The teacher should "just say no thank you", right?

[Leggyb]

I agree with the OP! Teacher should be responsible enough to take personal business outside of the classroom. If the teacher is getting "hooked up" with freebies then that should NOT take place in the classroom. What is that teaching the students?

They should be learning about fractions, not about buying someones respect.

 

[clovergirl5]

I don't think that it is wise for any public servant to accept gifts of significant monetary value from the public. While it is likely that the girl and her family are not receiving any special treatment, the gifts can result in the allusion of favoritism or a conflict of interest.

Sometimes vendors send me gifts, such as gift cards and consumer products. I always acknowledge the gifts with a thank you note and then pass them on to the volunteer services division (I work for a nonprofit) so that they can be used for volunteer appreciation activities. I have never accepted a gift from a vendor because I do not ever want to have a conflict of interest, real or perceived.

I agree with this....so for the posters who think its not a big deal...would a car or an expensive peice of jewelry be a big deal or would you not agree with that? There is a big difference in baked goods and concert tickets. Inappropriate and I would feel the same way as op. And to do it infront of the class? Why can't the parents just send them to the teacher in the mail to their home? There is a reason why its being done at school infront of the class??? Not right in my opinion. If I saw that, I would be talking to the superintendent to investigate. It can be done anonamously(sp).

 

[AndreaDM]

Yeah I'd have a BIG problem with another parent asking MY kid about something I allegedly did, no matter how good of friends our kids are. That is a big NO NO in my book.

We are going to the Browns/Steelers game tonight with free tickets a client gave my DH...the only thing inappropriate about that is that it's going to be below 0 with the wind chill, BBRRRR!!

 

[Boxley]

I don't see how this is the OP's business.

Also, why are you grilling the kid? If you have any questions why not to go the Father and ask him?

 

[princess momma]

I don't think we really know all the details here. This whole story is coming from some young kids and I know my kids sometimes get things more than a little wrong when they tell me their tales. I also wouldn't think very kindly of someone questioning my child.

Whatever the truth may be, I truly think the majority of teachers are capable of accepting gifts without showing favoritism to the kids with the good stuff. The type of people that get into education are not out for the $$$, they truly care.

 

[C.Ann]

I agree with this....so for the posters who think its not a big deal...would a car or an expensive peice of jewelry be a big deal or would you not agree with that? There is a big difference in baked goods and concert tickets. Inappropriate and I would feel the same way as op. And to do it infront of the class? Why can't the parents just send them to the teacher in the mail to their home? There is a reason why its being done at school infront of the class??? Not right in my opinion. If I saw that, I would be talking to the superintendent to investigate. It can be done anonamously(sp).

I think that many people are basing their responses solely on the OP's "perspective" and what he has learned by grilling a 9 yr. old.. We still don't know if these are being handed to the teacher during classroom hours with a big, loud announcement; what relationship this teacher may have with this family outside of the school setting; whether or not the teacher has purchased these via a prior arrangement; "who" is claiming the child in question is "the teachers pet"; and a whole lot of other information that is relevant to coming to a conclusion..

Based only on the OP's perspective - and his grilling of another child - it doesn't appear to be as big of a deal as some have made it into here.. There could be many explanations.. OP would need to obtain a lot more information to come to the conclusion (assumptions) that he has..

 

[nutterbutter2010]

Grilling another child??? Did he put her in the hot seat and put the blinding lights in her face??? LOL



ETA - I am totally against this. That is, unless he gave her a cigar and stiff drink first.

 

[Boxley]

I don't think we really know all the details here. This whole story is coming from some young kids and I know my kids sometimes get things more than a little wrong when they tell me their tales. I also wouldn't think very kindly of someone questioning my child.

Whatever the truth may be, I truly think the majority of teachers are capable of accepting gifts without showing favoritism to the kids with the good stuff. The type of people that get into education are not out for the $$$, they truly care.

DING DING DING! We have a winner. Sorry, but this whole story is based off what a 9 year old says. If there is such a problem then the OP can just go ask the Father what is up, or best not say anything at all.

 

[Scurvy]

I don't see anything wrong with the parents giving the tickets to the teacher, provided that the teacher is still grading the child's assignments impartially. I do think it would be better if it happened outside the classroom, though. I might feel differently if the parents were purchasing the tickets as a gift for the teacher, but they are just passing along something they got for free (and presumably can't or don't want to use for themselves) so I don't think it's a big deal. I do agree with others, though, that I would be irritated if someone was asking my son something about our dealings with his teacher. I think it would have been far more appropriate to ask the parents, or better yet not to get involved at all. If there's a concern about favoritism as a result of the tickets, then that should be taken up with the principal. (ETA - Though of course you should talk to the teacher first before escalating, and you should only do it if you have a real reason to believe that the teacher is treating the students differently because of the tickets, which doesn't appear to be the case here.)

 

[C.Ann]

DING DING DING! We have a winner. Sorry, but this whole story is based off what a 9 year old says. If there is such a problem then the OP can just go ask the Father what is up, or best not say anything at all.

Exactly!

 

[disykat]

I don't see the issue.

I really don't like teacher gifts and am glad it's not a huge thing where I live. I'm always amazed on the DIS at what people are giving because I've never seen anything like that in my career. From what I read, it almost seems like people are in competition to give the best gift. Those teachers must spend quite a bit of time opening, dealing with, writing thank you notes, etc. for the gifts as well as trying to minimize the process so kids who didn't bring presents aren't upset.

However, free stuff just doesn't fit that mold IMO. I once had a parent who managed a cinnamon roll shop. About once a month she used to bring in the day olds and give them to me. It never even occured to me I was accepting a "gift" since there was no monetary value on her end - they couldn't be sold. Sometimes I put them in the teacher's lounge, sometimes I took them home. If there were enough, I cut them up and gave them to the kids. To my knowledge, no one ever thought anything except "xx's mom works at the cinnamon roll shop."

I do think if they are being "presented" in front of the class that the teacher should put a stop to it.

 

[greenpea89]

I think a lot of assumptions are being made here and that bothers me almost as much as someone being upset that a teacher would accept these gifts.

First, define "in front of the class" please? Is the child standing beside their desk, waving the tickets in the air during show and tell, and saying "Here are your tickets to XYZ. My dad got them for you. They cost a lot and he is giving them to you for free.", or is she opening her backpack when she gets to school in the morning, removing the tickets, going up to the teacher's desk and handing her the tickets. When the OP's daughter asks what they are her friend tells her "They're tickets to XYZ. My dad got them."? There's a huge difference between these two scenarios, both of which could be considered "in front of the class" and I find the last one the more realistic scenario of the two but there are also many levels in between. The bottom line is you/we weren't there.

Also, to leap to the allegation that this is "buying someone's respect" is a little bit farfetched to me. Is respect something that can be bought?

Another thought is simply that there are typically many different socioeconomic groups represented within a classroom. Have you considered that this may not seem to the other parent in any way different from the mom that sends in the baked goods? I'm sure these tickets were comp'd if he is someone in the industry. In his mind he's probably just passing on something he isn't using to someone who is thrilled to get them.


I would say to the OP, it can be just as important to know when to back away as a parent as it is to know when to step in. From your statements, your child is in no way being harmed by this situation but by quizzing your child's friend you have escalated the situation to a level that would make me uncomfortable as the parent of that child. I would feel it wasn't your place and if you had a question about the situation you should ask me and not my child. The repercussions from this situation could land back in your lap and your child's in a manner that you might not like.

 

[C.Ann]

I think a lot of assumptions are being made here and that bothers me almost as much as someone being upset that a teacher would accept these gifts.

First, define "in front of the class" please? Is the child standing beside their desk, waving the tickets in the air during show and tell, and saying "Here are your tickets to XYZ. My dad got them for you. They cost a lot and he is giving them to you for free.", or is she opening her backpack when she gets to school in the morning, removing the tickets, going up to the teacher's desk and handing her the tickets. When the OP's daughter asks what they are her friend tells her "They're tickets to XYZ. My dad got them."? There's a huge difference between these two scenarios, both of which could be considered "in front of the class" and I find the last one the more realistic scenario of the two but there are also many levels in between. The bottom line is you/we weren't there.

Also, to leap to the allegation that this is "buying someone's respect" is a little bit farfetched to me. Is respect something that can be bought?

Another thought is simply that there are typically many different socioeconomic groups represented within a classroom. Have you considered that this may not seem to the other parent in any way different from the mom that sends in the baked goods? I'm sure these tickets were comp'd if he is someone in the industry. In his mind he's probably just passing on something he isn't using to someone who is thrilled to get them.


I would say to the OP, it can be just as important to know when to back away as a parent as it is to know when to step in. From your statements, your child is in no way being harmed by this situation but by quizzing your child's friend you have escalated the situation to a level that would make me uncomfortable as the parent of that child. I would feel it wasn't your place and if you had a question about the situation you should ask me and not my child. The repercussions from this situation could land back in your lap and your child's in a manner that you might not like.

Summed up nicely.. All we have to go on thus far is the OP's perception - and information obtained from another child.. That's it..

 

[Mickey's Minion]

I think a lot of assumptions are being made here and that bothers me almost as much as someone being upset that a teacher would accept these gifts.

First, define "in front of the class" please? Is the child standing beside their desk, waving the tickets in the air during show and tell, and saying "Here are your tickets to XYZ. My dad got them for you. They cost a lot and he is giving them to you for free.", or is she opening her backpack when she gets to school in the morning, removing the tickets, going up to the teacher's desk and handing her the tickets. When the OP's daughter asks what they are her friend tells her "They're tickets to XYZ. My dad got them."? There's a huge difference between these two scenarios, both of which could be considered "in front of the class" and I find the last one the more realistic scenario of the two but there are also many levels in between. The bottom line is you/we weren't there.

Also, to leap to the allegation that this is "buying someone's respect" is a little bit farfetched to me. Is respect something that can be bought?

Another thought is simply that there are typically many different socioeconomic groups represented within a classroom. Have you considered that this may not seem to the other parent in any way different from the mom that sends in the baked goods? I'm sure these tickets were comp'd if he is someone in the industry. In his mind he's probably just passing on something he isn't using to someone who is thrilled to get them.


I would say to the OP, it can be just as important to know when to back away as a parent as it is to know when to step in. From your statements, your child is in no way being harmed by this situation but by quizzing your child's friend you have escalated the situation to a level that would make me uncomfortable as the parent of that child. I would feel it wasn't your place and if you had a question about the situation you should ask me and not my child. The repercussions from this situation could land back in your lap and your child's in a manner that you might not like.

I was just going to ask the same thing.

OP - do you know for sure this is being done "in front of the whole class" or do your daughters just know what is going on because the other little girl carpools with you?

OP - do you know for absolute certain that the teacher has not paid for the tickets? Yes, the father may have used the student to deliver the tickets, prompting her to answer you "yes" when you grilled her about giving them to the teacher, but are you absolutely, 100% certain that the teacher did not give a check to the father during another transaction.

IF the girl is flashing the tickets and bragging in class that her dad is getting Jonas Brothers and Taylor Swift tickets (from a sports team employee?), and the teacher is not doing anything about the bragging, then I would be upset.

If this is just your perception of what is going down based on what some 8 and 9 year olds told you, then I would say MYOB until you have real, verifiable facts.

Getting upset about something young kids tell you is wasting a whole bunch of energy as chances are it is only 25% factual.

I always loved when our teachers told us that they would make a deal with the parents - that they would only believe 25% of what kids tell them goes on at home if the parents promise to only believe 25% of what kids tell parents what goes on in the classroom.

I have spent many hours in a classroom and it is quite amusing some of the stories kids come up with that are going on at home. They aren't lying, they just have a different perception of what is going on. I bet many parents would be appalled at some of the things the kids share with their teachers and classmates.

If you have a concern, address it with the teacher directly, not with a 9 year old as you won't get the true facts from a 9 year old.

 

[clovergirl5]

Summed up nicely.. All we have to go on thus far is the OP's perception - and information obtained from another child.. That's it..

Thats why a call to the principal or superintendant would make sense. If no rules are being broken, nothing to worry about for the teacher and parent, if there are, than it can be dealt with. If I heard this from my 9 year old or saw an exchange of concert tickets to the teacher from a child...I would wonder what the heck was that about. If its an innocent situation with the teacher paying for them or whatever, it should be done out of the class and school and directly with the parents not the kid!

 

[Heidict]

Based on whose perception? The OP or his 9 yr. old DD? I can't even tell you how many times I "thought" another child was "the teachers pet" when I was in elementary school..



I would find it much more upsetting that another parent was grilling my child over something that is really not the business of another parent..

I was thinking the exact same thing as you. Teachers pet? Unless you, the parent, have personally seen something that would lead you to believe this, then I wouldn't take the word of a 9 year old on it.


PD you are the adult here. Don't grill a young child on something that is none of your business. If this really upsets you then talk to the teacher. If your DD is getting a good education and the teacher is not taking it out on anyone because they aren't giving her gifts, then you really do need to MYOB on this one.

 

[mjkacmom]

Thats why a call to the principal or superintendant would make sense. If no rules are being broken, nothing to worry about for the teacher and parent, if there are, than it can be dealt with. If I heard this from my 9 year old or saw an exchange of concert tickets to the teacher from a child...I would wonder what the heck was that about. If its an innocent situation with the teacher paying for them or whatever, it should be done out of the class and school and directly with the parents not the kid!

It is never appropriate, in any situation, to bring up issues with the principal without speaking to the teacher first. It is never appropriate to contact the superintendent until the principal has been contacted. And if the OP wants to embarrass himself, he can ask the teacher about this situation. Question her morality,even though this has nothing to do with his child whatsoever.

 

[leighe]

Thats why a call to the principal or superintendant would make sense. If no rules are being broken, nothing to worry about for the teacher and parent, if there are, than it can be dealt with. If I heard this from my 9 year old or saw an exchange of concert tickets to the teacher from a child...I would wonder what the heck was that about. If its an innocent situation with the teacher paying for them or whatever, it should be done out of the class and school and directly with the parents not the kid!

You would call the principal or superintendent if your kid saw another kid give a teacher some tickets? Seriously????

 

[clovergirl5]

You would call the principal or superintendent if your kid saw another kid give a teacher some tickets? Seriously????

Um, most certainly! Like I said, if theres nothing to hide and the whole thing is innocent, whats the big deal if the principle investigates? If there is a gift rule, than that teacher could be possibly breaking that rule. And I would NOT go to the teacher because it isn't my place to confront them about someone elses issue or problem, their supperior needs to do that. If I had an issue personally with our teacher, than I would confront them. Jmo and thats how I would handle it if this was happening at my dc school. And yes, I have contacted the principle and super many times over the last 9 yrs. I have every right to talk to any of them about any concerns I have. Usually I will go right to the principle. He is more than happy to talk to me and get the issues, whatever it might be, straightened out.
Actually, he might even know what the situation is that I am asking about and let me know. I am speaking of a principal who knows every kid in the school and knows who each of the parents are. He makes us feel like we can come to him for any ? Not a principal who is locked away in an office all day and you don't ever see him or know who he is. He is always helping with the teachers or kids anywhere he can. I guess as a parent, I feel very comfortable talking to him about concerns or issues with anything pertaining to school. I have never felt like I SHOULDN'T ask him, or ask someone before him.

I would like to know what the other teachers are saying or thinking? They must know about it if the teacher with tickets talk about it with other teachers.

 

[Missy1961]

Um, most certainly! Like I said, if theres nothing to hide and the whole thing is innocent, whats the big deal if the principle investigates? If there is a gift rule, than that teacher could be possibly breaking that rule. And I would NOT go to the teacher because it isn't my place to confront them about someone elses issue or problem, their supperior needs to do that. If I had an issue personally with our teacher, than I would confront them. Jmo and thats how I would handle it if this was happening at my dc school. And yes, I have contacted the principle and super many times over the last 9 yrs. I have every right to talk to any of them about any concerns I have. Usually I will go right to the principle. He is more than happy to talk to me and get the issues, whatever it might be, straightened out.

I would like to know what the other teachers are saying or thinking? They must know about it if the teacher with tickets talk about it with other teachers.

I believe the rule of thumb is ask the teacher first. Then if the answer is fuzzy or you never get an answer, then talk to the principal. What if the kids have the situation wrong? Then you may be getting a teacher in trouble for no reason.