Monday, September 27-
-DHS rope drop (Hope)
-CS(5) breakfast ASMU
-S(1)at DHS
- BOAT straight to:
-TS (OOP) Biergarten late lunch 2pm (before 3pm so it's lunch!)
-back to resort for evening
-CS(6) dinner at ASMU/or pizza
-(Spectro/Wishes if we can't see it previous night)
So, first, I'm caught up and enjoying your PTR. I like you coming by to ramble.
Secondly, I thought you were wanting to be sure to do Biergarten for dinner since Rey was there for 2 hours? So how did it get to be a lunch reservation? Onto the next issue...
We are contagious to each other!
So, a new issue has arisen that I will have to find a solution to. A few months ago when I was mentioning flying, Dylan joked about how he didn't want to fly. Or maybe it wasn't joking???
We were talking the other day and he flat out said he didn't want to fly. He's afraid of heights and does NOT want to get on a plane.
Dylan is turning 16 this summer, but he's an unusual 16 year old. He doesn't care much what other people think, he's VERY headstrong, but not afraid to tell people what he's afraid of. He did NOT like most of the rides at WDW b/c of the g-force and drops. He won't even go on Pirates again b/c of the drop and hates TT. Soarin was the only thing he didn't mind.
Anywho...there have been a couple times in the past where he was scared of doing something and just FLAT OUT REFUSED to do it. No coaxing, threatening, or rationalizing would work. If you tell him he will be grounded, he says, "Ok, ground me.". Also, these situations are always spur of the moment. We get there and BAM, he won't get out of the car, etc.
This terrifies me b/c what if we get to the airport and he refuses to get on the plane??? I can't drag him, he's a big boy, and it would ruin the whole trip if this happened. I can talk to him for the next 8 months, but there is NOTHING to ensure that he won't panic and refuse at the last minute. We have talked about phobias and I am hoping to have him look up some info on fear of flying, but I have to have some alternatives.
Here is what I've come up with: We buy the tickets, we talk about it, I talk to my mom privately (she is driving us to the airport) and arrage with her that IF the worst happens and he freaks, he can just go home with her and stay with her for the week.
This is not optimal b/c we not only will have spent money on his tickets and airfare, but it won't be the same without him. This is our first family trip with Eli and just US. I'm sure we would have fun still and he would be fine with my mom, but it would be a cloud over the whole trip.
The second option I presented to Rey and he's thinking about it. It would cost the same amount of money to use their airfare money (Rey's and Dylans) and have them leave the day before and drive. Rey is a truck driver, so the distance (17 hours...that's not including stops) wouldn't bother him, they could sleep with the seats reclined, AND, a bonus would be that we would have a car onsite. No more fretting about being at the mercy of the buses. It would also make packing and bringing stuff easier. We can't ALL drive b/c although we would fit, it would be MISERABLE with 3 teens side-by-side and Savannah cramped in the back. There is also the issue that we couldn't get just 1 motel room b/c there are 6 of us and we would have 2 more days of food for 6 people during this drive. We spent SO much money driving last trip that I realized it would be about the same amount to fly.
Ugh. Anyway, I have a friend that told me I just need to tell him to face his fear and basically "be a man" about it, but I don't think it's just about that. I have adult friends that have fear of flying and it is a REAL fear them. I'm not sure he'll be able to do it. AND, what if he does get on the plane and we have turbulence or something and then on the trip back he refuses to get on??? Then what???
I feel that I have a unique perspective on this issue. Maybe I don't, but I feel like I do.
Anyway, I'm a (recovering) scared, very scared, very
flyer.... and a mental health counselor. And I've worked with kids, so on top of that, I think I might be able to help a bit. So that's why I think I have a unique perspective; not only do I know how it feels to be terrified, but I know what I should be saying to myself to keep me from royally freaking out. So a bit about my fears: I don't mind take-off and landing, but I used to really, really, REALLY hate the actual being-up-in-the-air part. It seems very unnatural to me that a several thousand ton tin cylinder can hurtle through open space with trajectory and accuracy in landing. Again,
!
Anyway, I say "recovering" because I've flown about 14 times now, and ironically enough, it got worse. The irrational fear of "this will probably be the time I die" got stronger over time. And I was usually more nervous on the flight home, thinking, "Yeah, wouldn't this be the luck. We just had our amazing time, and I die right after it."
Some of my friends and family all gave me the whole "don't you realize it's safer to fly than to drive?" bit, but that didn't help. I don't know that I actually thought about it at all, but once I did, that made sense. Here are a variety of the tips I used to help me fly:
A) The biggest reason I'm doing better with this is all the prayers I've offered. The Lord is really helping me. If you aren't people of faith, there are still things you can do (I do these things, too, and they help, but the praying has been the biggest thing to help this change for me).
1) I started telling myself, "Jen, there are planes in the air right now. Thousands of people all over the world. It's tomorrow in Japan, during the day, and they are flying and having no issues."
2) I made a list of every single person I could think of that I personally knew who had flown. Fortunately for me, I know some people who fly often. I've been to California, Guatemala, Puerto Rico, and Orlando. I have an aunt from Iran, a friend from India, my best friend's husband's dad was a missionary in Papua New Guinea growing up so they flew back and forth from the states every couple of years, my sister has flown to Japan, Scotland, Amsterdam, and Vancouver for business, our secretary at work flew to Singapore and Italy, my boss flew to Argentina, my coworker flew to Hong Kong.... you get the idea. I had that list in my carryon so that, as we flew, I could read it and realize that these people flew much farther than the distance between Ohio (where I live) and where I'm headed (Orlando).
3) My secretary's nephew is a flight attendant. He says that, in 20 years of flying, he has NEVER had an experience where he thought the plane was going down.
4) I look to the flight attendants for comfort. They don't have to know I'm doing it, so I don't feel silly. If they are walking around, we're fine. If they have the drink cart out, we are DEFINITELY fine. If they don't react with nervousness at the bumps and jostles along the flight, they are minor.
5) I remember that, if I were driving, the bump I just felt would feel normal, like driving over a pothole. So it feels funky now because I'm 37,000 feet in the air. But this is actually safer because we hit an air pocket. Air cannot hurt metal. Air cannot make metal plummet to the earth. Air is air... harmless.
6) The pilots don't want to die.
7) The pilots and flight attendants do this every single stinkin' day. This is their job. Flying is as normal to them as my talking to a client about past trauma is for me. That would be terrifying to some people; to me, it's normal and enjoyable. This is their every day job, and this is not a scary or unsafe every day job. Being a cop is, or being someone who works on wind turbines is, but not flying. If it were unsafe, they wouldn't do it. My sister always says the government cares about its citizens (debatable at times, maybe
). But the FAA and the airlines do NOT want lawsuits, so if they send a flight in bad conditions or in a plane in less-than-tip-top-shape, they are exposing themselves to HUGE fines, bankruptcy, lawsuits, and even jail. So they don't do that, obviously.
They only send flights when it's completely safe to do so.
8) (These are more mental health-y tips.) When we get anxious, our heart rate increases, our BP rises, our mind races, our face gets flushed, we tense our muscles, etc. These are all normal physiological reactions, but they actually HEIGHTEN the sense of anxiety. The more we are tense in our bodies, the more we notice that we are tense. And the more we notice our tension, the more we remember WHY we are tense. So doing some progressive muscle relaxation will help. Start with the top of the head and move down to the feet, relaxing each muscle group in succession. As you do this, focus on breathing - breathe in for 4 counts, hold for 2-4, and breathe out for 4. This evens the breathing, which increases blood flow to the cells, decreases heart rate, BP, and racing thoughts. It helps the body know what you mean when you tell it to relax.
9) When we feel anxious, we generally fight it. Fighting it feeds it. Counselors who treat anxiety will (hopefully
) tell you NOT to fight it. Instead, if you can tell yourself something like this, you'll be better off: "Yes, I feel nervous. It's normal to feel nervous; I don't fly every day. But feeling nervous does not mean I have to stay nervous. I can think about something else. This doesn't make me weak or a bad person; in fact, I'm strong for realizing this. Now I know I have a choice and don't have to be a victim of my fears!" Then focus in on a thought that's really pleasurable, preferably that incorporates all of the senses. The more senses we involve in a memory, the more our brains focus on that memory because senses occupy different parts of the brain, so we're asking the whole brain to work together. A memory that you can recall the smells, sights, feel, taste, or sounds of is great.
10) Try to delay looking at the watch. Doing some time-delay can help. "I can wait 5 more minutes before looking at my watch." If he can't wait 5, wait 3. You get my point. Putting it off helps you focus less on it and gives your brian a chance to be distracted in the meantime.
In general, I'd say this is good for him to "face his fear" in the sense that this will be a huge confidence boost for him if he can do it. I recently had to fly to Phoenix for a work conference, but I found out when my flight landed in Denver for the layover that the conference had been cancelled! Talk about
! So I got on a flight back to Dayton that night, and basically me, a petrified flyer, took a completely pointless flight! It's pretty comical, and a God-thing as far as I'm concerned. But I was flying solo, into bad weather - all my fears. But I did it! And I'm so confident that I can handle future flying that I'm almost looking forward to it! Very new feeling for me. I bet Dylan would have a similar experience. He should not force himself, and you are wise not to either, but he's assuming he'll be terrified, when maybe he'll love it. At the same time, if he can avoid letting his fears do all the talking, I think he'll learn that his rational mind is more powerful than his emotional mind in this area, and that's a powerful weapon against fear. He's reacting to the future as if he knows what it will hold (very common in teenagers), so if he can give himself the freedom to think it might be better than his expectation, that will help.
Last but not least - no one but the PTR writer has business writing posts this long, so I'm sorry - I read a thread recently about a free flying video. It's given by a social worker/pilot. It's pretty good. If he'll watch it, it could really help. I didn't realize planes had 5 back-ups for things - pretty amazing!!! Here's the link:
http://www.fearofflying.com/.
I hope this helps. I hope he makes a choice that he is at peace with; I think it'd be cool to see him fly and find some victory over this fear, but I empathize that he might not be ready. If he is, I think some of the tips above could really help.
Whew. And I'm done... finally. Sorry again!
We stayed at Pop on our first visit and loved it, but I was determined to stay somewhere different this time. I LOVE the value theming though, it makes me feel more like we're at WDW, so Music was an easy choice for us with the family suites! Too bad they aren't finishing POP, they could put family suites over there on the other side of the lake. I wonder if they will ever finish those???? 
? You guys seem like a fun family and will have a great time wherever you go. I totally understand about staying somewhere new each time. That is what we are doing this time. I have been to WDW probably about 6 or 7 times since I was a child. I took Bill and Austin for the first time in 2008 (we stayed at ASMo-loved it). I went on a girls trip in June 2009 and stayed at POP for the first time- and I think Austin and Bill will love it. Bill said last time that he thinks we should try a new place each time- I am slowly bringing him around to the magic of disney 
!!!!!
