"The Way I Loved You"

[frndshpcptn]

Give him a few more dates. Although hubby and I had some sort of spark at first meeting, it was more like he was the most interesting person I'd ever met, not a "ooh I wanna etc etc etc" moment. On the third date I finally thought about kissing him, and he tried a goodnight kiss that evening, and it was lovely! Sometimes the spark is hidden for a little bit.



Before hubby I was all about the bad boys. Oh sure, making up can be exciting, but the pain and heartache you have before the making up is devastating. And of course there's always that one last fight, from which the "relationship" never recovers...

I'll admit that sometimes I miss the energy, negative as it was, I felt while crying my heart out to Jewel or having the emotions of that one Kelly Clarkson song, or sobbing while driving and listening to Unbreak My Heart...but I'm sure not willing to end my marriage and go find a jerk to have those feelings with!

Silly low key giggles at home with someone is FAR better than "dating" someone who will call you July 4th and uninvite you from the BBQ b/c you're vegetarian and HE is uncomfortable bringing you where they'll be cooking meat (even though half of the other guests, his friends, are vegetarian). Or who will try to cheat on you the night before your 1st anniversary. etc.

I know what you are saying. I'm definitely not into relationships where there is a lot of crying (especially on my part). In fact, I don't really like a lot of outward emotion at all.

I will admit that the guy I spent the last 7 years with had a bit of a drama thing going, but it was more a maturity thing (I think). We never really argued (I can count on one hand the number of fights we had in 7 years), but things ultimately did end b/c he cheated. He also surrounded himself with a group of friends that behaved similarly, so I can't say I was hugely surprised after thinking on it for a while.

I should give this guy one more chance, I know. We really, really do have a lot in common. We spent 3+ hours talking on the date. But I just couldn't find any "swooning" attraction to him. I didn't go home that night and think about him as I fell asleep. I was more like "ok, that was nice..."

Does that make sense?

 

[GoldieSaysMeep2]

My ex bf was a complete nutjob and your cousin would probably love him. He was a drinker, a wild guy. Always at the bar. Always chatting up the ladies. He was wild wild wild. Always up for a good time. One of of our dates, he left me alone in a bar with his tab. Never came back. I found him the next day. One day, he told me he loved me but I wasn't "as good" as his last girlfriend. This day happened to also be the day of a death in my family (my grandmother). This went off into a whole fight about how I thought he was a jerk for not wanting to settle down etc. He said "he might but he'd have to live with me a while first" which I did not want to do. He treated me like dirt. He was nasty to my family. He offended my friends. He routinely pointed out that he'd never even consider proposing unless I lived with him for several years first. One day, he asked me to pay his cable bill... That was the last straw.

Shortly after I left him, I met my wonderful fiance. We were engaged (without living together *gasp*) a year after our first date and will be married next fall (and won't live together before the wedding *double gasp*) and we are just as happy as can be. My fiance is not wild. He seems like he should be... he's in a rock band, has the sexy long hair and the metal band clothing. But he is the sweetest thing. He's gentle and kind. He gets teary at sweet movies. He is very romantic. But he is not wild. He drove over an hour the other night from his house to a hospital I was in, just to be in the ER with me because I was scared. On a worknight. He got maybe 3 hours sleep. But he didn't care. He is good to his friends, he is good to his mom and the rest of his family. He is good to my parents...for Christmas he is making a collage for my mom of family photos. He once donated $750 to a food pantry, just because he had the extra money. He loves kittens. He doesn't drink. He doesn't smoke. He doesn't hang out in bars. He makes me tea and pasta when I'm sick. He made dinner for my parents as a Christmas gift. He texts me that he loves me several times a day, just because.

Why on earth would anyone not want a guy like my fiance? I've experienced the "other kind" and omg, I thank my lucky stars every day that I have the man in my life that I do.

 

[Mom21]

My ex bf was a complete nutjob and your cousin would probably love him. He was a drinker, a wild guy. Always at the bar. Always chatting up the ladies. He was wild wild wild. Always up for a good time. One of of our dates, he left me alone in a bar with his tab. Never came back. I found him the next day. One day, he told me he loved me but I wasn't "as good" as his last girlfriend. This day happened to also be the day of a death in my family (my grandmother). This went off into a whole fight about how I thought he was a jerk for not wanting to settle down etc. He said "he might but he'd have to live with me a while first" which I did not want to do. He treated me like dirt. He was nasty to my family. He offended my friends. He routinely pointed out that he'd never even consider proposing unless I lived with him for several years first. One day, he asked me to pay his cable bill... That was the last straw.

Shortly after I left him, I met my wonderful fiance. We were engaged (without living together *gasp*) a year after our first date and will be married next fall (and won't live together before the wedding *double gasp*) and we are just as happy as can be. My fiance is not wild. He seems like he should be... he's in a rock band, has the sexy long hair and the metal band clothing. But he is the sweetest thing. He's gentle and kind. He gets teary at sweet movies. He is very romantic. But he is not wild. He drove over an hour the other night from his house to a hospital I was in, just to be in the ER with me because I was scared. On a worknight. He got maybe 3 hours sleep. But he didn't care. He is good to his friends, he is good to his mom and the rest of his family. He is good to my parents...for Christmas he is making a collage for my mom of family photos. He once donated $750 to a food pantry, just because he had the extra money. He loves kittens. He doesn't drink. He doesn't smoke. He doesn't hang out in bars. He makes me tea and pasta when I'm sick. He made dinner for my parents as a Christmas gift. He texts me that he loves me several times a day, just because.

Why on earth would anyone not want a guy like my fiance? I've experienced the "other kind" and omg, I thank my lucky stars every day that I have the man in my life that I do.

I think I love your fiance!

 

[mamacatnv]

IMO one needs it all - passion, chemistry and a nice guy, good husband and Dad etc.

 

[frndshpcptn]

IMO one needs it all - passion, chemistry and a nice guy, good husband and Dad etc.

That would be fabulous

 

[apirateslifeforme]

May I brag? DBF is one of the "nice guys"...practical and sensible in every sense. And shy, quiet, and sensitive. We have so much in common...personality, interests, values and goals...

The chemistry between us is a million times more intense than it ever was when I dated the "bad boys." We've been together over a year and I don't think it's waned one bit. Probably become even more intense, to be honest. So I know it's definitely possible!

 

[frndshpcptn]

May I brag? DBF is one of the "nice guys"...practical and sensible in every sense. And shy, quiet, and sensitive. We have so much in common...personality, interests, values and goals...

The chemistry between us is a million times more intense than it ever was when I dated the "bad boys." We've been together over a year and I don't think it's waned one bit. Probably become even more intense, to be honest. So I know it's definitely possible!

That's a happy thought for a Friday night Thanks for sharing your story!

 

[xomagicofdisneyox]

Im 18 and i would personally choose a boy whos exciting and gives you a rush when your around him. granted its always nice to have a man whos charming and knows all the right things to say. but that can get real boring after a while. i guess a mixture of both would be nice.

 

[Lucky4me]

There was so much passion and drama in my first marriage, it exhausted us both. We met when we were teenagers and the relationship dynamic never matured as we got older and became parents. We finally called it quits after 14 drama filled years.
The man I am married to now is easygoing, committed, sweet and still waits on me hand and foot after 16 years. The passion is there, but it's not a Jerry Springer show passion like the first one was. Thank. goodness. :lol:

 

[remyandhollandsmommy]

I think REFORMED bad boys make the best husbands personally lol.

At first glance you would think my DH is a true bad boy (or this generations equivilent lol). He has:
ear gauges
a few tats
gets scruffy in the face sometimes lol
plays guitar
LOVES this godawful screamo music that I swear I can't understand
was notorious with our friends for his past dating life in college (until he met me of course lol)
has a warped sense of humor that can get him in trouble (god love him)
loves a good party..we have TONS of bonfires at our house lol

...but
-he tells me I am beautiful EVERY day
-will harrass his friends into agreeing I am amazing and better than any other girl alive (great guys, they humor him)
-doesn't care if I am not some size 4 bony girl (lol, he is always telling me I never looked sexier than when I am eight months prego about to burst lol)
-he cried at our wedding when he repeated his vows which made me cry
-he is always trying to help out friends and family when they need it..even though we barely make ends meet ourselves most times
-he panics if his dad (63) doesn't answer his cell phone and drove the 40min JUST to make sure he was okay at 10pm at night (poor man was asleep lol)
-he calls his mom every night to say hi and tell her about our day
-he films our baby moving while I sleep to show me the next morning (apparently I sleep like the dead lol)
-he leaves voice messages on my cell several times a day (to say hi, he loves/misses me, to sing a part of a song he knows I like lol)
-hes never once treated my girls anything but good...heck he thinks they are as much his girls as Koi will be when she is born
-he sings this song by Death Cab for Cuties called "I will follow you into the dark" to me (off key sometimes just to make me laugh)
-he tells on me to my OB if I say once something hurts...geez, the baby kicks my ribs of course I complain lol

...there are a million things that make me love him more every day!! Is there passion...more than I thought possible outside a movie lol, is there drama..no, he is calming and I love that I can be 100% myself with him without any judgement or negativity. We have tons in common and well...he just gets me, you know?! Oh yea and I think he's gorgeous lol! Sorry to do a long post, I adore him lol!

 

[bananda]

im 19 and would definately go for the nice guy. why would you want someone you can't get along with?

 

[Sparx]

i hate that song. good relationships aren't built on screaming and crying and "cursing your name."

 

[Hollywoodhaha]

I love that song!
It is one of my favorites of hers. She is my favorite singer.
I want a nice, shy, guy ..
I'm 16