I can only speak to my personal experience, so all of this will be anecdotal to the intermountain west where I live. But here goes:
You're asking the right questions, but in the peak we're in it's difficult to do nothing. I think a lot of the nation's shut downs were premature in certain areas, without clear direction on what to do next. It has allowed for a lot of the fear (not mongering) that you describe. Curfews and even some/majority masking has proven to help. I still think indoor dining should be scaled back just a touch more, but could be deemed a hypocrite by some because my family and I enjoy one or two meals out weekly. Our theater of choice is a ghost town in normal times because we prefer smaller production film to blockbusters, and since reopening we are one of maybe 5 couples in a theater that seats about 150. My DS x2 are in person school because that is absolutely the best decision for most kids, and mine in particular. My point is you and I are probably in the same camp that if Wal-Mart and Costco can be open, and news anchors can be in studio, there's no reason to believe the neighborhood clothing boutique is inherently dangerous. That is absolutely a gap in the narrative.
I'm more than willing to listen to any and all. There are other crises beyond one virus, and my work with traumas has gone up considerably in the past 8 months (I'm a specialized tech in surgery). However, those same people (many my friends) need to understand (locally, again), that our hospital that provides care from northern Wyoming to western North Dakota to Great Falls, MT, is at 110% capacity and that hasn't gone down in weeks. We're still providing care to all specialties, not just COVID, but to think difficult decisions aren't on the horizon is a bit head in the sand.
Your last two questions are perhaps the most important in the next few months. I hope states start reporting how many people have been vaccinated in their state dashboards. If it can be directly tied that vaccination is providing relief from hospitalizations and death, we can "live" with the virus. At that point, but not now, I'll be right there with you picketing for a pretty quick change in direction (and to be back on a ship, gosh darn it). A lot of the same questions were asked by the GP from 1917-1920. But remember that just three short years later F Scott Fitzgerald had enough material to write The Great Gatsby. Socialization isn't going anywhere, but the fastest way to get back to it at this point is an effective vaccine. Here's to praying the ones we're getting really are just as the early data shows.