Tips on bringing a friend on a vacation (not Disney)

[SEA333]

I think you should expect to pay for everything if you ask someone to join you. BUT if my kid were asked I would certainly offer money.

My BFF came with my mom and I to the beach a couple of times when we were in high school. She always offered money but my mom never took it. At the most we would let her pay for dinner one night.

That's generally how we are...DH especially. His dad never let guests pay, and still if one of his daughters, DIL's, or granddaughters (or any girl, really) comes to dinner out without their husband or father, DH's dad will not let us pay. He's kind of old-fashioned that way, but it is really a nice thing to do. DH is the same way - and I agree...even if I know a kid who is with us has money, we never let them pay for their own meal or necessities when they are with us. We always have extra kids around, and we always have paid for them. But now that they are getting older, it's harder to anticipate which kid is going to be high-maintenance and not want to eat the food I serve, who will want 4 Big Macs in one sitting, and who will be that kid who opens can after can of soda just to take one drink and leave the rest. I thought that if we could at least reasonably expect DS's friend to at least have his own spending money, I could try to anticipate the rest.

 

[SEA333]

First of all, I would talk to the parents before your son mentions it to the friend. That way if they say no, the kid won't be disappointed. Then I would say, "We are going camping and would love for your son to come along. Our son would have so much more fun if he had someone his age along." Now this is where the parents might ask how much it will cost. At that point I would say, "We will cover all the essentials, but he may want some spending money because there are a lot of activities he may enjoy that are extra. If you would like to send some spending money, that would be okay. Otherwise we will have it covered."

You may want to send a website for the parents to look at. This would give them an idea of what to send.

Perfect! I would feel completely comfortable with that conversation.

 

[writermommy6]

Perfect! I would feel completely comfortable with that conversation.

That's just about what I did. We let our teen invite her friend to our upcoming universal trip after I spoke with her mom. We did ask for them to pay the for the park ticket and then some spending money. Had my daughter asked sooner then I would have footed the entire bill. NOW they asked how much their daughter needed and I asked if they could cover her ticket. If it had been a problem (and I'm on good terms with her parents so they would have said it was too much) then I would have sold a few things on ebay or worked some extra hours to figure it out. As a family of six I understand that little extras can soon turn into big extras.
Also I would like to say the if that 8 yr old mentioned by the PP had asked me for two happy meals she would have been in for a big surprise. If we're budgeting then NO ONE gets a happy meal. Good for you for telling her no on the second one.

 

[CF'er]

If I asked a child to come along, and we frequently have 2 extra's, I expect to pay. If the parents ask about sending money I would mention that there are ___ activities that the boys might like if they would like to send money for him to do that, or any souvenirs.

 

[Styx Fan]

I totally agree that you should cover all the essentials...transportation, food and lodging. But I see absolutely no problem with the friend paying for extras. I would do as has been suggested (can't remember if it was you or someone else) and tell the other parents how much you were giving your son for spending and suggest they give theirs the same.

Can my son come with you? I would love for him to get a fun vacation for only the cost of some fun money. The parents would be saving some money from their own budget for the week having him gone!

 

[texasroni75]

We've done camping trips where oldest DD brought along a friend. We expect to pay for everything for the guest. We do let the parents know we are covering all costs, but if they want to they can bring souvenir money. I also ask ahead of time if the kid will eat what I usually bring along for meals. We once brought along my tween niece and she turned out to be the pickiest eater I've ever met. I clearly wasn't paying attention at family functions, because I never noticed how weird she was about her food. She turned down 90% of the meals I cooked - which made mealtimes very stressful.

We stay at private campgrounds, and visit one waterpark or other park as a day-trip. We expected to pay their way there too. However, if they want something extra, I reserve the right to say NO if I feel it's out of our budget, just like I would for my own kids. I will say that even though the campgrounds had plenty of pricey extra activities (like go-carts, etc.), the kids usually ended up at the campground pool most of the time!

 

[Lennylexi]

Sea33, this is a little funny. We ran into the same situation last summer over the 4th of July. We were also taking my daughter and son's friends for the first time on vacation with us. It was low budget, a week long camping trip in Ludington State Park. We didn't know how to handle the situation but knew there would be some cost we didn't want to cover. Me and the wife came up with a fair plan and figured if the parents of their friends weren't ok with it then oh well. We offered to cover mostly all cost. What we wouldn't cover was ticket cost for Michigans Adventure and any fast food or restaurant food. The families were more than happy with it because their child was still getting a week long vacation and memories for a couple hundred bucks. I thought it was more than fair.

 

[SEA333]

Sea33, this is a little funny. We ran into the same situation last summer over the 4th of July. We were also taking my daughter and son's friends for the first time on vacation with us. It was low budget, a week long camping trip in Ludington State Park. We didn't know how to handle the situation but knew there would be some cost we didn't want to cover. Me and the wife came up with a fair plan and figured if the parents of their friends weren't ok with it then oh well. We offered to cover mostly all cost. What we wouldn't cover was ticket cost for Michigans Adventure and any fast food or restaurant food. The families were more than happy with it because their child was still getting a week long vacation and memories for a couple hundred bucks. I thought it was more than fair.

Oh, that is more funny than you even know!! We were at a beach house in Ludington with my sisters and their families last year at the same time!! We were there at the end of a 2-week vacation that included DS14 being at University of Michigan youth football camp the first week. My sis's all wanted to go to Michigan Adventure, but we had my husband's niece with us that week as well (again, a 4th kid! LOL) and an extra couple hundred $$'s was not in our budget so I gave DS13 money to cover his ticket and food for the day and sent him with one of my sisters and 15 year old nephew.

Michigan Adventure was actually one of the "expensive" activities we were considering for this trip - that and Mac Woods Dune Rides - DH and I have done the dune ride before, but the kids never have. Cheesy as it is, we don't have an ORV for the dunes, so I think they would love it!

DS14 may have been in Michigan Adventure the same day as you guys last year!

 

[danygirl]

The truth is your 14 yo could make your whole trip miserable without a friend. He is just at that age and your other kids are in an entirely different zone. So you made the wise decision to bring a friend. Suck up the expenses and move on. If the other parents offer activity money take it but otherwise don't ask,

My dd vacations every summer with another family who has a beach house. It is a HUGE break for the mom because the girls amuse themselves. Their family stays another week after dd leaves and both the mom and kid sat it is way less fun. Dd brings walking around money

 

[kymom99]

The thing about the kid having some money is that I would want an older kid to be able to get some snacks or drinks without having to wait for me to offer. If I Take my son's friends anywhere, I always feel better knowing they have some pocket money in case they are thirsty or hungry and I don't realize it. I wouldn't want to have to keep asking if they need anything. If you say something like that to the parents, I think they will get the drift that you would like for their kid to bring spending money. One thing to consider: the kid may spend it all at the beginning of the trip. So I would tell both boys on the first day that they have to make their money last the whole week, your son included. If they both understand that they will know you aren't going to keep handing out more.

One time I took my son and a friend to King's Island for a day. His friend had $40 in his pocket and spent it all on games in the first few hours. then he had nothing for food. On these kinds of day trips, I am the driver, not everyone's purse. I have a pass and we take along kids who have a pass once in a while. The kid's grandma, I know, did not mean for him to spend all his money on games and have me feed him. My son is not allowed to waste more than a couple dollars on those rip off games. We haven't taken that kid back with us, and when we take anyone now I tell all the boys at the same time to save some money to eat on. It already costs me gas to drive up there and back, 30 miles one way. Now that they are older, i even drop off and pick back up, so they are on their own as far as money goes.

 

[JanaDee]

When we invite friends, we pay for everything, regardless of what we are doing. Dinner, weekends away, etc.

I know not everyone does, though, so I always send a sufficient amount of money with our kids if they go somewhere with friends.

 

[SEA333]

That's just about what I did. We let our teen invite her friend to our upcoming universal trip after I spoke with her mom. We did ask for them to pay the for the park ticket and then some spending money. Had my daughter asked sooner then I would have footed the entire bill. NOW they asked how much their daughter needed and I asked if they could cover her ticket. If it had been a problem (and I'm on good terms with her parents so they would have said it was too much) then I would have sold a few things on ebay or worked some extra hours to figure it out. As a family of six I understand that little extras can soon turn into big extras.
Also I would like to say the if that 8 yr old mentioned by the PP had asked me for two happy meals she would have been in for a big surprise. If we're budgeting then NO ONE gets a happy meal. Good for you for telling her no on the second one.

Right!!!! Lol

If we are going to McD, we are getting dollar menu!!! The best thing on the menu is the $1 Coke anyway. We don't even buy happy meals...well, I do now that they are $2.99, but my kids would rather have a Mcchicken or mcdouble anyway, and they know the first thing I throw out during bedroom cleaning sessions are fast food toys, so they don't even bother getting attached any more lol

 

[Lizzybean]

I have three children. My son is older than my girls, much like in OPs case. I have brought a friend for my son on 3 beach trips. His mom have him spending money and offered me money which I declined. If I invite a child to go with us, I absolutely expect to pay for it in almost all instances. If I did not feel completely comfortable with all costs involved with adding an additional child, I wouldn't ask.

My son was invited on a Disney trip when he was 8 with a family we are very close with. They had an only child. They brought it up to me as an idea but explained what costs they couldn't afford. I paid for the PH and plane ticket (and some spending money) while they paid for everything else. My son was invited on camping trips with other friends various times and parents refused to take any money (of course I offered). I sent my son with spending money and we did a thank you card and gift when he got home.

For me, personally, I could not in good conscience invite a child on a trip without expecting to pay for everything just as though that child was a member of my family. This is why I told DS it was highly unlikely we will ever be inviting anyone on our WDW trips!

 

[Gina-Gina-Bo-Bina]

We have an only child, so have brought along one of DS's friends on many of our family vacations. Those trips have been of varying degrees of length, distance from home,, and expense. DS has also been a guest on another family's vacation on more than one occasion, so we've experienced the flip side as well. I think each individual scenario warrants its own consideration.

We are taking DS's GF with us on our 3-day vacation to Great Wolf Lodge in Niagara Falls following his graduation this June. We are paying the whole enchilada, including the meal plan. We are covering all accommodations (which include waterpark tickets), transporation and any additional attractions we decide to enjoy while not at the Lodge. We will be shopping at the outlet mall, and her personal purchases there are all we will have her pay for.

We are also taking the GF with us to Orlando this summer. That vacation will be 15 nights/16 days in total....our family's longest trip yet. This is her first time travelling to Florida, so its a big deal for this young lady to say the least. For Christmas, one of DH & I's gifts to her was her ticket to Discovery Cove (she is going to swim with the dolphins!!). That also covers her unlimited admission to SeaWorld & Aquatica. Having her along does not impact our costs of accommodations (we are already in a two bedroom villa that sleeps 8), our rental vehicle (we always get an SUV anyway), or our park-and-fly hotel. We did speak with her mother before extending the invitation for her to join us, and indicated that her parents would be responsible for her airfare and spending money (again, outlet malls galore......she can buy as little or as much as she has the budget for). I also mandatory that they buy her a travel medical package as we are non-US residents (about $35 coverage for our entire stay). Her mom is also buying her Disney waterpark ticket (as we have AP's and don't need to purchase our own admission). So total out of pocket for more than two weeks away....her airfare, and under $100 in waterpark admission and medical insurance.

Our DS was invited to travel with another family from Ontario to Alberta and British Columbia a few summers ago. Again, airfare was our responsibility to cover. Honestly, I can't imagine anyone saying "hey, we'll take your kid with us on vacation half way across the country, and we're happy to pay every last dollar.....even plane tickets!"). They picked up the food, attractions, etc., but that one big cost (because travelling by plane across Canada is much more pricey than travelling by air within the USA, let me tell you!!) was absorbed by us.

So, all that said....for shorter, more inexpensive trips that don't involve flying, yeah....we would probably pay the full amount (souvenirs excepted). For the BIG trips, though, if there is airfare or very expensive attraction tickets to cover, that makes a huge difference in expectations. A beach or camping trip is way different than Disney or Europe!

 

[POPCITY]

Don't mean to hijack the thread, but this has been very interesting. DS12 is an only child, and I know he would love having a friend along on vacation, but we haven't done it yet. What age does that usually start? I was thinking maybe next year?

 

[HM]

Make sure whoever you choose to bring along is going to want to join in and actually do things with you.

We had one year when our kids chose the wrong friends to take with them to the beach. All they wanted to do was play video games or lurk online. My kids were not happy with their friends.

 

[Gina-Gina-Bo-Bina]

Don't mean to hijack the thread, but this has been very interesting. DS12 is an only child, and I know he would love having a friend along on vacation, but we haven't done it yet. What age does that usually start? I was thinking maybe next year?

We travelled to hockey tournaments with other people's children (teammates of DS) from the time was six years old and onward.

For family vacations (something more than a day trip kind of thing), we started allowing a friend along when he was in grade 7.

 

[SEA333]

Don't mean to hijack the thread, but this has been very interesting. DS12 is an only child, and I know he would love having a friend along on vacation, but we haven't done it yet. What age does that usually start? I was thinking maybe next year?

We so far have always brought cousins, and paid the whole way for them unless their parents gave them spending money...for example we brought my neice (10years old) last year to the beach house with my family for a week, then back home with us for another week. We paid for everything for her until it came time to go to the American Girl store here in Chicago. We have several cousins around DD's age and they all want a girls day when they come to visit. I had to sit DD aside and tell her finally that we will always go with cousins, but she is not to expect a new doll or toy every time. I set a $5-10 budget so she can get a book or a small accessory, but that's it. She still feels like its worth going, and she has quite the collection of earrings, hairbrushes, and othe little accessories for her dolls.

But when neice came with us without her parents last year, she looked shocked that I was not going to buy a $30 outfit for her doll. I told her that this is something she could use the spending money for. Shes a sweetie so she agreed, and I felt bad, so I said that I would let her also pick oit something under $10 as a gift. Wouldnt you know it...that kid finally decided that she didn't want to spend her OWN money, but she was happy to take me up on the $8.00 hairbrush!!

Anyway...sorry for digressing....for a friend, it would really depend where we are going and for how long. This is our first time, but if not for all the cousins, we would have been comfortable at about age 7-8 or so, again depending on the trip and the kid.

 

[Sandi]

Don't mean to hijack the thread, but this has been very interesting. DS12 is an only child, and I know he would love having a friend along on vacation, but we haven't done it yet. What age does that usually start? I was thinking maybe next year?

We started doing it when DD was about 10. A lot depends on the maturity of the friend. At the younger age, it was a weekend trip to the lake (Silver Lake!) or a waterpark. As DD got older, we did longer trips and it worked great. We always covered the entire cost -- whether it was just to a cottage or a ski trip to a resort. Some of her friends reciprocated, some really couldn't. But almost always the parents would send spending money and a cake or other treat. Good memories and it was nice that DD had a pal. Interestingly, she NEVER wanted to bring a friend to WDW and now, at 19, she just likes to do WDW with me and maybe her cousins. She did a band trip to WDW as a high school freshman and there was only one other girl who "knew how to do Disney," so the trip was not the best.

 

[Katy Belle]

When I was 14 I went on vacation with my BFFs family. My mom offered them $ but they wouldn't take it. Mom sent it with me. I ended up paying for some things for all of us kids to do, BFF, her 2 siblings and me. I paid for a carousel ride at a Living History place, ice cream a few times, go cart rides, that kind of thing. I can't remember if the parents suggested it, or if I offered.

If it were me, I would plan to pay for all of it. If the parents offered to help pay, then I might say, "If the boys want to do some of the more expensive tourist things, like ???, they can use their own money for that. Billy is bringing about $75 for those things. If you want to send some money for those things, that would be great." If they didn't offer, I would pay for all of it. If you feel you can't afford it, or don't want to pay that much, don't invite him.

We take all kinds of kids all kinds of places. At restaurants I will say, "Ok, everybody keep your entree below $18.00 please." That might be tacky, but I usually know these kiddos pretty well and treat them like my own. I think you can set some spending limits with your guest, just like you do your own children.