Thanks friends!!! We won, 58 to nothing. Thursday was a junior high game and I was recruited to take pictures.
Marching=3 hours~! Lots of fun. Water=80 ounces.
I don't know why I feel this way, but I'm REALLY really really mad and disappointed at myself this week. I've just been really horrible to myself. I know I shouldn't be but I'm embarassed to drag myself back here. My eating has went in the the toilet, I can't talk to you all very much and it's really going to lessen as cheerleading starts off... And to top it all off I gained 4 pounds this week! FOUR FLIPPIN' POUNDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm actually crying over this...I can't believe it. I really really can't. The only exercise I'm getting is marching due to lack of time. I've started noticing this little things I do that are not very good...like having a hardly uncontrollable urge to get mad (though that's TOM coming, I guess?). Stressed?! Heck yes! And there's nothing I can even do about it! Or so it feels. I know what I need to do, but I'm stuck in this negative phase right now and I'm trying to kick it. Again, I'm really sorry I haven't been here you guys, but I have football games, marching practices, zillions of homework... I just feel like I've taken a wrong turn, kept going and am really really lost.
My rededication:
My name is Jen. I'm here because I want to get in shape for cheerleading and I'm really dedicated. I've been ejected from the wagon, rolled down a hill and fallen into the middle of an alligator infested swimming hole. It's going to be really hard to get online, because of school starting, but I will try my hardest. I'm here because I want to change my ways because if I keep going this way, I know I won't like it and I don't want to be at the 200 pound bad place again...the place where nothing fits, I have no energy. My problem is just with eating...school lunches are expensive and unhealthy...and it seems like all the healthy options are hidden or unappealing. Exercising is a no brainer...I march and I love doing Dance Dance Revolution. But I want to become a better me...I guess you could say an even better me. I am still embarassed to be here surrounded by a bunch of losers...it's been really hard this week. Football games, birthdays, stress, homework-there are days when I've wanted to just do whatever the heck I wanted eating wise and not care...some meals were much worse than others, but at least I made somewhat okay choices. Then Friday struck...band bus rides surrounded by a bunch of cheerleaders and skinny people, pizza or hot dogs for concession stand dinner as I failed to eat at home, and everyone goes to McDonalds after the games.
But I won't give up...the cheerleader in me says not to! Yesterday I had to go potty at the game and my squad leader came in and went potty and I asked her to help me fix my uniform because I was wearing suspenders and I was telling her that my jacket and pants were too big. She then asked me why I got a uniform that was too big. I said "wellI'velostsomeweightbetweennowandbandcamp" in one big breath because it makes me nervous for people to know because then they watch me like a hawk and I don't like that. She's like "yeah, I kinda noticed!" I thought-whoa-! My friends have started notice a little bit, and my parents can really tell. (The crying has stopped now because I LOVE this story)
What I'm going to do:
*The week's goal is to eat healthier. Packing lunches is a must, no matter what the menu is. Which reminds me, I need to go grocery shopping.
*(Marching/dancing=3 hours yesterday, and we won 58-0!) Exercise a little bit each day. Do what you can...
*Not be so hard on myself because I love who I'm shaping up to be! I
me...I'm not being vain, or anything but I'm trying to be nicer to myself under stress! Everyone has bad days-I am not the exception!
*I am far better than when I first began! And I never ever want to go back there again. If I start sliding, somebody grab me! Please.
Now would somebody pretty please stop the wagon so I can get back on?
And hey-whoever said these last ten were hard to lose, was RIGHT!
Just a bit late, hope it was happy!
Tiger!
Ah, that is the worst cheer ever, but I really did try Jen...much love and don't get to down on yourself...you have been making excellent progress on the ever bumpy road we call life! Have a wonderful weekend! 
The mailroom guy said something to me last week and it felt really good that someone could tell - sometimes I don't notice so much b/c I see me everyday. 
