Things that could end a good relationship.

[Wishing on a star]

Miracle whip is defiantly not superficial it is in fact a deal breaker!

 

[Liberty Belle]

I think the issue comes when you are in a long term, committed relationship. You know... Love for her mind not the body thing.

However... Maybe I'm shallow too because I have to be physically attracted to someone.

I think most of us need to be physically attracted to someone in order to be romantic with them. I wasn't that attracted to my husband's appearance when I first met him, but after talking to him a while, he suddenly became much more attractive.

 

[princesspiglet]

I don't ask anything I wouldn't do myself, staying in shape and dressing nice. I would bet 95% of men would agree with me. A sure fire way to turn your man off is to not abide by those very simple rules. Oh I should also add not doing anything about your grey hair is also a deal breaker, it's just a turn off

Wow. I am absolutely shocked that you are single.

 

[Soldier's*Sweeties]

I think most of us need to be physically attracted to someone in order to be romantic with them. I wasn't that attracted to my husband's appearance when I first met him, but after talking to him a while, he suddenly became much more attractive.

I think that is kind of point he's making. (Delivery could use some work)

If someone becomes LESS attractive to their partner, then it could be a deal breaker. If I were no longer attracted to my husband and therefore not physically intimate, it would be a deal breaker.

 

[Liberty Belle]

OMGosh, I am sooooooo offended this is so alien to me, you mean to tell me you wouldn't love me if I grew to 300 lbs, burped constantly, smacked while I ate and drueled, wore dirty nasty clothes and didn't take a bath but 1 every two weeks, and didn't brush my teeth. But what about my inner beauty?

Now who is making fun of who?

I will say, that even if you looked like Gerard Butler or Robert Downey Jr (two men I find very attractive), I wouldn't be attracted to you. And I know just as strongly that you wouldn't be attracted to me if I looked like your ideal.

 

[Wishing on a star]

OMGosh, I am sooooooo offended this is so alien to me, you mean to tell me you wouldn't love me if I grew to 300 lbs, burped constantly, smacked while I ate and drueled, wore dirty nasty clothes and didn't take a bath but 1 every two weeks, and didn't brush my teeth. But what about my inner beauty?

Now, you have GOT to be kidding....
Really...
That is NOT what you said in your initial post.

You didn't say "300 pounds, dirty nasty clothes, did not bathe, etc...."

That is NOT what you said....
(If it were, then we wouldn't be here with this thread going many pages off track, now would we.)

There is no backtracking here Aviator.

Not with me.

You said what you said and you meant it.
The thing about words... especially printed words... one just can not take them back.

And, instead of recognizing just how badly your words might come off, and being more apologetic... your rabid defense, as I mentioned above, tells the story.

 

[FireDancer]

I think that is kind of point he's making. (Delivery could use some work)

If someone becomes LESS attractive to their partner, then it could be a deal breaker. If I were no longer attracted to my husband and therefore not physically intimate, it would be a deal breaker.

And that is completely understandable. A male stating exactly what you just did would get attacked here but it is true for either sex. Losing physical attraction is a problem in any relationship.

 

[TheAviator]

Wow. I am absolutely shocked that you are single.

Oh yes, you're right. Asking someone to attempt to stay in shape is so out of line, so yes by all means continue to eat 20 donuts a day and get just as big as you want to honey

 

[Liberty Belle]

And that is completely understandable. A male stating exactly what you just did would get attacked here but it is true for either sex. Losing physical attraction is a problem in any relationship.

I agree it's a problem, but I would bet in many relationships it wouldn't be a deal breaker. It wouldn't be in mine, anyway.

 

[TheAviator]

Now who is making fun of who?

I will say, that even if you looked like Gerard Butler or Robert Downey Jr (two men I find very attractive), I wouldn't be attracted to you. And I know just as strongly that you wouldn't be attracted to me if I looked like your ideal.

I was joking with her, that is why I did the and the

 

[Wishing on a star]

Oh yes, you're right. Asking someone to attempt to stay in shape is so out of line, so yes by all means continue to eat 20 donuts a day and get just as big as you want to honey

WOW, and it just goes from bad, to worse, to not even believeable!!!

 

[DLgal]

When two people are really in love, a hairstyle change makes no difference at all.

However, if either I or my husband puts on too much weight, we will call the other out about it. We have two special needs kids and being unhealthy is not an option. He list his father to complications from diabetes and obesity. Neither of us want the other to go down that same path PRECISELY because of how much we love each other.

So, for both me and my DH, I can say with certainty that "getting fat" is a BIG problem for us. I have put on about 10 pounds and need to lose it (not much wiggle room due to my height). I already knew it and am working on it. DH said something about it the other day. Didn't offend me in the least.

We keep each other in check.

Oh, and I chopped off all my hair pixie style recently. I didn't love it, honestly, but DH is nuts about it. He says it's like having a new wife. . I guess I'll keep it this way for awhile.

 

[TheAviator]

Now, you have GOT to be kidding....
Really...
That is NOT what you said in your initial post.

You didn't say "300 pounds, dirty nasty clothes, did not bathe, etc...."

That is NOT what you said....
(If it were, then we wouldn't be here with this thread going many pages off track, now would we.)

There is no backtracking here Aviator.

Not with me.

You said what you said and you meant it.
The thing about words... especially printed words... one just can not take them back.

And, instead of recognizing just how badly your words might come off, and being more apologetic... your rabid defense, as I mentioned above, tells the story.

Well my initial post was that someone attempt to maintain nice looks. The things I itemized were all obtainable issues. My post to which you refer was merely what I would refer to as the reverse of what I was initially talking about, so I do not see the disconnect. And I was joking with that person to begin with.

 

[FireDancer]

I agree it's a problem, but I would bet in many relationships it wouldn't be a deal breaker. It wouldn't be in mine, anyway.

No longer being attracted to my spouse would be a deal breaker for me and I suspect many if not most people. That attraction could be physical, emotional, or anything else. I am not willing to stay in an unhappy marriage and that would make me unhappy. I would expect my spouse to feel the same way. Who wants to be married to someone they are no longer attracted to?

I don't think it is out of line to expect your spouse to stay in reasonable shape, you just have to be willing to do the same. Same goes for staying mentally stimulating and many other non-physical things. People can let themselves go in a multitude of ways.

 

[TheAviator]

WOW, and it just goes from bad, to worse, to not even believeable!!!

How is asking your partner to attempt to stay in shape such a crazy concept for you? Nevermind I can probably guess why it is.

 

[TheAviator]

That doesn't make you shallow. If it is the only thing you cared about that would make you shallow. If you only take into account one thing about a person, whether it is appearance, intelligence, money, or anything else you are shallow.

I think people are either lying to themselves or others if they say looks don't matter. It will matter to different degrees depending on the person and what is considered attractive will be different based on the person but someone's appearance is a part of what attracts us to each other.

Yes I would agree, I never said it was the ONLY thing I cared about, not by a long shot. Other posters merely took that assumption and ran with it at my expense.

 

[skylizard]

I think that is kind of point he's making. (Delivery could use some work)

I totally agree. Aviator could've worded it better. "Getting fat" as a deal breaker is pretty harsh. If my dh "got fat" I most certainly would not divorce him. Work with him to be heatlhier? Sure. But not end our relationship. That'd be pretty shallow.
And for what it's worth, I think that even if it was one of us female dis'ers that had said "getting fat" that she would've been flamed as well.

 

[JessicaR]

Losing his hair which goes to his ears, loose skin, skid marks.

 

[aaarcher86]

And that is completely understandable. A male stating exactly what you just did would get attacked here but it is true for either sex. Losing physical attraction is a problem in any relationship.

Totally agree.

 

[Liberty Belle]

No longer being attracted to my spouse would be a deal breaker for me and I suspect many if not most people. That attraction could be physical, emotional, or anything else. I am not willing to stay in an unhappy marriage and that would make me unhappy. I would expect my spouse to feel the same way. Who wants to be married to someone they are no longer attracted to?

I don't think it is out of line to expect your spouse to stay in reasonable shape, you just have to be willing to do the same. Same goes for staying mentally stimulating and many other non-physical things. People can let themselves go in a multitude of ways.

Maybe I'm in the minority, but I don't think I am. I meant my vows. People can and do get healthy again. If someone has changed that much, there has to be an underlying reason that could be explored and worked on.

Cheating is also not a deal breaker to me, though I know it is to many.