The trip is off

[la79al]

We were supposed to go to DW sometime next spring/summer. Tonight DH officially called the trip off. It's really been building up but I'm still not happy about it. See, DSS has a few hundred dollars at his moms house that he won. He said he is saving it all for vacation with her this summer but he has already spent some of it. We told him he should bring some of it here to put in his bank for DW. He said he wouldn't be allowed. So tonight he tells me that he got in big trouble for trying to bring 75 cents to our house to put towards DW. I know he is blowing it out of proportion but I sort of say whatever and walk away. I am literally 5 steps away and he asks me if he can get his curfew extended if he goes to the late swims at the pool. I ask him where he is getting money for the late swims. He tells me he will just bring money from his moms house. I don't even answer him, I just walk away. And then on my way into the house, I am met by DSD who is on her way to the ice cream stand. I ask her where she got money for ice cream because just last weekend she blew through $5 she brought from her moms house and then asked us for money to go to the pool. She tells me that she got it out of her bank, meaning her DW money. We have ice cream in the freezer, the exact kind she is headed out to get but she doesn't even bother checking for that. I tell her that I hope she enjoys her ice cream more than she would enjoy DW because she's not going to be able to have both. She continues to the ice cream stand. I walk into the house and tell DH I am tired of this whole money thing. He asks what is going on and I tell him and he calls the kids into the house and tells them the trip is off. He tells them if they have more important things to do with their money then he has more important things to do with his money too. We have about half the money set aside already so who knows what's going to happen with that. I'm just sick of trying to police the kids and their money all the time. They don't get an allowance here and we were going to start since they will be here a lot this summer but now I'm totally against it. I will not have money to do a whole lot this summer and I know if the kids end up bringing money from their moms house, they will spend it at the ice cream stand or on other stupid stuff and I don't even care. I have found some free/really cheap stuff to do this summer and other than that, they will be playing outside. I'm pretty bummed about the trip being off though. DD and I are going in December with my sister and DH is not a DW lover anyhow but I was looking forward to the girls going on rides together and DSD introducing DD to all the characters. Maybe the kids will make some great turnaround by the end of the summer and DH will change his mind.

 

[stella27]

That makes me really sad. I don't understand why your husband canceled the trip just because they are spending their spending money instead of saving it for Disney. Next spring/summer is an eternity for children. I wouldn't really expect them to understand why they should be saving now.
I know you didn't ask for opinions, but that seems harsh to me.

 

[MariDisney]

I don't quite understand either. The children are expected to pay for a portion of the family vacation? My DD saves her money for spending at WDW, and we have a similar situation in that she has money at her dad's house that isn't allowed to be spent with me. But I don't stress about it. That's his issue. Anyway, how much are they supposed to kick in?

 

[disneygoof]

She's 8.

 

[MoniqueU]

I guess I don't get it. Things are REAL tight here but my kids still get treats, spend their own money that they have earned on what they want and go places within reason. I am giving up something more important to me then a disney vacation so that they can still have treats and have some fun. I would never expect my children to pay for part of a trip, snacks etc. If they wanted an overpriced souveneir that would be one thing but my kids never ask for stuff like that, maybe a churro at Disneyland and some token gifts for their friends back home. I just can't imagine cancelling a trip you have half of the money saved up for over some ice cream and some pool fees. Maybe she didnt need the ice cream but the pool fees would be an exected expense if we didn't have our own pool. I truly shocked.

 

[stella27]

She's 8.

My 8 year old would never see the correlation between not buying ice cream now and being able to get a souvenir at WDW. So that's what his dad and I are for. To teach him. Not to punish him for doing what 8 year olds do naturally.

 

[la79al]

I think it comes down to-DH does not like DW. He is going for the kids. There are about a million places he would rather go. If the kids do not even want to go badly enough to look in the freezer for ice cream before running to the ice cream stand or skipping one or two late swims then it doesn't seem like they really want to go that badly. The money would just be for their spending money, since they each went through more than $100 the last time we went. I'm not sure that saying oh yeah, spend your money on whatever you want now and we'll hand you more for vacation is really what we want to portray. I'm not saying that either of them should put every penny towards the trip but like I said, DSD went through $5 in less than 24 hours last weekend and came looking for more. Where do we draw the line in saying that some of the money needs to be saved?

 

[PrincessKell]

Are they expected to pay for their trip or extra goodies that are not planned for like extra t-shirts or stuffies?

Next spring is a long way aways special when kids are just getting out of school and focusing on summer now. From and outside point of view, it doesn't seem like a huge thing to stress over, or cancel trips over. But there could be other reasons pending. just going on what you have said.

I hope you can work things out with your DSK and your DH and get your trip back on. Best of luck

 

[mirandag819]

If you are paying for the trip itself, why cancel? I mean threaten not to buy them anything, but you could still take the trip, they just won't have spending money for the extras they want. Besides to a kid that is a long time away, maybe when it gets closer they will want to save for their own extras for the trip, but a year is a long time. Even if they don't save anything you could still go, and just stick to not buying them the extra things they want while you are there.

 

[MariDisney]

I think it comes down to-DH does not like DW. He is going for the kids. There are about a million places he would rather go. If the kids do not even want to go badly enough to look in the freezer for ice cream before running to the ice cream stand or skipping one or two late swims then it doesn't seem like they really want to go that badly. The money would just be for their spending money, since they each went through more than $100 the last time we went. I'm not sure that saying oh yeah, spend your money on whatever you want now and we'll hand you more for vacation is really what we want to portray. I'm not saying that either of them should put every penny towards the trip but like I said, DSD went through $5 in less than 24 hours last weekend and came looking for more. Where do we draw the line in saying that some of the money needs to be saved?

If your DH doesn't want to go, that's one thing. But I think it's unfair to blame it on the kids doing what kids do. I have a very mature 9 yo DD who does save some, but the immediate gratification is too much sometimes. I don't think expecting them to look months and months into the future and attach the few dollars they're spending now to not having stuff then is unreasonable.

If you don't want your child to have more than $5 in 24 hours then simply say "no, you're not getting more". I'd also say tell them that they are responsible for their own souveniers or extras. If they don't have the money then they simply won't have the "extras", but cancelling the whole trip seems extreme over this. If DH doesn't want to go, I think he should man up and say he doesn't want to go.

 

[stella27]

I think it comes down to-DH does not like DW. He is going for the kids. There are about a million places he would rather go. If the kids do not even want to go badly enough to look in the freezer for ice cream before running to the ice cream stand or skipping one or two late swims then it doesn't seem like they really want to go that badly. The money would just be for their spending money, since they each went through more than $100 the last time we went. I'm not sure that saying oh yeah, spend your money on whatever you want now and we'll hand you more for vacation is really what we want to portray. I'm not saying that either of them should put every penny towards the trip but like I said, DSD went through $5 in less than 24 hours last weekend and came looking for more. Where do we draw the line in saying that some of the money needs to be saved?

I would say that you draw the line much closer to the actual trip, understanding that a year is forever to them. I think you could sit both children down and tell them that you expect them each to save $50 for their WDW trip. If they choose not to, they can still go, but there will be no ice cream treats or souvenirs or arcade trips (all the extras). And then you would help them figure out how to save that $$. By not going on nighttime swims and to the ice cream stand when there is already ice cream in the freezer.

I think you can stop them from going swimming and to the ice cream stand and remind them that you have ice cream in the freezer and that you think she should save her money for WDW or something else special. If she refuses, you and DH do have the ability to tell her she can't spend her money on ice cream. Even if it's her money. I really believe that your dh's expectations are unrealistic given the distant nature of the trip and the ages of the kids.

We also have a 6 year old who gets $5 a week in allowance and she just looks for ways to get rid of that $$. If there's nothing to buy, she'll just give it away. I have stopped giving it to her and I stockpile it. If I thought she made good decisions, I would let it be "her money" but as she is immature and won't spend it wisely, I think I owe it to her to protect her money from her. But I'm not punishing her for her immature impulses. I'm just being responsible where she's not capable of it yet.

I don't think being punitive really teaches them the lesson you want to get across - that they should save a portion of their money and not just blow it.

 

[MoniqueU]

I guess I still don't get it. Expecting kids to sacrifice something as simple as an ice cream or a swim for a trip you should be funding almost a year away seems ludicrous to me. I also would have the swims built into my budget and just know I was goimg to pay for them. So the don't have money for souveneirs at WDW big deal, my kids make it through plenty of trips without them. I can't even believe this is an issue to start with let alone something to cacel a vacation over.

 

[turkeymama]

I think it comes down to-DH does not like DW. He is going for the kids. There are about a million places he would rather go. If the kids do not even want to go badly enough to look in the freezer for ice cream before running to the ice cream stand or skipping one or two late swims then it doesn't seem like they really want to go that badly. The money would just be for their spending money, since they each went through more than $100 the last time we went. I'm not sure that saying oh yeah, spend your money on whatever you want now and we'll hand you more for vacation is really what we want to portray. I'm not saying that either of them should put every penny towards the trip but like I said, DSD went through $5 in less than 24 hours last weekend and came looking for more. Where do we draw the line in saying that some of the money needs to be saved?

This reminds me of my BIL. As soon as he found an "out", their trip was off too. I'm sorry, but I'm having a hard time understanding this too and I have an 8 year old daughter and an 11 year old nephew. By no means am I suggesting that you are wrong for teaching them to be frugal. I think that's great. However, it is summer time, I'm assuming they have worked hard at school all year, and they want a treat or two. Expecting an 8 year old to be disciplined enough to give up swimming and ice cream now for a Disney trip a year away is a little tough.

I think your first few statements say it all. You said hubby doesn't like Disney anyway, and would rather go several other places. Sounds like he is using this to his advantage. Just my opinion. At least you'll get to go with your sister and daughter in December. That really is a beautiful time to go.

 

[snoopy5386]

I think ice cream and late night swims are very fun parts of childhood and $5 doesn't go very far anymore. An ice cream and a bottle of water and bam $5 is gone. How about giving them an allowance at your house and giving them half the money in Disney dollars (either real or homemade). How much do you expect them to save? A year is a long time.

 

[la79al]

I think I am going to talk with the kids and let them know that if they can save up some money by the end of summer, to show DH that they really want to go, we may be able to get the trip back on. I am just really tired right now of all the stupid money crap. The kids have actually been 'saving' for about a year already and really seem to enjoy watching the savings account grow. I'm thinking that maybe giving them an allowance and requiring them to save part of it and track the rest in a notebook might be about the most beneficial thing I can do with them this summer. My mom is offering to pay DSD to do 'chores' around her house this summer so I can work that in too. I think DH just cancelled because I was expressing to him how much I am sick of dealing with this and really need a break.

 

[stella27]

I think I am going to talk with the kids and let them know that if they can save up some money by the end of summer, to show DH that they really want to go, we may be able to get the trip back on. I am just really tired right now of all the stupid money crap. The kids have actually been 'saving' for about a year already and really seem to enjoy watching the savings account grow. I'm thinking that maybe giving them an allowance and requiring them to save part of it and track the rest in a notebook might be about the most beneficial thing I can do with them this summer. My mom is offering to pay DSD to do 'chores' around her house this summer so I can work that in too. I think DH just cancelled because I was expressing to him how much I am sick of dealing with this and really need a break.

I think those are good ideas.

 

[Maggie'sMom]

The kids have actually been 'saving' for about a year already and really seem to enjoy watching the savings account grow.

They've already been saving for a year, have another year to go, and you and your DH wanting to call the trip off over an ice cream and pool fees? I think you're being unrealistic regarding the kids' saving money. Just remind them that anything they spend now is money they won't have for Disney. If they don't save anything, then they don't have spending money for the trip. But if they want to go to the pool this summer or buy an ice cream, and they are doing it with their own money, that's their choice.

 

[bumbershoot]

If the kids do not even want to go badly enough to look in the freezer for ice cream before running to the ice cream stand or skipping one or two late swims then it doesn't seem like they really want to go that badly.

But unless you were changing what you actually said for the style of the post, it doesn't seem you actually suggested looking in the fridge, or NOT going to the special swim session. Sounds like you just, maybe even sarcastically, "asked" them where they were getting the spending money from, instead of helping them connect the dots.

Even with my 5 year old, if he wants to do xyz that costs money, and if we, the adults, are trying to make sure we have the cash for a DLR trip, we will remind him that the money spent on whatever takes money from the DLR fund. He'll say "Oh, OK, I want disneyland more" and move on. If I just asked him "where is that money coming from" he would never connect the dots.

He said he is saving it all for vacation with her this summer but he has already spent some of it. We told him he should bring some of it here to put in his bank for DW. He said he wouldn't be allowed.

...I sort of say whatever and walk away. ....I don't even answer him, I just walk away.

We have ice cream in the freezer, the exact kind she is headed out to get but she doesn't even bother checking for that. I tell her that I hope she enjoys her ice cream more than she would enjoy DW because she's not going to be able to have both. She continues to the ice cream stand.

He tells them if they have more important things to do with their money then he has more important things to do with his money too.

I'm just sick of trying to police the kids and their money all the time. They don't get an allowance here and we were going to start since they will be here a lot this summer but now I'm totally against it.

DD and I are going in December with my sister and DH is not a DW lover anyhow but I was looking forward to the girls going on rides together and DSD introducing DD to all the characters.

I think it would be better if your husband talked to his son's mother about the money that the child won.

As a stepdaughter a few times over I'm REALLY uncomfortable with the "whatever" and the walking away...who, exactly, is the 12 year old there?

You told a 3rd grader to enjoy her ice cream. So she went and had the ice cream. Sure, WE can see that you were saying it sarcastically, but do all 8 year old children understand that you're not *really* telling her to enjoy it???

I'm uncomfortable with the idea that you guys are making them pay their way, and comparing their $5 expenditures with not wanting to go. My dad never charged us for our vacations when we were visiting him from our home. And we never got allowance at his place, either.

Policing them over money isn't your job, IMO. Making sure they are safe, loving them, perhaps teaching them how to do things that their mom doesn't know (for instance my stepmom taught me how to brush long hair...my mom had cut her hair off shortly after having my younger brother), all those are definitely in the category of "things a stepmom does". But policing their money? Nah. Mom and Dad.

I'm ridiculously SAD that you and your daughter are going, but you're not going with your stepdaughter. Bleah. Once I got older, my dad started taking his second family without telling me, to Disneyland, and even as an adult that rankles. Is your daughter paying her way?



I really think you and your husband need to take a step back and really try to figure out who is in charge of paying for family vacations before the children have jobs. If the kids want to spend the ice cream money at home, there's no harm in simply letting them know they won't get extra ice cream money at WDW. etc etc.

And have hubby talk with his ex about the money-sharing thing, or at least have stepson stop talking about the money at home with you guys.

 

[jennb529]

This is why when our son was saving money for Disney he didn't actually get any money. We kept a ledger on the refrigerator and everytime he earned money (for good grades, good behavior) the amount was written in the ledger. When we get to Disney on Friday he will get the money he has earned. I know that if that money had been sitting in his room he would have found a way to spend it. Kids just cannot put things in perspective for a trip that is almost a year away.


Hopefully your husband will change his mind.

 

[MoniqueU]

But unless you were changing what you actually said for the style of the post, it doesn't seem you actually suggested looking in the fridge, or NOT going to the special swim session. Sounds like you just, maybe even sarcastically, "asked" them where they were getting the spending money from, instead of helping them connect the dots.

Even with my 5 year old, if he wants to do xyz that costs money, and if we, the adults, are trying to make sure we have the cash for a DLR trip, we will remind him that the money spent on whatever takes money from the DLR fund. He'll say "Oh, OK, I want disneyland more" and move on. If I just asked him "where is that money coming from" he would never connect the dots.




I think it would be better if your husband talked to his son's mother about the money that the child won.

As a stepdaughter a few times over I'm REALLY uncomfortable with the "whatever" and the walking away...who, exactly, is the 12 year old there?

You told a 3rd grader to enjoy her ice cream. So she went and had the ice cream. Sure, WE can see that you were saying it sarcastically, but do all 8 year old children understand that you're not *really* telling her to enjoy it???

I'm uncomfortable with the idea that you guys are making them pay their way, and comparing their $5 expenditures with not wanting to go. My dad never charged us for our vacations when we were visiting him from our home. And we never got allowance at his place, either.

Policing them over money isn't your job, IMO. Making sure they are safe, loving them, perhaps teaching them how to do things that their mom doesn't know (for instance my stepmom taught me how to brush long hair...my mom had cut her hair off shortly after having my younger brother), all those are definitely in the category of "things a stepmom does". But policing their money? Nah. Mom and Dad.

I'm ridiculously SAD that you and your daughter are going, but you're not going with your stepdaughter. Bleah. Once I got older, my dad started taking his second family without telling me, to Disneyland, and even as an adult that rankles. Is your daughter paying her way?



I really think you and your husband need to take a step back and really try to figure out who is in charge of paying for family vacations before the children have jobs. If the kids want to spend the ice cream money at home, there's no harm in simply letting them know they won't get extra ice cream money at WDW. etc etc.

And have hubby talk with his ex about the money-sharing thing, or at least have stepson stop talking about the money at home with you guys.

Great Points.