Things that could end a good relationship.

[goofyintoronto]

Maybe we just see it differently? I know what he said. But in my opinion me getting hips because I had kids and packing on 30 lbs is a world of difference. Bodies changing doesn't necessarily mean fat to me. I had put letting yourself go and becoming unhealthy on my own list.

Oh i see what youre saying. And I do agree with you. But from a man's eyes, from what he described, fat is fat.

 

[aaarcher86]

Oh i see what youre saying. And I do agree with you. But from a man's eyes, from what he described, fat is fat.

Agreed.

 

[Dani784]

Maybe we just see it differently? I know what he said. But in my opinion me getting hips because I had kids and packing on 30 lbs is a world of difference. Bodies changing doesn't necessarily mean fat to me. I had put letting yourself go and becoming unhealthy on my own list.

How about medical issues? I had depression after my YDS was born and gained 50lbs. I've also recently found out I have thyroid issues. Am I "letting myself go"?

Geez, good thing my hubby still tells me I'm beautiful or I might go back to anorexia! I hate shallow people! Not all heavy people are fat lazy slobs!!!

Sent from my iPhone using DISBoards

 

[TheAviator]

You'll be single a long time my friend. Women don't typically "let" themselves go. We can't help it. As we age and have children our bodies change in ways we can't control. I've had four kids in the past 7 years and it shows. Lucky for me, my hubby loves every curvy inch and stretch mark because he saw what I went through to earn them. They're my badges of honor for almost losing my life twice to bring four amazing children into his life.

Thank god all men aren't like you. Good luck finding a girl deeper than a puddle to share your shallow life with.

Sent from my iPhone using DISBoards

I get opportunities to get married all the time my friend. Hmm and if my list is shallow what exactly is miracle whip considered? Love the double standard some of you love to throw around.

Its not that I'm shallow, I just have standards, those that I live up to myself. Yes and you are extremely lucky your hubby is like that.

 

[TheAviator]

Maybe we just see it differently? I know what he said. But in my opinion me getting hips because I had kids and packing on 30 lbs is a world of difference. Bodies changing doesn't necessarily mean fat to me. I had put letting yourself go and becoming unhealthy on my own list.

Exactly and wide hips are sexy. Letting yourself go is what I had in mind. I see it everywhere and I think There is no excuse for that. People can stay in shape its a fact. I am not talking about looking like a run way model. Obviously after having kids your body is going to change. There is nothing wrong with that. But letting yourself go and not trying to stay fit to the best of your ability is what I had in mind. I know plenty of women that lost their weight, or most of it after having kids. Its not like its an impossibility. I just think a lot of people like to make excuses for why they've let themselves go.

 

[Liberty Belle]

I don't ask anything I wouldn't do myself, staying in shape and dressing nice. I would bet 95% of men would agree with me. A sure fire way to turn your man off is to not abide by those very simple rules. Oh I should also add not doing anything about your grey hair is also a deal breaker, it's just a turn off

Thank God my husband is in the 5%, then. My hair is past my shoulders and I do wear heels sometimes, but I have gained weight after the birth of my babies and developing hypothyroidism.

You are nothing at all like my husband in looks (he's very handsome, with dark, stylish hair, gorgeous brown eyes, and a nice full mouth), in likes (he prefers an outdoorsy type woman who is compassionate, intelligent, and a good mother), or in actions (he is focused on taking care of his family, being the best father he can be, politics, and bettering the community). So, I would not expect him to have the same deal breakers as you. I would guess his would be unfaithfulness, being a poor mother, and being unkind.

 

[aaarcher86]

How about medical issues? I had depression after my YDS was born and gained 50lbs. I've also recently found out I have thyroid issues. Am I "letting myself go"?

Geez, good thing my hubby still tells me I'm beautiful or I might go back to anorexia! I hate shallow people! Not all heavy people are fat lazy slobs!!!

Sent from my iPhone using DISBoards

No. You're not. And I think you're taking it too personally because of your own issues. My DH and I work out together, we eat healthy... That's how we met and its important to both of us. If he decided to become sedentary tomorrow and eat McDonalds every other day that would be a problem for me and THAT would be letting himself go. Having a medical condition isn't the same thing at all. It's not even in the same ballpark.

 

[Simba's Mom]

Years ago, I was married to a man who couldn't stand crunchy peanut butter. He actually liked (gasp!) CREAMY peanut butter. Well, that marriage didn't last long! There might have been minor other reasons for our divorce (drinking and stuff) but the peanut butter, no doubt, did play a role. At least my current husband likes his peanut butter crunchy too......although, come to think of it, he is one of those Miracle Whip fans.

 

[Liberty Belle]

I get opportunities to get married all the time my friend. Hmm and if my list is shallow what exactly is miracle whip considered? Love the double standard some of you love to throw around.

Its not that I'm shallow, I just have standards, those that I live up to myself. Yes and you are extremely lucky your hubby is like that.

LOL. So women are asking you to marry them all the time? You must be a multimillionaire.

 

[aaarcher86]

Years ago, I was married to a man who couldn't stand crunchy peanut butter. He actually liked (gasp!) CREAMY peanut butter. Well, that marriage didn't last long! There might have been minor other reasons for our divorce (drinking and stuff) but the peanut butter, no doubt, did play a role. At least my current husband likes his peanut butter crunchy too......although, come to think of it, he is one of those Miracle Whip fans.

Is crunchy peanut butter cited on the divorce docs?! Lmao

 

[FLCyndi]

I get opportunities to get married all the time my friend. Hmm and if my list is shallow what exactly is miracle whip considered? Love the double standard some of you love to throw around.

Its not that I'm shallow, I just have standards, those that I live up to myself. Yes and you are extremely lucky your hubby is like that.

Wow, Really!!

 

[TheAviator]

Thank God my husband is in the 5%, then. My hair is past my shoulders and I do wear heels sometimes, but I have gained weight after the birth of my babies and developing hypothyroidism.

You are nothing at all like my husband in looks (he's very handsome, with dark, stylish hair, gorgeous brown eyes, and a nice full mouth), in likes (he prefers an outdoorsy type woman who is compassionate, intelligent, and a good mother), or in actions (he is focused on taking care of his family, being the best father he can be, politics, and bettering the community). So, I would not expect him to have the same deal breakers as you. I would guess his would be unfaithfulness, being a poor mother, and being unkind.

I'm not talking about legitimate health issues. I'm talking about making a legitimate "effort" to stay in shape.

 

[goofyintoronto]

No. You're not. And I think you're taking it too personally because of your own issues. My DH and I work out together, we eat healthy... That's how we met and its important to both of us. If he decided to become sedentary tomorrow and eat McDonalds every other day that would be a problem for me and THAT would be letting himself go. Having a medical condition isn't the same thing at all. It's not even in the same ballpark.

Its not the same thing at all. True. But, your wife is "fat". Doesnt matter how she got fat, she's fat. That bugs hubby A LOT. He's not attracted to her cause she's fat, he cant help it. You think he will say/think: "well she's fat cause of her thyroid, so hell ya she's still sexy!". I think not. To the guy, fat is fat. Doesnt matter how you get there. His response would be, to workout more. Ok fine, she'll work out more. Its a nice idea. But how? She have four kids (general)! When does she find the time? At the end of the day she's exhausted. So it would be awesome if she made it to the gym at least 3 days a week. Trying to find the time to go 5x a week seems impossible.

 

[TheAviator]

LOL. So women are asking you to marry them all the time? You must be a multimillionaire.

Not "all the time" but I have my share of offers. It doesn't always come in the form of "will you marry me" it comes in the form of more subtle "am I looking for marriage" type ways of letting one know what they have in mind.

 

[TheAviator]

Its not the same thing at all. True. But, your wife is "fat". Doesnt matter how she got fat, she's fat. That bugs hubby A LOT. He's not attracted to her cause she's fat, he cant help it. You think he will say/think: "well she's fat cause of her thyroid, so hell ya she's still sexy!". I think not. To the guy, fat is fat. Doesnt matter how you get there. His response would be, to workout more. Ok fine, she'll work out more. Its a nice idea. But how? She have four kids (general)! When does she find the time? At the end of the day she's exhausted. So it would be awesome if she made it to the gym at least 3 days a week. Trying to find the time to go 5x a week seems impossible.

There is a medium. People with thyroid issues can still work out and stay in reasonable shape. Its not an excuse to not try and allow yourself to top the 300 lb mark. Effort and responsibility to stay in shape should be on everyone's agenda for health reasons if nothing else.

 

[goofyintoronto]

I was thinking the same thing! In that case, marry me!! LOL! Just kidding!

LOL. So women are asking you to marry them all the time? You must be a multimillionaire.

 

[goofyintoronto]

There is a medium. People with thyroid issues can still work out and stay in reasonable shape. Its not an excuse to not try and allow yourself to top the 300 lb mark. Effort and responsibility to stay in shape should be on everyone's agenda for health reasons if nothing else.

I know women that workout but simply cannot lose weight. And they workout regularly. If she's healthy and workouts out regularly, but is still 'fat', would that be a deal breaker?

And ya, everyone should be responsible and stay in shape for health reasons obviously. But in reality, in our busy world, that goal is put on the back burner sometimes. A lot of ppl work more than one job, a lot of ppl are single parents, thats life.

 

[aaarcher86]

Its not the same thing at all. True. But, your wife is "fat". Doesnt matter how she got fat, she's fat. That bugs hubby A LOT. He's not attracted to her cause she's fat, he cant help it. You think he will say/think: "well she's fat cause of her thyroid, so hell ya she's still sexy!". I think not. To the guy, fat is fat. Doesnt matter how you get there. His response would be, to workout more. Ok fine, she'll work out more. Its a nice idea. But how? She have four kids (general)! When does she find the time? At the end of the day she's exhausted. So it would be awesome if she made it to the gym at least 3 days a week. Trying to find the time to go 5x a week seems impossible.

I don't disagree entirely, but I do think when you go rough something like a medical condition as a couple and partnership it changes the way you look at it.

I'm not a huge fan of excuses to keep yourself from working out though. You dont need a gym. you dont need equipment. You find the time if you really want to do it. There's always 30 min in there somewhere, it's just not easy. And if you're eating well you aren't going to be unfit. Being in shape is a ton about what you eat.

Things happen. It's all situational.

 

[palmtreegirl]

Its not the same thing at all. True. But, your wife is "fat". Doesnt matter how she got fat, she's fat. That bugs hubby A LOT. He's not attracted to her cause she's fat, he cant help it. You think he will say/think: "well she's fat cause of her thyroid, so hell ya she's still sexy!". I think not. To the guy, fat is fat. Doesnt matter how you get there. His response would be, to workout more. Ok fine, she'll work out more. Its a nice idea. But how? She have four kids (general)! When does she find the time? At the end of the day she's exhausted. So it would be awesome if she made it to the gym at least 3 days a week. Trying to find the time to go 5x a week seems impossible.

Not commenting on the rest of your post just the bolded by me part. You don't have to go to a gym to workout. I run, it's a completely free activity(besides the purchase of shoes) and I can do it right outside my house, at a park etc....... Or you can take a long walk, then alternate walking/running. You can also do crunches, push ups against a kitchen counter, lots of exercises right in your own home with no equipment to purchase. Anything is better then nothing and it doesn't have to cost a dime.

 

[TheAviator]

Some of you ladies are making fun of me for the I get offers statement, but you all got offers to get married so why is it such a leap that I get them