Today would've been my 5th Anniversary

[MickeysMommy]

Yes, today would have been my 5th wedding anniversary but we were divorced in November 2002. I know there are far worse things out there right now and people far worse off than me but can I have a moment please?
My husband was verbally and emotionally abusive to me and I didn't even realize it till my mother pointed it out. He was very condecending towards me and often belittled me in private and public. Long story short, I left on October 21, 2001 ~ one of the worst days of my life but I had my mind made up that if I was leaving, I had to leave *that* day. He didn't even tell me to stay. He sat on the couch and watched me walk out the door. I drove to my parents house where my father almost had to pick me up off the ground. Jump to April or May and he had a girl living in my house. I have to work around her schedule to go there to pick up some of my things....mind you we haven't even signed a separation agreement yet and she is living there.
Ok, so we are finally divorced in November and what is the first thing I do...take back my name!
I'm sorry this is long but I do have a lot of animosity towards my ex. First for the fact that she moved in so shortly after I left, two that he never asked me to come home. Never said I love you. Never told me to get my stuff and get the heck out. Never told me he wanted to make it work. Nothing! I will never know why he didn't try and I think that is the hardest thing for me to try to get over. We went to counseling but at that point neither one of us wanted to make it work ~ so it didn't. People ask me if I still have feelings for him - no. I don't feel anything towards him. I don't hate him ~ that phase is over. I don't love him...I guess I am just numb towards him.
I am doing well alone and sometimes I know I am better off. It's just *the* day...
Thank you for letting me vent.

 

[dianeschlicht]

(((hugs)))

 

[Dan Murphy]

Some times, Stacey, it helps to just 'talk it out'. A {hug} for you today.

Dan

 

[4greatboys]

So sorry he was such a jerk. I know its hard but it sounds like you are way better off without him. {{{hugs}}} for you and hoping you feel better soon.

 

[imgoingtodisney]

{{hugs}}

glad you left him

 

[madonna31]

EVERYTHING happens for a reason...in the words of my good friend Rafiki: "The past...we can either run from it - or learn from it"

(((HUGS)))

 

[shamrock bunch]

{{{hugs}}} and bravo to you for leaving the jerk. It sounds like you made a wise decision.

 

[Patio]

I'm sorry for all that you've been through and just wanted to send some {{{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}} to you. Take care and remember: We're ALWAYS here for you.

 

[Loubon]

You sound like you are much better off without him.

I put you in the DIS Class Yearbook to put a smile on your face.

 

[binny]

(((hugs)))

 

[Poohnatic]

(((HUGS))) to you.

I was in a similar situation. Ex was emotionally and verbally abusive and I took it. He had an affair with a coworker and decided to leave. I beat myself up about it (If only I'd lost weight, I shouldn't have worked two jobs) and did not see the abuse. There's a long story in it, and sad to say, he tried to continue causing problems for me even though he left.

I went into therapy. That was the best thing I have ever done for myself. I realized in therapy that I had been abused and I took my life back.

Many years later, I do occasionally chide myself that I allowed it to happen to me and that I didn't leave him a year before the wedding when he said "I'm not ready".

You are a strong person for deciding to leave! Treat yourself to something today to be able to say "I'm worth it". My treat (therapist really had to push me) to myself on what would have been our 9th anniversary of dating was to buy a nice ring. When I was feeling low, I'd look at it and remind myself that I'm worth it.

Hang in there and feel free to PM if you need to vent...

Suzanne

 

[FOJMO]

There's nothing more sad than someone lamenting about an anniversary of something that should never have even BEEN. You didn't say one promising thing about this man in your thread, so why would you be down?

It sounds as if you are more upset with the fact that you are not "married" and celebrating an anniversary. Yes, it would have been a nice thing to celebrate, but look at what you would have been "celebrating" -- MISERY!

It's OK to think about how long you would have been married, but you need to pick yourself up and stop wasting one more moment on what "could have been". You would have gone CRAZY if you would have stayed with this man and you are better off without him.

My dear, departed brother used to say he didn't want to get divorced from his then wife (as miserable as he was) because he didn't want to be "alone." I could never understand why he would rather be miserable with someone who treated him so awful, than to say goodbye and not look back.

I commend you for getting out when you did. Now, look FORWARD and don't waste one more second on this loser. Don't lament about why he did or didn't do something to stop you -- just be glad he didn't.

Wishing you happy and positive thoughts and better days AHEAD. VAL

 

[kdibattista]

Hugs for you on this difficult day

 

[Adrianna]

I was divorced in November 2002 also. It was very hard at the time (as I was the one also leaving.... no abuse, just a good thing gone bad, pretty much, and sick of trying to hold things together), but now I'm better for it. I wish him happiness, as I hope he wishes me happiness.

We got married in 1994, and met in 1987, so it was a long time together. I'm finally starting to get used to being on my own, but it's a very liberating feeling Just wish I could find a hot guy to help me pass the time

 

[Rajah]

*HUGS* Sounds like you're much better off without him. But that doesn't necessarily make it any easier. *hugs*

 

[MickeysMommy]

Thank you all so much.

FOJMO ~ Believe me, I am not upset because I am not married. Yes, I never should have married him in the first place but hindsight is 20/20. I was young when we started dating (19) and when we were married I was 22. I am now 28. We were together 8 years. I do not miss him. I miss "my husband". It's not him I miss. I miss the companionship, I miss knowing "my husband" is coming home after work. I miss going out to dinner and saying "2". That being said, I also love to not have to ask if I can buy something. I love being able to "fend for myself" and not having to answer to anyone. It's just me and Mickey and to be honest, I am ok. My family has been wonderfully supportive and I have a great bunch of friends also.

Everyone who meets (and met) Wayne loves him. He is that kind of person - but it's also like he has a split personality. I mean obviously I fell in love with him but at some point I also fell out of love with him too.

Today also didn't help with the fact that while I was out to lunch I ran into him. Part of the problem of living in a small city is, just that. He and I both work for the city so we are bound to run into each other. I appreciate all the hugs...and I really was just asking for some support.

 

[FOJMO]

Stacey,

I'm sorry if I came off a little "hard" -- I didn't mean to. It's just that I want so much for people to be able to go forward and I know you are. It's nice that you and Mickey (what a great name for a Disney person) are doing well.

About running into him -- do you think he even gave a thought that today would have been your anniversary? I'll bet he didn't have a clue!

You will meet someone that will treat you right. Don't try to find him, though. Keep active in groups and activities and you will be surprised when that special someone shows up.

VAL

 

[Hnymoon@Dixie]

I'm sorry.
Try not to think about it as "it would've been", but as the first day of what "could be." Focus on the future & all of the potential it holds! Have a good day!

 

[browneyes]

{{hugs}} It sounds to me like he didn't deserve you in the first place. {{hugs}}

 

[Robinrs]

Stacey,

You're young. You will find someone who loves YOU and you deserve. This was not it.

This man is more typical than not. He fits a very common profile. While I was reading your first post I figured out things before you filled in the holes. Why?? I've seen it happen so many times, many times in my own family!

Consider it a celebration, not a lamentation, that you're out of this. I'm so glad you listened to your Mom and she made you realize that this was not love. So many times people do not listen or recognize verbal and emotional abuse until it's too late.

Learn to love you and don't let anyone hurt someone YOU love.

And FEEL SORRY for the woman he's with now...