Things you just shouldn't have to say to your children...

[Maleficent13]

Oh my goodness! My boss just came in here wanting to know what the heck I was laughing at! You guys got me in trouble!

These are too funny...

 

[Nala217]

Yogurt (or ketchup, depending on the day) is not finger paint!


Just had to tell my 3yr this AGAIN!

 

[coliebird]

Said to my 20 month old over the last couple of weeks:

We do not eat like the cats, we use forks (while she has her face buried in her dish trying to eat with just her mouth)

Kitty doesn't want to share your binky (pacifier) as she is shoving it into the poor cats mouth

We do not throw blocks at Marissa's head (her 11 month old cousin)

We don't pee on the carpet as she ran into her room after her bath and proceeded to pee all over her rug

We don't climb as she is scaling her crib from the outside trying to get in (don't most kids climb out of their cribs?)

I could go on, but my hair is turning grayer just remembering these things

 

[browneyes]

"You're not an only child, quit trying to be one."

 

[jennyl772003]

No, don't tell your class that you slept "naked man" last night. Naked man being my sons naked super hero self.

 

[momm2four]

These are tooo funny! I have certainly had my laugh for the day!

What is it with 3 year olds and being naked? My three year old is constantly pulling his clothes off so he can "be the baby". I tell him he can be "a baby wearing clothes", but he doesn't go for that. I also used to find my now four year old using the bathroom in the yard all the time. Oh reminds me of another one...

-"Pull your pants up and get down off that car!" (My son was trying to be a fountain evidently, b/c he was on the top of the car, peeing into the grass)

the dog is NOT a horse. One does not ride the dog. The dog does not like to be ridden. NO we can NOT get a saddle for the dog.

Had me rolling on this one. I can just see that happening here if we had a dog.

Lori P.

 

[HappyMommy2]

Oh, I am truly, truly ROTFL right now! Thanks for sharing these, everybody! Loved the one about the boy standing on the car being a "fountain"!!

 

[Poohlovr]

Another from years ago when my oldest was being potty trained-
Your potty is not a hat. Take it off your head.

 

[disneydragon]

I have three that occured just yesterday.

"Don't put Cheerios in your ears! They might get stuck in there." Followed immediately by, "Don't EAT the Cheerios that you just had in your ears!" Gross!

Third one, "No, you cannot use the laundry basket as a boat to slide down the waterfall (staircase)."

I have a 5 yr old boy. Need I say more...

 

[mickeyboat]

"Only boys pee standing up."

"You don't need to put the jelly bean UP your nose to smell it."

Denae

 

[edcrbnsoul]

Yes it smells good, but dont eat the candle(this from a boy who wont eat real fruit)

Ok one more time and slowly what did you do with daddys car keys.

Please dont yell "Hey dad are you wearing underwear" in the middle of Kohls. (I honestly have no idea where that came from)

 

[Stepharoonie!]

My mom once told my sister, "Just because the cat buried it, doesn't mean it's buried treasure!"

EW!

 

[Stepharoonie!]

Maddy saw a pair of my bf's boxers going into the washing machine and I had to tell her, "No, Paul doesn't wear chicken panties."

(There were chickens on the boxers. She asked whose they were. I said Paul's. She ran into his room asking why he wasn't wearing his chicken panties today.)

 

[PRINCESS VIJA]

I am laughing so hard at these!!! I can only think of one right now, but I am sure I have millions!


No, the little people in the TV do not come out if you break the TV glass.

 

[Lewski709]

We eat with our hands and silverware, not lapping from the bowl like animals.

 

[Fizban257]

Said on several occassion to our 2-year-old son:

"We don't not put peas/carrots up our nose."

And in one case, tha above was followed two days later after he sneezed with:

"Oh my God, has that carrot been up your nose for two days!?!"

(We missed one during clean up)

 

[zurgswife]

These are hillarious...I have tears running down my faces....I'm sure I've said a few but I can't remember them right know....

 

[100%Disney]

Trying to convince DD to wear panties instead of pull-ups, she says, " panties make my butt itch."

 

[gdulaney]

Okay, I can't believe I'm confessing...but since my mom loves telling folks...here goes, my dad had to tell me that it wasn't nice to say a certain phrase...

Here's the scene - little girl (me) riding her tricycle in circles in the kitchen while mom and dad play a board game with their friends...

(me, in sing-song): "bull-****, bull-***", over and over I kept singing and riding in a circle...

(parents look at each other and then at friends)....dad comes over and says he needs to tell me something...I hop off the trike and he says a few words to me.... I immediately reply "yes daddy!" and run back to the trike. Parents and friends resume their game

(me, a few minutes later....in the same sing-song voice): "daddy says it's not nice to say bull-****"....which sent all four adults ROTF.

 

[septbride2002]

I constatnly have to tell my nephew that he is "not a dog." If he isn't getting your attention right away he starts to "bark" like a dog and it is really loud and high pitched. So all the time I am saying, "Christopher you are not a dog - quit barking!" *sigh*

~Amanda