To All Grandma's... Your Experiences...?

[AKL_Megs]

As some may know, my husband and I are trying for a baby. *I was talking all things baby with my mom today, and she revealed something to me, and I don't know how to take it. *

She told me that she "isn't ready to be a grandma" because she "still looks so young" and is "worried about how people will perceive her being a grandma yet looking so young".

She SAID that she's worried people will think that, since she is (looks) so young, people will think the circumstances of the baby's existence couldn't be favorable (i.e. teen mom), but REALLY, I think she is faced with the reality that she is not as young as she used to be.

She DOES look about 10 years younger than she is... She looks about 45. *I am, on the other hand, unmistakably 27, so I don't know where she is coming from with the "perception" comment.

I think she just doesn't want to be getting older.

Did any of you go through this?

 

[handinpocket]

I think most people look their age, there are very few people out there that look much younger. They may think THINK they look younger, but they usually don't.

My parents had grandkids before I had my children, so I didn't go through this.

 

[mom2boys77]

I think you got it exactly right that your mom is having to come to terms with being "old enough" to be a grandma. I bet though, that whenever you have a baby, your mom is going to be so crazy about that baby that she will be telling everyone that she's a grandma! Try not to let it bother you. It's really her problem, not yours.

 

[hereyago]

Tell her to get over herself. ANd tell her to watch herself because you may just whip out a shawl, ear horn and rocking chair for her when the baby comes



Good luck and have fun on the baby making front

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

Not a grandma..but my mom kept telling me she wasn't ready--and then one day she told me she was. I told her that was nice, but we weren't needing of her approval. My mom is young though (had me at 18), so it was a matter of her being not okay being a grandma in her 30s and not wanting it to start the moment she turned 40. I'm not sure what caused her to flip her switch from "off" to "on" for grandmotherhood...but she was totally fine with it. She was 43 when her first grandchild was born.

 

[Kathi OD]

Nope. I didn't feel that way at all, but then I was about 5 years older than your mom when I became a grandmom.

BUT, my mom didn't feel that way either and she was the ripe old age of 42 when her first grandchild was born. She definitely didn't look her age, and at 76, still doesn't.

Maybe you should have told your mother that she shouldn't have had you so young if she didn't want to be a "young" grandmother.

 

[disney1990]

As some may know, my husband and I are trying for a baby. *I was talking all things baby with my mom today, and she revealed something to me, and I don't know how to take it. *

She told me that she "isn't ready to be a grandma" because she "still looks so young" and is "worried about how people will perceive her being a grandma yet looking so young".

She SAID that she's worried people will think that, since she is (looks) so young, people will think the circumstances of the baby's existence couldn't be favorable (i.e. teen mom), but REALLY, I think she is faced with the reality that she is not as young as she used to be.

She DOES look about 10 years younger than she is... She looks about 45. *I am, on the other hand, unmistakably 27, so I don't know where she is coming from with the "perception" comment.

I think she just doesn't want to be getting older.

Did any of you go through this?

She needs to get over it. Having a baby is not about waiting until your "Mom" is ready. I was 46 when my first granddaughter was born and I wouldn't have it any other way.

 

[weswife]

HI,

I agree, I bet your Mom will love the baby! She will enjoy being a grandma!

Like someone mentioned I married at 18 and had a baby! My parents were in their 50's as they were older having me. I had my 2nd at 23 and my last the day before my 30th b-day. Now my oldest DD is 22 and she always teases me about being a grandma at 40. My DD gets tired of people telling her your Mom looks young! I think secertly she likes it! Anyway, my point is being a grandma now would be A OK in my book! My DH is 45. Not sure how ready he is?

The most important thing is the baby's health!!!! Take care and all the best!

 

[lovingthemouse]

Having just become a grandma for the second time this past week at 63, I am thrilled. Age should have nothing to do wth our children's desires to have their own children.

I am looking forward to spending so much time with my 2 grandchildren as I believe they keep me young!! My mother is 99, was at the hospital to see her newest great-grandchild, and within the next week will be welcoming the birth of her third great-grandchild this year.

Your mother should realize that this is such an integral part of her life, one to look forward to with great joy and love. I do hope she comes to understand this soon, or she might lose out on some of life's greatest pleasure.

 

[kidzmom3]

maybe she is having a hard time getting older. Many people do. Just because you are ready doesn't mean she is.

That doesn't mean you have to change your plans, but you can't expect everyone to feel the same way you do. We are all people. Complex, emotional beings in which no two people react exactly the same way.

Give her some slack, just as she is probably giving you some slack with the baby talk.

When the baby comes, I am sure she will be happy.

I just read an article that stated many grandparents are no longer using the traditional grandparent titles. This is largely in part to their state of mind, that they don't feel old, like a grandparent.

 

[MIGrandma]

She needs to get over it. Having a baby is not about waiting until your "Mom" is ready.

I agree with that.

My experience in becoming a grandmother was quite different though, and I truly was not ready. Our DS became a father at 17, I was 35 so definitely felt way too young to be a grandma. The baby was in NICU several days, and only parents and grandparents could touch her. I was actually scolded for touching her. The nurse said "only parents and grandparents." I told her I was one of the grandmas. She said she didn't think I could be, since I didn't have any facial wrinkles.

That "baby" is now a 17-year-old senior in high school and the joy of our lives. Loved her from the moment she arrived and she has been a blessing. We also have four other grands, love them all so much, each one is special.

It's unfortunate your Mom told you how she feels, IMHO she should have kept that to herself.

 

[Help Please!]

I'm 27, and we just told my mom on Tuesday night that we're expecting a baby in July!

My parents were surprised, but SO EXCITED! This a decision for you and your husband to make, not your mom. She'll get on board soon enough!

 

[Buckalew11]

This is always a hilarious comment to hear. I hear it often enough while they are sitting in my chair, having their hair cut. I think it is such a crazy thing to say. Most people do look their age. They may not feel it but, in general, they look it. Most people who post on the DIS think they are very young looking, there have been many threads over the years to prove it. Sorry, I'd probably also tell her to get over it. If she's over 40 she's plenty old enough and most likely looks old enough. As long as she does not look like the child great granny, she should be fine.

 

[mguilford1]

my daughter was 20 when she had my granddaughter and I was 40. I was so proud and happy. It doesnt matter the circumstances the baby is loved more than anything. Her other grandmother insists on being called auntie (she was 44). She is afraid people will think she is old! Who cares what people think being a grandmother is the best.
My granddaughter Brooklyn is now 4 we cook, go to the movies, shop, read books and play together

 

[diz8297]

Well, my MIL was 52 when her first grandson (my baby) was born. She came right out and said at my baby shower that she wasn't old enough to be a grandma and had a dickens of a time coming up with a name to be called. (I had a few choice ones in mind ) anyhoo, she has not been an involved grandmother at all, but I figure that it is her loss!!

 

[momof1princess]

OP, as a PP said, it would've been nice if your mom had kept this opinion to herself. she doesn't get to choose when you have a child. in my case, my mom couldn't wait to be a grandmother-when i told her, at the age of 20, that DH and i were getting married, the first words out of her mouth were "so when are you going to have a baby?". she was 40 at the time, and DD wasn't born for another 5 1/2 years, lol, about a month after my mom turned 46.

 

[hereyago]

Ok, OP Get this: I was 29 married and i told my parents. DF was over the moon, DM they were 64 -67 at the time.

DM said to me: Don't even ask me to babysit. Wow what a shocker-NOT-but that was her and the fact she reaked as a DM-which I have told her so its not like i am just coming on the Dis and saying something.

However, DH 2 great grandmothers were elated, however they both passed soon after DD was born.

 

[Maridw]

You don't need her permission to have a baby.

I was out with my DD and my GDD not too long ago. We were in Wal-Mart and I went to try something on. When I came out, the lady at the fitting rooms asked me if my GDD was my daughter. I pointed to my DD and said "This is my daughter & this is my grand-daughter" pointing to my GDD. I guess because I had been holding GDD, she thought she was my daughter not my granddaughter.

I just turned 50 but don't feel 50. I don't try to act younger than my age, but that doesn't mean I have to feel my age.

Your mom will be pleased once you have a baby.

 

[minkydog]

My dad was the same way. I had my first baby at age 30, so he was about 53, I guess. He told me in no uncertain terms that he had no intention of being a grandfather. So he opted out. Too bad for him. My step-dad happily stepped up to the plate(he was about 57) and my kids knew him as their only Grandpa. When my dad was dying he suddenly wanted to know my kids. Too bad--they're over it. DS was almost out of his teens and still grieving the death of his "real grandpa" the summer before.

I think you're mom is just having a little mid-life crisis. Give her time. She will either come around or disengage.

 

[Sal]

I became the grandma to twins at the age of 46. Being a grandma is the coolest thing ever. Occasionally,someone would thnk I was the mom and I thought that was too funny. Six years later, I have 4 grandkids and no one ever mistakes me for the mom anymore!