To Whom Would I Write/Email/Call?

[patty57]

I haven't read anyone berating the OP or being outright nasty or sarcastic--just a number of comments pointing out how uncomfortable they would be with this and why the boat captain and SO might react if the OP ever got that far. I have no question the PP's intentions are sincere, but that doesn't mean the idea isn't a bit odd.

There were a few questioning the OP's motives, and just generally trying to make the OP feel stupid. Again, I'm not saying that I think it would work out, but I think it was a kind thought.

 

[Missy1961]

I don't know about all that. I see most people's posts acknowledging the OP may have had good intentions but telling them why it really doesn't work. And this is becoming a moot point, since there is almost no way the OP will be able to invite the captain's SO because Disney wouldn't give out the info anyway.

 

[Planogirl]

I think that the OP means to be kind but I'm in the "this is odd" camp. I'm trying to imagine DH working and bringing me along and it being anything other than uncomfortable.

 

[mesaboy2]

I don't know about all that. I see most people's posts acknowledging the OP may have had good intentions but telling them why it really doesn't work. And this is becoming a moot point, since there is almost no way the OP will be able to invite the captain's SO because Disney wouldn't give out the info anyway.

 

[patty57]

Might as well go for the full-on creepy vibe and ask if he/she has any children so you can take them to the park.

So is the assumption here that the SO of the captain has no other close friends or family to celebrate New Year's Eve with at home?

I don't know about all that. I see most people's posts acknowledging the OP may have had good intentions but telling them why it really doesn't work. And this is becoming a moot point, since there is almost no way the OP will be able to invite the captain's SO because Disney wouldn't give out the info anyway.

Missy, I agree that it isn't going to happen. The two quotes above yours are
the kinds of things I was talking about.

 

[SMD]

Missy, I agree that it isn't going to happen. The two quotes above yours are
the kinds of things I was talking about.

I don't see anything wrong with the second post, the OP is making an assumption, even if it's not intentional the poster is pointing out how it can be perceived. Even the first one, which made me chuckle, makes a point. Just making the request puts the CM in an awkward position. Even though I'm 100% positive that the request will never reach the pilot, why would someone even desire to put them in the awkward position of having to respond to the request? Just because someone has good intentions doesn't mean we shouldn't point out logistically why it's a bad idea. If you think that others were intended to make the OP feel stupid, that's a motive that you're reading into the posts.

Maybe a better response from the OP would have been "Hey, thanks for the feedback, I'll reconsider what I'll do." But on message boards, and especially on disboards, when you dig in your heels on something like this, yes, you will continue to get opinions.

 

[LaurenT]

I don't see anything wrong with the second post, the OP is making an assumption, even if it's not intentional the poster is pointing out how it can be perceived. Even the first one, which made me chuckle, makes a point. Just making the request puts the CM in an awkward position. Even though I'm 100% positive that the request will never reach the pilot, why would someone even desire to put them in the awkward position of having to respond to the request? Just because someone has good intentions doesn't mean we shouldn't point out logistically why it's a bad idea. If you think that others were intended to make the OP feel stupid, that's a motive that you're reading into the posts.

Maybe a better response from the OP would have been "Hey, thanks for the feedback, I'll reconsider what I'll do." But on message boards, and especially on disboards, when you dig in your heels on something like this, yes, you will continue to get opinions.

Sorry SMD, I disagree. Those two posters weren't trying to be helpful. One can simply say "I don't think that's a good idea, it could be taken the wrong way". those comments were specifically meant to be belittling and snarky. There is nothing in the OPs offer that implies that she thinks the Captains spouse doesn't have any friends - or that she would would be interested in taking the captains children out for the day.
Let me just say that I, and I'm sure many other witty people here, could come up with snarky comments to a lot of posts. I am known for my sharp tongue - but Disney is where I go when I want to feel wholesome again - and the dis is an extension of that. So I get my back up when I see people being mean just so that other disers will think they're witty.

 

[LaurenT]

I don't think the Captain would necessarily act any differently if his significant other is on board.
But, he is a professional with a job to do and his job does not include his significant other being there.

Even though you are looking at the significant other as your guest, he/she really is not your guest any more than any other random stranger.

I don't think the boat Captain is in a tipped position (but don't know for sure). If they're not a tip position, they can't accept anything of values, so could not accept a trip or a bottle of wine. Even if it would be allowed, it puts the Captain and the significant other in a potentially very uncomfortable situation. The Captain or significant other may not want to do it, but do they do it just to avoid disappointing a customer?

Just commenting here with info. I've done the cruise twice and the wishes cruise and have always tipped the captain.

 

[SMD]

Sorry SMD, I disagree. Those two posters weren't trying to be helpful. One can simply say "I don't think that's a good idea, it could be taken the wrong way". those comments were specifically meant to be belittling and snarky. There is nothing in the OPs offer that implies that she thinks the Captains spouse doesn't have any friends - or that she would would be interested in taking the captains children out for the day.
Let me just say that I, and I'm sure many other witty people here, could come up with snarky comments to a lot of posts. I am known for my sharp tongue - but Disney is where I go when I want to feel wholesome again - and the dis is an extension of that. So I get my back up when I see people being mean just so that other disers will think they're witty.

Disboards are not an extension of Disney or your personal wholesome feelings. It's a board owned by a travel agency to sell travel packages and relevant advertising to clients and potential clients. If you want to control the content of people's responses and make rules disallowing posts because of how you interpret their tone or meaning, I suggest you consider starting a new message board.

 

[LaurenT]

Disboards are not an extension of Disney or your personal wholesome feelings. It's a board owned by a travel agency to sell travel packages and relevant advertising to clients and potential clients. If you want to control the content of people's responses and make rules disallowing posts because of how you interpret their tone or meaning, I suggest you consider starting a new message board.

I don't need to do that. There are already rules in place about attacking other posters. I like these boards because they're friendly. If you want to suggest that they not be, perhaps i could recommend a different one for you... they do exist.
Disney is also a business that exists to make money. It makes money because people like going there... that's no different from these boards.
I didn't report anyone, I just added my opinion about them not using this board to pick on other members. it may be your opinion that those two pp.'s were not attacking the op, my opinion differs from yours.

 

[SueM in MN]

Just commenting here with info. I've done the cruise twice and the wishes cruise and have always tipped the captain.

Thanks - that's why I said I didn't know.

So, if the OP wants to do do thing nice for the Captain that won't cause any potential problems, a tip would be the way to go.

 

[Alesia]

I don't need to do that. There are already rules in place about attacking other posters. I like these boards because they're friendly. If you want to suggest that they not be, perhaps i could recommend a different one for you... they do exist.
Disney is also a business that exists to make money. It makes money because people like going there... that's no different from these boards.
I didn't report anyone, I just added my opinion about them not using this board to pick on other members. it may be your opinion that those two pp.'s were not attacking the op, my opinion differs from yours.

I want to be very clear: I am in no way stating that the OP has bad intentions. I am also not implying that the OP is stupid. I understand that the OP (as well as many other people here) simply don't understand why this sort of thing would make someone uncomfortable. That's not stupidity, it's just a matter of never having been put in that sort of position. I'm only trying to help those people see things from a different perspective. How can I do that If I'm not very specific about why that would make me (and many, many other people in the service industry) very uncomfortable?

The fact that you are accusing me (and others) of "attacking" the OP is ridiculous. I'm simply trying to explain something that is not obvious to many people.

 

[LaurenT]

I want to be very clear: I am in no way stating that the OP has bad intentions. I am also not implying that the OP is stupid. I understand that the OP (as well as many other people here) simply don't understand why this sort of thing would make someone uncomfortable. That's not stupidity, it's just a matter of never having been put in that sort of position. I'm only trying to help those people see things from a different perspective. How can I do that If I'm not very specific about why that would make me (and many, many other people in the service industry) very uncomfortable?

The fact that you are accusing me (and others) of "attacking" the OP is ridiculous. I'm simply trying to explain something that is not obvious to many people.

Alesia, please go back to Patty's post and look at the two posters i am referring to. You were not one of them. Read those snarky posts and tell me if there weren't an infinite number of kinder ways for those people to get their points across.

 

[BugsDaddy]

I find it strange when threads get so far off track, they devolve into arguments about who is being the most snarky to whom.

Such a gesture would probably make me feel awkward but I probably would not think that the person offering had ulterior motives or anything. I would just politely refuse the offer and thank them for trying to do something nice.

 

[leebee]

I don't know that I'd make this offer, but I think the OP was genuinely being kind; he has empty spaces on his boat, it's a holiday evening, and he thought why not? (Sorry don't know if OP is a he or she, no offense meant). There ARE people who don't mind having their SO or family members around while they work. DH is a professor, and I've sat in on his lectures sometimes at his invitation. We have a niece who TOOK his class. My ex-BIL is a flight attendant for United, and when everyone was on speaking terms (don't ask…) he would encourage family members to take the flights he was working on, or even sometimes bid for specific flights he knew we'd be on. As a PP noted, entertainers are often given comp tickets for family members to come watch them work. While some of you think it's awkward, there are many who would think of it as fun!

And as far as it being awkward to share a cruise with strangers, have none of you ever taken an Illuminations or Wishes cruise by buying seats in someone's boat? There's a whole thread on the DIS about fireworks cruise availability. How is offering space to the skipper's SO- or her/him accepting it- any different than sharing a fireworks cruise with a stranger? Heck, I met one of my best friends via an Illuminations cruise. She had spaces, we wanted to cruise, and that's how we met, TEN YEARS ago. I've only actually seen her four times since then- once again on that first vacation, two days on a subsequent vacation when our dates overlapped, and once when they vacationed in Bar Harbor. I'm not saying that the CM's SO will become lifelong friends with OP, but it's just not as creepy and awkward as some of you seem to think!

 

[LaurenT]

I don't know that I'd make this offer, but I think the OP was genuinely being kind; he has empty spaces on his boat, it's a holiday evening, and he thought why not? (Sorry don't know if OP is a he or she, no offense meant). There ARE people who don't mind having their SO or family members around while they work. DH is a professor, and I've sat in on his lectures sometimes at his invitation. We have a niece who TOOK his class. My ex-BIL is a flight attendant for United, and when everyone was on speaking terms (don't ask&#133 he would encourage family members to take the flights he was working on, or even sometimes bid for specific flights he knew we'd be on. As a PP noted, entertainers are often given comp tickets for family members to come watch them work. While some of you think it's awkward, there are many who would think of it as fun!

And as far as it being awkward to share a cruise with strangers, have none of you ever taken an Illuminations or Wishes cruise by buying seats in someone's boat? There's a whole thread on the DIS about fireworks cruise availability. How is offering space to the skipper's SO- or her/him accepting it- any different than sharing a fireworks cruise with a stranger? Heck, I met one of my best friends via an Illuminations cruise. She had spaces, we wanted to cruise, and that's how we met, TEN YEARS ago. I've only actually seen her four times since then- once again on that first vacation, two days on a subsequent vacation when our dates overlapped, and once when they vacationed in Bar Harbor. I'm not saying that the CM's SO will become lifelong friends with OP, but it's just not as creepy and awkward as some of you seem to think!

Excellent post! In fact, one of the cruises we did was just my DH and I along with eight other disboard members. Tons of fun. I know for a fact that my DH would never have done that on his own, but I'm way more outgoing.... He had a great time.

 

[Alesia]

Alesia, please go back to Patty's post and look at the two posters i am referring to. You were not one of them. Read those snarky posts and tell me if there weren't an infinite number of kinder ways for those people to get their points across.

Sorry, I connected two things that weren't really connected - if that makes any sense.

As far as the other comments, maybe they weren't the kindest things to say, but frankly, it's hard for me to fault them for saying them. It's really just about perspective: I'm a server and I (and every other server I've ever talked to) have personally had to deal with people who do not understand professional boundaries. Sometimes it's someone who's probably well-intentioned, but insists on talking to you like you're a child or someone being ridiculously demanding. Other times, It's worse: It's a guy who hounds you for your phone number, or a guy who slips you a note full of the absolutely disgusting things he wants to do to you. Or it's someone who follows you to your car after your shift is over.

And don't get me wrong, these things don't happen all of the time - 99.99% of customers are wonderful people. But once it happens to you (especially the creepy, stalker variety) it makes you really cynical. And you start to get really, really irritated by people who don't understand professional boundaries. And you start questioning peoples' motives.

 

[LaurenT]

Sorry, I connected two things that weren't really connected - if that makes any sense.

As far as the other comments, maybe they weren't the kindest things to say, but frankly, it's hard for me to fault them for saying them. It's really just about perspective: I'm a server and I (and every other server I've ever talked to) have personally had to deal with people who do not understand professional boundaries. Sometimes it's someone who's probably well-intentioned, but insists on talking to you like you're a child or someone being ridiculously demanding. Other times, It's worse: It's a guy who hounds you for your phone number, or a guy who slips you a note full of the absolutely disgusting things he wants to do to you. Or it's someone who follows you to your car after your shift is over.

And don't get me wrong, these things don't happen all of the time - 99.99% of customers are wonderful people. But once it happens to you (especially the creepy, stalker variety) it makes you really cynical. And you start to get really, really irritated by people who don't understand professional boundaries And you start questioning peoples' motives.

I do understand that completely - I spent 5 years as a flight attendant, I will leave it to your imagination what kinds of assumptions and comments I got (not just from the public, but from pilots as well). And the field I'm in now is chock full of sarcasm and cynicism - and I am a willing participant, I find it to be an excellent outlet for me so that I can let it go when I'm home. But I would just love for people to try and assume that the person they're talking to is part of the 99% .... so that they don't inadvertently make someone with good intentions feel creepy or stupid (again, not talking about your comments).

 

[SMD]

I do understand that completely - I spent 5 years as a flight attendant, I will leave it to your imagination what kinds of assumptions and comments I got (not just from the public, but from pilots as well). And the field I'm in now is chock full of sarcasm and cynicism - and I am a willing participant, I find it to be an excellent outlet for me so that I can let it go when I'm home. But I would just love for people to try and assume that the person they're talking to is part of the 99% .... so that they don't inadvertently make someone with good intentions feel creepy or stupid (again, not talking about your comments).

The only person who has said anything about the OP being stupid is you, 3 times. Why ride in like a knight in shining armor to defend against a slight that you made up yourself? Seriously? How is it not hurtful for you to keep saying it when no one said that at all?

I've worked in service positions and the last thing I want to do is talk to people about my single or marital status, religious beliefs, political views or anything, really. I just want to do my job, get people the info they need, and not be screamed at or physically threatened. And honestly, most of the time being screamed at is better than someone making a negative comment about politics because they think they're politely engaging me. I'm not married, but I'd also take the typical rude customer over the probing one who asks about my personal life. Trust me, when I get together with co-workers and friends, it's the people who try to suck up that we talk about as much as the ones who blow their tops. If I were a CM, a simple and polite "thank you" would be a lot more welcome than some candy or a family photo, or whatever else I've seen suggested here over the years.

 

[LaurenT]

The only person who has said anything about the OP being stupid is you, 3 times. Why ride in like a knight in shining armor to defend against a slight that you made up yourself? Seriously? How is it not hurtful for you to keep saying it when no one said that at all?

I've worked in service positions and the last thing I want to do is talk to people about my single or marital status, religious beliefs, political views or anything, really. I just want to do my job, get people the info they need, and not be screamed at or physically threatened. And honestly, most of the time being screamed at is better than someone making a negative comment about politics because they think they're politely engaging me. I'm not married, but I'd also take the typical rude customer over the probing one who asks about my personal life. Trust me, when I get together with co-workers and friends, it's the people who try to suck up that we talk about as much as the ones who blow their tops. If I were a CM, a simple and polite "thank you" would be a lot more welcome than some candy or a family photo, or whatever else I've seen suggested here over the years.

I'd love for you to quote the post where i called the op stupid. What i said was that the other comments were implying he was stupid - i wasn't saying it myself.
But, i am, in fact done with you. you may post your last word, i will not be responding to you any longer, it's pointless.