Thoughts on honeymoon registries?

[Skywalker]

I find the outrage over this kind of amusing... who knew??

I don't see any outrage. I guess when multiple people express the same opinion it can start to feel like an angry mob, lol, but in reality people are just expressing their honest opinions as asked. I don't see anyone being outraged.

 

[OurBigTrip]

I don't see any outrage. I guess when multiple people express the same opinion it can start to feel like an angry mob, lol, but in reality people are just expressing their honest opinions as asked. I don't see anyone being outraged.

Same here. What outrage?

 

[aprilgail2]

Tacky. You never ask for money, which this seems to be doing.

And including registry information with the invitation is extremely tacky.

Also not a fan. I hate when I'm pressured, subtly or not, to give a certain kind of gift.

Typically, my gift to a wedding couple of the age you describe is cash, and they can spend it however they want. But, to tell me to pay for your honeymoon? Uh, no. Tacky.

I agree- tacky tacky tacky. I don't get the point of having a shower if you have been living together for years and have everything you need anyway- the point of a shower is to get you started in your "new life".

 

[rigs32]

Choices have consequences. When you choose a small wedding, one of the consequences it's the loss of certain pre-wedding stuff. Like a shower. I decline shower invitations when I am not invited to the wedding. You're having a reception later? Fine. I'll gift you, smaller than for an actual wedding, if I'm invited to that.

And asking for cash at your shower is essentially putting a cover charge on that event.

 

[Hrhpd]

A wedding ceremony is a vow the couple makes before God. It has nothing to do with you or any of their other guests. You are invited to the reception to celebrate in the happiness of their day.

You must have missed the part where the OP said they are going to a Justice of the Peace. There is no God involved in the ceremony, just a legal coupling.

Not everybody's marriage is a religious ceremony.

 

[Hrhpd]

There's nothing wrong IMO with having a small private ceremony and then a big reception some time later. But if you're going that route, you make it clear in the invitations that gifts are NOT expected. "Your presence is your present" or similar phrasing. Most will still give a gift, even if it's a token one.

But it's the ultimate in gaucheness to say "I don't want you at my wedding, but please come a party and gimme gimme gimme money."

Looks like this bride wants to have her cake and eat it too.

No invitation to the ceremony=no right to expect a gift.

Perfectly said.

No problem with a private, intimate ceremony. Not at all.

But if you have a party later to celebrate this ceremony, you cannot include a "donation suggested to attend" card.

If people ask what the couple wants, by all means tell them there is a honeymoon registry. But to include a donation card, unless they are a 501c3 that normally requests a suggested donation for an event, it is gauche.

 

[MSLRAC]

You must have missed the part where the OP said they are going to a Justice of the Peace. There is no God involved in the ceremony, just a legal coupling. Not everybody's marriage is a religious ceremony.

I'm not debating this anymore with you or anyone else. You think it's tacky and that the OP is a money grubbing brat that doesn't deserve a shower or a wedding or anything else. I've got it!

I see things differently and that's ok. OP, I wish you well with whatever you decide!

 

[Hrhpd]

I'm not debating this anymore with you or anyone else. You think it's tacky and that the OP is a money grubbing brat that doesn't deserve a shower or a wedding or anything else. I've got it!

I see things differently and that's ok. OP, I wish you well with whatever you decide!

Please point out where I said that she does not deserve a wedding or a shower?

Also where I have once said I think she is a money grubbing brat.

The closest I came was answering the OP's question. This was the OP's question in her first post:

What would be your take if you got a card for a honeymoon registry in your invitation? Be honest! We haven't decided one way or the other what to do.

My take was that the card was gauche, tacky and I would think entitled and spoiled.

Not once did I say the OP was a money grubbing brat. Just that asking for money would convey a sense of entitlement and a certain level of low class that she may not want to convey.

She wanted honest opinions. She got them. For most people, asking for money directly is a tadd different than a gift registry and is several steps higher on the tacky scale.

I also agree with others that it is not ok to not invite people to your wedding, yet then include a donation card for the after party. Trust your guests that they will still give you gifts and let your family pass around the honeymoon registry by word of mouth. But the including of a donation card is tacky.

And what does any of this have to do with quoting my post about there not being a God in her ceremony?

 

[Ember]

There is no way to solicit gifts that isn't tacky.

Think of it like this: everyone knows weddings and showers are gift giving events. However, that does not grant the gift recipient the right to set the parameters of what is received. If is not "helpful" nor is it okay. You do not have the right to dictate how someone else chooses to spend their money and to even suggest that you do is very entitled and, yes, tacky. It would be like a child telling each guest at his birthday which gift he expected them to bring. A gift is at the sole discretion of the giver, the only job the recipient has is to say thank you. And while it is traditional, to assume everyone is bringing you homage for attending your event by way of presents turns the event into nothing more than a commercial transaction.

How about instead of thinking so much about all the gifts you have coming your way, you focus on planning a special event with your family and friends. Or, alternatively, skip the big shower and reception and spend all that extra money on your honeymoon, if that's the priority.

If someone asks what you would like, by all means, tell them how you don't need anything but you are saving for your honeymoon. But the information is given only by request.

Besides, you never know what someone might think up all on their own. I received a hand-made quilt from an aunt for my wedding. It is stunningly beautiful, and had I demanded nothing but cash I would have I missed out on my favourite wedding gift, one made with love and full of happy memories.

 

[Sugardimples]

I think that someone who has lived together for 8 years, bought a house 2 years ago and didn't need anything also doesn't need a bridal shower.

 

[Ceila]

Inserting any kind of gift request into an invitation in poor taste.

Personally, I think that honeymoon registries are tacky, as they are obviously a money grab. (Seriously - you're asking for money to pay for your honeymoon. It's a money grab. That can't be denied.)

I certainly wouldn't begrudge any couple a shower or reception, no matter how long they've been living together or what kind of ceremony they have. It's still a formal union to be recognized and celebrated.

 

[Art 1]

Looking for opinions on a honeymoon registry. They seem to be controversial, so curious to know if more people are cool with them or if you find them tacky or offensive.

We're considering booking our honeymoon with our local AAA office. If we choose, they will provide us with little cards to include with my shower invitation that essentially offers my guests the option to visit or call AAA and make a financial contribution to our honeymoon. AAA would provide our guest with a pre-made slip that details their contribution so they can stick that in the greeting card they will give at my shower to symbolize their gift. The contribution they make would go towards our final payment, and we'd only then be responsible for the balance (if any) after the wedding. This approach differs from other honeymoon registries out there in that there is no option to purchase excursions or dinners, etc and AAA does not take a cut of the contribution our guest is making.

As background, my fiance and I are in our late 20s and have been together for 9 years. We will have been engaged for 5 years by the time we get married. We've lived together for 8 years and purchased a house together 2 years ago. We have everything we need from a home goods perspective, so there is nothing we would register for at a store like Bed Bath & Beyond or Macy's. This honeymoon registry would be the only "registry" we are offering, and I think all of our guests are aware of our love for travel.

What would be your take if you got a card for a honeymoon registry in your invitation? Be honest! We haven't decided one way or the other what to do.

I would just figure it's not surprising given your age and how you were brought up. But I would be embarrassed for you.

 

[jrmasm]

Inserting any kind of gift request into an invitation in poor taste. Personally, I think that honeymoon registries are tacky, as they are obviously a money grab. (Seriously - you're asking for money to pay for your honeymoon. It's a money grab. That can't be denied.) I certainly wouldn't begrudge any couple a shower or reception, no matter how long they've been living together or what kind of ceremony they have. It's still a formal union to be recognized and celebrated.

Normally I wouldn't begrudge anyone a shower either but the OP said they didn't anything, so why have a shower?

 

[Hrhpd]

I would just figure it's not surprising given your age and how you were brought up. But I would be embarrassed for you.

Ouch. But that is spot on describing how many of the guests would think.

 

[leebee]

I had never heard of the honeymoon registry until we were invited to a wedding 1.5 years ago. We are married 33 years so all new to me. However, how this bride presented it was she had an "profile" on The Knot, I believe. She sent a save the date card with a note to go to the website (the knot) and read about all of the upcoming festivities. It had how the couple met, introduced the bridal party and such. Also, links to the registries. I actually thought that was a nice way to get the word out.

This is what my nephew's fiancee did for their wedding. (I guess she's my niece now!). I'm usually offended by requests for funding travel, but this was actually a nice way to do it. Because we all live in different states, nobody knew the bride very well, so it was nice to read how the two of them met, where each had grown up, pictures of the house they'd just bought, etc. There was also information on the wedding and reception- including directions on how to get around. I believe they were registered at Macy's and Target, as well as for the honeymoon. We ended up making a contribution to their honeymoon fund as our gift to them.

 

[Ceila]

Normally I wouldn't begrudge anyone a shower either but the OP said they didn't anything, so why have a shower?

Eh, I think showers are more about celebrating the upcoming marriage nowadays. With more and more people waiting until they are more established to get married, they really haven't been about setting up the new bride's home like they used to be. For a bride who doesn't need that kind of stuff, there are still lots of ideas I can think of for shower or wedding gifts.