Toddler Advice

[alicia080979]

Dh & I are new parents to a 17 month old little boy. We are foster parents hoping to adopt and he was placed with us last week. We have an 11 day trip planned for the last week of Sept. through the first week of Oct. and I am just trying to figure out our options. We don't really have much of the baby's history but were told he will likely have sensory issues from being in his 4th placement. So far he has been amazing for us (well behaved, eating , sleeping, etc.) but he definitely likes to take off when he is unsure about something and doesn't really have much regard/attachment to any one adult in particular (although he is starting to be very attached to me which is a good thing!) bc of his multiple moves. We took him to our local Y to go swimming and could tell he was very overwhelmed with his surroundings as he froze, started shaking then tried to run off. By the time we left, he was much more comfortable, playing, etc. and seemed to enjoy himself.

I am hoping to take him a local amusement park to see how he handles characters, rides, crowds, etc. but I am a little (...okay a lot!) worried about Disney. There is SO much going on there and I don't know how he will react. It isn't like a normal child where you know their triggers, history, etc. other than being told by a case worker, "we think he probably has sensory issues". I know about the GAC as my mom has bad hip problems and can't do steps well and often needs a little help on the moving belts. She will be with us on our trip and will have her GAC but I am wondering if I should ask to use the stroller as a wheelchair just so he has a "safe" place if he gets overwhelmed or starts trying to take off.

He has been with us a little over a week and today is the first time I have seen him start to meltdown and throw fits, mostly when I am out of eyesight of him or won't pick him up but to me I feel like that is a good thing as it shows he is at least starting to attach to me. Again though, he is 17 months old and just doesn't have any other way to communicate yet so it could just be normal fits. I just don't know if I should go ahead and get the tag to use the stroller as a wheelchair in case he/we need it then if we don't, even better and we can park it. Is that even a valid and/or normal reason to use a stroller as a wheelchair?

I have planned for us to not be in the parks all day. We are doing mornings or evenings only and figure if he is just a rockstar about it and can handle more then we can always go back at night to do more but trying to plan for short trips to the parks. We have sit down meals at least once a day and built in days off. Am I forgetting anything? Any suggestions?

 

[lanejudy]

By all means you can get a stroller-as-wheelchair tag, then decide to use it or not. You may always park the stroller and walk. Most lines are mainstreamed so you would be using the same entrance anyway, just a question of whether you need to bring the stroller with you, and you can decide that on a case-by-case basis.

Bless you for taking in this child and providing him with a stable home! Enjoy your vacation!

 

[alicia080979]

By all means you can get a stroller-as-wheelchair tag, then decide to use it or not. You may always park the stroller and walk. Most lines are mainstreamed so you would be using the same entrance anyway, just a question of whether you need to bring the stroller with you, and you can decide that on a case-by-case basis.

Bless you for taking in this child and providing him with a stable home! Enjoy your vacation!

Thanks! I am not worried about waiting in line more of just having no idea what his needs are/will be because we have no history but I am thinking I will ask just in case. I guess I would rather have it than need it and be stuck with him having some meltdown and being completely overwhelmed.

I just thought of something else maybe someone can help me. We are buying the same type of stroller (City Single Select) at the end of the month that we are renting but it will be a different color (renting City Mini GT). Do you think it is important to get him used to that same stroller before we go and do you think the same style will be close enough that he will still feel safe in in if he gets used to the one we are buying? I am trying to provide him with as much continuity, security, safety, etc. as I possibly can. I just have no experience with kids with sensory issues and am trying to give him whatever he needs.

BTW...thank you for the kind words lanejudy. We feel like this sweet baby boy has blessed us and given us a gift that can never be repaid. He made me a mommy and DH a daddy and for that my world will never be the same!

 

[lanejudy]

I just thought of something else maybe someone can help me. We are buying the same type of stroller (City Single Select) at the end of the month that we are renting but it will be a different color (renting City Mini GT). Do you think it is important to get him used to that same stroller before we go and do you think the same style will be close enough that he will still feel safe in in if he gets used to the one we are buying? I am trying to provide him with as much continuity, security, safety, etc. as I possibly can. I just have no experience with kids with sensory issues and am trying to give him whatever he needs.

Sensory issues can actually vary quite a bit -- with some kids sensory-seekers and other sensory-avoiders and everywhere in-between. So you'll probably have to figure out his triggers, which will take time. While some kids definitely latch onto "color" as something very specific, he probaby would have shown some degree of color-preference in other areas of life, too -- shirt, cup, towel, etc. So it's not likely that he'll need to have the same color stroller at WDW as you have at home. I'm not even sure how much the style will matter, as long as he has that "safe haven" - you might want to have approximately the same features (recline, hood, tray, etc.).

If you think the style/model/color stroller may be an issue for him, can you bring yours from home? They can be gate-checked for free (not counting towards baggage allowance) on airlines.

 

[alicia080979]

I forgot to ask in my original post. With the wheelchair tag on the stroller, does he need to have his own GAC? Are they 2 different things in that case? I read the FAQ sticky but I am still not sure. Since I don't know what his triggers are yet and really don't even know what his needs are at this point, I just don't know what if anything I need to ask for.

It really is surreal to be brought a child and have no history about them. We were actually told we were being brought a 6 month old little boy, then he got removed from the other home they said, "well he is walking so he has to be around year" and then finally about 8 hours after he had been with us we got his actual birth date. Talk about figuring it out as you go!

I tend to over plan everything so this is throwing me through a loop (or teaching me I need to just go with the flow) but I want to be as prepared as possible, lol!

 

[alicia080979]

Sensory issues can actually vary quite a bit -- with some kids sensory-seekers and other sensory-avoiders and everywhere in-between. So you'll probably have to figure out his triggers, which will take time. While some kids definitely latch onto "color" as something very specific, he probaby would have shown some degree of color-preference in other areas of life, too -- shirt, cup, towel, etc. So it's not likely that he'll need to have the same color stroller at WDW as you have at home. I'm not even sure how much the style will matter, as long as he has that "safe haven" - you might want to have approximately the same features (recline, hood, tray, etc.).

If you think the style/model/color stroller may be an issue for him, can you bring yours from home? They can be gate-checked for free (not counting towards baggage allowance) on airlines.

Yes, we are driving and can bring ours if need be. I just didn't want to because they are so expensive and didn't want to risk losing or being stolen. I would much rather pay an extra $15 and let the company assume that risk, lol.
I am glad to hear that it isn't likely to be an issue. I really had/have no idea so was just trying to think of what could be an issue. I am hoping we can learn what, if any, triggers that he has before we go. I am praying they are wrong and are just lumping him in with the statistics that foster children often have sensory issues but I want to be prepared either way!

 

[lanejudy]

I forgot to ask in my original post. With the wheelchair tag on the stroller, does he need to have his own GAC? Are they 2 different things in that case? I read the FAQ sticky but I am still not sure. Since I don't know what his triggers are yet and really don't even know what his needs are at this point, I just don't know what if anything I need to ask for.

It really is surreal to be brought a child and have no history about them. We were actually told we were being brought a 6 month old little boy, then he got removed from the other home they said, "well he is walking so he has to be around year" and then finally about 8 hours after he had been with us we got his actual birth date. Talk about figuring it out as you go!

I tend to over plan everything so this is throwing me through a loop (or teaching me I need to just go with the flow) but I want to be as prepared as possible, lol!

You will need a GAC along with the stroller-as-wheelchair tag, they should give you both at the same time because it has to be used together. The tag is simply a visual identifier on the stroller, but the GAC identifies the child and indicates the need.

You know, kids that age can vary so much in abilities, likes/dislikes, skills levels, reactions - even if he was a child you'd had living with you for the previous year there would be the unknowns about how he'd react at WDW. Try to pre-plan a bit, but don't go overboard and be willing to move at his pace -- call it a day when he's ready, go back to your resort and swim. Don't worry about "missing" rides, there's always next time!

 

[bedogged]

Dh & I are new parents to a 17 month old little boy. We are foster parents hoping to adopt and he was placed with us last week. We have an 11 day trip planned for the last week of Sept. through the first week of Oct. and I am just trying to figure out our options. We don't really have much of the baby's history but were told he will likely have sensory issues from being in his 4th placement. So far he has been amazing for us (well behaved, eating , sleeping, etc.) but he definitely likes to take off when he is unsure about something and doesn't really have much regard/attachment to any one adult in particular (although he is starting to be very attached to me which is a good thing!) bc of his multiple moves. We took him to our local Y to go swimming and could tell he was very overwhelmed with his surroundings as he froze, started shaking then tried to run off. By the time we left, he was much more comfortable, playing, etc. and seemed to enjoy himself.

I am hoping to take him a local amusement park to see how he handles characters, rides, crowds, etc. but I am a little (...okay a lot!) worried about Disney. There is SO much going on there and I don't know how he will react. It isn't like a normal child where you know their triggers, history, etc. other than being told by a case worker, "we think he probably has sensory issues". I know about the GAC as my mom has bad hip problems and can't do steps well and often needs a little help on the moving belts. She will be with us on our trip and will have her GAC but I am wondering if I should ask to use the stroller as a wheelchair just so he has a "safe" place if he gets overwhelmed or starts trying to take off.

He has been with us a little over a week and today is the first time I have seen him start to meltdown and throw fits, mostly when I am out of eyesight of him or won't pick him up but to me I feel like that is a good thing as it shows he is at least starting to attach to me. Again though, he is 17 months old and just doesn't have any other way to communicate yet so it could just be normal fits. I just don't know if I should go ahead and get the tag to use the stroller as a wheelchair in case he/we need it then if we don't, even better and we can park it. Is that even a valid and/or normal reason to use a stroller as a wheelchair?

I have planned for us to not be in the parks all day. We are doing mornings or evenings only and figure if he is just a rockstar about it and can handle more then we can always go back at night to do more but trying to plan for short trips to the parks. We have sit down meals at least once a day and built in days off. Am I forgetting anything? Any suggestions?

I just wanted to reassure you. Your little guy sounds just like my little guy who is also 17 months old. I wouldn't worry too much, he sounds like he is behaving appropriately for his age. I am a great grandmother raising my great grandson.

 

[alicia080979]

I just wanted to reassure you. Your little guy sounds just like my little guy who is also 17 months old. I wouldn't worry too much, he sounds like he is behaving appropriately for his age. I am a great grandmother raising my great grandson.

Thank you! I have a home daycare and have a 17mo boy I watch and my good friend next door has a 17mo little girl (they are all 2 weeks apart) and I have noticed that he is behind them and starting to see a few little things but I also know that a) every child is different and b) when children are moved (especially multiple times), it is to be expected that they can be behind developmentally and to not worry too much about it yet. I am hoping we got him early enough to catch him up if there are any delays!

 

[cgncga]

Thank you! I have a home daycare and have a 17mo boy I watch and my good friend next door has a 17mo little girl (they are all 2 weeks apart) and I have noticed that he is behind them and starting to see a few little things but I also know that a) every child is different and b) when children are moved (especially multiple times), it is to be expected that they can be behind developmentally and to not worry too much about it yet. I am hoping we got him early enough to catch him up if there are any delays!

Give him a few weeks, and I bet you will start to see some amazing changes in his behavior, attachment, and skills. Our first daughter was 17 months old at adoption (from a Chinese orphanage) and, although she was walking, she tested as being quite delayed when we came home with her. However, she picked up skills like crazy and by the time she had been with us for six months the only place she was behind was speech--which was expected because she'd only been hearing English for 6 months at that time. Six months after that, all her skills were on track or advanced and have continued to be that way eleven years after adoption. (We were part of a study of Chinese adoptees so we had regular assessments of her skills for the first couple year home.)

Catherine

 

[RosyMom]

We are off to Disney in a couple weeks with our 23 month old boy on the spectrum and our 8 year old (who is celebrating his step-father adopting him, yay!)

Our biggest fear is the running. We can't let go of his hand or turn our head for a milli-second or he will be off. We will have one of those monkey tethers and the tatoos with our cell numbers on it. We hope to get the GAC because I have heard that the regular lines are very packed in - he will have a melt down for sure.

We have been trying to get him used to being around more people in similar situations. For example, we have been going to more restaurants. We have found he really needs to be walked around after ordering and then he is fine to sit for eating.

He had little interest at the zoo. He didn't seem to get that we were there to see the animals. He just sat in the stroller quietly and not having fun. Outlet malls (outdoors) was another test-run we did. He loved to run with the monkey on his back, but tended to head towards the parking lot and had to be carried kicking and screaming back to the stores. My poor kiddo.

Obviously, every kid is different. It must be very hard not knowing his history. I think your plan of taking him to different places is great (especially considering that is exactly what I did ) Good luck, I hope you have a magical time!

 

[Schmeck]

At 17 months, if you didn't have the stroller in line, wouldn't you just be carrying him anyways? I think he'd feel more secure and safe being carried in a busy queue than down low in the stroller, with people bumping into it.

 

[MSSANDRA]

Congratulations on your new little guy. Prayers this will be his forever home. By the time your trip arrives, you will begin to see the real child. That first week is going to be the honeymoon period. By this week, you will start to see what he is really like! Remember not to read too much into the"'paperwork" and take everything that is said with a grain of salt....he could have true issues, and it could be just reactions to a rocky start in life!


For WDW: be sure you have the permission to take him with you out of state and check the insurance requirements. In our state you must put foster children on your own insurance if you choose to take them out of state.

I would certainly consider the stroller as a wheelchair tag if you think you need it when you get there. Not only for safety but it gives them a space to retreat to from all the over stimulation.

I would consider a good wrap or carrier. Great for bonding and helping him to feel secure as well. In addition to the stroller of course.

You are going at a great lower crowd time. Do rope drop, take breaks and enjoy your new little blessing!

 

[epsmith921]

Best wishes! Just wanted to state that the city mini and the mini gt are basically identical to a child. They are set up exactly the same and the differences are in the tires, weight limits on the frames, and small differences in the seat dimensions. (Had to look at all the measurements for my own purchasing purposes.)

Hope you have a great trip!

 

[AndreaA]

We are off to Disney in a couple weeks with our 23 month old boy on the spectrum and our 8 year old (who is celebrating his step-father adopting him, yay!)

Our biggest fear is the running. We can't let go of his hand or turn our head for a milli-second or he will be off. We will have one of those monkey tethers and the tatoos with our cell numbers on it. We hope to get the GAC because I have heard that the regular lines are very packed in - he will have a melt down for sure.

We have been trying to get him used to being around more people in similar situations. For example, we have been going to more restaurants. We have found he really needs to be walked around after ordering and then he is fine to sit for eating.

He had little interest at the zoo. He didn't seem to get that we were there to see the animals. He just sat in the stroller quietly and not having fun. Outlet malls (outdoors) was another test-run we did. He loved to run with the monkey on his back, but tended to head towards the parking lot and had to be carried kicking and screaming back to the stores. My poor kiddo.

Obviously, every kid is different. It must be very hard not knowing his history. I think your plan of taking him to different places is great (especially considering that is exactly what I did ) Good luck, I hope you have a magical time!

Honestly, all of this sounds completely normal to me! At two years old, my boys could not have cared less about a zoo situation. Last year, at age 3, they were somewhat interested in Animal Kingdom, but not really excited. They would both HATE the mall unless they could run (or were contained in their stroller) at that age, and would melt down if you tried to stop the running. Even now, at age 4, they have trouble not being impatient in restaurant situations

Now one of my boys does have sensory processing disorder, but his twin brother does not, and none of those things are the things that made me suspect he had some special issues to deal with. Those things were just being two.

I say this not to discount his diagnosis but to give you some hope that a lot of that at least some of that stuff may be outgrown in a few years. Some kids are just SO active and mine definitely fit in that mold!

To the OP, none of what you have described sounds particularly SPD-ish, for lack of a better term, but more attachment related, which is understandable considering his past. Hopefully after a few months he will settle into your family and you will see a real difference.

 

[jac1976]

It can be challenging to have a child with special needs, but you will be fine. And while you don't know his history, you are in fact in the same boat as many other parents with children of special needs. While we knew my son's medical history, all of his ASD and SPD behaviors were new to us and we had to learn and figure it out as we went along. The hard thing about those diagnoses is that they are not cookie cutter, one size fits all disorders. Everyone affected has a unique set of symptoms and behaviors that have to be deciphered.

We have taken DS to Disney twice- once when he was 18 months (still completely non-verbal) and again last year when he was 7 (verbal, issues mostly sensory at the time) and we are headed out in a few days for trip #3. Here are some things we learned:

Prep him as much as you can. We got a DVD of a singalong movie at Disneyland and watched it over and over. (There is one song done at the Haunted Mansion which we skipped.) It let DS see the characters and their size in relation to kids.

Go at his speed. We went to Animal Kingdom on his first trip and spent about 45 minutes interacting with a robotic trashcan because he was mesmerized by it. Kind of boring for us, but DS loved it.

I tend to avoid all lines over 15-20 minutes. (Granted we went in October and over Labor Day when lines are smaller.) It's just not worth it to try to push DS past his limits. Sometimes that means I miss a ride I want to go on, but I'd rather have a smooth day and miss a ride, then make DS wait and deal with a meltdown.

Last year I was worried about DS in lines because of his sensory issues (he is a seeker and is constantly moving so I was mainly concerned about the comfort of the people around us as the chances were high that they would be bumped into or stepped on or accidentally hit with his flailing limbs.) I got a GAC card just in case, but we never used it. Now that many lines have activities in them for children, DS was so focused on those that he kept much better control of his body. Although I think he would have stayed at Winnie the Pooh touching those dripping honey touch screens all day long if we had let him.

If you do start to figure out what sensory things bother him, avoid the triggers. My DS is over sensitive to noise. We can't go to any of the stunt shows or anything else with loud sound effects. That means no fireworks for us either. For him those things are so painful that he will literally start crying and clutch his head in pain. DS also gets nervous in large groups of people (this is more his ASD and less of his SPD.) I hold his hand and keep him close by, and the minute he says he is nervous and uncomfortable, we leave.

If he seems to calm down when he is with you, I would get a good carrier and wear him instead of using the stroller. If you get a good carrier, you will barely feel his weight.

If you think he might be a runner, I'd get tattoos with your cell phone number on them. DS was non verbal until about 4 years old and wouldn't respond to someone (even me and DH) calling his name, so we used those tattoos all the time.

All that being said, we love Disney, and so does DS. We can't do the die hard touring plan type visits that other people do, but there are still lots of things to be enjoyed.

 

[SteveMouse]

Remember, you will probably need to notify the caseworker regarding your travel plans, if you haven't already.

 

[sunshinehighway]

In no way is this post intended to be mean or snarky.

If the child hasn't been diagnosed with anything, is it really appropriate to get a GAC?

 

[WheeledTraveler]

In no way is this post intended to be mean or snarky.

If the child hasn't been diagnosed with anything, is it really appropriate to get a GAC?

Unfortunately, disabilities (of any sort) are not always easily diagnosed and sometimes there are blockers to diagnosis even if it is easy to diagnose. Just because there isn't a diagnosis, doesn't mean there isn't a need for a GAC. If I'd gone by 'no diagnosis means no accommodations for problems due to disability', I'd have ended up bedbound rather than using a wheelchair for the 5 years between becoming unable to walk and finally getting the diagnosis for why I couldn't walk. A need for a GAC is not based on diagnosis, but on how a person is effected by their symptoms.

(I apologize if that comes across as a snarky response as it's not meant to be snarky.)

 

[sunshinehighway]

Unfortunately, disabilities (of any sort) are not always easily diagnosed and sometimes there are blockers to diagnosis even if it is easy to diagnose. Just because there isn't a diagnosis, doesn't mean there isn't a need for a GAC. If I'd gone by 'no diagnosis means no accommodations for problems due to disability', I'd have ended up bedbound rather than using a wheelchair for the 5 years between becoming unable to walk and finally getting the diagnosis for why I couldn't walk. A need for a GAC is not based on diagnosis, but on how a person is effected by their symptoms.

(I apologize if that comes across as a snarky response as it's not meant to be snarky.)

Thank you.

I can understand how a physical/mobility issue would need an accommodation regardless of a diagnosis. This seems like a different situation. The child could potentially have x issues but with children that age many parents face the problems the op has described.

really I'm not trying to be argumentative but perhaps part of the reason there is so much talk of the GAC system being revamped is because "get a GAC" seems to be the answer for every problem.

If you look at the family board, you will see bolting is common with children that age.