TRANSLATING PENTAGONESE .Black Humor from the War Zone

[fklhou]

(”And if I laugh at any mortal thing, ‘tis that I may not weep.” Lord Byron

Here is your own handy guide to the terminology being used by the Pentagon to help the average American “understand” the war in Iraq.

SHOCK AND AWE: Flattening a nation’s infrastructure with 100,000 bombs so your corporate buddies can make billions rebuilding and making more bombs. (note we are shocked that anyone can be this barbaric and awed that they can get away with it)

COALITION: The U.S., Britan, and Australia with a few Easter Islanders and Estonians thrown in.

ALLIED EFFORT: Having Britain do all the dirty work and pick up the tab for the humanitarian aid the US keeps promising to send to Iraq.

FOG OF WAR: 1. The excuse for anything that goes wrong, including shooting women and children at a checkpoint in a secured area; 2. The smokescreen created by war coverage that hides everything else Bush is doing

WINNING HEARTS AND MINDS: Shooting and bombing civilians, then offering them a plastic package of C-rations.

SPEEDING ACROSS THE DESERT: Being 50 miles away from Baghdad for 6 days in a row.

SADDAM TORTURE FACILITY: Any junk room where an old battery has been dumped.

EVIDENCE OF WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION: Anything we can get away with planting

COMBAT DEATH TOLL: The real number minus the ones we don’t plan to report

FLEXIBILITY: The right for Donald Rumsfeld to withdraw a billion or two from the defense budget any time the spirit moves him without having to notify anyone.

ACCOUNTABILITY: No equivalent translation available outside Pentagon

EMBEDDED REPORTERS: Handpicked corporate “journalists” traveling with units deployed as far from real action as possible who write what they’re told

UNPATRIOTIC: Having a problem with trashing other people’s hometowns and slaughtering the residents

SADDAM LOVER: Anyone who has a problem with G.W. Bush

SMART BOMBS: Any bomb that actually lands inside Iraq

PRECISION WARFARE: An army that does precisely what G.W. Bush wants it to do, no questions asked.

EVILDOER: Citizens of any country with oil beneath its soil, with an exception made for North Korea (but, as there is no oil beneath its soil, they aren’t considered evil enough to invade).

BALANCED MEDIA COVERAGE: A segment of Meet the Press where Donald Rumsfeld sits on one side of Tim Russert and Dick Cheney Sits on the other.

CHERYL SEAL REPORTS: Black Humor from the War Zone
by Cheryl Seal

 

[Steve H.]

Gee, thanks for your cut and pasted insight!

 

[jamsmom]

Some of this is pure crap considering what our soldiers are doing for us!

 

[Disney Doll]

It is the Marine, not the reporter, that gives us the freedom of the press. It is the Marine, not the poet, who gives us the freedom of speech. It is the Marine who defends the protestors' right to burn the flag. It is the Marine who salutes the flag, who serves under the flag, and whose coffin is covered by the flag.

Enjoy your freedom of speech, fklhou. Just remember where it came from.

 

[SuiteDisney]

Guess I missed the humor.

 

[ead79]

It is the Marine, not the reporter, that gives us the freedom of the press. It is the Marine, not the poet, who gives us the freedom of speech. It is the Marine who defends the protestors' right to burn the flag. It is the Marine who salutes the flag, who serves under the flag, and whose coffin is covered by the flag.

Enjoy your freedom of speech, fklhou. Just remember where it came from.

Very well said, Disney Doll.

 

[FantasticDisFamily]

But I didn't find that amusing.

Deb

 

[Grog]

Just remember where it came from.

Not gonna happen.

 

[rajak73]

Great response Disney Doll! Too bad some people have a hard time with the truth. Score: Disney Doll 1 fklhou 0
Well, that just goes to show I don't speak "liberaleze"

 

[Mermaid02]

I kept reading, hoping some part of it would be funny- but alas twas not to be.

This is the kind of thing that makes me think it's impossible to disagree with their mission- yet still support our troops. Anyone who finds THAT funny doesn't respect or support our troops.

 

[AirForceRocks]

Typical drivel from this poster. I find this one particularly disgusting:

FOG OF WAR: 1. The excuse for anything that goes wrong, including shooting women and children at a checkpoint in a secured area;

I'm sure that the families of those soldiers killed by the suicide bomber a few days ago would really appreciate this one. Aside from being completely incorrect, it is insulting to those military members that have done everything possible to minimize civilian casualties, including putting themselves at risk.

 

[CathyCanada]

Is this supposed to be funny? Guess most of the folks here didn't find the humour in it, including me.
CC

 

[DawnCt]

FKLhou; YOu have never answered the question I asked you long ago. Whose SIDE are you on? Who do you want to WIN?
What would be the outcome if you had posted what you did in Bahgdad with the Republican Guards in mind? You need to consider getting a life!

 

[JimB.]

flkhou,

Ya' know, I just have to consider the source of this ca-ca to keep from ahhhhhh, .............it's just not worth it.

I'll just say that it takes a really BIG person to continually slam the military.

Especially when the extent of one's military service is sitting on one's a** hoping your draft number does not come up.

Last night we had our armed forces put their lives on the line to rescue one American. Any & every one of them would have sacrificed themselves for her, and surprisinly enough, if YOU had been in the same place, they would have done it for YOU.

Your continual narcissistic MEMEME it's all about me attitude, where you represent your poorly substantiated opinions as fact is shameful.

I'm not embarrassed for me as an American, I'm embarrassed for YOU as an individual.

You have no concept of what it is like to have your life at risk, be it as an infantry soldier with bullets flying at you, special forces behind enemy lines or poised on the pointy end of an aircraft carrier in the middle of a black, stormy night getting ready to be launched off into the air (one hope's).

Courage / Honor / Sacrifice.... THOSE are the words you need to define, because you certainly have no idea whatthey mean..........



P.S. - I'd spend a lot of time with postst about stupid lawyers, but that would be an insult to the honorable, hard working ones I know.

 

[delswife]

It wasnt funny...It wasnt even cute.
I dont think it was a very nice thing to post on a board you know is full of mothers and wives who have members serving over there right now. Was your intent to be cruel?

Isn't this whole mess hard enough, without posting something that says things like:The excuse for anything that goes wrong, including shooting women and children at a checkpoint in a secured area; They didnt delibertly kill these people, they were set up.

Or:Anything we can get away with planting Thats a bunch of crap. 'Nuf said

And:WINNING HEARTS AND MINDS: Shooting and bombing civilians, then offering them a plastic package of C-rations Thats just plain rotten. That is not what we are doing.

Hey, do you know Baghdad Pete, by any chance?

 

[DonnaS]

Tasteless and not funny.

 

[wovenwonder]

I don't understand why you continue. Do you like upsetting people on the boards over and over --- PLEASE just move on with these tastless jokes. I for one do not see the humor in them!

 

[pat fan]

Not the time, not the place and certainly not funny. Grow up.

 

[UncleKyle]

Once again, another tasteless and thoughtless post from fklhou.
Only funny thing about it is that I'm not surprised.

 

[Jeff in BigD]

*cough*