling alone with their child). I've never had problem, but you have to be prepared.

Thanks so much for your reply, I really appreciate hearing everyones thoughts

Oh, I haven't mentioned. The boy will be just 13 yrs old, so not too young, but not too old.

 

[Ms. Shuttergirl]

I am without a doubt 10% an over protective parent. My DH is the same. I put my own craziness down to "being raise by wolves in a cave" and absolute luck that nothing happened to me growing up. I flew a few times as a very very young child on my own domestically and thought it was fine. I am shocked that you have a friend that you have a friend that sent their child to Europe on their own. Never in 100 million years would I ever do it. It's so far and I would be so worried about the child and if they needed a cuddle or a help with something. I find the flight attendants to be a little lacking on lots of attention on flights so I doubt it's something I would consider but as you say, your friends own a home in the US and they most likely would be very comfortable with their son flying domestically so that will probably not be a problem in any way.

I do agree though that I'm sure the loading and unloading of the children on flights is very very very well organised and well documented. I have no doubt they are very dotting of i's and crossing of t's with that stuff. That is definitely not my concern.

I agree with Battymum in that it is lovely that you are still able to travel with your son and him enjoy himself. For you to be considering such an undertaking, are you concerned that your son will be a little bored and really would love the extra stimulation of a friend on hand????

Battymum makes another "practical" yet very important point about the legalities of medical care, insurance, etc. It's one thing to take a child's friend camping down the coast but a whole another "kettle of fish" to take them on a 7 day trip in the US. I would look into that.

I genuinely think you are taking on alot with this idea. I think it will create more "stress" than "joy" overall. It is alot of organising for you, alot of extra pressure, and could create less harmony if the boys end up getting on each others nerves or if the kid gets on your nerves .

If you decide to go ahead with the idea, I and all of us Disers are here to help you work through any questions, ups and downs though. That's what we do here and if you are super keen to do it, we will be with you 100% of the way.

 

[aussietravellers]

I was replying but got shut out -

I forgot the age of your son, I was thinking of my boys who are 14 - in my opinion (and it is just that) cherish the time when he is happy to travel with "just mum" for sure there will be a time when that is not enough.

My DS and his friend will both be just 13 in December. He is getting to that age, where travelling with just me is not as fun as it once was. I just thought if he had a friend with him he may get to do more. I tore an artery a couple of years ago now, but I am not allowed to ride rollercoasters again, ever. With the weakened artery it is not something that people who have had a vertebral artery dissection are allowed to ever do again. So I thought with a friend, he can ride more rides.

I would not be happy with them at that age going off on their own, particularly when I'd be responsible for another's child, but I thought he may enjoy having a mate with him for part of the trip to do some things that he can't do with mum. On your last trip (the first trip since the artery tear), we were away with friends, so he still got to do everything. I was just the handbag minder at the ride exit

Oh what to do Decisions decisions

 

[aussietravellers]

I am without a doubt 10% an over protective parent. My DH is the same. I put my own craziness down to "being raise by wolves in a cave" and absolute luck that nothing happened to me growing up. I flew a few times as a very very young child on my own domestically and thought it was fine. I am shocked that you have a friend that you have a friend that sent their child to Europe on their own. Never in 100 million years would I ever do it. It's so far and I would be so worried about the child and if they needed a cuddle or a help with something. I find the flight attendants to be a little lacking on lots of attention on flights so I doubt it's something I would consider but as you say, your friends own a home in the US and they most likely would be very comfortable with their son flying domestically so that will probably not be a problem in any way.

See I am quite overprotective I think. Many of my friends let their kids do things I would not let my DS do yet and yes, When my friend told me that her DS was off to Europe, on his own I was . He had to change planes twice OMG. I've been ok with being at the gate, walking my son to the door of the plane and knowing a family member is waiting at the door at the other end. And it's is not a stress free experience for me, I am on edge until I know he is in the hands of my family member. I worry about something happening to the plane and my DS being alone. There is no way on this planet I would let my DS fly alone to Europe or anywhere overseas for that matter on his own (also because I would feel ripped off that I wasn't getting a trip )

I do agree though that I'm sure the loading and unloading of the children on flights is very very very well organised and well documented. I have no doubt they are very dotting of i's and crossing of t's with that stuff. That is definitely not my concern.

I agree with Battymum in that it is lovely that you are still able to travel with your son and him enjoy himself. For you to be considering such an undertaking, are you concerned that your son will be a little bored and really would love the extra stimulation of a friend on hand????

Battymum makes another "practical" yet very important point about the legalities of medical care, insurance, etc. It's one thing to take a child's friend camping down the coast but a whole another "kettle of fish" to take them on a 7 day trip in the US. I would look into that.

Yes, I do have to consider that seriously I think I just thought of this child because he was already going to be there, so just an hour or so domestic flight for him, if anything happened, his parents are only a short flight away. Also he won't be with us for the whole trip, just part of it. I actually wouldn't consider it if the parents were in Australia and I had to have him for the whole two weeks. I would like some time to ourselves and I thought with him really just taking a domestic holiday it's not such a big responsibility. I just thought my DS may get to go on rides i won't be able to go on with him.

I genuinely think you are taking on alot with this idea. I think it will create more "stress" than "joy" overall. It is alot of organising for you, alot of extra pressure, and could create less harmony if the boys end up getting on each others nerves or if the kid gets on your nerves .

I know I am! What am I thinking I don't know why I must make things more complicated for myself

If you decide to go ahead with the idea, I and all of us Disers are here to help you work through any questions, ups and downs though. That's what we do here and if you are super keen to do it, we will be with you 100% of the way.

Thanks Ms.Shuttergirl, you are such a sweetie

 

[battymum]

A couple of years ago my daughter went away with a friend, just up the coast - she was 14 -

They were staying in a holiday unit and driving up - so no additional expense. As I didnt know what they would be doing, dinners out, etc - I wasnt sure what money to send. I didnt want to give my DD a hundred dollars or more - knowing that it wouldnt come home whether they went anywhere to need it or not.

I think I ended up giving DD $50 and gave the mother $100 or $150, (that she rejected anyway) but that was just a beach trip to Forster.

But it sounds like this family is not scraping the bottom of the barrel, how much are we talking for one child to go to a couple of attractions. You should ask for this - and they give it to you and any further discretionary spending money be given to the child - I am a firm believer that kids have a limited amount of money and they budget their purchases accordingly.

 

[battymum]

These are the times when I am thankful to have had twin boys!

Although that family of five thing sort of sucks sometimes!!!!

 

[aussietravellers]

A couple of years ago my daughter went away with a friend, just up the coast - she was 14 -

They were staying in a holiday unit and driving up - so no additional expense. As I didnt know what they would be doing, dinners out, etc - I wasnt sure what money to send. I didnt want to give my DD a hundred dollars or more - knowing that it wouldnt come home whether they went anywhere to need it or not.

I think I ended up giving DD $50 and gave the mother $100 or $150, (that she rejected anyway) but that was just a beach trip to Forster.

But it sounds like this family is not scraping the bottom of the barrel, how much are we talking for one child to go to a couple of attractions. You should ask for this - and they give it to you and any further discretionary spending money be given to the child - I am a firm believer that kids have a limited amount of money and they budget their purchases accordingly.

I don't think they are scraping the bottom of the barrel, but you never really know others situations, but I wouldn't expect they would have a problem with paying for a couple of activities. I can't imagine they would send him away without spending money. My DS, even when he travels with me, has his own money and once it's gone it's gone. It's up to him how he spends it. He saves up birthdays and Christmas and odd job money.

Thanks again for all of your input. I really do appreciate it

 

[alicia1506]

when i was a kid (there were three of us) and my mum was a stay-at-home mum while dad worked a regular job... we didn't have a lot of discretionary spending money as my parents put all their spare money in the bank but they always made sure we had an allowance and if we ever went somewhere with friends/another family etc we were always given money for food/bus fare/souvenirs etc.

the idea that a parent would send their child on a trip with another family & not give the child spending money for food/souvenirs/emergency etc is strange to me as that is always how it was in my family.

to this day, i still make sure that carlo (who is a 34 yr old man who is fully capable of taking care of himself) never leaves the house without a little emergency cash in his wallet.

i think that if you are interested in having another child to supervise on your trip, and you approach the other parents and lay out costs/options etc and say this is what we are wanting to do and would like to invite your son to join us, we would like to pay for x, y and z expenses but a, b and c expenses are not going to be covered by us, think it over and let us know if you are interested etc.

then if they agree, you know what the expectations are going into it and so do they and you can communicate freely and openly without any assumptions or issues arising.

my parents went to thailand with friends of theirs for a 5star work related trip. my parents were the invited guests and it was very clearly spelt out for them way in advance what would/wouldn't be covered so they could make a really informed decision. they went and had a ball and part of that was because they knew they weren't beholden to anyone to cover their expenses, it wasn't charity and they had the freedom to spend on certain things at will without having to ask permission etc. i highly recommend full disclosure, but also bare in mind this means another child to supervise and may just result in additional headaches/demands on your time during what is 'your' vacation as well ....

sorry for the ramble

 

[Ms. Shuttergirl]

I can definitely see the benefits in having a friend along for your son to go on rides with. It really comes down to whether the benefits outweigh some of the additional responsibilities in your mind. If it is worth it to you then I say go for it..

But definitely be upfront with the parents about what they would need to cover and what you will be covering.

 

[aussietravellers]

sorry for the ramble

Never be sorry for a ramble I love to ramble

That is great info Alicia. If we do take him I will definately lay out what I will pay for. I'm still just undecided what to get them to pay for and what is reasonable for them to pay for. I know I would pay for meals and accommodation, but don't know if Disney tickets and say San Diego Zoo tour should be paid by me or ask them to pay that

Spending money is really up to them and really I don't think any normal person would send their child away with NO spending money. I think the last child we took away, that must have been an exception, just got me wondering if that is the norm these days but I'm sure it's not.

I can definitely see the benefits in having a friend along for your son to go on rides with. It really comes down to whether the benefits outweigh some of the additional responsibilities in your mind. If it is worth it to you then I say go for it..

But definitely be upfront with the parents about what they would need to cover and what you will be covering.

Yes DS will love to have him along. I will see what unfolds as we get closer to December and if I decide to have him along, what we will do on what dates so depending on when/if he comes I will have an idea of what we will be doing when he is there.

 

[austraveler]

I love reading everyone's input. I note that it is all so friendly when compared to some of the responses to people on the USA parts of the DIS. I flew as an unaccompanied minor since the age of 10 and would be comfortable sending my 10 year old now if we put him on the plane and I knew hecwould be me at the end of the flight. We fly so muchbthat the kids know the drill. I imagine the boy you are considering has also flown a lot if he goes to the US every year.ni would definitely expect that spending money would be provided though, and I would hope for a contribution for the day trips. That being said, my son just came home from 2 days in Oramge (a five hour drive ) with another family for a school competition. I gave him $50 for meals etc. He came home and gave me the $50 back, saying "I had no chance to buy souvenirs". I am so embarrassed that the other family thinks we are freeloaders but have not had the chance to speak to them yet.

 

[kyl]

Why don't you ask the family if they would like to meet up with u guys at sometime during the trip? This way your son can play with his friend but you don't have the full responsibility and cost of someone else child. I have to say I am with Ms Shuttergirl on this one no way in a million years would I let my 13yr old go on any plane on their own....let alone in another country. I am over the top I know.....but many parents are the same. I would suggest that you ask to have a week together and meet up maybe even offer to baby sit for a night so the parents can go out on their own....

 

[cola]

When we have done this, the boy's parents paid for his airfare and that was it. I was a little surprised when they didn't send him away with any money, not even $1 for souvenirs or something (for a week).

....... But I thought it was strange not to send him with any money, not even any money to buy himself something on the plane on his way.

....... and really I don't think any normal person would send their child away with NO spending money. I think the last child we took away, that must have been an exception, just got me wondering if that is the norm these days but I'm sure it's not.

Did you make any comments to the parents about no money?
I'm just wondering if they did send him away with money, but some children will push boundaries and say 'no, I've got no money', when in reality, they have a stash of cash that their parents said 'make sure you pay for this that and the other'. Some kids can look like angels and lie through their teeth. Money for that game/shoes/phone/whatever can be very motivating. There is the possibility that the boy told you no money, goes home and buys something expensive with the money you didn't know about, his parents ask where it came from and he says you purchased it for him while away. He thinks he's smarter than all the adults.
Lots of kids would never think like that, but there are a lot that would, particularly if they have older siblings that are boundary pushers too.

 

[aussietravellers]

Did you make any comments to the parents about no money?
I'm just wondering if they did send him away with money

Sorry, just saw your reply

No, they definately didn't send him away with any money. Actually they didn't answer my question, so I knew their avoidance of an answer of no. And he's not that sort of kid. When I asked him about eating on the plane and he said no. I said, wasn't there anything nice and he said no that he didn't have any money and he looked embarrassed. He wasn't lying.

 

[aussietravellers]

I love reading everyone's input. I note that it is all so friendly when compared to some of the responses to people on the USA parts of the DIS.

Yep, I love the Aussie board! I love that we all respect that we each have our own thoughts and opinions, ways we do things, things we like and don't like and that's ok, doesn't make anybody wrong and we all just do and think what works for us as individuals and our families and it's all good. The world would be a boring place if we all liked and did the same things the aussie board!

I flew as an unaccompanied minor since the age of 10 and would be comfortable sending my 10 year old now if we put him on the plane and I knew hecwould be me at the end of the flight. We fly so muchbthat the kids know the drill. I imagine the boy you are considering has also flown a lot if he goes to the US every year.ni would definitely expect that spending money would be provided though, and I would hope for a contribution for the day trips. That being said, my son just came home from 2 days in Oramge (a five hour drive ) with another family for a school competition. I gave him $50 for meals etc. He came home and gave me the $50 back, saying "I had no chance to buy souvenirs". I am so embarrassed that the other family thinks we are freeloaders but have not had the chance to speak to them yet.

OMG, that happened to me once. I sent DS off to the movies with some money for a drink and a snack. He came back and didn't show them he had money (he did give it back to me though, that's how I found out he hadn't told them). I apologised to the mother saying I was embarrassed that he hadn't produced his money. She was fine

Why don't you ask the family if they would like to meet up with u guys at sometime during the trip? This way your son can play with his friend but you don't have the full responsibility and cost of someone else child. I have to say I am with Ms Shuttergirl on this one no way in a million years would I let my 13yr old go on any plane on their own....let alone in another country. I am over the top I know.....but many parents are the same. I would suggest that you ask to have a week together and meet up maybe even offer to baby sit for a night so the parents can go out on their own....

Thanks for your reply Kyl And you are not over the top! They are your children, there's nothing wrong with doing things the way you want as their parent

I don't think I would ask them to come, they are lovely people, but not my friends. I can cope looking after their son (he's a great kid), but different story sharing a holiday with people who aren't your friends I'll see how things go as the year progresses. As they will be in the US already, it is less for them to organise, just a domestic flight (and I don't have to take him through customs )