Thoughts on moving to a new state

[Sleeping~Beauty]

My DH and I currently live in NJ, and we are very interested in moving to North Carolina, outside of Charlotte. We have done tons of research and about three weeks ago went out with the most wonderful realtor to look at houses, and get a feel for the area.

We absolutely loved it. It is a perfect time to move since my children are 3 and 18mths. There are so many pros to moving. My DH would be able to transfer in his company to the area.

There are two cons though. One is I would have to pump my own gas. The second one and really the one factor holding me back is leaving everyone behind. I own a house in the town I grew up in, and it is what I know. Also, family were really upset with us when they realized how serious we were contemplating this move. They didn't believe we went down there to look at houses already.

For anyone that has done this, what are your thoughts? Advice? And if anyone chose against moving because of family/friends, did you regret it?

Any input would be appreciated.

 

[GJM]

We also live in NJ and I want to move to SC - Myrtle Beach area. We plan on going down to see the area. The houses are so much nicer and cheaper then here.

Trust me I would hate to pump my own gas - have never done it. But what really holds us back is that all of our family is in NJ, except FIL lives in FL. But my DS is an only child so I want him to be close to family, maybe if he had a sibling it would be easier. I have lived in NJ my whole life I think I want to move, but how do you know it is the right choice.

Good Luck -

 

[Buckalew11]

First of all, "Real women pump thier own gas!"

I am sure you are hesitant to leave family behind. My family did this 30 years ago when moving from NJ to TN. When my parents decided to move us down south, my dad's parents came with us. Later several relatives aslo came south. It was a good move for my family and many people tried to discourage my parents but they had made up their minds--they were ready to move.

I think it would be realy hard to move my family now. DH would have a hard time moving away from his family (guilt and all that) but I'm on to say "go for it" because of my experiene when we moved. BTW, one of my cousins moved from NJ to Charlotte and absolutely loves it.

Good luck!!

 

[minkydog]

For me, it would depend on why I was moving. We have moved several times and it's always better to me moving *to* something than moving *away*. there's a difference.

So if you are moving to an area of better schools, better job prospects, better climate and you can find it there, go for it. but if you're moving to get away from bad neighbors, bad friends, bad job, think hard. In my experience these are the things you will find everywhere you go. The trouble with moving is you have to take yourself with you.

It will be very hard the first 2 years being away from "home". No matter where you go, you will experience a sort of culture shock. But if you are a friendly and flexible person, you will make new friends and have a good, new life

Cathy--the gypsy life for me

 

[SC Minnie]

I rarely pump my own gas. DH drives my car every Sat to go to the recyle place-- I make sure I have just enough gas to get him back to the station when I get home from work. He fills it everytime!

Good luck on your decision. I have never had to move more than an hour or so away from my family so I can't help you there. I agree with minkydog-- assess why you are moving. How often will you be able to visit with family. Also realize that this area is FULL of transplants. There is only one family on my street that is originally from the town I live in. Most are from PA, OH, MN, IN etc.

 

[mickeysgal]

There was recently a thread about moving away from family. The OP was considering a move to Colorado. You may want to do a search. There was a lot of excellent posts - on both sides of topic.

My advice...go for it - especially since your children are young. This is key. It gets harder and harder to do as they grow. When they hit high school its extremely difficult to contemplate. Family can visit and think of the experiences you will have! We've moved cross-country - it was quite the culture shock from a major city to a rural town. However, I now regret that we waited so long to do it. We love all the "new" things we've been able to do and see.

 

[Sleeping~Beauty]

I appreciate the input. The reasons why we want to move is for better quality of life all around.

Since we were married NC appealed to us. About ten years ago, before we married, my husband was offered a job down in NC. I was hesitant so he turned it down.

Now with children, we want something better for them. The cost of living in NJ is crazy, property taxes are outrageous, and there is so much congestion. We could get a much bigger house for our money down in NC. We want a less aggressive envt for our children, (it's pretty nuts here). We want an area that has excellent schools, and lots of job opportunities for our children in the future.
We found the area of NC where we can get all this.

Also, my husband is sick of the commute to NYC (hour and a half each way). And he was there on 9/11 and was lucky, and it is always with him (and us). It just changed a lot of things.


As for family, we see them every Sunday for our big Italian dinner. We see my dad everyday, he comes in to see the kids. And my brothers are very much involved with my children. They are going to Chuck E. Cheese with my brother this weekend. I'm in my brother's wedding this summer. I go on playdates with my aunt's daughter and my kids all the time. I grew up with all my cousins and still are close to them. My MIL used to live two blocks away, but she moved to the Chicago,Illinois area. That was hard for us. We miss her. My husband's sister lives out there with her family, and want us to move there, but we didn't want to go to a colder area. We love the moderate weather of NC.

So there it is.

Maybe they can all move with me.

 

[BavarianPrincess]

Would it be possible to rent out your house in NJ, and try living in the Charlotte area for a year?

 

[Pixiedust34]

We moved out of state (4 1/2 hours one way from family). It took a while to adjust, but we did.

There are times we wish family were closer. There are times when we appreciate the buffer zone for one reason or another.

I will say that when you have your family in another state, it could eat up your vacation time when you visit them. Dh is a teacher so we have 2 months off in the summer, but I can't imagine juggling family PLUS vacation on only a few weeks' worth of vacation/year. When we do visit family, it is a "visit" and NOT a "vacation." Our time there is not our own because we spend all of it running around and visiting everyone.

As far as our siblings go, they *rarely* visit us. It's been more than a decade since BIL visited, and over 5 years since my sister visited. (We joke that they seem to think that the road goes one way...). If you are the ones who move away, it seems that people expect you to come back and visit them more than they are willing to come and visit you. I don't know if all families function this way, but ours seems to. If we didn't make the effort to visit, we'd never see our siblings/the kids would never see their cousins.

Things are harder in a family crisis when you are far away. Funerals are tough. MIL had a massive stroke in 04 and lives in a nursing home, which has prompted us to visit more often. I miss being able to have my parents babysit now and then.

All of that said, we do OK here! We are pretty independent and the four of us make a tight family unit. We had fun exploring new places when we moved here, and we're still exploring! I made some wonderful friends I would not have met otherwise. At this point, if we were given a choice of where we could live (here vs. there), I think we'd stay here. I wish we ended up somewhere other that where we did (that's another story) but overall we grew to be comfortable living in a state without family. Looking back, we have no regrets about our big move and living here does work for us. You'll have to decide what works best for you. I do think that the younger your kids are when you move, the easier it will be. We didn't have kids yet when we moved.

 

[minkydog]

Would it be possible to rent out your house in NJ, and try living in the Charlotte area for a year?

I think this is an excellent idea. Renting for the first year would give you the option of changing your mind if you can't adjust. Some people would consider it their "escape hatch." We did that when we moved to Miami. We were about 17hrs drive from home and felt like we had moved to the end of the earth. The culture shock was tremendous. Within 6 months we knew we had to get out of there. Thank goodness we were renting! DH got a job offer 6months later and we left Miami in 48hrs I have never been happier in my life!

You have some very good reasons for moving, and it's not like you're going to another continent--in an emegency you could be home within the day. The draw of family is a powerful one. While you may love the schools, the climate, the jobs, if they pull of family is strong it can completely overpower everything else. To make it work, you have to pour your heart & soul into the new place, and not look back.

 

[Stacey2grls]

My husband and I are constantly considering moving. It is just so hard to get by on one income on Long Island. I am so scared at the thought of leaving everything I have ever known. It doesn't help that my kids are firm that they have no desire to leave. Good luck to everyone. I am hoping to someday have the courage to do this.

 

[Mishetta]

Sit down, get a cup of coffee & relax...here's a long one:

My Mom moved us from NY to MI when I was a teenager. My Dad died & she was left to raise me alone & she was a foreigner to this country. We had no family in NY, so we moved to Detroit to be with my Mom's one sibling (sister) who was the only other one in the US out of her family. I hated, hated, hated living in Detroit. So different than my safe secure small town on Long Island. Anyway, fast forward a few years & I'm an adult now & started taking little vacations all over. Got to Los Angeles & thought I was in heaven. I came home & told my Mom I was moving there. Being that I was her only daughter, she told me she was coming with me. So off we went. Had a blissful 10 years there but we did both miss our family back in Detroit very very much. In the meantime, I met my DH & we fell in love, got married & boom I was pregnant. Well, once a child was in the picture, Los Angeles lost its charm. Too many drive by shootings, couldn't buy a house (was in a tiny condo) because the prices are just as high as in NY, schools in my immediate area were not the best, etc....so it was time to move back to MI, only we moved to a metro Detroit suburb. We did some research & picked the best school district in the area & we built a brand new big house for a song (in comparison to what we left in CA.) I do have family here, but we've all become estranged. My Mom & Aunt died & they were the glue to our family. Anyway, do I have regrets? NO. I still love CA & hope to move back one day ~ maybe retirement years but this is a great place to raise children. The air is cleaner & the school system is awesome & my kids live in a beautiful spacious house with a yard. Because our house payment is about 1/4 or less than what it would be in CA, we can afford to take fun trips (mostly to Disney) & do other stuff for the kids.

Sounds like you would be making the move to better your family. If I were you, I'd go for it. Your family can always come visit you & you can always go visit them. If you're Italian (you mentioned your big Italian Sunday dinners), then your family at one point moved from Italy to the US to have a better life.....so think about it, you're doing the same!

Personally, I think people with young families have no business living in NY or NJ or even CA for that matter (unless they have inherited a house) because when you have to pay such a high mortgage each month, you are taking away from your children. Life costs money. Build more family memories in a place that is more conducive to raising kids. Think of the time lost with your DH's commute to work now....so that would be a positive all on it's own. He'd be home more to enjoy his family. Children grow so fast! Just my personal opinion.

Oh & the comment about pumping your own gas.....since we've been married (12 years), my DH has always taken my car to get gas for it, so there are ways around that! Good luck to you & just go & don't look back! I bet some of your family members will follow!

 

[Planogirl]

Trust me, pumping gas is very easy so don't let that hold you back.

As for moving, I say do what's best for your immediate family. I would love to move too but it's hard for us to pick up and leave plus our son is deadset against it.

Good luck with whatever you decide!

 

[mookie]

Gee, this topic of conversation has been coming up a lot lately! We are in exactly the same boat as you. In fact, I posted a thread very similar...and there is also another thread like this too:

http://www.disboards.com/showthread.php?t=1016236


http://www.disboards.com/showthread.php?t=1011802

As for our decision if we are going to move or not, it's still up in the air. I am going with DH out to Colorado sometime this month to check out the area. (Wont' do much good, we already love it!) So far, we are still stuck on family - they are making it hard for us too.

Good luck with your decision. Feel free to PM me anytime if you need to vent. I know i could use it from time to time dealing with this situation, too.

 

[mickeysgal]

To the OP: Do you (or DH) have a job lined up already? I wouldn't consider a move blindly without a job lined up, no matter how much I wanted a change of scenery or lifestyle. Make sure you pick an area where there are job opportunities in the even the job he's moving to doesn't work out.

 

[CEDmom]

Personally, I think people with young families have no business living in NY or NJ or even CA for that matter (unless they have inherited a house) because when you have to pay such a high mortgage each month, you are taking away from your children. Life costs money. Build more family memories in a place that is more conducive to raising kids. Think of the time lost with your DH's commute to work now....so that would be a positive all on it's own. He'd be home more to enjoy his family. Children grow so fast! Just my personal opinion.

Wow, that's an awfully wide brush you're painting with. Don't know exactly what I'm taking away from my child. She's happy, healthy and loved with a college savings account to boot .

 

[Sleeping~Beauty]

Mookie, thanks for the links.

Everyone is definitely giving me food for thought.

Mickeysgal, my husband can transfer with his job, and he'd retain the NY salary. So he's all set. I'm a SAHM. Before children I had my teaching degree, and if I wanted to do that again someday, it would be a matter of taking a test for licensing in NC. But I really love being a SAHM and hope to continue to, which NC would make it that much better economically.

CEDMom, I'm from central NJ, too. In the Bayshore area.

 

[Alice's Mom]

Personally, I think people with young families have no business living in NY or NJ or even CA for that matter (unless they have inherited a house) because when you have to pay such a high mortgage each month, you are taking away from your children. Life costs money. Build more family memories in a place that is more conducive to raising kids. Think of the time lost with your DH's commute to work now....so that would be a positive all on it's own. He'd be home more to enjoy his family. Children grow so fast! Just my personal opinion.

huh? I think we are doing just dandy thank you!

Back to the OP, I think that you have really researched the area and sounds like this is what you really want, I bet your family understands, especially after their first visit. Your kids are young and will adjust very quickly. Good luck to you and whatever you decide. Looking forward to your updates.

 

[golfgal]

One plus is that you would be moving to someplace that people in NJ would want to visit so people would come to see you as well as you going back home. With the warmer winters you would probably have a lot of winter visitors and then you could go to NJ in the summers.

I think everyone should live away from "home" for at least 2 years in their life. I think it is a valuable experience everyone should have.

 

[DaisyDebbie]

We just moved from Long Island, NY to SW Florida in July. We have no family here except for my Dad who lives 3 hours away. I agree that I sometimes miss family but sometimes I enjoy the buffer. We have a much better quality of life here. A much bigger house with 1/2 the taxes. It is culture shock though. I lived on LI all my life but I really don't miss much from there.

We have a great block with really nice neighbors. And you can't beat the weather here. It will take some adjusting but it is a much more relaxing way of life and a lot less congested.