Okay, so... first day. As the weight of loss sets in, I'm comforted by a beautiful day; birds chirping outside and a colorful spring garden. I look around my house, the places mom sat, holding court... fond memories. I see pictures of her on the news in wonderful tributes, the Internet, and that beaming face and a powerful soul. I know she lives on through us, her family, her body of work, and the love she showered over everyone she came in contact with. But I feel that today will have have it's empty, quiet, reflective moments as I try to reconstruct and rise up to a new life without her. I already miss her terribly...that thing most of us know... not being able to pick up the phone and just say hello. I will let it pass through me however and not fight it, but rather experience it as part of my journey now. I know with each day her smile and light will grow brighter once again, erasing the past few weeks until all that remains is the incredible spirit and force that she was on this earth. I will try my best to dig deep and truly understand all that she was, stood for and represented. So many positive values in life. She passed those values on to me but they often became blurred and muddied by the grind of my own life.
I can't help but feel a greater purpose in all of this. So much of what I've been trying to do with my life, through my own family, my films, the stories I tell is to bring some comfort and solution to a terribly hurting world. She took that hurt on her shoulders, and made it a burden, and then showed us - at least me - how to heal it. So I cant help but think that now it is my job - and all of ours to an extent - when our world so desperately needs it (watch any single news cast these days) to find ways, at the most very personal and singular if not cellular level, to bring some understanding, peace and yes, LOVE to the wounds of our world. But those are big, broad words, and I know deeper, there is more than that. Something specific. Something each of us can do. Easily. Actions that don't take money, or really, much time. It's in the very smallest of aspect of our lives. So today, during these quiet moments I will reflect on her life, the lessons she tried to reveal, the greater purpose for us all and bring them to some sort of summation so that I might employ them in all that I do from here on, both personally and professionally. She was here for a purpose, a purpose in scope equal to the force she was... now it's time to fully discover it and honor it. I miss you mom. My eternal love and gratitude for having known you.
At least she had a good quality of life right up to the end. It sounds like it was peaceful. I met her at a fan thing at a local mall in the 90s, really neat lady. An incredibly strong presence in the room. What a huge loss to the show.
