"The Way I Loved You"

[autumnpalm]

I was spending the day with one of my young cousins today who is a huge Taylor Swift fan and when the song "The Way I Loved You" came on, she was telling me that she hopes she never ends up in a "boring" relationship like the one in the song.

I don't know if I'm just old fashioned, but the guy in the song sounds pretty good to me! It got me thinking about relationships (from a pop song, go figure!) and whether it is more important to have the "fire" or the "good guy". We were discussing it and where I would rather go for the nice guy that is solid and stable, she would rather have the passion and excitement.

Of course, she told me the reason for that is that I'm OLD. Yikes! I'm barely into my twenties!

I'm not married yet, although I am in a relationship, and I feel pretty strongly that I would rather go for a polite, considerate guy than the one with intense chemistry. Maybe it's just bad experiences with relationships, but a guy who calls exactly when he says he will doesn't sound so bad to me!

In case you haven't heard the words to the song, I'll post them here:

He is sensible and so incredible
And all my single friends are jealous
He says everything I need to hear and it's like
I couldn't ask for anything better

He opens up my door and I get into his car
And he says, you look beautiful tonight
And I feel perfectly fine

But I've been screamin' and fightin'
And kissin' in the rain
And it's two a.m. and I'm cursin' your name
You're so in love that you act insane
And that's the way I loved you

Breakin' down and comin' undone
It's a roller-coaster kinda rush
And I never knew I could feel that much
And that's the way I loved you

He respects my space and never makes me wait
And he calls exactly when he says he will
He's close to my mother
Talks business with my father
He's charming and endearing, and I'm comfortable

But I've been screamin' and fightin'
And kissin' in the rain
And it's two a.m. and I'm cursin' your name
You're so in love that you act insane
And that's the way I loved you

Breakin' down and comin' undone
It's a roller-coaster kinda rush
And I never knew I could feel that much
And that's the way I loved you

He can't see the smile I'm fakin'
And my heart's not breakin'
'Cause I'm not feelin' anything at all

And you were wild and crazy
Just so frustrating, intoxicating, complicated
Got away by some mistake and now

I'll be screamin' and fightin'
And kissin' in the rain
It's two a.m. and I'm cursin' your name
I'm so in love that I acted insane
And that's the way I loved you

Breakin' down and comin' undone
It's a roller-coaster kinda rush
And I never knew I could feel that much
And that's the way I loved you

And that's the way I loved you
I never knew I could feel that much
And that's the way I loved you

Which side of the fence are you on? Am I really that old fashioned?

 

[shortbun]

I think everyone should experience a little of both. But, go for the one who make you feel comfortable, safe and happy. The screaming and crying at 2am should be a relief to leave in the end. ya know? Remember that old song, 'ladies love outlaws?'

 

[bballmom56]

I'd take the "good guy" every time! And I did!

 

[Acklander]

for the most part I dated the good guys, but that's because I've always been a little wild. I'd bring the excitement to the relationship, they'd bring the stability, so it always worked out well. That being said, I think everyone needs to date a bad boy at least once in their life - otherwise you haven't lived.

 

[Darsa]

The excitement I dated (waay back when) turned out to be a colossal jerk with another girlfriend as well as the mother of his three children scared1 in line. My DH was never really "wild" in so many words, but he's what I wanted. So I think I'll pick "safe and protected" over "wild" anytime!

 

[MichelleVW]

Yeah...that song bugs me too...who wants to argue and fight all the time?

 

[SC Minnie]

Personally, I think there has to be 'fire and sparks' at the beginning of the relationship because it's all new. Then things settle down and comes the stability. I am an old married lady now but work with a few 20 somethings that are single. The drama in their lives amaze me.

Give me a good man that goes to work everyday, comes home every night, helps around the house, and is nice to my family.

 

[ZachnElli]

That screaming and crying thing gets old after a couple years and down right exhausting! That's why my ex-fiance didn't get to marry me! He didn't open doors or carry my packages, in fact made me carry his. Then DH came along and was so sweet, we hardly ever fight, awww bliss! Of course, he's total eye candy too!

 

[LuvOrlando]

I can't help but want to ask the young cousin what exactly it is she means by the word boring? It sounds like the song is describing a co-dependant relationship not paradise, 50% intoxicating & 50% misery where the high makes you willing to suffer the lows.

It's been my experience that bad boys are only fun for a little while until they crash and burn and bring you down with them only to get up friendless, crying and covered in road rash.

Thinking a decent guy is boring is more an offshoot of personality than age, but that's just me. I've been with my wonderful DH 20 years and he has never left me like this:
"But I've been screamin' and fightin'
And kissin' in the rain
And it's two a.m. and I'm cursin' your name
You're so in love that you act insane
And that's the way I loved you"

AND, BTW, if our relationship ever devolved into a soupy mess of smiles and tears I've be outta' here fast as a shot. It's not my style, I'm more of a "Bubbly" by Colbie Caillat sort of girl.

 

[frndshpcptn]

So funny - was just talking about this with a coworker yesterday.

I recently went on a date with a guy that (on paper) is perfect for me. We like the same things, have similar backgrounds, easy conversation, etc. He called when he said he would, followed up post-date, etc. All the things that you'd want.

But there was no spark during the date. No physical chemistry.

I'm in my early 30's (just got out of a 7 year relationship). I have met a few guys where it's all spark and no conversation.

Is it too much to ask for both?

 

[princesspiglet]

I dated the exciting but jerky guy for 7 years. We had intense chemistry and he made me swoon with every kiss. He also made me an emotional mess wondering if he was going to call, was he cheating (again), what mood was he in, etc. I never felt such passion or desire for somone. We were on fire when we were together. After 7 years of it, I thought I was going to have a nervous breakdown from the constant drama and ended things.

I met DH 2 years later and he was the total opposite. It was nice and comfortable and drama free. It is still (after 16 years together) nice and comfortable. However, we also have great chemistry and he still makes me swoon- but without all the drama. We may be boring at times, but we have an intense love and desire for each other.

I am very happy and content that I married the "nice" guy. My ex has been divorced 3 times now and is still a jerk!

 

[crusoe2]

I think the litmus test in this situation should be "What kind of parent is this person going to be?" At least, if you plan to ever have kids it should be. A guy who puts you through that much drama is very likely not going to be a good dad. Certainly there can be exceptions to this and people can change. But I would want to see that change before making a lifetime committment. I think too many young people don't realize that their kids will be the most precious thing in the world to them one day and that once you have children with someone you will always have an attachment to that person. You want your kids to have a dad who cherishes them just as much as you do. It makes for a miserable life when you can't trust dad to properly take care of the kids and put their welfare above all else.

 

[JVL1018]

The arguing and the fighting and the drama is high school-teenage stuff, I was totally into it then.
Those boys aren't for marrying, they are just for having fun and getting the drama out of your system.
Then you meet the sweet, nice, stable guy-you appreciate it because you get smarter as you get older, and you marry him!

That's the way I did it.

 

[My sister's princess]

I love this song. I think that it needs to be taken for what it is though, a song. I think most girls have experienced these types of feelings, just maybe not as extream, and that is the appeal of songs like this, most people can relate. I had my crazy relationships, then I found my good guy, who I will be marrying next month

 

[frndshpcptn]

The arguing and the fighting and the drama is high school-teenage stuff, I was totally into it then.
Those boys aren't for marrying, they are just for having fun and getting the drama out of your system.
Then you meet the sweet, nice, stable guy-you appreciate it because you get smarter as you get older, and you marry him!

That's the way I did it.

But there has to be a spark, right? Some sort of chemistry?

That's my issue at the moment. The nice guy that I have a ton in common with (and would probably make a great dad) - I can't imagine kissing...

 

[Rora]

The arguing and the fighting and the drama is high school-teenage stuff, I was totally into it then.
Those boys aren't for marrying, they are just for having fun and getting the drama out of your system.
Then you meet the sweet, nice, stable guy-you appreciate it because you get smarter as you get older, and you marry him!

That's the way I did it.

Agreed!

That being said- DFi and have our intense chemistry moments but it seems some silly fights come with that too.

I'd say he's a mix of both but I'd like him to be a little more "good guy", you know?

I know every couple has their ups and downs.

 

[NeverlandClub23]

Well, I've been engaged twice (with both guys for almost three years, not at the same time ). Both were great guys on paper. Treated me right, honest, faithful, fun, etc. I did love both of them but looking back I never was head over heels for either of them. We had a good relationship and I could have married either of them and been satisfied. But I wanted more than satisfaction. I always found myself wondering if this is it? This is as good as it gets? So I ended the last engagement and told myself that I would never settle for being with someone that was 'ok'. I knew I wanted more. So after dating a few more guys (I had dated enough for a lifetime before I was even engaged! ) and not looking anymore I found my current boyfriend. We've been together for 2 years and I've never in my whole life felt about anyone like I've felt about him. I feel so peaceful with him yet butterflies at the same time. I want to be the best for him and I never even thought I could have someone that was good on paper and also had a great chemistry, passion for. I hope, if I ever have a daughter, to teach her to not settle for just a good guy, to find someone who makes you not want to live without them (not that you can't) but someone who respects you at the same time. I think you can tell the people that are married to someone that they're not completely in love with. I would've been one of them if I hadn't been real with myself.

 

[ZachnElli]

But there has to be a spark, right? Some sort of chemistry?

That's my issue at the moment. The nice guy that I have a ton in common with (and would probably make a great dad) - I can't imagine kissing...

Yes, you can have both!! My dh and I do. He even had a black eye on our first date! After he met me, he changed his own bad boy ways! Men can grow out of it, mine sure did. He has quite the stories to tell, but I'm so glad they are all before me!

 

[frndshpcptn]

Well, I've been engaged twice (with both guys for almost three years, not at the same time ). Both were great guys on paper. Treated me right, honest, faithful, fun, etc. I did love both of them but looking back I never was head over heels for either of them. We had a good relationship and I could have married either of them and been satisfied. But I wanted more than satisfaction. I always found myself wondering if this is it? This is as good as it gets? So I ended the last engagement and told myself that I would never settle for being with someone that was 'ok'. I knew I wanted more. So after dating a few more guys (I had dated enough for a lifetime before I was even engaged! ) and not looking anymore I found my current boyfriend. We've been together for 2 years and I've never in my whole life felt about anyone like I've felt about him. I feel so peaceful with him yet butterflies at the same time. I want to be the best for him and I never even thought I could have someone that was good on paper and also had a great chemistry, passion for. I hope, if I ever have a daughter, to teach her to not settle for just a good guy, to find someone who makes you not want to live without them (not that you can't) but someone who respects you at the same time. I think you can tell the people that are married to someone that they're not completely in love with. I would've been one of them if I hadn't been real with myself.

thank you! Your post gives me hope.

I really don't want to feel like I "settled." I don't want teenage drama, but i do want some sort of chemistry that goes further than "he'll treat me really well." There's got to be more than that...

 

[bumbershoot]

But there has to be a spark, right? Some sort of chemistry?

That's my issue at the moment. The nice guy that I have a ton in common with (and would probably make a great dad) - I can't imagine kissing...

Give him a few more dates. Although hubby and I had some sort of spark at first meeting, it was more like he was the most interesting person I'd ever met, not a "ooh I wanna etc etc etc" moment. On the third date I finally thought about kissing him, and he tried a goodnight kiss that evening, and it was lovely! Sometimes the spark is hidden for a little bit.



Before hubby I was all about the bad boys. Oh sure, making up can be exciting, but the pain and heartache you have before the making up is devastating. And of course there's always that one last fight, from which the "relationship" never recovers...

I'll admit that sometimes I miss the energy, negative as it was, I felt while crying my heart out to Jewel or having the emotions of that one Kelly Clarkson song, or sobbing while driving and listening to Unbreak My Heart...but I'm sure not willing to end my marriage and go find a jerk to have those feelings with!

Silly low key giggles at home with someone is FAR better than "dating" someone who will call you July 4th and uninvite you from the BBQ b/c you're vegetarian and HE is uncomfortable bringing you where they'll be cooking meat (even though half of the other guests, his friends, are vegetarian). Or who will try to cheat on you the night before your 1st anniversary. etc.